Steve At Work

Have you ever wondered, "Hey, what does Steve look like when he's working?" Well, thanks to the obtrusive nature of television news, you can now find out by clicking here. I'm in the background of both of the videos on that page, wearing the green polo shirt. For the fuller version of that story though, I recommend my paper's articles on the court case, which can be accessed here (today's hearing) and here (the background).

I'll admit that it is kind of odd to be in the background, working, while someone else is working, if that makes sense. It happens to me pretty frequently though, since I have the courthouse beat. Earlier this week, I believe I made it into some broadcasts because a crooked lawyer was sentenced to a year in jail and I was there working. I'm also in this YouTube video about historic flooding in Rhode Island, albeit briefly.

Here is the sad part - My brief appearances on television always elicit more of a response than most thins I actually write for the paper. Here is a rough hierarchy of what events cause me to get the most feedback:

Being in a background shot of a television story > reporting a major story in print > writing a column with a head shot > a normal news story

Anyway. I'll add that I've never been on television for a legitimate reason. I was interviewed once by The Providence Journal because a fraternity at URI stole a bunch of our student newspapers and burned them at their house. However, I think that story ended up on the bottom of A-1 or B-1, and it represents the peak of my Z-level local celebrity.

The picture of Dusty and Robbie is from this site here.

Hey omg it's my birthday!

Yes, you read the title correctly - Valentine's Day is my birthday! As a result, I'm taking the day off. You can listen to my birthday song, performed by my future wife, here.

Year in review via Internet meme

This obscure comic is one of the top
results for Year In Review. Sorry!

Whenever I've done a sort of "year in review" piece in the past, whether it be for my college newspaper or my old personal journal or something that someone actually paid me for, I always seem to miss a couple of relevant details. Also in the past, I've somewhat resisted Internet memes.

I smell a combination!

Using a note from Facebook that one of my friends filled out, here is my official "Year in Review" post. I could have done this last night, but I was holding out in case something really cool happened that I could write about. Instead, it snowed most of the day, I felt sick to my stomach and I stayed home on New Year's Eve. Outside of that though, things were swell!

And in case you're sick of reading this review crap, since everyone seems to be doing it in the blogsphere... Well, I can't really offer any relief. I'll be reviewing my favorite songs from 2009 for Sunday, and Saturday will be a Tag Team blog with Bob and Kristin featuring the football picks for Sunday. I'm guessing Monday or Tuesday will be when I launch into my piece about Limp Bizkit. Without any further adieu...

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The Year In Review

1. What did you do this year that you've never done before?

Worked as a substitute teacher and collected unemployment! On the latter, it is strangely seductive. I basically stayed at home, sent out five to 10 job applications a week, played video games and collected a check. It was a weird experience. The first few weeks were a strange sort of relief - I had worked from my college graduation in May 2007 to September 2008 with a single scheduled day off, so it was nice to have a vacation of sorts.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't make any, therefore, I don't keep any.

3. Any new births this year?

Um, my good friend Becca's sister had a baby. Outside of that, nobody springs to mind.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nope!

5. What countries did you visit this year?

Just the United States. I've only been to Canada, and nowhere overseas, which is kind of disappointing.

6. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?

Stealing my friend's answer - A stable job. There is so much uncertainty in the journalism industry, and while I'm in a good situation now, it's not one that could support me for, say, the next 40 years.

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory - and why?

Hm, what a good question, Barbara Walters-meme! This is a bit of a sad answer, but June 25, the day Michael Jackson died. As I've previously stated, I'm not the biggest Jackson fan; he was obviously screwed up. (Oddly enough, I also posted about him less than two weeks before his death.) I don't really care so much about his bizarre behavior as much as I care about the screwed-up life he probably exposed his kids to, and that's overlooking the molestation canard that hangs over his head. Still, his death was such a bizarre, media-hyped thing that it sticks out to me as the biggest event of 2009, similar to past things like the O.J. Simpson verdict.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a full-part-time job. It wasn't exactly a banner year for me in the achievement category. I would also put this blog in as a subhead, since I have for years wanted to have a sort of "area" to put writing that might somehow eventually make a profit, someway. (For those curious, my tally is up to $5.37. Woohoo! If you want to help, feel free to click an ad every once in a while.)

9. What was your biggest failure of the year?

Going for about six months without a full-time job. Eech. I'm also still living at my parent's house, which would be somewhat depressing if half my friends weren't also still living with their parents. I did read Strapped, a good book about the wealth gap between new college graduates and older ones, which made me feel better about my current situation. Well, a little bit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing serious. Just some conjunctivitis and stomach bugs here and there.

11. What was the best thing you bought this year?

A Nintendo Wii! I have also, sadly, been indoctrinated into the Guitar Hero and Rock Band cults. A little bit after everyone else, but hey, no one is perfect.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Lindsay Lohan. My admiration for Lohan is well-chronicled in my past posts and images postings of her. Unfortunately, Mean Girls seems to be her peak, both in terms of looks and artistic value, which is depressing because she was 18 at that point. I would prefer to remember that smart, attractive Lohan than the coked-up hazbeen she has become. Who would have thought that Paris Hilton would hold up better than Lohan? Now she's doing photo sheets and smoking and just looking openly strung-out in them. She's 23 now, and it would surprise me if she made it to 30.

13. Where did most of your money go this year?

Sadly, toward my credit card bill. Living in Warren for a year really sapped my finances, forcing me to rely on my card, and my apartment wasn't even nice. Since not everyone is familiar with this story, when I lived in Warren my apartment got hit by a tractor trailer full of mulch. It cracked the foundation, and I was forced out for a week... and they wouldn't let me break out of the lease! They never fixed the crack in the foundation, and although they refunded my rent for two weeks, I wasn't really comfortable living in an apartment with a cracked foundation. They also didn't give me back my full deposit when I moved out in July - They said the stove was broken, and didn't believe me when I attributed it to the GOD DAMN TRUCK HITTING THE APARTMENT. Sigh.

