Steveats: Papa Gino's Buffalo chicken mac and cheese “pizza” monstrosity

This feature went away for a while, but now... IT'S BACK! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

According my notes, the last Steveats I did was in honor of Valentine's Day and my birthday, and for that, I had the Naked Chicken Chalupa from Taco Bell. Obviously, it left such an impression on me that I did not bring this feature back for 15 months! (The boring, real answer though – Man, life sure does get busy sometimes, huh??? Plus, when you're living with another human being as I am now, you manage to eat a lot better.)

With my significant other gone for a month, well, that has left me with some free time to really explore the studio space of Steveats. You know... EXPLORE the studio space. So, without further adieu, I bring you... The Papa Gino's Buffalo chicken mac and cheese pizza.

I had somewhat high hopes with this one, because, hey, it's kind of hard to screw up Buffalo chicken! It is one of the world's most magical and wonderful substances. You can use it in a wide variety of delicious things, whether you're having it straight-up or mixed with blue cheese. Or ranch, if you're a soulless monster.

I was expecting Buffalo chicken dip, or small chunks of chicken, mixed with some mac and cheese, on top of a pizza. Instead, what I got was probably breaded Buffalo chicken sandwich meat, thrown on top of a mac and cheese pizza. No sauce. Scandal! Outrage! What kind of fool do they take me for?

Apparently, a fool they thought would pay $18 for a pizza. Thankfully, I had a coupon, so the total damage was just $13. Still, this was disappointing. The mac and cheese was also really bland, which surprised me, since the Papa Gino's all you can eat pasta is usually serviceable, as is their pizza.

Anyway... I still ate the god damn thing over the course of two and a half days. It was still tasty, but disappointing. Missed potential, like watching a high draft pick flame out on your favorite team. As of right now, the plan is to have one Steveats a week, but we'll see how that goes, and how motivated I'll be to keep eating (mildly disappointing, usually) junk food.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! Or, you know, check the show out! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!

Steveats: Gas Station Buffalo Chicken Rollers aren’t bad

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

Since my last entry on gas station food was well-received, I decided to go back to that dirty well for this week’s entry. Speedway seems to be the new kid on the block in the northeast, as they either bought out Hess or simply took over the majority of their locations in Rhode Island. Of course, me being me, I was very tantalized when one of them had a sign that said “TWO HOT SANDWICHES FOR $2.50.”

“Ooo, how mysterious!” I thought. “Hot sandwich, whatever could they mean? Is it going to be like Arby’s? Except edible? Maybe a nice pastrami or one of them New York deli sandwiches, as Mitch Hedberg described them, like a loaf of bread and a pound of meat. I’m positive that’s what a gas station would serve!”

With BBQ.

But, as you can (hopefully) guess from the title to this entry, what they mean is tubular meats. And let me be clear about one thing – This aggression of calling a hot dog a sandwich, it won’t stand. I don’t know who started out this horrible misnaming, but a hot dog is its own separate thing, just like the hamburger. That could also technically be a sandwich, if you’re a jerk like that.

Anyway. The buffalo chicken rollers from Speedway are pretty similar to the taquitos I got the other week, but, they were better. The advertising on the front of the station made them look like shredded chicken meat, unfortunately though, it’s still the same ole tubular meat. Thankfully though, the buffalo is potent, and the chicken tastes like chicken. A bit rubbery, but quite edible, and the equal of the hot dog.

With mayo.

One issue if Speedway wants to seriously up its tubular meat game – condiments. If you’re offering a buffalo item, then it’s your civic duty to also offer ranch or blue cheese. Speedway had neither available, so I had to settle for BBQ (not bad) and mayo (ick; just too much). Also, there were no plastic forks, otherwise I probably would have ditched the bun and had my tubular meat kabob style.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!