Excuse me while I be a boy - Fantasy football draft

Soooo. I like a lot of unmanly stuff, like Glee and Dirty Dancing, so I sometimes feel the need to "man it up" a bit, for lack of a better term. In that spirit, here are the results of my fantasy football draft. (And if you'd like to purchase that awesome shirt, you can do so here.)

Last year, my buddy and I did OK, making the playoffs as the fifth or sixth-best team in a 12-team league. You can see my picks from last year right here. Surprisingly, Brady turned out to be an OK pick at #2, although I would have been better off going with Drew Brees. Moreno was frustrating with his inability to stay healthy, but good as a fourth-round pick, and Mendenhall was a steal in the eighth round.

My strategy last year was to stock up on running backs and receivers throughout, since the quarterback pool is pretty deep. For the most part, I think I succeeded in this, and I managed to talk my co-owner out of some of his sillier ideas, saving the "Patriots homer" picks for the 11th round and later. But enough stalling - Let's get to the picks. We picked fifth, 16 picks overall, with a "snake" drafting pattern.

1) Rashard Mendenhall, running back, Steelers. This drew some puzzled looks and catcalls from the room, until I reminded them that Rothesl-rapist is out for the first four to six weeks of the season. Without him, the Steelers are going to be running a lot, Willie Parker is no longer on the team, and Mendenhall had a good year last year as is.

2) Steven Jackson, running back, Rams. This is higher than I would have liked to take him, but the other elite running backs were gone. I don't think the Rams will be that good, but with Bradford back at QB, Jackson will probably get a ton of carries, meaning I can pencil him in for the starting spot each week.

3) Steve Smith, wide receiver, Giants. This pick also got a bit of a response, but hey, I needed a receiver and he was the best one available. Moss and Reggie Wayne were gone, and unfortunately, Larry Fitzgerald went ONE pick before this - ugh. The remaining running backs were mostly of the type that would be the better back in a job-share, so I figured they would be available on the way back around, and thus...

4) Ricky Williams, running back, Dolphins. ... Ricky Williams fell into my lap. Ronnie Brown was also still available, but his injury woes worried me. Williams seems to hold up better, with a lesser peak, so I was willing to settle a bit.

5) Matt Ryan, quarterback, Falcons. He was the best of the lot still available, and the elite tight end - Gates - had already went. The other quarterbacks available had injury or "new team" issues, but Ryan is in a stable situation, and hey, he's a local guy.

6) Dwayne Bowe, wide receiver, Chiefs. I wasn't really in love with this pick, but my co-owner was a fan. "Didn't we like him when he was on our team last year?" Well, kind of - I played him all the time and you kept trying to convince me to bench him :/ But hey, I think he has a decent chance to stick in our roster from week-to-week, although our roster is pretty deep at WR.

7) Hines Ward, wide receiver, Steelers. We can start two WR and three RB, or three WR and two RB, so it's probably going to come down to Ward vs. Bowe most weeks in terms of the final roster spot. However, at this point in the draft, he was clearly the best available player left, as some guys were trying to round out their roster with (inferior) running backs.

8) Donovan McNabb, quarterback, Redskins. I thought he was a decent choice as a back-up, although his fragile health, and the fragile health of the rest of his team, and the strength of his division, gave me pause. However, I thought he was a good value at this point, since the remaining QBs were iffy starters (David Gerrard, the bane of our team each year) and rookies.

9) Donald Brown, running back, Colts. I'm not really sure how he dropped this far. The Colts pass a bunch, but someone will get some goal line carries from time to time, so I thought he was a great pick as our fourth running back. I think he may have slipped through the cracks, since some teams were picking back-up RBs at this point.

10) Steve Breaston, wide receiver, Cardinals. Yup, another freakin' receiver. Again though, too talented to pass up at this point in the draft.

11) Gronkowski, tight end, Patriots. My co-owner kept bugging me to pick him as early as the fourth round, but I kept telling to wait for it. If you're unfamiliar with him, he's a rookie tight end who has been excelling in garbage time in the preseason for the Patriots. I have no idea if he's even going to start for them, but pretty much every other tight end of significance had been drafted by this point, as had most of the quality players outside of WRs.

12) Ravens defense. Our defense pick. Strangely, they were easily the top-rated defense on my board, yet in the teens on some others. *shrugs* There's no accounting for taste sometimes.

13) David Akers, kicker, Eagles. Just rounding out the roster at this point. I had a feeling that the guys we wanted as sleepers would last until the end anyway.

14) Julian Edelman, wide receiver, Patriots. Our fifth receiver pick, and a hedge against Wes Welker being injured. If Welker is hurt, then Edelman immediately becomes a very valuable player. If not, then he's a decent third WR who probably gets cut when we need to make a roster move. He's like a "prospect" for us.

15) Devery Henderson, wide receiver, Saints. He's older, and the Saints are loaded at receiver. But each guy always seems to have at least one monstrous game, so why not grab a lottery ticket?

16) Jarious Norwood, running back, Falcons. And finally... I picked him last year because I thought Turner would break down at some point. Maybe a year later, he finally will.

Note: I made no attempt to spell check most of the names, because really, names in the NFL are silly.

Pickin' Pigskin with Bob and Steve: Week 7

In an effort to get more sports content up on my blog, my buddy Bob and I pick NFL football games every week. We do this with varying degrees of success, and sorry in advance if you are foolish enough to use our picks for ACTUAL gambling. In the words of the Hardly Boys, what are you, retarded?

San Diego over KANSAS CITY (5.5)

Steve: Kansas City +5.5

At this point, I feel like I'm in a sort of reverse Keith Hernandez zone. Since I'm so far behind, hey, why shouldn't I try to go against conventional wisdom when I can? Although we still haven't reached the halfway point of the season, and I could hypothetically catch up to you and Kristin, there obviously isn't a lot of incentive for me to do so. And besides, me picking the games “seriously” has not really led to much success.

Therefore, I'm going to pick more arbitrary, random and humorous reasons to pick teams. I'm going maverick like Sarah Palin, or being a wild card like Charlie from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, which is my new favorite show. It reminds me a lot of hanging out with Boutwell and Billy and Matt. And with that in mind, I'm going with the Chiefs, because the Chargers have so totally given up and died when it comes to Norv Turner.