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about this year?

I got the opportunity to be a Rhode Island and Providence College basketball beat reporter for a while, which was a lot of fun. There is something different and neat about being able to watch games from press row. I'm doing it more part-time now, which includes this Saturday when the Rams host Oklahoma State. It should be one hell of a game, and I'll be watching it from court-side, essentially.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

- happier or sadder? Happier, because my employment situation is a little bit better. I have a steady job, as opposed to substitute teaching, which completely vanishes for several weeks and months a year.

- richer or poorer? About the same. Slightly richer, if I had to chose.

- thinner or fatter? Thinner, by about 15 pounds! Nobody can ever tell though, because I look the same heavy or at a "normal" weight. My goal this coming year is to lose another 15, which would put me around 165. That was my weight for most of high school, which I think would be a good goal for me to shoot for.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Basketball. I still haven't been able to find an option near me besides the YMCA, and that would be an investment of a couple hundred bucks. I'm not sure if I have enough free time anymore to use the membership well, especially since I can play outside regularly from late April, early May to mid-September. For a while, I was playing at an open gym night for guys 30+, but the town put a stop to that, unfortunately.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Fast food. Unfortunately, when you work bizarre hours like I do, you eat a lot of junky fast food, and it hits both the waistline and the wallet. I've been better in recent months with this. Generally, I try to steer toward Panera or Subway now, as opposed to one of the unholy trinity of Wendy's, Burger King and McDonald's. Once or twice a week is fine; I'm just trying to avoid going six or seven times a week, like I did at certain points. ugh.

20. How did you spend the holidays?

Uh, quite blandly. As I mentioned, I was sick this New Year's Eve. Last year, I don't even remember what I did... I'm guessing I was over Shaun's old house. I remember that I didn't spill wine on someone's white dress for New Year's, which was good of me. My birthday is Valentine's Day, and I went out a few days after it. Fourth of July, I had to work, and then went to a party that weekend, I believe. Same with a day-after-Thanksgiving bash.

21. Did you fall in love this year?

Nope! There is always next year, though.

22. How many one-night stands did you have this year?

None.


23. What was your favorite TV program for the year?

Oh my goodness, that would be like choosing a favorite child! Well, if we're going with completely new shows, then I'd have to pick Glee. For old show that I was just exposed to, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia narrowly edges Lost. Why is that, since I've written five posts on Lost? I just find Always Sunny to be a better re-watch show. I've seen every episode of Lost, and I've only had the urge to re-watch a few of them. It could just be the nature of drama vs. comedy, though. I've always found comedies to have more replay value.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Not really. "Hate" is such a strong word.

25. What was the best book you read this year?

What a tough question. To be stereotypical, I really enjoyed The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons, although it's less stereotypical than you would think. I'm a hardcore NBA fan, even more than the college game, which seems to be a dirty thing to admit to now. While Simmons' book isn't the groundbreaking work of Loose Balls by Terry Pluto, it's still a great tome on the NBA.

26. What was your favorite film of the year?

Inglorious Basterds. It's one of the few I saw in theaters, but there weren't many others that I really felt compelled to see. The Hangover would be a close second; definitely hilarious and raunchy, but it felt more formulaic. I'm definitely a Tarantino mark, and I've loved pretty much everything he has ever done.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?

What is this "fashion" ye speak of?

28. Whom did you miss this year?

George Carlin.

29. Who was the best new person you met this year?

There aren't really a ton of options for this one, which is somewhat sad. I will say Becca's friend Julie, who played trivia with us every other week for the past year. Her sort of dry humor was a good complement to mine, which is more spastic at times. I'll also put my friend Natalie, even though I kind of knew her from the past (apparently). She edges out Amanda Meyer, who I also knew back in the day, although not nearly as well. However, I knew Amanda a lot better, hence the distinction. (I threw a book at Amanda, whereas I just didn't realize that I once Natalie.)

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned for this year.

That 30 questions is a lot to answer, and along with picking 13 to 16 football games per week, maybe I should be a bit less ambitious next year.

Super crazy women's soccer highlight

I think most people have seen the above soccer fight, but if you haven't, then please allow me to bring it to your attention. Just take a minute to drink it all in...

Okay. The nuttiest part is definitely when Lambert yanks down on her ponytail so powerfully that her body is snapped into the ground. That's just utterly ridiculous, like something you would see in exaggerated professional wrestling. It must have been a combination of 1) Lambert being surprisingly strong and 2) the other girl being completely unaware of what was coming.

My sister used to play soccer, and I remember things getting vicious in those games as well. I mean, not this vicious, but my sister was also playing rec soccer, not even high school. It seems like every crazy international sports story also revolves around soccer crowds or hooligans. There is something about the game that seemingly brings out the worst in everyone involved.

Once upon a time, I played on an indoor soccer team. It was my senior year of high school, and since I had never played before and was kind of out-of-shape, I wasn't anything special. But I could play a credible defensive back, because the rules about contact were fairly relaxed for the game. I can see why tempers flare in soccer, because I was a fairly chippy and cheap player, and when so much hinges on a single goal, I imagine you have more explosive outbursts than in something like basketball.

The oddness of saying hello

I've lately run into the issue of not knowing whether or not I should acknowledge that I know someone. If that sounds complicated, I'm sorry, because it kind of is in my mind as well.

Let me provide some background information - I'm pretty good at remembering names and faces. In fact, it's only happened about three times in my entire life that I've met someone and they've said something to the effect of, "Oh we've already met." If I actually shake hands with someone and introduce myself, there is a 99.9 percent chance I will remember them at a future date. Heck, I normally remember even casual stuff like former college and high school classmates.

