Steveats: The Dunkin’ Donuts Pop-Tarts grand experiment

Karen's hands aren't enormous. This is just a super zoom.

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

For years now, the Kellogg company has been taking audacious risks with its toastable breakfast treats, Pop-Tarts. Walk down the grocery aisle, and you can find the classic flavors like strawberry, chocolate fudge and brown sugar cinnamon, mingling with abominations like Orange Crush and Mug Root Beer flavors. Disgusting.

So, I was on the fence when I learned that there were Dunkin’ Donuts Pop-Tarts, available in vanilla latte and chocolate mocha varieties. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find any of the latter, but the former were still available for ordering on Walmart.com. (My other high quality purchase to qualify for free shipping? Why, a Sunbeam bread maker replacement part.)

Because the only ordering option was a family pack of 16, Karen and her friend Jordyn got recruited into some taste-testing this week. Plus, they both have way more experience with Pop-Tarts than I do. Karen’s remarks on the ole Dunkin’ Donuts vanilla latte Pop-Tart are similar to what mine would be:

“Can’t you just remember what you talked about when we ate them?”

“No.”

“Okay, well, this is just me and you having a conversation. We each tried one cold and one hot, and the hot were better. We were disappointed they didn’t have more filling, but I didn’t know if that was for this particular Pop-tart or if the Pop-Tart company has cutback in general. For all I know the strawberry ones don’t have much filling either. And then, I also said that they reminded me, it was like eating a Cumby’s cappuccino. They were pretty good. I would continue eating them if they were available, but I wouldn’t buy them again. Brown sugar cinnamon still wins the Pop-Tart race. That’s all I have to say about it.”

Reached for comment at a later point, Jordyn said, “I thought they were great! I'm probably not the toughest critic in the world but I'd eat the heck out of them if they were a little healthier, haha. I mean, true, they're not jumping up to the top of the Pop-Tart list because it's actually impossible to beat brown sugar and hot fudge sundae. But still delicious? Yes.”

So, there you have it. These Pop-Tarts are pretty tasty, according to three different people, two of which go to Brown University. They’re Ivy League-approved. But they need more filling, and they aren’t the best Pop-Tarts you can purchase. Stock up on those brown cinnamon sugar ones instead. (Which, admittedly, I haven’t tried yet.)

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Steveats: Mmm… Caramel Apple Croissant Donut

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

I’m usually critical of fast food restaurants in this space, so it’s always a pleasant surprise when I stuff something into my mouth that isn’t disgusting. (PHRASING!) Dunkin’ Donuts can be hit or miss with its items, but its new-ish caramel apple croissant donuts are friggin’ delicious.

Unfortunately, they do count as the “premium” donuts that cost more than the regular ones, but the surcharge is worth it. It’s basically a glazed croissant donut, with a caramel drizzle, stuffed with apple pie filling. It’s simple and delicious, like most of the best fast food and snack concepts. (“Peanut butter and chocolate!” said Dr. Melvin Reese 50 years ago, I imagine.)

I do call this “newish” because Dunkin’ Donuts has had similar donuts in the past, although they weren’t executed as well. They still sell apple and spice donuts, which are cinnamon powdered shells filled with the same apple pie filling, but the cinnamon is really messy and not all that tasty. In the past, they’ve done apple pie donuts, which have a weird crust crumble on top.

This new apple croissant donut is way better than those past efforts. The next time the Pats win and you’re scooping up that 87 cent coffee, pair it with one of these delicious donuts.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!

Steveats: Dunkin’ Donuts offers middling Reese’s, David Ortiz products

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

The inventors at ole Dunkin’ Donuts have been hard in work at the lab lately, trying their best to create all sorts of weird flavor combinations. I’m not sure why – Maybe they’ve been looking at the “success” of Taco Bell and Burger King in splicing established junk foods with junky fast food. The two items I’ve seen at their

shops this month have been the Reese’s peanut butter cup donut square and the David Ortiz donut.

The first is self-explanatory. It’s a donut square that’s filled with a chocolate and peanut butter-like substance. It’s not especially tasty, but it’s not bad either. The filling is clearly cheap and calorie-filled, kind of like their previous attempts at a cookie dough filling. The cookie dough donut was far more disgusting and disappointing, though. The Reese’s donut square costs more than a regular donut, and while it’s OK, I’d much prefer a double chocolate or Boston cream.

The David Ortiz donut is a regular shell with white chocolate frosting, his number in chocolate frosting, and jelly filling. It’s a kind of bizarre combination. Again, it’s not bad, but the odd flavor mixing isn’t exactly good either. It was a bit easier to eat than a normal donut jelly coated in sugar, but I prefer the jelly sticks, whether plain or glazed. (By the way, Dunkin – Almost everyone else has switched over to the glazed jelly sticks, and it’s a great decision.)

So, while Dunkin’ Donuts experiments are a mixed bag to me, they aren’t disgusting fast food abominations, like some of the offerings from Burger King. Dunkin’ Donuts is like the Dr. Frederick Frankenstein of fast food experimentation, whereas Burger King is like Dr. Moreau.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!