Bob: San Diego -5.5

Picking Kansas City to upset San Diego this week and calling it “going maverick” is like shopping at Hot Topic to be a nonconformist. Are you shopping where most high schoolers shop? No, but you are shopping where every other goth-y, maladjusted teenager does. Oh, dude, where did you get those black jeans and that studded leather belt? It's so alternative!

Kansas City got a nice little win against the Redskins last week, but the Redskins are probably the most poorly coached team in the league — and that's saying a lot with Brad Childress and Norv Turner still in the NFL. Let's not forget that although the Chargers are 2-3, and their losses are against the Steelers, Ravens and Broncos, who are all above average teams. This isn't to say San Diego is good — their defense is a sieve when it comes to giving up touchdowns and LDT is a sulking mess during games. But Philip Rivers can still throw and they have a dangerous receiving corps. KC doesn't do anything well on defense (or offense), so I smell a cover here.

Indy over ST. LOUIS (13.5)

Bob: Indianapolis -13.5

Yeah, I'm going to have a hard time betting against Peyton Manning this season. Particularly when he is playing against a team that can't score or stop other teams' offenses. I sort of invited fate when I said the line for the Raiders-Philly game couldn't be high enough last week, but I get the same feeling about this game. I guess it isn't guaranteed that the Colts cover, but they should at least win this game handily. If they don't, they're going to have a lot of 'splainin' to do.

It's hard to believe that the Rams were in the “Greatest Show on Turf” only 10 years ago, in the Super Bowl eight years ago, and managed a 12-4 record six years ago. St. Louis will be lucky to win more than a game or two this year. Interestingly, the fate of the Rams seems to have tracked pretty closely with the career of Freddie Prinze, Jr.

Both were on top of the world in 1999, with the Rams winning the Super Bowl and Freddie Prinze, Jr. just coming off I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and She's All That. Both had a decent 2000, but the Rams got knocked off in the wild card round of the playoffs and Freddie Prinze, Jr. made some bombs (Down to You and Boys and Girls). They had a moderate bounce back in the beginning of the 21st Century (Rams make it to Super Bowl and Prinze makes Scooby-Doo), but haven't done much since.

Now the Rams have no hope for the future, and Prinze has been relegated to doing voices for animated films and Robot Chicken. It seems that the Rams and Prinze have the reverse-Midas Touch. Since Freddie Prinze is going to be on 24 next season, does that mean that show is going to die?

Steve: Indy -13.5

... Wow. I bet that is the first time anyone has paralleled the career of Freddy Prinze, Jr. to that of the St. Louis Rams, and I really hope no one else tries, because you've set the bar so high. Two more things about Freddy, since the Rams suck and the Colts should totally dominate them in this game:

1) He is married to Sarah Michelle Gellar, and if I was married to Sarah Michelle Gellar, I wouldn't spend as much time acting anymore either, I would be at home mackin' the bee's Jesus out of her. And this is even taking into account that I really dislike Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 2) Freddy was a writer for the WWE last year, and hosted WWE Raw this year, so he obviously is a wrestling fan. Taking into account one and two, and I think he's just a decent guy who made the most out of the fact that he's a beautiful bastard, even though he didn't have a ton of talent.

CINCY over Chicago (1.5)

Steve: Cincy -1.5

I'm not entirely sure why the Bengals are favored in this game; I'm guessing it's the home field advantage that is the tipping point. I mean, I'm taking them regardless, because they are my favorite team, and because I do think they can beat the Bears. But they've played so many close games this year that I'm not really convinced they can pull it out.

However, consider me shocked that they're even playing this well for Marvin Lewis. Coming into this season, I thought he was a lamer duck coach than FDR's legs. Now, he probably bought himself at least another year, barring an epic collapse, and Dick Jauron and Wade Phillips and Jim Zorn are the most likely to be fired in the middle of the season.

Bob: Chicago +1.5

Boy, did your Bengals betray me last week. There is no reason they should have lost to the Texans. Well, except for the fact that the Bengals might not be as good as we thought. They have been fortunate to draw a few teams who were in the midst of turmoil (Green Bay with injuries on their O-line, the Steelers sans Polamalu, and Baltimore off their loss to New England) and barely beat the awful Browns. Don't count on Marvin Lewis surviving to next season yet, if the Bengals collapse down the stretch he will be gone in a red-hot second.

Unfortunately, I am not so wild about Chicago either. Cutler is the quarterback I always thought he was and they haven't really matched up well against quality teams this year. I can see this game going either way, but right now I see the edge going to da Bears.

Green Bay over CLEVELAND (7.5)

Bob: Green Bay -7.5

Really? Green Bay is only favored by a bit more than a touchdown against a Browns team that is No. 31 on offense and No. 32 on defense by yardage? A team that was only able to win because it played an inept Buffalo team who could only put up three points? Meanwhile, Green Bay is ranked in the top ten in both categories. This line is inexplicable. This is the kind of game that makes me want to bet real money on these games. Hope you had a fun season, Mangina, because I don't think you'll be getting another NFL coaching job anytime soon.

Steve: Green Bay -7.5

Again, I concur with your take on the line, so let's focus on the absolute trainwreck that is Mangina. First, why does he keep waffling on Brady Quinn vs. Derek Anderson? Hasn't Anderson had more than ample opportunity to prove that he had a really flukey, flakey year that made them give him a silly contract? Just bite the bullet and play Quinn, and hope that he improves enough to be a viable starter the next year. (Similarly, I've been advocating the same thing with the Titans; Vince Young at least has a chance of being a decent quarterback down the road at a time when Kerry Collins will be collecting his NFL pension.)

And second, I do think Mangina gets at least another year with the Browns, even if this year is a complete trainwreck. I don't think they hired him expecting immediate results, and bad organizations have a tendency to give guys like Mangina too much rope. (See the Bengals and Marvin Lewis, despite his success so far this year.)

PITTSBURGH over Minnesota (4)

Steve: Minnesota +4

I must begrudgingly pick Brett Favre here. It is odd that I must now begrudgingly do anything related to Favre, because growing up, he was my favorite individual NFL player. I own not one, but two Favre jerseys – classic Green and Yellow, and the white they wore in the Super Bowl win. He earned the honor from my former favorite player Dan Marino, because Marino was getting very old and about to retire.

I'm picking the Vikings because they have looked a lot more impressive this season than the Steelers. Tomlin coached them up great last year, but this year, he's just doing silly things like insisting that Willie Parker still get carries. It would be like if Bill B. in New England decided that Kevin Faulk was going to be the starting running back over Corey Dillon back in the day. Ricockulous. Luckily, Tomlin finally changed his mind this week, but I still think the Vikings win on a late Favre touchdown.

