Steveats: Delicious Dunkin’ Candy Cane (and vanilla cream!) donuts

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

After experiencing the horror of the Subway “Reuben” sandwich last week, my body needed to recover. It needed something bad for me in a different way – something sugary and filling, while still being questionable.

The remedy was the Dunkin’ Donuts candy cane donut. It’s not exactly the most radical confectionary concept. They took a Dunkin’ Donut, spread some frosting on the top, and then sprinkled candy cane bits on the top and injected that bastard with enough vanilla frosting to turn anyone diabetic.

But man, sometimes the simplest ideas are the best! At my local Dunkin’ Donuts shops, they’ve also brought back the normal vanilla cream donut, except this time it’s in a shell with chocolate frosting instead of with powdered sugar. This is a total gamechanger, as now you don’t feel like an addict with a white dusting of an illicit substance all over your fingers. They also don’t spell it “vanilla kreme” anymore, probably after a strong cease-and-desist letter from another donut chain.

So, anyway. If you ate a Reuben from Subway last week, despite my best efforts to dissuade you, the remedy is a donut. Merry god damn Christmas!

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!

Steveats: Subway’s “Reuben” sandwich

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

Because I’m waging a destructive Cold War or Civil War with my own body, the other day I tried the Reuben sandwich from Subway. Or, to be more accurate about this, Subway’s disgusting take on a Reuben sandwich.

Going into this experience, I wasn’t even planning for this to be a proper Steveats entry. Because, honestly, it’s usually VERY hard to fuck-up a Reuben. I’ve gotten them from horrible, closed bars and not been that disappointed. Corned beef is the one “meat” meant to survive a nuclear apocalypse, because it’s so god damn salty, and you basically just melt some Swiss cheese on top of it, throw in some sauerkraut and pour Thousand Island dressing on top.

So, how does Subway managed to screw this up? Let me count the ways…

First, they use lean, fat-less corned beef, and they don’t even give you that much of it. (“The food is horrible, and such small portions too!”) Look at that anemic sandwich I got! In contrast, look at the beauties on the Wikipedia page for Reuben.

Second, the sauerkraut is flavorless mush, which is the opposite of what I was expecting. I was anticipating that it would essentially come from a can, and thus, have an overpowering scent and taste because it would have been swimming in Essences for months before being dished out. Nope! Instead, the ole sauerkraut just tasted watery, and like nothing.

Thirdly, oh my god, red onions. I don’t know if this was just a mistake by my Sandwich Artist, or if this is standard operating procedure for Subway’s horrible Reuben. But she put red onions on my Reuben! In a way, they kind of compensated for the lack of sauerkraut taste, but man, it was still a weird texture and gross taste for a Reuben.

This is a disgusting sandwich. I will offer two bits of faint praise – The dressing was OK, because it was dressing they have on hand at all times anyway. And I had a coupon, so the sandwich only cost me $6, instead of the $8.75(!!!) it retails for. For that much, you’re better off just going to the deli and getting a pound of corned beef, to make your own Reuben.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!