Therefore, I'm at loss at what to do at the local Taco Bell. See, there are at least two kids I went to high school with who work there, but I'm always reluctant to acknowledge this fact. We're all now 25, so I imagine this isn't where they hoped to be; I felt similar shame when I was laid off this past year and when I worked at Dunkin' Donuts when I was 23. Also, I wasn't really friends with either one in high school - One I never talked to, and one I knew better in elementary school.

Because of this, I'm reluctant to be all like, "Hey we both went to Chariho! How is life?" Since they are the ones working, I've always thought that if they wanted to bring this fact up, they would. They both always do the sort of double-take of recognition when they see me, so I assume they know we all went there. Also, I don't think high school was a super fun time for them, so I wouldn't really want to be the one to initiate that conversation.

Dear Miss Manners, what is the proper etiquette in this situation? Also, the picture of her was taken from this site.

iTunes Running Diary – Monday, September 21 – Ben Folds

This week's artist.

I don't have a ton of time today, so I thought I'd keep this entry somewhat simple for myself: I will be sticking to the music of Mr. Ben Folds today, because he is awesome. He is like a straight Elton John, and although this alone doesn't make him better, I do enjoy his music quite a bit more. Putting his songs on shuffle and letting them rip:

- "Emaline (Live)" is probably my favorite "slow" Ben Folds song, especially this version from his live album. The piano is especially tranquil and matches his voice well, and the lyrics are clear and crisp despite their longing nature. This clarity is something I've always liked about Ben's songs. (Yes, him and I are on a first-name basis.) Even if the song's meaning has some ambiguity - it seems to me like a failed past relationship, like a lot of his songs - you can at least hear most of the lyrics and sing along if you wish.

I listened to this song a lot when I was breaking up with someone; relax, it's not any of you reading this. Ben's music in general is pretty swell for that task, actually.

- "One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" is the first track off of Whatever And Ever Amen, and it strikes the perfect note for the rest of the album. It is frantic, energetic and wild, between Ben's lyrics and piano and the rest of the band. It is a nice appetizer for what is to come.

The song always reminds me of driving frantically to and from high school. Back in the day, all of Whatever And Ever Amen was in heavy rotation on a CDR I had, along with a couple songs from the follow-up album, The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner.

- "Rockin' The Suburbs" from the album of the same name gets a bit too much flack to me. So what, he's not playing the piano. It's still a great pop / rock / alternative song! I'd much rather listen to "Rockin' The Suburbs" than a lot of what is out on the radio today. It's not traditional Ben Folds, no, but the experimentation is close enough to his previous work that I enjoy it. It is similar situation to me as to when The Beastie Boys actually play instruments as opposed to just rap over a soundtrack.

Recycling My Past: Kiss vs. Jewel

This is exactly what it looks like.

I originally wrote this in April 2007, in an attempt to set a record for the longest column ever printed in URI's campus newspaper, the Cigar. Although there was no real way for me to check, I'm pretty sure I did, since the piece was 3,001 words. If you want to punish yourself, you can read it here. This entry is a combination of that piece with some added detail.

I'm going to tell another story about things my friends and I did in the past. Back when I was a freshman in 2002, my friend Pat was invited to a party his cousin Jen was having at her house in Newport. She went to Salve Regina, and Pat brought me along, and our two other friends, Eric and Jeff.

For some reason, even though most of us had cars, we took our friend Chris' car. I don't know why we did this, since our friend Jeff couldn't really drive stick that well, and he was driving. We also got kind of lost on the way there. Three of us were from South County, and one was from Vermont, so really, you can't fault us for not knowing Newport, it being a whole 30 minutes away from where we grew up.

I'm regrouping though: This was the first "college party" that most of us had been to, so we played it cool for the most part. You know, we had a few beers, played some Taboo, didn't get too Wild and Crazy Kids. (Yeah, that's right, I just used that TV show name as an adjective, want to fight about it?)

As the party started to break up, Pat and Eric got into an argument with Jen's boyfriend, Ian, with Jen's friends Betsy, Kate and Erica egging them on. The argument was about who was better, Kiss or Jewel.

Reflecting back upon the argument, it is now obvious to me that it is something we have all pondered in our short time on this Earth. Keep in mind, this was before Jewel went bat-S crazy and tried to become a pop diva, and also before Gene Simmons started hosting a reality TV show that revealed he was a kind-of normal dad.

As Pat and Eric came up with reasons why Jewel was better, Ian came up with what he considered the ultimate counter to their arguments. "You can be buried in a Kiss coffin, does Jewel have coffins?"

Side note: Kiss no longer sells coffins, unfortunately. The band sold the Kiss Kasket from 2001 to 2006 for low, low price of $4,700. On the plus side, the band did autograph it before shipping out a unit.

Once Ian brought up the coffin issue, the argument slowly petered out, although it is still hotly debated to this day. For what it's worth, while I was intentionally on the side of Jewel, I have become a bigger Kiss fan as time goes on. Jewel really only had that one stellar album, which had come out around the time of this argument, whereas Kiss has an entire catalog of different music that is still worth listening to. Their greatest hits and singles collection CDs has a whole bunch of music you don't even realize is theirs.

After that, we left the party, and an unnamed member of our crew demanded that we stop at Newport Jai Alai (back when it still had jai alai) to pee in some shrubs. We concluded the night with some grub from IHOP, which was utterly fantastic at 2 a.m.

The weather and car crashes

[Left] Whatever happened to these two wild and crazy guys?

Because it is so overcast and rainy here today, I thought I'd share a personal story or two about how weather has F'ed me over in the past. About a year ago, I went through the worst month of my life, which saw me get dumped, get laid off and be forced to move back in with my parents, but it all started with a car crash.