Bob: Pittsburgh -4

The Steelers are the superior team. They have played better, even without Polamalu. The Steelers have the No. 2 run defense in the league. This game should finally be the one that brings Fav-re down back to Earth. Although last week should have been that, too. That guy is so “wily” and “gutsy,” he just forces his team to win! Except for that last playoff game for the Packers. Or down the stretch for the Jets last year. Or really for Green Bay at all any time since 1997. Ugh. I get the sick feeling in my stomach that Favre will make me regret this pick, but the Steelers really, really should win. Particularly since Polamalu is coming back.

Hmm, actually I just thought of something. Favre cameo-d in There's Something About Mary in 1998, the year after his last Super Bowl. Since then, his teams have made the playoffs only six times in 12 years, and his playoff record is 3-6. Since that movie, the Farrely brothers have managed to ruin not only his career, but that of Jim Carey post-Me, Myself, and Irene, Chris Rock post-Osmosis Jones, and all Red Sox fans post-Fever Pitch. Considering most of the Farrely brother movies are so good, it's odd that they seem to have torpedoed so many careers.

New England over Tampa Bay (14.5, in London)

Bob: New England -14.5

The Pats under Bill Belichick have largely managed to avoid “trap games” under his tenure, but this game has “trap” written on it with a capital “RAP.” The Pats should roll in this game, since they are superior on both sides of the ball and are going into a bye the next week. There is no reason this shouldn't be as one-sided as last week's game against the Titans, or my love of John Cusack. But the trip to London could mess up even the most well coached team and it's probably going to be hard for the team to get excited. In addition, Tampa Bay's one bright light is their pass defense. Fortunately, Tampa's run defense may have a way of making even Laurence “Kool Aid” Maroney look good.

Steve: New England -14.5

I am greedily pining for my fantasy team with this pick. Yeah, Brady earned me about 500 points last week, but that's not enough! I need morrreeee, like a zombie hungers for brains, or like Steve Phillips hungers for fat chicks.

HOUSTON over San Fran (3)

Steve: Houston -3

I feel like we have this game every couple of weeks. Both teams seem so very BLAH to me, and I have no idea whether either will show up from week to week. In fact, if I could skip one game out of all of them this week, this would be the one.

However, let me quit my whining and get to picking. If I HAVE to pick one of these two teams, I'm going with the one that flat out murdered me the other week in fantasy football. Eff you, Matt Schaub. You better reward me for picking your team this week, otherwise me and you will not be exchanging Christmas cards this year.

Bob: Houston -3

The number of blah teams this year, I feel, is unprecedented. Looking at the ESPN NFL Power Rankings for this week, I feel like the teams from place 21 to 32 have no chance of doing anything good this year. Above that, some of the teams are intriguing week-to-week, but I have a hard time getting worked up about any team higher than Green Bay, which is at No. 13. Since there are 12 teams that will make the playoffs (although the Top 12 in the Power Rankings won't necessarily all make the playoffs since the NFC/AFC split may not be even, and all the divisions may not be represented), that means that the rest of the season is almost mapped out. So I agree with you, some of these games are just painful to pick

Oh, this game. San Francisco looked so promising at the beginning of the season, but then they realized they had Shaun Hill at quarterback. This team, for the time being, has a low ceiling because of the putridity they have under center, and they don't seem to do anything well. On the other hand, Houston is relatively prolific on offense. Houston should win this game — but we all know this doesn't mean anything, since they have a talent at losing games they should win.

Jets over OAKLAND (6)

Bob: J-E-T-S -6

Boy, who to pick, Jamarcus Russell or the guy who has spent the last two weeks doing his best Jamarcus Russell impression? Mark “Pornstar” Sanchez has been simply awful the last two weeks while the Raiders somehow managed to embarrass the Eagles. I don't see how the Raiders manage to win two in a row, even considering how bad the Jets have been lately. Rex Ryan should realize he has a relatively prolific running game, and take the ball out of Sanchez's hands to get him back some confidence. Of course, we have seen no evidence yet that he is a good coach. I'll take the Jets for the time being.

Steve: Jets -6

Jamarcus Russell sucks. Mark Sanchez kind of sucks this year, but nowhere near as bad as Jamarcus. And if Rex Ryan was able to give Tom Brady fits, then I don't think Russell has any chance. As Football Outsiders has pointed out, Mr. Russell is on pace for a historically inaccurate season, and I don't think his accuracy is going to improve with constant blitzing.

CAROLINA over Buffalo (7)

Steve: Carolina -7

At first, my instinct was to take Buffalo, simply because they are coming off a big win versus the Jets and also getting seven points. But then I decided to go maverick on this, especially when I remembered that Trent Edwards would not be starting because of the concussion he suffered against the Jets.

This leaves the offense in the hands of Ryan Fitzpatrick, or Ryan Fitzgerald, or whatever his Ivy-educated ass is actually named. Listen, the National Football League is no longer a gentleman's game of the 1920s that sees the boys from Harvard playing those Yale scoundrels to a gentleman's tie on the quad in a gentleman's way. James J. “Gentleman” Yeager isn't walking through that door. Julius Peppers did not go to Harvard, or Yale, or Dartmouth, or Brown, or Cornell, or Penn, or Princeton, or Columbia. He will render Ivy boy's head fromist his neck and thenst lower his pantaloons and shit down his throat.

Bob: Buffalo +7

I never want to pick another Carolina game again. Ever. Jake Delhomme is so frustrating — the guy can throw five picks one week, get benched and booed off his home field, and somehow still find a way to keep his starting job and win a few games. You never know what you're going to get out of him. Trying to predict what Delhomme will give you is like trying to predict the weather next week by looking out the window. Good luck.

That being said, I wanted to concur with your pick against the Bills. But this is a wide spread for two mediocre teams, and this game looks like it will be a run fest. This game could go either way, and it will probably be close. I'll take the points.

New Orleans over MIAMI (6.5)

Bob: New Orleans -6.5

This is the sexy pick for upset of the week, and it sure would be exciting to see a team take down the Saints. I don't see it, though, since the teams are relatively even on defense and have similar run / pass splits in terms of performance. But Miami doesn't have Drew Brees and his set of receivers. So I don't really see Miami's path to victory. They match up well, and every team should have a down week sometime, but I'm not going to bet based on the hope that a team is uncharacteristic.

