Inexplicable Gilmore Girls Review: A half-and-half “ending” for our gals

What a natural looking baby bump!

Warning: Spoilers follow for episodes 13 through the end of season seven of Gilmore Girls.

The regular run of Gilmore Girls kind of ends abruptly, in a way. Like, if they had gotten another season, or if they had known that the seventh season was most definitely going to be the last, you get the feeling they would have wrapped things up differently.

Namely, Rory. The show basically ends with her turning down Logan’s proposal, which isn’t so great for her personal life, because they clearly have feelings for one another. It also goes back on his promise to “follow her,” which isn’t mentioned. Maybe the new writing staff just forgot about that moment. She was set to follow Obama on the campaign trail, and even though it’s for an online publication, that was still a pretty plum assignment at that time.

Then again, Rory is awful, so meh. It’s hard for me to get really worked up about her future prospects, because she’s casually awful the whole seventh season. I mean, she shits all over The Providence Journal Bulletin! I’m glad you didn’t find another job after that, Rory, because that’s a hella good job for someone right out of college. (Although, maybe it’s another paper I’m unfamiliar with, because it hasn’t regularly been called the Journal Bulletin since they ended the multiple daily editions of the paper.)

In contrast to Rory, Lorelai and Luke have a hasty reunion in the show’s final two episodes, once Lorelai realizes that Luke whipped up everything for Rory’s party. It’s a cute moment, but the impact is dulled because we had the 12 episode Christopher-Lorelai Emotional Downward Spiral to start the season. The season would have been much improved with a focus on Luke and Lorelai together, getting rid of the Christopher shit, instead of 22 episodes of “will they / won’t they?” again.

Other storylines and thoughts:

- Lane, Zach and Mrs. Kim are secretly the best characters of the show, from an entertainment and growth aspect. Karen gets annoyed because I dwell on the side characters so much, but honestly, they’re just so much more satisfying to watch! Instead of the fractured relationships of the Gilmores, the Kims grow as people and eventually come to support each other, and Zach slowly matures from a doofus into a decent dad. Put a Zach-Lane spinoff on the list of shows I’d watch, along with The Adventures of Young Lorelai Gilmore.

- I only partially endorse the fan theory that the absence of the Palladinos causes season seven to suck. Yeah, it’s clearly worse than season six… But season six was worse than five, which was worse than four, and the show peaked in the third season with Rory’s high school graduation. The main crux of the show was the entanglement of the Gilmores with each other, and the men in their lives, and there is a shelf life for how long that can be entertaining.

The later seasons didn’t adapt well enough for my tastes, probably because doing so would be expensive. Like the first season, you can see the budget constraints in the last season, whether we’re talking about the horrible blue screen work for the “Christopher and Lorelai in Paris” episode, Lane’s pregnancy body, or the severe lack of guest and recurring stars.

The latter really sneaks up on you, especially in the last half of the seventh season. Lucy and Olivia are prominent characters in the first 12 episodes, and then completely absent until Rory’s graduation from Yale, and even then, they’re in one scene. Sookie, Lane and Paris receive main cast billing, but they’re completely absent from around half the episodes. Even Emily and Richard are severely backburnered after Richard recovers from his heart attack.

- Stars Hollow denizens are at their worst when Rory graduates from Yale. They’re up in arms because Lorelai can’t get 20+ tickets to the ceremony, and they won’t take no for an answer. Again, it’s like this Bizzarro World where they can’t accept legitimate reasons. (And, by the way – Stars Hollow is big enough that it has its own high school! But Rory is apparently the only high school graduate, or person under 25 that anyone likes.)

- Logistics note: I have finished watching THE REVIVAL now, so I’m Gilmore’d out. I’m not sure if I’m going to do two, three or four posts about it. I have to see where my muse takes me, and reflect upon how much rage I feel over some of Rory’s actions. Because, you know, she’s the worst.