It was during a torrential rainstorm, and while I was driving on Route 95 North, on my way to the aforementioned ex-girlfriend's place. Just as I got past the Route 4 split, my brakes gave out, and I skidded off the road and into a tree.

Luckily for me, I was driving below the speed limit, and there was also a thicket of shrubs that slowed me down considerably before I hit the tree. As I was about to hit the tree, I closed my eyes and thought, "Wow, this is going to hurt," but shockingly, my face just barely hit the deploying airbag. I didn't lose consciousness at all, and even the next day, I wasn't shore at all. I was really, really lucky from a health standpoint.

Unfortunately, I couldn't say the same thing about my car, an awesome 2002 forest green Chevy Prism. There was an angry gap right in the middle, and the windshield was completely shattered and caved-in on the passenger's side; the police said I was lucky that nobody was in the car with me. The car had to be junked and I had to file an insurance claim, which sucked, because what I got - $5,000 - was worth far less than what I could have sold the car for - around $8,000.

The other weather and driving-related incident I've had is far less spectacular. I forget the circumstances, but for some reason I was driving south on Route 1 toward Westerly in January of this year. It must have been for an important reason, because it was late at night and there was practically nobody else on the roads, and they hadn't even been plowed yet.

That night, I learned why it is such a bitch to drive on an unplowed road. About half a mile from the McDonald's, my car went into a spin, and flipped around 180 degrees, so that I was pointed the wrong way.

For some reason, the only thought in my head was, "I hope someone doesn't find me like this." The thing was, I had stayed on the road the entire time, so it was more of an embarrassing thing as opposed to something dangerous. My car was still running, so I very, very gently drove forward and looped around, so that I was the correct way on the road again. I was a bit rattled, so I pulled into McDonald's and got something to eat and read a book for about half an hour, which gave the plows time to work.

Beeeeeeepppp......

Sorry for the interruption in posting, but because of a news emergency, I didn't get a chance to post tonight's entry. Please tune in for your regularly scheduled blog, tomorrow at 7 p.m. EST. The management apologizes for the inconvenience.

Tag Team: Amanda and Steve on bad music, politics, celebrities and Steven F'ing Tyler

I tried to find a decent picture of Amy Winehouse, but it was an impossible feat. The Steven Tyler picture that you'll see later in this entry is disturbing enough.

To rip-off the disclaimer for Bill Simmons' BS Report, Tag Team is a free flowing discussion between two adults that sometimes touches on mature subjects. Amanda Jean Meyer was just working at the ads desk, minding her own business, when an entertainment editor saw her not doing anything and made her start writing things. She also had a knack for having weird celebrity encounters that were among the more popular features I ever printed, and that knack continues to this day.

Want to do your own Tag Team with me? Send me an e-mail (sgre6768@gmail.com) or leave a comment.

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Steve said at 4:31 p.m. on August 20:

Heyyy Amanda Meyer! I'll get this party started, as Pink would say. And, by the way, speaking of her, I'm a bit surprised she has had some staying power. I definitely thought she would just be a one-hit wonder, a la Amy Winehouse, but she has now had a couple of hits, so I suppose she has elevated herself past that territory.

Anyway! I am a bit sorry to hear that you haven't had any real celebrity run-ins lately. To refresh some of the new readers here, maybe you could share one of your past brushes with celebrity, like how your friend babysat for Asante Samuels' kids, or another tale. How did you get in on a Celtics autograph session anyway?

Also, since you are politically-motivated at times, being a poli sci major and all, what are your thoughts on Obama so far? There seems to be hellish, crazy opposition to his health care plan, which kind of surprises me. I view America's health care as relationship as similar to a woman locked into a tangle with an abusive boyfriend: The situation is clearly out-of-hand and not good, but yet when they have an option to leave, they just cling on tighter and don't want to quit the person. At this point, I'm in favor of just about any new plan, simply because it's not the old plan that sucks.

I don't want to end this on something so heavy, so I'll ask - What's a good band you can recommend to me? I like the new Taking Back Sunday song, and a Kings of Leon song (but not the other two on the radio). Outside of that, I haven't heard a lot on that radio that has appealed to my delicate sensibilities. And Guster still stinks; it's whiny music that teenage girls listen to when a boy dumps them. Very, very light presence in my iTunes, along with their imitators, like Dispatch.

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Amanda said at 12:50 p.m. on August 22:

I am really, really glad Amy Winehouse did NOT stick around... Talk about someone I truly hate to listen to, and seriously, that's rare.

I still have all my celeb encounters saved on my hard drive somewhere, mixed in with school work and the like. I think my favorite is Bob Saget even though it wasn't so much an encounter as it was me freaking out that he was 200 feet away from me.

Actually, I remembered 2 encounters since then: I saw Steven Tyler when I worked at Apple. He bought iPhones for everyone he knows and his daughter (not Liv, the other one) got a laptop. Then he played "Dream On" on a keyboard we had on one of the displays.

Also, when I worked at Flour Bakery in Boston, I served coffee to Conan O'Brien, though I did not actually talk to him (or realize it was him until after he left and I was like "who was that tall man?"). As for the Celtics, a friend of a friend has season tickets and gets to see practices, at which players sign things. I was most thankful for meeting [Celtics' power forward Brian] Scalabrine. He's basically saving the team one three-pointer at a time!

Though really, I think that the Steven Tyler story is the best one here... Did you know he wears those NASTY Croc shoes?? Ugh... And I honestly thought he was an ugly woman sauntering into the store. No joke.

At times I think I may be the only conservative in this wicked blue state... I could write you a whole book of my thoughts on Obama and his health care plan but your liberal readers would hate me!