Steve: New Orleans -6.5

I agree with you about the Dolphins being a sexy pick. Hey, I have Ronnie Brown on my fantasy team, which I like to bring up constantly, so I know the flashy, coked-up allure of Miami better than anyone. However, at the end of the day, a classic quarterback like Drew Brees will bring the Saints victory better than the glitz of the Wildcat offense. That's just a fling, baby, the Saints are the real thing.


DALLAS over Atlanta (4)

Steve: Atlanta +4

While I don't think Dallas has been as truly bad as some would suggest, I still fucking hate them for no good reason. This is odd because I don't even dislike Tony Romo; I mean, he did dump America's sweetheart Jessica Simpson (or co-sweetheart with Mandy Moore), but he seems like a nice enough guy. (p.s. I just looked up Mandy Moore on Google, to make sure I was spelling her name correctly, and found out that she's two months younger than me, and still a stone cold fox. I then noticed that she was married to Ryan Adams, which I can't even hate that much, since he sings one of my favorite slow songs.)

But anyway, being nice is kind of a problem if you're trying to be a quarterback in the NFL. You can't be a nice guy. Tom Brady dumped his pregnant girlfriend, and while Big Ben didn't rape that girl, he didn't stick around and become her best friend either. Joe Namath is a drunk who drunkenly slurs love confessions to sideline reporters, and Peyton Manning would advertise an abortion clinic if they paid him enough. And Steve McNair apparently was not a nice guy either.

Tony Romo just seems like a swell guy, the personality-less third lead in a buddy movie. Like, the only other friend of two friends; he never even really blew up on TO. And for these reasons, the Cowboys won't win shit with him around.

Bob: Dallas -4

I have been preaching this all year. Dallas isn't that bad — on offense. Their defense is still subpar, but it's not as bad as it was to start off the season. People like to blame Tony Romo, but a quarterback can only do so much for a team. Your “nice guys finish last” assertion is an interesting one, but I don't think I agree with you on Peyton Manning not being a nice guy because he's a sellout. And as you noted, Tony Romo is only nice to the point that he dumped Jessica Simpson because she was a bad luck charm — on the night before her birthday, no less. Stone cold. His problem isn't being nice, it's that he's got "Donovan McNabb Under Pressure" Syndrome.

GIANTS over Arizona (7)

Bob: G-Men -7

I know the Giants got shellacked last week (BWA HA HA), I have a hard time seeing why they are only favored by a touchdown against Arizona. What has Arizona done this year? Beaten mediocre Jacksonville, Houston, and Seattle teams? Ooh, scary. I guess a touchdown is generally a large spread, but this year a lot of games haven't been close. The Giants should be able to bounce back from last week's putrid showing.

Steve: Giants -7

This spread does seem too small, given how both of these teams play. The Giants are more successful at airing it out, and again to bring up fantasy football, I have the better Steve Smith on my team. Hopefully, Tom Coughlin gets super pass happy, infected by the sweet scent of Kurt Warner's crazy pass tendencies.

Philadelphia over WASHINGTON (7)

Steve: Philly -7

I sure hope Kristin is sticking by the Redskins, because I'd love to pick up a game here. Yeah, the Eagles effed up against the Raiders, but they always seem to bounce back after stinker games. Similar to my preceding rant about Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb seems like a nice guy, but this isn't the Super Bowl.

Meanwhile, the Redskins have a bye coming up after this game, so I think the potential is high for them intentionally throw the game. One, because they would make a crapload of money by doing so, and two, because it would get Jim Zorn fired. If I was Roger Goodell, I would be carefully monitoring this game. I mean, it's hard to prove that the Redskins are throwing a game, because they set the bar so low from week to week, but I'll know the fix is in when Clinton Portis “accidentally” throws a lateral to Trotter for an easy six points.

Bob: Philadelphia -7

How dare you. Even after she wrote you that nice thank you note, you take a dump on her 'Skins. It's not her fault that she was raised to root for a team that has the most evil owner in the NFL. As a matter of fact, I'm hoping Snyder can take his evilness up to a new level this week, and fire Zorn at halftime during a nationally televised game. It's hard to hate a guy who got unfairly thrust into a head coaching position like Zorn, but he is just THAT bad. I feel like Norv Turner and Art Shell at least have a sense of what they are doing wrong as they miscoach a team. Zorn doesn't seem to have that self-awareness.

That being said, the Eagles and Redskins have relatively equivalent defenses. The big difference is the Redskins' ineptitude on offense. With Zorn having just been stripped of his playcalling duties, it's possible the Redskins could begin to turn the corner on offense. This team is not going to be good, but it should be at least okay. I won't bet that the Redskins will solve what ills them on offense overnight (although anything is better than Zorn calling plays), but this game could be closer than it looks on paper.

The Hardly Boys pictures are from here and here. The picture of Freddy and Sarah Michelle Gellar is from here. The pictures of Mandy Moore come from this style blog that I agree with. The "old tyme" football player is from this costume web site. And the Brett Favre picture, circa There's Something About Mary, is from here.

Pickin' Pigskin with Kristin: Week 7

Every week, as an accessory to the picks Bob and I do, his wife Kristin also picks games. So far this year, she has been in first place overall more weeks than Bob and I, so she's doing quite well. Our picks will be up at 7 p.m. tonight.

San Diego over KANSAS CITY (5.5)

Kristin: San Diego

You can barely beat Washington and you expect to come within 5.5 on San Diego? Not that San Diego is amazing or anything, but let's be serious.

Indy over ST. LOUIS (13.5)

Kristin: Indy

I think Indy will be nicely rested after their bye week last week and able to score big. Further, I bet St. Louis is still tired after expending all that energy actually scoring a few points - something they are clearly not used to doing.

CINCY over Chicago (1.5)

Kristin: Cincy

I think this is an interesting match-up- pitting two mid-level teams that blew games they really should have won last week against each other. I will take Cincy only because I think they are the more fun of the two teams to watch.

Green Bay over CLEVELAND (7.5)

Kristin: Green Bay

I don't see this being close. Poor Browns.

PITTSBURGH over Minnesota (4)

Kristin: Minnesota

I'm going to put my faith in the Vikings and hope that they can hold their own and play out a tough, full game like last week. Also, I am angry with Pittsburgh for not beating the spread last week because they got lazy and bored. As much as I hate to admit it, Favre isn't done yet, and he has played well in big games.

