Steveats: IHOP, what and why IS this monstrosity?

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

As my grandfather used to say, “Jeezum Crow IHOP, what IS this thing that you’ve created?”

The menu describes them as criss-croissants, a.k.a. waffled croissants. What they actually are is bastardized travesties of a normal breakfast. After this whole

cronut business, and McDonald’s going 24 hours on the menu, BREAKFAST HAS NO MORE RULES.

But without rules, there is anarchy. And in anarchy, disgusting, immoral things like the criss-croissants can happen. It’s basically like a soggy waffle with breakfast slash lunch stuff shoved inside of it. In my case, it was spinach and roasted red pepper. It wasn’t the most horrible thing I had ever put inside of my mouth, but it definitely wasn’t a product worth bringing out of the R&D labs.

Also, the pricing was very curious. For $8.50, I could get two eggs, two strips of bacon, two sausage links and hash browns. OR, I could get the same combo, plus a criss-croissant, for $9. So basically, because I’m cheap, I consumed an extra 500ish calories. (I can’t tell you exactly how many, because it’s not even listed on the ole IHOP menu.)

This criss-croissant is no reason to visit IHOP, unless you’re looking to consume an ungodly amount of calories on the cheap. In which case, it’s probably better to just frequent your favorite, local greasy spoon. Please do not reward these Dr. Frankensteins of Breakfast.

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