As far as I am concerned, yes the private health care sector has its issues, but the government's plan has just as many issues. Obama says it will create a competition between the two but I disagree, the second companies find out they can drop health plans they will and no one will pay out-of-pocket for private insurance. It will effectively leave the government options as the only ones there, and I'm sorry but I don't think health care is a right (call me callous, but if you are unemployed why should I pay your health care [keep in mind currently people laid off still get 1 full year to find a job and get a new plan]) but rather something we should be responsible for ourselves.

Hey, the government can't figure out MediCare or MedicAid, what makes you think they can handle insurance for ALL of us? They need to think through a much better system before implementing it... I'm certainly not defending the state of the current private insurers, I think there is most definitely a need for reform, I'm just not convinced Obama is the man for this.

A good band (other than Guster of course, I'll ignore your comment on them) would have to be... Paramore! I'm a big fan lately. I don't usually like female singers but this would be an exception. Other than that most of my music tastes are stuck in the 1980s; I'm not sure if this is good or bad really. As of late one of my good friends has been filling my iTunes library with his band's music, and I think it's really good. They're called The Jims and are on iTunes, if you are into punk music with slightly ridiculous lyrics (their new album has a song called "Face Fuck" as well as a song called "Fuck Face").

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Steve said at 9:49 p.m. on August 22:

The odd thing about Amy Winehouse was how popular and yet destructive she is. Given how horrible her life is / was, being addicted to crack and all, it probably was a horrible idea for her one big hit to be about how she wasn't going to go to rehab. So, not only were my ears subjected to that horrible song, someone out there no doubt heard that song and didn't think they needed to get help for their crippling drug addiction. Awesome.

Okay, now see, that Steven Tyler story is SO FRIGGIN' COOL! The most recent pictures of him are... not flattering... So I can imagine that he looks awful with Crocs. And the Conan story is cool as well. Sad thing about him: My friends worked at the Watch Hill cabanas, where Conan's parents have a cabana, so they would see him from time to time roll up in his Porsche. Of course, I never did.

I *still* don't have a good celebrity story to share. The most famous guy I've talked to is Aaron Schatz, who is the head of Football Outsiders, an awesome pro football almanac. That's cool, and he's an awesome guy, but nothing I can brag about. I talk regularly with Marc Normandin, a writer at Baseball Prospectus, but I'm also one of his writers for Blast, so I'm not sure if that counts.

See, my eyes glazed over just a bit as you talked about politics. I used to be in Model Legislature, and somewhat motivated about politics, but as I've aged I've just lost interest. It happened even before I became a reporter, too, so I can't attribute it to that. On the plus side, it does help me in reporting, since I'm not super motivated politically. My voting record skews a bit toward Democrats, but this is normally because Rhode Island doesn't have a ton of strong Republican candidates.

Can I tell you a secret? I enjoy Paramore quite a bit. They are very much bubble gum punk, but they kind of remind me of a female Blink 182 or All-American Rejects. Not in terms of sound, but because they're a band that just plays catchy, melodious music. A couple of their songs are in the Guitar Hero and Rock Band games as well, and while I stink at them, I do like to play on normal difficulty.

I'll give The Jims a chance. Reel Big Fish sings "The Fuck-Off Song", so they do have some competition. By the way, Reel Big Fish is a very underrated band - that song is hilarious, and they have some other funny stuff like "She Has A Girlfriend Now", and "Sell-Out", and a good cover of "Kiss Me Deadly."

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Amanda said at 10:07 p.m. on August 22:

I LOVE RBF, and "She Has A Girlfriend Now" is probably one of my all-time favorite songs! My friends were obsessed with them in high school and I think I'm the only one still listening, but I don't even care. I also like their cover of "Take On Me."

Somehow I don't picture you in model legislature... But wait - Didn't you win some election as a joke or something? Receiving as many votes as some fictional character?

I really wish I had noticed it was Conan - I really like him but he came in during the lunch rush! He's so friggin' tall. I would've said something witty... (Okay, NOT really, but I've had time to think about what I could have said.) I would've liked your friend's story better if he had seen him in his Ford Taurus and not the Porsche. You should have more celebrity encounters considering all the cool ones are from New England.

Now down to business:

Amanda's Brush with Celebrity: Steven Tyler
The first thing I did upon moving to the great city of Boston was sell my soul to Steve Jobs for $11 an hour. Working in Apple retail was always exciting, we got some real characters in the store.

One day my friend Chris was unusually excited, he had a "personal shopping" appointment with someone, but of course the manager yelled at me to get back to work before I found out who. About an hour and a half later I could not get over how ugly this old woman was who just walked in. No wonder everyone around wanted a picture. Oh wait, it wasn't an old, ugly woman at all... it was Steven Tyler!

Yes, THE Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, waltzing into the Apple store to supply all of his posse with iPhones and to buy his daughter (not Liv, the other one) a nice new laptop for college. Unfortunately for fans of Mr. Tyler, I have to share some bad news: he wears Crocs, black ones that were really worn in.

Now to make this a "normal" shopping experience, my friend Chris and the managers were the only ones allowed to approach the star, but it's not like the store was all that big, so he was maybe fifteen feet away.

After leaving for the day, he did the cheesiest thing ever: he went up to one of the display computers with a USB musical keyboard attached and played "Dream On" for everyone in the store. I would've rather heard an impromptu rendition of "Sweet Emotion," but I guess you can't be too picky. And as an FYI, he came back at a later date when I was not working to buy more iPhones for everyone on his Christmas list. Apparently he's a huge Apple fan and frequents the Braintree location often when he is visiting his hometown.

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Steve said at 10:36 p.m. on August 22:

That story about Steven Tyler is tremendous, and it stands on its own without any needed comment from me. Bravo! Very impressive.