New England over Tampa Bay (14.5, in London)

Kristin: New England

OMG! Last week's game was amazing! Now, I would like to take some time to gloat and quote myself from last week. I predicted perfection and domination, but even I did not think I would be so right. Tom Brady the god/hero descended on a snow cloud and proved that the bitch is back. Knee what?!

Now, my only hesitation in this game is the jet-lag. I keep thinking about the Red Sox 2008 Japan trip being blamed for all the team's aliments for the season, and their lackluster showing abroad. It's one thing to play this game in the states and another in London, either way - GO PATS!

HOUSTON over San Fran (3)

Kristin: Houston

Grumble! I hate how inconsistent both Houston and San Fran have been this season. I'm taking Houston only because they are at home.

Jets over OAKLAND (6)

Kristin: Oakland

The announcers were saying last week that they weren't sure if the Jets even wanted to win. If the spunk and spirit has gone out of the Jets, maybe the put-on-a-whooping-out-of-nowhere Raiders can further their humiliation and downfall. Go wishful thinking go!

CAROLINA over Buffalo (7)

Kristin: Buffalo

Not that I think Buffalo is much better, but I have zero faith in Carolina.

New Orleans over MIAMI (6.5)

Kristin: New Orleans

Go Saints! Super happy to see the Giants smashed last week! I find the Saints exciting and refreshing and delightfully not from New York or Pittsburgh. Sorry, Miami, I still have a soft spot for you but this is not your week.

DALLAS over Atlanta (4)

Kristin: Atlanta

I see Dallas putting that beautiful new stadium to waste. If I can't honestly root for the Skins I can at least root against Dallas.

GIANTS over Arizona (7)

Kristin: Giants

Boooooo hisss. Giants suck!

Philadelphia over WASHINGTON (7)

Kristin: Washington

Now I know my Washington picks have become a joke, but I'm almost serious with this one. Philly was made to look stupid last week, maybe it can happen again. I really love their crazy / exciting / young / unbroken / no baggage back-up QB. Why is he not starting?

If Philly isn't going to use him, can the Redskins have him? They need something new and fresh in that dead locker room - so much stale air and bad blood you would think they were a vampire high school soap opera (love you Vampire Diaries) to match their high school blocking and tackling skills.

Vampire Diaries photo taken from here. The "Tom Brady is God" image comes from this humorous blog. The Saints mug can be purchased here.

Pickin' Pigskin with Bob and Steve: Week 6

In an effort to get more sports content up on my blog, my buddy Bob and I pick NFL football games every week. Sorry for the lateness this week, but unfortunately, real life intruded.

WASHINGTON over Kansas City (6.5)

Steve: Washington -6.5

Given how absolutely, frighteningly insipid Kansas City has looked this year, I'm not sure why this number is "only" 6.5. Yeah, they played tough against Dallas, but Dallas is pretty dysfunctional at the moment. As weird as this might sound, I trust the Redskins a bit more than them; I feel like after a rough initial start to the season, they are ready to beat up on some of the Sisters of the Poor they are now facing.

Also, this has nothing to do with football picks, but I wanted to mention it toward the top to give you time to respond - How DARE you not sign the Thank You card from your wedding! I got a wonderful note from Mrs. Kristin Hanson, a true saint, and she signed your name on there as well, it looks like. Hey, what else does she do for you now, Bob? Does she go into work for you sometimes and analyze TPS reports? Honestly. You must stay at home with the crotchet needles to knit scarves for your many adopted kittens and puppies.

Bob: Washington -6.5

Living down here I get to see the putridity of the ‘Skins every week, and have absolutely no faith in them. I desperately want to pick the upset, but looking at how these two teams have performed I just can’t. The ‘Skins defense is fifth—FIFTH—in the league, and their offense is better than KC’s as well. Kansas City did look frisky against Dallas last week, but as you mentioned this is not exactly a fantastic Cowboys team. I have to pick the Redskins here, although I really feel like this one could be an upset.

Oops on the thank you card. I didn’t realize she was sending them out that quickly. I thought she was doing her family first. Oh well. You should be happy you got a thank you card; this is totally the type of thing I would forget to do if left to my own devices. That’s why you get married—so at least one of you has common courtesy. Anyway, let me be the second to say thank you, Steve, for coming by the wedding and your gracious gift (which I will not publicize in a public manner).

CINCINATTI over Houston (5)

Bob: Bungals -5

Looking at statistical rankings can sometimes be deceiving. For example, Houston currently has the No. 11 offense (by yardage) in the NFL, compared to Cincinnati coming in at No. 18. On defense, the Bengals are a mediocre No. 17 while the Texans fall at No. 25. Both of these look like pretty clear differences, but if you delve deeper it is not so. Houston is giving up about 35 more yards per game on defense, but six extra points per game. Meanwhile the offenses are only separated by 14 yards per game, and less than three points. Looking deeper, there is a key mismatch—Houston is pretty bad against the run, and the Bengals can run because somehow Cedric Benson is “good.”

I’m worried about the Bengals, though. They have beaten some teams (Green Bay, Pittsburgh, and Baltimore) that are well regarded, but may not be as good as was assumed. I get the feeling that the Bengals are going to have a letdown game pretty soon. But that shouldn’t come against Houston.

Steve: Bengals -5

While I don't think the Bengals are going to go 15-1, I don't think this Houston team will be the one to trip them up. Look at last week's game as an example - The Texans were coming off a win, and have a pretty soft Arizona team to beat, and they sleepwalked through half the game. I mean, as a Bengals fan, I am worried about the Good Texans showing up Sunday, but it is seemingly just as likely that Matt Schaub will be too busy on his iPhone to play the first half seriously.

PITTSBURGH over Cleveland (14)

Steve: Pittsburgh -14

Another threateningly large line for one of the dregs of the league, the Browns. Again, out of personal greed, I am picking the Steelers because I want Mendenhall to have a big game. It worked great for Ronnie Brown and the Dolphins, although he waited until there were about 20 seconds left in the fourth quarter to clinch my victory. Rashard plays a little bit earlier than Brown did, so hopefully he won't make me sweat things out.

Speaking of the Browns, although I wasn't, they are just unbelievably awful at this point. I have no idea how the final of that game was only 6-3. Did Terrell Owens dropkick Trent Edwards during the game? After showing some spunk against the Patriots in the first week of the season, the Bills have been awful, to the point that they let the lowly Browns win. This was with Derek Anderson going 2-14 on the game, which is a bad week for a baseball player, nevermind a single game for a guy who fancies himself an NFL quarterback. The Steelers actually have a pulse, so I'll be very surprised if they don't put up more than 14 points on the Browns.

