Pickin' Pigskin with Bob and Steve: Week 8

Bob and I were very, very important people this week, so unfortunately, we didn't have a chance to do our usual back and forth. However, we still managed to make our picks, so kudos to both of us.

Houston over BUFFALO (3.5)

Steve: Houston -3.5

I think Houston has been the much better team this year, and Buffalo has been so freakin' horrendous. Matt Schaub, even if he is killing my fantasy team all the time, is at least an above-average quarterback, and would probably go to a Pro Bowl if he was on a decent team.

Bob: Houston -3.5

Interestingly, Buffalo are the only team who are a dog at home this week. Also interestingly, Houston's defense is terrible against the run but above average against the pass, which matches up perfectly with Houston's inability to run that is covered by the fact that they are second to the Pats in passing yards. This game has the chance to be very, very interesting. Only one thing is for certain in this game: If Steve Slaton can't get his groove back against Buffalo (giving up a league-leading average of 172 yard on the ground), he probably can't get it back against anyone.

CHICAGO over Cleveland (14)

Steve: Cleveland +14

The Bears' offense was so underwhelming against the Bengals last week that I don't trust them enough to beat the Browns by 14. Ladies and gentleman, the Jay Cutler era! It's fantastic!

Bob: Chicago -14

Every week I overrate da Bears and I feel like every week they burn me. Last week I specifically went into the picks planning to choose against them, but talked myself out of it because I thought the Bengals did not match well against them. So why do I pick da Bears again this week? Because Cleveland sucks.

Speaking of da Bears, a lot of people are upset about that DirecTV commercial David Spade made that featured Chris Farley, but I really have a hard time getting exercised about it. I mean, it's not like Spade is really taking advantage of the fact that Farley died. It's not like Spade isn't somewhat famous in his own right, or that the other actors that have been featured in these commercials are super-famous so Spade is profiting from his dead friend. Furthermore, if anybody deserves to profit off of Chris Farley's corpse, it's probably David Spade since his career crashed after Farley died. Newsflash, people: Sometimes a person dies and it's sad. That doesn't mean that anything related to that person is now sacred. So when can we get back to making fun of Michael Jackson?

DALLAS over Seattle (9)

Steve: Dallas -9

Although I don't think Tony Romo will ever be an elite quarterback, I think the Seahawks really stink. And Dallas can definitely score, so I think they'll easily be able to beat this spread.


Bob: 'Boys -9

I really am not feeling that good about Seattle this year, but it is tough to pick the terribly inconsistent Cowboys for a line that is close to double-digits. What it comes down to is Seattle looks like a similar team in some ways to the Falcons, and the Cowboys put a whooping on Atlanta last week. Honestly, though, I don't feel that great about this pick. I think Seattle has been beaten by some good teams, so they may be a bit better than their record. But the Cowboys have had some tough opponents too, but sometimes they fail to show up against a mediocre-to-bad opponent (remember that game against Kansas City?). That game is a tough call.

DETROIT over St. Louis (4)

Steve: Detroit -4

Similar to my other responses, I'm going with the Lions because they seemingly have a better offense than the Rams. Calvin Johnson is awesome, and they should just have him run the Wildcat offense every single play. By the way, I got offered him in fantasy football, but unfortunately, they wanted Dwayne Bowe and Rashard Mendenhall too, and were only giving up Johnson and the running back formerly known as Lawrence Maroney.

What the hell happened to him anyway? He fell off the face of the Earth following his decent rookie year, and unlike Robert Edwards, he didn't have the excuse of completely blowing out his knee.

Bob: Detroit -4

Talk about a battle of the awfuls. Neither of these teams do anything well and they both have very little for which to play. I guess Marc Bulger could be playing for his job, but I don't really see why they would have stuck with him for this long only to give up on him now and turn the team over to Kyle Boller. These teams are evenly matched, but St. Louis continues to be unable to score at all. That is really the only thing that really pushes me in any direction. Honestly, it would be more interesting if the line were an over/under on number of three-and-outs or number of players who clearly quit mid-game.

And good news everyone! Cleveland is travelling to Detroit on November 22, Kansas City on December 20, and Oakland on December 27! So there are a number of future stinkers like this game coming.

INDIANAPOLIS over San Francisco (13)

Steve: Indy (-13)

I wonder if there is a line high enough against a mediocre team that wouldn't cause me to pick Indy at this point. If the line for this game was 21, then I might consider picking San Fran. Even then though, I think I'd chicken out and still pick the Colts. That's how confident I am in their offense.

Bob: The Peytons (-13)

Indy hasn't won by less than 17 since Week 2. Marinate on that one for a little bit. Arguably, Indy hasn't played a team that had its act together since it played Miami on that week, but still, they have won by AT LEAST 17 points for the past four games. San Francisco is probably the best team they've played since the Dolphins, but I think San Fran isn't as good as we thought after the first few weeks. I hope Peyton Manning injures himself injuring his umpteen-millionth commercial soon. Yes, I'm bitter.

NY JETS over Miami (3.5)

Steve: Miami +3.5

This definitely feels like an inflated line because a New York team is involved. The past couple weeks, the Dolphins have looked more impressive, excluding the Jets beatdown of an Oakland team that has absolutely no hope unless they're playing a team that has a quarterback that threw up in a Super Bowl. (Thanks for the assist on that one, Bob!)

Bob: Miami +3.5

Didn't Miami just beat the Jets a few weeks ago? In the meantime, Miami has had a bye and then nearly knocked off the unbeaten behemoth that is the Saints, while the Jets lost to Buffalo and then won to the Raiders. And the Jets are still favored? Sometimes I just don't get what people are betting on.