Responding to the rest, yeah, Reel Big Fish got kind of a bad rap when I was in high school. Everyone thought their big single, "Sell-Out", was all that they could do, so they ironically became what they sang about. I actually didn't even hear their other songs until my sophomore or junior year of college, when I noticed the titles and thought, "Hey, these tracks might be worth a shot." You're right about their "Take On Me" cover, that is also wonderful.

I wasn't just in Model Legislature, I was in LEADERSHIP on Model Leg. I'm still not entirely sure how - I think it was because I was one of the few super-left kids who wasn't a huge hesher. Yet ironically, I did want to legalize marijuana (and still do, but purely for tax reasons). Although I wasn't nearly as out-of-my-shell as I was in college, especially at the Cigar, I was loosening up a bit in my senior year of high school, so I probably did a better job with the public speaking interview they make you do than I give myself credit for.

And yes, I did in fact win a URI Student Senate election for the commuter seat, while I was entertainment editor. I did it solely as a joke, and because you needed about five votes to get a seat, since there weren't enough people on the ballot. I won with about eight votes. Here was the sad part - They told me one kid actually wanted to be on Student Senate, yet he lost to me with FIVE votes. What the hell? If you can't get eight other people to vote for you - remember, you can vote for yourself - then I don't really think you deserve to be on Student Senate.

I totally called Conan out on him not actually driving a Ford Taurus. Like Adam Carolla, I always think it's weird when celebrities try to act like they don't have a lot of money. Especially Conan, since his contract figure - about $8 million per year - is out there. It's not like he's a local talk radio guy, who actually makes $100,000+ a year, who is complaining about how much things cost.

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Amanda said at 11:04 p.m. on August 22:

Gracias! Not going to lie - I did double check to make sure he was a Steven with a 'v' because I really didn't know. And I wasn't kidding about selling my soul - that place is more like a cult than an employer, and they suck you in! It's insane. But I still use my trusty MacBook despite these findings.

I tend to be of the mindset that music people didn't like in high school was probably a lot better than music people did like... but maybe this is a trend that was only true of my high school. I haven't done terribly much research on the theory. RBF's latest album is still pretty good, the cover art is also really funny and 1980s.

So I noticed on your blog you are a Top Chef fan. I DVR-ed it while I was on vacation and it just finished up. Yes, I am cool, sitting on my computer and TV on a Saturday, seriously.

What do you think of the new season so far? I'm glad that girl went home because I don't like to look at people with huge plugs like that... It seems like it may be a good group and I like the dynamic of the brothers so far. The only thing that sort of irks me about the show is that I don't love Padma... I feel like she isn't entirely knowledgeable about the food and I think it would be easy to find a host who is equally good looking (since I'm sure that's the point) who also knows food! Like that other judge from Food & Wine magazine.

I also enjoyed the Arrested Development reference. Despite becoming one of those shows with a cult following after the cancellation, I still don't know nearly enough people who love it. I just recently re-watched all 3 seasons and it really is better the second time through. I like how it gets to the point where it's just too ridiculous. And I really like Mr. F. Those were my favorite episodes.

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Steve said at 11:15 p.m. on August 22:

My friend Chris used to work at an Apple store, and now that you mention it, I didn't really see him that much when he worked for it... hmmmm... It all fits together now. I would have guessed it was "Steven" Tyler, just because I'm narcissistic and wouldn't want him to spell it the same way I do. "No Steven Tyler, PH goes in my name, not yours... bitch."

I don't think I can completely sign off on your music theory. When I graduated high school, the music people did like was trendy, but more trendy-artsy than trendy-popcrap. For example, The Strokes were really big, but so were Radiohead. It was a mix of stuff I loved listening to, and stuff that people were clearly trying too hard to appear cool about.

And yes, I love Top Chef! It is the bomb-diggity. I will admit that I was only half-watching the season premiere, just because the first episode almost always means nothing. In fact, I'd say the first four shows of the season are just filler, where they get rid of people who clearly can't pass the muster. You know, like the silly dietitians who can't actually cook anything delicious, and the head cases who break down sobbing after every challenge.

That being said, in the short time I saw her, Crazy Tattoo Lady was clearly the one who was going home, especially when she got indignant during the judging. The judges don't normally like the chefs who can't tell that they fucked up at all.

The "Mr. F" story arc is probably the best of the show's three seasons, just because it is so bittersweet, funny and poignant. I'm always amazed at how good "serious" actors are at comedy - Charlize was perfect in those episodes, and similarly, Tom Hanks and Alec Baldwin and Christopher Walken always kill on Saturday Night Live.

Okay, one more response, and then this can be posted. My question for you - Do you watch Dinner: Impossible? And if not, why not? Because it's on Food Network, and it's awesome. Even though I think Top Chef trumps anything on Food Network, I still love several Food Network shows: Good Eats, Unwrapped, the crazy BBQ competitions they show from time to time, etc.

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Amanda said at 11:25 p.m. on August 22:

What a silly question... of COURSE I watch Dinner: Impossible! I liked the one where he did the New York Times Crossword dinner and all the meals were "puzzles."

I basically watch Food Network and nothing else, switching to Bravo for Top Chef. I have a crazy crush on Bobby Flay so I especially like Throwdown and Iron Chef, but I am also a big fan of Chopped with the guy from Queer Eye hosting, and Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.

I must say, even if I didn't find Bobby (yeah, we're on a first name basis) attractive, Throwdown still has one of the better premises and I get so many awesome recipe ideas - Like puffy tacos! I'd never heard of them before.

Good Eats is really good, I like the host a lot on that one but I don't think I've seen Unwrapped all the way through. I tend to like the shows with an element of competition in them. Iron Chef always baffles me, how on earth will they get steak into a dessert? Steak ice cream you say! Wow! But the judges LOVED it. The insanity.