Bob: Terrible Towels -14

The Steelers have the statistics of an elite team, but they haven’t played like it (if that makes sense). I don’t know if it’s the loss of Polamalu, the lack of ferocity since they just won a Super Bowl, or the fact that the season is still young and there is not much urgency yet. That being said, the Browns are devastatingly bad. I hope Mangini enjoyed his one year stint in Cleveland.

MINNESOTA over Baltimore (3)

Bob: Baltimore +3

I would feel better about this pick if it were a few weeks ago. The Ravens were playing well, but have lost some of their swagger after the last two games. Still, I think Minnesota has benefited from a weak schedule (Cleveland, Detroit, St. Louis, an okay Green Bay at home, and a miracle win against the 49ers). Also, even though Baltimore’s defense isn’t as stifling as years past, they still are great against the run. I see this game not even really being close, although you never know what kind of magic Favre can come up with.

Steve: Minnesota -3

I'm actually surprised that the Vikings aren't favored by more. They dismantled that okay Green Bay team, and while that might have been more of a win via emotion, they looked good enough that I'm picking them here too. I also think Baltimore has flip-flopped, going from a dominant defensive team to (at least by season's end) a dominant offensive team. Baltimore still has Ed Reed, who is awesome, but Ray Lewis sure looks old now.

[Left] David Garrard attempts to solve the Seahawks defense last week.

JACKSONVILLE over St. Louis (9.5)

Steve: St. Louis +9.5

I hate having to pick this game. Jacksonville showed absolutely nothing last week, as they let a pretty bad Seahawks team crush them. I was doubly pissed because I had started David Garrard for my fantasy team, because his match-up against the Seahawks seemed a lot better than Brady vs. Denver, especially since he was coming off a 30+ point week. Obviously, that was a poor decision on my part. From now on, I shouldn't trust Garrard to do anything. That includes this week, as I'm picking the horrible Rams to at least cover against the Jags.

Bob: Jacksonville -9.5

This pick literally pains me. I don’t trust Jacksonville to do anything, and that showing last week was pathetic. I think Seattle should be better than it has been playing, but a shutout? Ouch. That being said, the Rams are averaging less than a touchdown a game. You heard that right. They are averaging 6.8 points per game. They have been shutout twice, and have only scored more than a touchdown in games where they lost by double digits. Furthermore, Jacksonville’s defense is most vulnerable against the pass. And the Rams cannot pass.

This brings me to Marc Bulger. What happened to that guy? The guy was really good until 2006, and then just tanked. You could blame the injuries, but he only played half of 2005 only to bounce back in 2006 to throw for 4,300 yards and 24 touchdowns. His fall to earth has been meteoric, he has been awful for three straight years, yet the Rams have stuck by him. I suppose it helps to have Kyle Boller backing you up at QB, but I really don’t understand how they could do worse at this point.

NEW ORLEANS over New York Giants (3)

Bob: New Orleans -3

For what should be a great game, this really hasn’t been getting that much hype. Perhaps it is because these two teams don’t really have much history (imagine if the Pats and the Colts were playing as well as these two now and matched up). Still, this match-up will tell everybody a whole lot about who is the cream of the NFL crop this season. These teams are roughly equivalent on offense, but on defense the Giants have been unbelievable. They are giving up 210 yards per game, 40 yards per game better than the No. 2 team on defense (Denver). If one looks at points, however, New Orleans is only giving up two more points per game but is scoring almost a touchdown more on offense. Really, these two teams are about equal.

But there is one difference between the teams. One of them played Washington (ugh), Dallas (overrated), Tampa Bay (pew), Kansas City (yuck), and Oakland (really? How did they get this schedule???). The other played Detroit (again, ugh), Philly (frisky), Buffalo (stinks), and the Jets (hmm). Honestly, both of these teams haven’t had very strong schedules to this point, but it is striking how bad the teams the Giants have played are. Furthermore, the Giants beat the ‘Boys and ‘Skins by less than a touchdown each. I hope we get some good Eli Manning face (stupid helmet catch).

Steve: New Orleans -3

I agree with you neither - Neither team has played a good schedule. However, I view the Saints as being a bit more legit because of their offensive talent. Seriously, it's the type of roster you normally only see in Madden, as the quarterback, running back, wide receiver and tight end can all catch passes and run well, and you even have the ambiguous "this guy is highly rated but we don't really have a need for him" player in Reggie Bush. The Giants are better on defense to me, but the Saints just have so many weapons that you can only hope you guess correctly on any given day.

Carolina over TAMPA BAY (3.5)

Steve: Tampa Bay +3.5

Another confusing game to pick between two teams that will probably end up between 3-13 and 6-10. If we took a time machine back to 2006, this would be a Game of the Week candidate. Now, we have two teams that will essentially be fighting for placement in the 2010 NFL Draft.

I'm taking Tampa for two reasons. 1) They're at home, and if I consider two teams pretty equal, I take the one playing at home. 2) They are inexplicably getting points for this game. I'm not sure why this is the case, and it makes me nervous, because this resembles Seattle vs. Jacksonville from last week in terms of my befuddlement with the line. Still, I'm going to trust my instincts, as bad as they have been this year.

Bob: Tampa Bay +3.5

I’m sticking by the Simmons rule of never take Jake Delhomme on the road. But let me write why Carolina should win. First, Carolina has secretly been fielding an elite pass defense—No. 2 in the league by yardage. This, of course, means they are spectacularly bad against the run, but Tampa doesn’t really have a strong running threat. So this game should be pretty cut and dry. But never take Jake Delhomme on the road.

GREEN BAY over Detroit (13.5)

Bob: Detroit +13.5

Detroit is frisky this year. Not good (they are giving up an average of more than 30 points per game), but definitely not a team you can sleep on. Green Bay, on the other hand, is average. They don’t really do anything well, and there’s not really anybody to be afraid of besides Aaron Rodgers, who is getting approximately 10 milliseconds of protection from his line on each play. Conceivably, the spread might not be the only thing Detroit can beat. That being said, Daunte Culpepper isn’t exactly a guy I would relish betting money on.