Speaking of things I don't get, "the Sanchise?" What is with that nickname? Have we decided we don't want to call him Sanchez because we don't want his name associated with the sex act? If that's so, how come the idiot anti-tax protestors are still called "tea baggers?" And is the success of the Jets franchise really tied that close to Mark Sanchez? I think the Jets team lives and dies with its defense, not their mediocre rookie quarterback. And has nobody noticed that the Jets real advantage seems to be their running game? I hate it when some pretty boy, porn star looking quarterback gets all the credit for something that is hardly linked to him. Go away.

PHILADELPHIA over NY Giants (1)

Steve: Philly -1

Going against the above information, I think this is one of those random games that McNabb actually decides to show up. This line seems way too beneficial for the Eagles, and I doubt many people actually expect them to win, so I'm going with them. This line seems like TOO much of a sweet thing.

Bob: Yankees still suck +1

If this game gets hyped because it's Philadelphia versus New York, just like the World Series, I'll vomit. Oh, yay, two of the nastier cities in terms of sports fans are matching up against each other. I'm so excited. I guess I'm just bitter about this World Series matchup. The Phillies and the Yankees were the best two teams in the league this year, but there's nothing about either of these teams that's very exciting. The Yankees are the root of all that's evil, and what's more I don't really buy this whole "they have fun in the clubhouse thing." The Phillies don't do much to excite me, either, and their fans are just about as hard to tolerate as E-A-G-L-E-S fans.

As for the game, I don't see why the Giants aren't favored by at least a field goal. Even though the Giants have had a few down weeks, they still look better statistically than the Eagles. And the Eagles probably won't have Westbrook, so everything will be on McNabb. And remember when they couldn't beat the freaking Raiders a few weeks ago...

BALTIMORE over Denver (3)

Steve: Denver +3

At this point, I have three Denver Broncos players on my fantasy team: Knowshon Moreno, their kicker Prater, and their defense and special teams. Like Bill Simmons' old analogy about the Rueben sandwich, sometimes it just pays to go with a winning thing, even if you're not completely convinced about it on paper. Similarly, although I still have no idea how the Broncos are winning, I feel compelled to pick them every week as long as the line isn't completely insane.

Bob: Denver +3

These two teams have both faced the Bengals, Chargers, Browns, and Patriots. They both beat the Bengals and Browns, but only Denver beat the Chargers and Patriots. Arguably, the Patriots were a better team when they got beaten by the Broncos than when they beat the Ravens. So I don't see how the Ravens are favored by a field goal here. I feel like this is an emotion pick - e.g. Denver is due for a letdown game, and I see it coming here. But there is nothing in the matchup that tells you that. It just "seems" like time. Well, I'm going to ride the Broncos train until they jump off the rails-which they probably will, but I'm not going to be that it will happen just yet.

TENNESSEE over Jacksonville (3)

Steve: Jaguars +3

The last time the Jaguars had a sweetheart line, they got completely blown out by the Seattle Seahawks. I almost feel like this is another trap, but they can't lose to the gutless Titans, can they? I mean, Vince Young did great three years ago with some inexplicable wins, but he can't find the horseshoe up his ass again, right?

Bob: Jacksonville +3

Another inexplicable line. I'm not even dignifying this with an explanation.

SAN DIEGO over Oakland (17)

Steve: Oakland +17

LDT is done with a big fork sticking out of his back, to the point that the fork is rusting and in danger of poisoning the blood of the rest of the team, and Norv Turner has syphilis in his brain. The Raiders suck, and suck horribly, but I still think they can manage to beat the spread against a divisional rival.

Bob: San Diego -17

That spread is soooooo big for a San Diego team that just doesn't seem to show up every week. Didn't San Diego barely beat the Raiders on Week 1? As long as Oakland continues to have the same problem as St. Louis (an inability to get into the endzone), I guess I'll have to take the favorite and hope the Raiders can't cover.

On a related note, why are western conference teams are so bad in the NFL? The AFC West is Denver, San Diego, Kansas City, and Oakland, while the NFC West is Seattle, San Francisco, Arizona, and St. Louis. Arguably, Denver, San Diego, and Arizona are above average team, and San Fran is a wildcard. Still, though, the badness of the Raiders, Chiefs, and Rams, and the ability of even the good teams in these divisions to have epic stinkers (with the exception of Denver, so far) really sets the western NFL teams apart from any other collection of conferences. Is the NFL West the new NBA East?

ARIZONA over Carolina (10.5)

Steve: Arizona -10.5

If Jake Delhomme wasn't starting, then I would roll the dice with the Panthers. As is, I'm refusing to bet on them. Like the aforementioned Bill Simmons, every time I try to bet on the Panthers, they completely F me over. The Bills were playing complete scrubs last week, and the Panthers couldn't even help me out then.

Bob: Carolina +10.5

This line is too rich for me. These two teams line up pretty evenly in statistics, except for the fact that Carolina's offense manages to score about a touchdown less and the defense gives up a touchdown more. Honestly, I have no idea what Jake Delhomme will do on any given Sunday, so I don't want to guess. Argh, I already have buyers remorse, but I don't want to think about this game for another second.

GREEN BAY over Minnesota (3)

Steve: Grene Bay -3

Brett Favre can burn in hell.

Bob: Green Bay -3

Brett Favre can burn in hell.

NEW ORLEANS over Atlanta (10.5)

Steve: New Orleans -10.5

Drew Brees is unstoppable. I could say something as succinct as that, but really, the only sort of person who would say something like that and nothing else at all is some sort of simpleton, and if they said something that succinct, then they should be getting ready to write a big ole check to me.

Bob: New Orleans -10.5

Drew Brees is unstoppable.

The picture of the blonde girl is from this site.