The image screen grab comes from this site, which has six Gilmore Girls “fixes” that I mostly disagree with, because I dislike Christopher, and really like April, Lane and Luke. But still, they capped that image, so I don’t have to! Thanks to them.

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Inexplicable Gilmore Girls Review: Christopher the Desperate, Rory has no friends

In a rare image, Rory has friends!

Warning: Spoilers follow for episodes one through 12 for season seven of Gilmore Girls.

There are few bigger fans of Lauren Graham than I. However, my affection doesn’t necessarily extend to Lorelai Gilmore. She’s a pistol, as my friend Mike Smith would say, but holy smokes there is a whole lot of baggage that goes along with her. I don’t mean the literal baggage (because her home is full of junk food, junk art and junk furniture), or her status as a single mother. I’m referring more to the immense trust issues she has with Emily, and which then permeate every other relationship she has.

So! It’s kind of understandable why Luke would put up with it – He’s a surly, grumpy diner owner in Stars Hollow. He doesn’t have many other options, and Lorelai is a legit catch for him. Except for inexplicably attractive extras in the background, the other women in Stars Hollow between 21 and 50 seem to be 1) Gypsy 2) Lulu and 3) Rory (all sorts of ew).  Well, ever since the strange disappearance and tragic murder of Lindsay. (My biggest pet peeve, by the way – Some Stars Hollow characters just falling off the map, once The Story of Lorelai and Rory are done with them.)

However, Christopher is a decent looking dude with many millions, potentially billions, of dollars. He seems relatively charming, and while I’m not his biggest fan, he’s not obviously defective like many other characters on the show. He even manages to grow some hair back in the course of the show’s run!

Therefore, it’s kind of depressing that he keeps going back to the Lorelai Gilmore Tree for that dose of sweet and sour sap. It makes him seem incredibly desperate. He and Lorelai have a child together, except that child is now a 20-something, soon-to-be Yale graduate. They also have a horrible, tangled history with one another, and that’s without including the parental baggage.

Lorelai and Christopher get married and divorced in the span of the first 12 episodes of the seventh season, but, meh. It all landed with a wet thud to me, because it was never all that believable that Lorelai was into Christopher. Yes, I realize that’s how Lauren Graham was playing it and what the show wanted, but it wasn’t ever compelling or dramatic television for me because Christopher was so unbelievably desperate or blind to that fact – take your pick.

Anyway, other stuff happens in the first dozen episodes. Rory finally gets some friends besides Paris, in the form of Olivia and Lucy (a.k.a. Kristyn Ritter, a.k.a. The Bitch In Apartment 23, a.k.a. Jessica Jones). Unfortunately, because Rory is involved, it means this just can’t be normal. Lucy is dating a suddenly kind of cool Marty, who gives Rory the cold shoulder and lies about knowing her.

This whole situation is weird. Marty could have diffused it by telling Lucy at some point, “Hey, you know, I actually know Rory. Sorry! I was embarrassed about telling you because I had a crush on her at one point, and she kind of turned me down.” Marty definitely should have done this, because Lucy was waaaaayyyyyy out of his league. That would have been way more adult than the ensuing shitshow that happens, wherein Logan, of all people, eventually gets crapped on by Rory for being a decent human being and telling Lucy.

Also, Luke’s Secret Daughter continues to be excellent.

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Inexplicable Gilmore Girls Review: Rory, Lorelai can’t have nice things

Jan from The Office, playing psychologist!

Warning: Spoilers follow for episodes 17 through the end of season six of Gilmore Girls.

If Gilmore Girls was a better show, I might think that it was trying to make a poignant, subtle comparison between the relationships of Lorelai and Rory. Because Lorelai has trouble having stable male relationships, it’s not entirely surprising that Rory is also self-destructive in her relationships, whether it’s going after a married dude (Dean), or the loner (Jess), or guy who ignores her all the time and gets hospitalized with stunts (Logan).