Steve: Detroit +13.5

I agree with you about Detroit - They're like the nerd in a 1980s movie. You know, you can't really count on them to get the girl (win), but you know they'll at least make a move, even if it is a really clumsy, ill-conceived move. This is a team that will be a lot scarier next year, when Calvin Johnson and Matthew Stafford and A Real Running Back are used to one another, but for now, I still think the Lions are decent enough to stay within the spread.

Philly over OAKLAND (14)

Steve: Philly -14

It seems like Philadelphia gets to play every horrible team in the NFL this year. Didn't they just get done dismantling the Bucs last week? Whatever. I imagine this game will proceed along a similar storyline. Unless Donovan McNabb really manages to eff things up, this should be another blowout win for the Eagles. Maybe we'll even see some Mike Vick time, which would be a great pleasure for the Oakland crowd, I imagine. Al Davis might even have a heart attack from the thrill of it all.

Bob: The guy who puked trying to lead a drive during the Super Bowl -14

I dump on McNabb last week and his team goes to town. It was against the Bucs, but he still looked good. People are talking about St. Louis as the worst team in the league this year, but I think they’re better than Oakland. I can see a path out of wretchedness for the Rams, but the Raiders look like they could be awful forever. I’m not sure where you would have to set the line for me to take the Raiders here. I would have to think hard about even taking the Raiders +30…

[Left] Trying to pick a Star Trek picture Bob would find sacrilegious...

SEATTLE over Arizona (3)

Bob: Seattle -3

Seattle is to football as Frasier was to sitcoms. Seattle has a tendency to put together teams that are dangerous from week to week, can be very good, but you just can’t explain why. What is it about that team that has made it good in years past? Matt Hasselbeck is good, but he’s never really been great. Shaun Alexander was really good, but you could never get very excited about it. Frasier was the same way. The show was funny, but it was never really something you would make a point of watching and sometimes the jokes just didn’t make sense. It’s inexplicable.

Anyway, I think Seattle is better than they came out the gate playing, and now they don’t have Seneca Wallace playing quarterback. Also, the Cardinals have been pretty below average this year. This game shouldn’t really be close—but the way the Seahawks are playing, I wouldn’t discount the possibility.

Steve: Arizona +3

I was surprised that Seattle was favored in this game, but then I noticed that they were at home. But hell, I'm going with the Cardinals anyway! Overlooking their fourth quarter collapse or the Texans' fourth quarter surge, depending on your point of view, they played pretty well for three quarters last week. I will take their somewhat-better overall consistency, vs. the super-streaky Seahawks, who kind of came out of nowhere last week to beat the snot out of the Jags.

NEW YORK JETS over Buffalo (9.5)

Steve: Jets -9.5

Remember after Week 1, how I said that I thought the Bills' success against the Patriots wasn't a fluke, and how I liked the swagger Terrell Owens brought to the team? Well, yeah, just ignore all of that. After that nuclear, atomic, aggressive crime against football that they committed against the Browns last week, I can't justify picking them in another game unless they're going up against another truly miserable team.

Bob: Jets -9.5

I think Buffalo and the Jets are pretty close together, at least on offense. The Jets defense is better, but has looked vulnerable over the last few weeks. This line is a little bit high for me, but until the Bills show signs of life I just can’t pick them. Interesting fact — Buffalo has scored 20 points total over the last three games.

NEW ENGLAND over Tennessee (9.5)

Bob: New England -9.5

This game is scary. Tennessee badly needs a win, so they are probably going to pull out all the stops. Even scarier is the fact that Tennessee’s defense is stifling against the run but is worst in the league against the past. The Patriots’ success of the Patriots will fall squarely on the shoulders of Tom Brady. If Brady cannot succeed against this defense, it is time to get worried. I’m hoping we can see some old school Tom Brady this week, hence my pick.

Steve: New England -9.5

I actually don't think this game is scary at all. I've always thought that Fisher is overrated, similar to how Cowher was before he won a Super Bowl. Last year's finish screamed out, "Fluke!" to me, since Kerry Collins was practically out of the league before Vince Young's weird anxiety breakdown forced him into a starting role with a team that had a strong defense, one that wouldn't rely on him doing much of anything, like when he made it to the Super Bowl with the Giants. This year, he must have shit the horseshoe out of his ass at some point.


ATLANTA over Chicago (3)

Steve: Atlanta -3

I must begrudgingly admit that Atlanta has played a little bit better than I thought they would this year, even if they did lose to the Patriots. They laid out a whupping on the 49ers last week, which had been everyone's binky up until that point.

Meanwhile, the Bears have been kind of meh, which is a good summary of the outcome of the Cutler trade. There is apparently something about Soldier Field that just kills offense; it makes me wonder if there is some strange offensive park effect at play, like how balls travel higher and further at Mile High and Coors fields.

Bob: Atlanta -3

This is a tough game to pick. Chicago has no business being 4-1, but these two teams are roughly equivalent and Chicago had a bye to prepare for this game. I really want to take Chicago but I think da Bears just aren’t that good.

But let’s talk about the Cutler trade for a moment, shall we? Remember when Josh McDaniels was getting killed for trying to trade for Cassel, upsetting Cutler, and being forced to trade the upset quarterback? Remember how Denver was going to be awful? I never understood how people didn’t see this trade as one-sided—two first-rounders and a decent quarterback for an above average quarterback who just showed he’s a huge prima donna? Who doesn’t make that trade? Particularly considering that above average quarterback had failed to lead a really successful team yet.

SAN DIEGO over Denver (4)

Bob: Denver +4

I had to think all of three seconds before taking the Broncos. This is a team that has gone undefeated and just managed to knock off the still decent Patriots, against the team that barely beat the Raiders in week 1. The two teams are close together on offense, but miles apart on defense. Denver has been giving up 250 yards per game and a little more than a touchdown, compared to San Diego giving up 100 additional yards and two additional touchdowns per game. Considering Denver has the slight edge on offense, I don’t understand how Denver can be a four point underdog.

Steve: Denver +4

Maybe the Vegas book is still using team and player ratings from Madden 2009 to pick its games. San Diego hasn't looked good this year, so I don't see why they should be FAVORED to beat the undefeated Broncos. I could go along with this if the Broncos were slight favorites, since they haven't looked super impressive, but I'm not picking against them when they're somehow getting points.

OMG WTF kitty comes from this site. The Frasier Crane, a.k.a. Kelsey Grammar, picture comes from here. Da Bears image is here! And the Office Space photo is from this neat quiz here.