I watched The Next Food Network Star but found it to be a cheaper version of Top Chef, which I also rank above the Food Network shows. I really like Tom and I think that the prizes are a lot more substantial - Not everyone can be a TV chef.

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Well, considering that this is now about 3,400 words, I think this is as good a place to end as any. Want to do your own Tag Team? E-mail me at sgre6768@gmail.com.

Masterpiece Book Theatre

[Left] My favorite book of all-time, The Phantom Tollbooth, and by the way, you can bet your sweet ass that I'm upset it didn't make this list. What gives, BBC??? No wonder you're a broadcasting company.

So, my friend Danielle tagged me in this survey the other day on Facebook, and because I couldn't answer it right away, I thought I'd do it here on the blog. I added comments where appropriate. Since Saturdays are normally slow days for hits anyway, I didn't think anyone would mind. Here we go!

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up? Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - x
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte - x
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee - x
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - x
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens - x

Total: 5. The Lord of the Rings is really, really dry, and I wish people would just admit that the movies are better, as opposed to insisting that others read 1,500 pages of sluggish material about Elven words. I find Jane Eyre and 1984 just as sluggish and bad, but Mockingbird and Great Expectations are great and good respectively.

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy - x
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller - x
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien - x
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

Total so far: 8. I read Tess, but it was for some research paper in high school, and barely remember doing it. Catch 22 took me three attempts for no discernible reason; I loved it. And The Hobbit is Tolkien's actual great work, since it is accessible by just about any person or age grouping.

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald - x
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams - x
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck - x
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll - x
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Total so far: 12. I share Hunter Thompson's opinion that The Great Gatsby is the best-written novel ever. It doesn't mean that it is my favorite book, but in terms of tone and skill of writing, I think it is what I grade out as the best. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the quintessential "wacky" book that everyone should read. Alice in Wonderland is overhyped a little; the movie is better. And Grapes of Wrath is important, but a bit dry and depressing to re-read.

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis - x
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis - x
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Total so far: 14. The CS Lewis books are a lot more accessible than Lord of the Rings, too. Oddly, I didn't have any sort of religious backing as a kid, so all of the symbolism and ideology inserted by Lewis went over my head. Also oddly, I haven't seen any of the movies.

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell - x
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy - x
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding - x
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

Total so far: 17. I had to read 1984 when I was in high school, but now, they make the kids read Animal Farm. I wish I had had that assigned to me instead, because I think it's easier to read and its political symbolism is better. I hated Lord of the Flies in ninth grade, but I had to re-read it in college, at which point I found it a lot better. I read Far From The Madding Crowd at the same time I did Tess, and I can't say I remember it any better. Given its title, I imagine that is the one about the harsh, silly judgments of society.

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - x
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Total so far: 18. Brave New World was yet another book I had to read for school. I think between high school and college, I had to read it four times; ugh. The first half of the book is great, with the explanation of how the society worked, but the last couple chapters I just wasn't into at all.

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas - x
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding - x
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total so far: 20. Yeah, I've read Bridget Jones's Diary. So what, big whoop, you wanna fight about it? I thought it was a decent, breezy book, but I definitely wouldn't put it on the same scale as the others on this list. Speaking of, Count of Monte Cristo is a great, compelling story.

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante - x
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

Total so far: 21. In ninth grade, I thought the concept of the book sounded neat, since it's about Hell and what not. Actually reading it was Hell. har har!

80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White - X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - x
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

Total so far: 23. Charlotte's Web is a classic, and I think I read it for class in fourth grade; it was the first chapter book we did. I've read various Sherlock Holmes tales, inspired by my childhood love of Encyclopedia Brown, and I liked them all.

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery - x
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare - x
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl - x
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo -x

Total: 27. Le Petit Prince! Our final project in high school French V was reading that book and translating it to English, I believe. It was a sweet little story. Likewise, although Les Miserables has a completely different tone, I did check out an English version after we covered it extensively in French class. I've head Hamlet a half dozen times for various classes, but I still enjoy it. And Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, while a solid book, is better as a movie with Gene Wilder. The book's sequel is one of the first novels I actually owned, so it has a special place in my heart, even if I did find the vermicious knids scary at the time.

I think this list does underrate how much I read - My primary interest is non-fiction, so a lot of great non-fiction books, like All The President's Men, Moneyball and Outliers aren't even eligible. Boooo again, BBC!

Holidays, obligations and Captain America

I've never been really gungho about holidays, even if it is seemingly something that is simple to celebrate, like my birthday. I don't really have a good explanation for this – The natural urge is to examine my childhood for an answer, except that I did have parties and what not from age six (the first year I can remember) to 21 (the last time I had a major party solely in my honor, which features a keg of Sam Adams). So, there was clearly an emphasis on it.

I think my “who cares?” attitude has developed as I've aged and more distractions and obligations come into play. For example, Fourth of July will forever be dead to me because of the Bristol parade. In 2007, I had to cover it for The Bristol Phoenix, and it was one of the most miserable days of my life. Because the streets and parking get ridiculous, I had to be there at 5 a.m. It was about 90 degrees the entire day, and except for some small breaks for water and what not, I was out there covering it until 2 p.m., I believe. Because I just wanted to get it over with, I then hung around the office and typed up copy for about three hours. I think all told, I did 3,000 to 5,000 words on the friggin' parade.

(On the plus side, I got second place at the Rhode Island Press Association awards for my coverage. On the negative side, nobody even told me I was nominated for it, so I wasn't there to accept it. Instead, I was seeing Iron Man, which was good, but I could have seen that any old night.)