But, well, I don’t really think that the writers are trying to do this. It just feels like the normal “TV drama” rollercoaster, instead of a tightly designed story arc. In the sixth season, Logan and Rory get together and break-up and treat each other horribly. The season ends with Lorelai pressing Luke on the engagement, and then when Luke justifiably says he needs more time to bond with his Secret Daughter, Lorelai ends up spending the night with Christopher.

There is some blame to be assigned to Luke on this. He did drag his feet on rescheduling the wedding, and his Secret Daughter only works as an excuse if she’s some weird, maladjusted teen. April is shown throughout the season to be smart and realistic, so excluding Lorelai from interacting with her is just silly.

In other news… Lane and Mrs. Kim have patched things up, and Lane gets married to Zach. Once again, I’d like to point out that Lane is in a Bizarro Gilmore Girls show, the one where she rebels against her parents but ultimately reconciles, and works things out with her boyfriend and gets married. The Korean and American wedding episode is a rare bit of brightness in a dour run to the season six finish line.

Anyway, I’m now through all of the original episodes of Gilmore Girls, but my writing schedule has been a bit delayed because of the holidays, work and housesitting. I’ll have two entries on season seven next week though, and then, move on to some other subjects.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! To read all of Steve’s past Inexplicable Movie Reviews, click here! For Inexplicable TV Reviews, click here! For Inexplicable Video Game Reviews, click here! And for Inexplicable Book Reviews, go here!

Inexplicable Gilmore Girls Review: Season six’s midseason blur

Warning: Spoilers follow for episodes 11 through 16 for season six of Gilmore Girls.

The thing I’ve noticed about the middle portions of Gilmore Girls seasons is that the Good Ship Gilmore takes on water, and disasters are obviously visible on the horizon, but at least when it comes to the main characters, they try to save the highest drama for the last six episodes.

I imagine it wasn’t such a big deal when it was a weekly show, but it’s much more noticeable when you’re on an endless binging marathon run of episodes, like I’m trying to do. It’s a slow drip, drip, drip of drama as the pressure builds on Luke and Lorelai, and Rory and Logan. There are essentially four “big” developments in this six episode span:

1) Lorelai finds out about Luke’s daughter, because April works a day at the diner. This understandably causes friction in their relationship, because, you know, Luke has a secret daughter, and he didn’t immediately tell Lorelai. The biggest issue with all Gilmore Girls fights is that they usually hinge on one character holding something from another, even if this is the 50^th time that’s happened to in the show’s run.

2) Rory and Logan fight about stupid things, but it’s ultimately OK because he has money. Whether it’s using it to get the paper pushed out on time, or taking the “family” on a vacation to Martha’s Vineyard, Logan usually spends his way out of trouble. Things seem to be coming to a head with that though, as Huntberger Senior has a “what the fuck are you doing?” chat with him on the vineyard. (And by the way, Abigail Spencer pops up as a bridesmaid in E6-16!)

3) Zach and Lane make up, and then, quickly get engaged and married. Since I’ve watched ahead a bit, I’d like to point out that Lane’s story arcs are like Bizarro Gilmore Girls. She basically serves as a “what if?” in a way for Lorelai, if she had managed to patch things up with Emily way back when.

4) Paris loses control of the Yale newspaper in comical fashion. Like, ridiculous, over the top, stupid fashion, to the point where she has a bunker at the end. While I still find Paris really enjoyable, it’s kind of lame to see her still stuck in a rigidly anti-social box, even at Yale. It’s an Ivy League college, it’s weird that she can’t find some similarly ridiculously competitive people to bond with.

Anyway. Emily and Richard also reconcile with Rory and Lorelai in that patch, but it’s kind of Yada Yada / handwaved at the end of an episode where they all get drunk. My next entry will be on the final six episodes of the sixth season, so I’ll have a lot more to say then, as Gilmore Girls emerges from its middle episode doldrums.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! To read all of Steve’s past Inexplicable Movie Reviews, click here! For Inexplicable TV Reviews, click here! For Inexplicable Video Game Reviews, click here! And for Inexplicable Book Reviews, go here!