A past parade experience – the St. Patrick's Day parade in Newport – was no better. Even though there was a steady pouring, there was no attempt to delay or postpone it. Things got worse as the day wore on, because the temperature plummeted and I was covered in a nice layer of snow. Ugh. At this point, I was 19 or 20, so some youthful enthusiasm must have carried me through it. I remember going back to The Newport Daily News office and trying to dry my soggy notes, 20 pages worth, on a heater, along with my socks and shoes. To add insult to injury, I had stupidly told my fellow intern that I would work for her the next day, which I learned was the busiest police log day of the year because of all the arrests from the god damn parade. There was literally just a newspaper page worth of arrests in Monday's edition of the paper, and I wrote up about 80 percent of them. Ugh.

Nonetheless, I feel obligated to give a shout-out to the best America-centric superhero: Captain America. I think Marvel has generally done a good job protecting his image by having him take proper stands, such as against the Vietnam War and sacrificing himself for the cause of freedom as opposed to authoritarian rule in “Civil War.”

I am surprised he hasn't had his own movie, but then again, who could play him? I hate when the backgrounds and ethnicities of characters are changed for movies, so that rules out the Rock, who otherwise is a natural choice to me. You want someone who looks big and tough without being so huge that he would be menacing (Vinnie Jones, a.k.a. Bullet Tooth Tony from Snatch). John Cena has the perfect look, but The Marine and 12 Rounds (and his promo work) demonstrate that he doesn't have the acting chops. Referencing Snatch again, Jason Statham would be perfect, except that he is British.

Ideally, I would want a big name actor to get the part, but the choices are kind of limited. Ben Affleck wouldn't be a horrible choice, but he is already cast in the Marvel universe as Daredevil; you can't turn around and then make him be Captain America instead. Likewise, even though they're different universes, I think Matt Damon is too synonymous with Jason Bourne to pull double-duty as Captain America. George Clooney is too old now, Brad Pitt probably isn't interested, Edward Norton is the Hulk / Bruce Banner, and Johnny Depp is too slight (thin) and too faggy. If he wasn't already Wolverine, Hugh Jackman would be perfect.

However, I think casting a newcomer or low-scale actor could be a big mistake. It hasn't worked out well the last couple times it has been tried. Hayden Christensen sucked as Anakin Skywalker; I know people like to make the dialogue excuse, but Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Emperor Palpatine and Yoda didn't come off as whiny bitches like he did. I don't even remember the guy they cast in Superman Returns, but even though that film made about $200 billion, there is no talk of a sequel because the whole thing sort of blew.

I'm sure I'm forgetting somebody decent though, so I'll ask you, my gentle readers (to steal something from the late great Ann Landers): Who would you cast as Captain America?

The life and death and life of a small bird

Hey Snuffy, it's storytime! Let me tell you about the time some kid hit me on the way to work..."

One day I hit a bird with my car, but it lived. (That would be a one-sentence summation of a story that I'm about to make about a thousand words longer, so if you want the short version, there it is. If you want the long version, well, keep going.)

Back in high school and again during a college summer, I worked at Dunkin' Donuts, which was a mixed bag. I hated working around coffee so much - the stores are so small and the brewing almost constant, meaning the scent eventually burrows under your skin and into your nose for days at a time. I also gained a ridiculous amount of weight because of the "free" donuts and bagels ("free" because we just took them).

But the plus side was a surprisingly decent wage - minimum wage plus tips meant I would make around $150 to $450 in a week - and some good people working there. In case you forgot, this entry was originally about a miraculous bird, and I'm steering the conversation right back there with my talk of good people at Dunkin' Donuts.

One such good person was my neighbor Bethany, who also went to high school with me. She's a year or two younger, and outside of a random art class, I don't think our paths ever crossed in high school. But our parents were friendly at the time, and she started working at Dunkins, so she would often bum a ride to there and to school with me in the mornings.

At this point in time, my Car Coolness Cuotient (see what I did there?) was impossibly low. I mean, I loved my car, because it only had 37,000 miles or so on it, but absolutely no one else should have, and for good reason. It was a 1986 Plymouth / Chrysler Reliant [left]. Yes, that's right, I don't even know the make, because it would switch depending on what mechanic was looking at it. Worse, it was tan, and it had plenty of dents in it. It only had a couple redeeming qualities - bench seats in the back and front, a CD player that I installed that kind of worked before the button got jammed, and it almost never broke down. It also had a cool nickname - The Relizzy.

However, because I was slightly older than some of my other friends, we did do some riding around in it, and it meant Bethany would get a ride into work with me. As we were passing by the bus company on Switch Road, I was doing my usual 55 to 65 m.p.h. in a 35 m.p.h. zone, because as usual, it was going to be a razor thin margin between "late" and "too late" to work. ("Late" is within five minutes, "too late" is more than five.)

If I recall correctly, I didn't even see the bird - Bethany screeched out and told me to stop, because she was convinced that I hit a bird. She finally guilted me into it, saying that it could be dying on the side of the road. I am a sucker for cute animals. (Fuck cows, they're delicious.)

Anyway, I turned around and drove back to roughly where it happened, and pulled aside so that Bethany could look for the thing. I was shocked when she came back with it in her hands. It was like a bizarre spoof of the Monty Python Flying Circus parrot sketch, as Bethany said it was still alive, but barely breathing; I think it was a sparrow or something else small, since it fit in her hands, and she is a small person.

As previously mentioned, we were late for work and possibly now too late, so I had to speed off with the bird in my car, as Bethany held it. We get about five minutes down the road, on Main Street in Hope Valley by the bank and post office, when Bethany yelps and I just see a blur streak across my face. I yelped, and I believe I almost hit a car on the other side of the road, before the thoughts connected in my head - Hey, that fucking thing just flew out the window!

So, that is my story about a bird. p.s. I think the bird may have shit on my car or on Bethany's hands, but I can't remember for sure.