Pickin' Pigskin with Kristin: Week 6

Every week, as an accessory to the picks Bob and I do, his wife Kristin also picks games. So far this year, she has been in first place overall more weeks than Bob and I, so she's doing quite well. Our picks will be up at 7 p.m. tonight.

WASHINGTON over Kansas City (6.5)

Kristin: Washington -6.5

Well, let's not stop now. I might as well keep picking the 'Skins all season — Especially when they are favored at home. (Really, who thinks that's smart?)

CINCINATTI over Houston (5)

Kristin: Cincinnati -5

Last week, I learned painfully that Houston is only good at home and really isn't that good — at all.

PITTSBURGH over Cleveland (14)

Kristin: Pittsburgh -14

With all the major blowouts last week, I feel more confident making a pick with this large a spread. Hopefully, that doesn't bite me in the butt.

MINNESOTA over Baltimore (3)

Kristin: Minnesota -3

Stupid whiny Baltimore, this is what you get.

JACKSONVILLE over St. Louis (9.5)

Kristin: St. Louis +9.5

Really, a pathetic performance last week and still favored by 9.5? That seems bogus.

NEW ORLEANS over New York Giants (3)

Kristin: New Orleans -3

Go Saints! Woohoo!

Carolina over TAMPA BAY (3.5)

Kristin: Carolina -3.5

The Battle of the Terribles, who really cares about this one?

GREEN BAY over Detroit (13.5)

Kristin: Detroit +13.5

Hopefully, the score is close enough for this pick to fly.

Philly over OAKLAND (14)

Kristin: Philadelphia -14

Philly is back and Oakland is not.

SEATTLE over Arizona (3)

Kristin: Arizona +3

Seattle is annoying, and it's also annoying that both of these teams are decent — I don't like them.

NEW YORK JETS over Buffalo (9.5)

Kristin: Jets -9.5

I hate you Jets!

NEW ENGLAND over Tennessee (9.5)

Kristin: New England -9.5

We finally looked good at the beginning of the game last week. At first, no dropped passes. But we got tired and couldn't play out the full game. Our defense is strong, but they got tired and we lost heart. Now, this game will allow us to play a good full game — now that we are readjusted to Tom — and show we are ready to win out the rest of the season. We need this game to get a taste of domination and perfection and to believe again.

ATLANTA over Chicago (3)

Kristin: Atlanta -3

Only because they are at home where they can outpace the slower, colder Chi-town team.

SAN DIEGO over Denver (4)

Kristin: San Diego -4

Let's remind Denver they aren't all that cool, we lost that game — They didn't win.

The other Kristin Hanson is from this site. The Ben Folds picture is from this one. Tom Brady with Homer Simpson is from The Boston Herald.

Pickin' Pigskin with Bob and Steve: Week 4

HOUSTON over Oakland (9.5)

Steve: Oakland (+9.5)

Okay, so I think Oakland sucks. Everyone thinks they suck. As someone else noted, just by moving to Oakland, Richard Seymour has apparently become a foul-mouthed trash talker, and once Randy Moss got away from there, he has radically changed his act. It's like the Black Hole of suck there.

… But still. Oakland isn't THIS bad. They aren't so bad that Houston should be essentially favored by double digits. I mean, we are talking about the same Houston team, right? If we were talking about that sweet Warren Moon-led team, then I would be excited.

Bob: Houston (-9.5)

Boy, I mean, Oakland is bad. Like the acting on the CW is bad. Like Jason Varitek throwing out base runners bad. Like Star Trek V bad. In summary, Oakland is bad. Still, a nearly double digit line is tough to take under any circumstances, especially when the opponent is fairly mediocre themselves.

The Texans offense has been fairly good in the air, but limited by the fact that Steve Slaton has looked awful to start off the season. Fortunately for them, the Raiders offense has been mediocre against the pass and downright terrible against the run. In contrast, Oakland has been anemic on offense, but the Texans have been worse on defense. Since Oakland's passing game has been so anemic, I think they have no chance to win this game if they fall behind—which they likely will, since Houston is at home and is decent offensively. This game should come down to Steve Slaton—Oakland is giving up 155 yards on the ground, good for fifth from the bottom of the league. Houston's (comparatively) dominant offense combined with Oakland's anemic passing game should combine for Houston's first cover of the season.

Tennessee over JACKSONVILLE (3)

Bob: Tennessee (-3)

I believed in Tennessee. As in three weeks of picking them against superior opponents. How have they rewarded me? An 0-3 record and consistent underperforming. Lendale White is still getting touches, and Kerry Collins is passing the ball way too much. Why???

But I'm left with a dilemma. Jacksonville has been nearly as bad as the Titans, and the stats show the Titans to be roughly three points better. Combined with the fact that Jacksonville probably doesn't have much of a home field advantage, I am forced to take the Titans for one more week. DO NOT LET ME DOWN.

Steve: Jacksonville (+3)

This game is like the match-up betweens the mehs and the ughs, and you can pick which side is which. Both teams have been colossal disappointments, and I don't think either team can turn it around and qualify for the playoffs. That being said, this seems like an elimination game to me, even though we're only in Week Four. Whatever team loses, I think their season (and coached) gets turned on pretty quickly. People love Fisher in Tennessee, but he still hasn't won a Super Bowl for whatever reason. In that way, he's like Cowher, who took forever to win one. (By the way, I always thought Cowher was overrated, and I think the quick success of Mike Tomlin shows that.)

I'm going with Jacksonville simply because they are at home, and although they're as bad as the Titans, they're somehow three-point dogs at home. I think Gerrard is slightly better than Collins at this point, and Maurice Jones-Drew is a better running back than the combination of Chris Johnson and (agreeing with you) the vodka-less Lendale White.

NEW ENGLAND over Baltimore (2)

Steve: Baltimore (+2)

Ugh, of course I get to write about this one first. I totally think that New England actually being favored is a gift. Baltimore has looked pretty god damned unstoppable so far this year, and since Tom Brady is still struggling to get into a consistent rhythm, I don't like his chances of finally establishing himself against the Ravens.

Bob: New England (-2)

Keys to looking unstoppable: Play two of your first three games against arguably two of the five worst teams in the league. Check. Second, play your third game against a team that has managed to consistently underperform and nearly lost to the Raiders the previous week. Check. So I am somewhat more skeptical regarding Baltimore's start this season.

Still, there is no denying they've looked like the better team, particularly since New England managed to win without ever looking great last week. The Pats have managed to be ever so slightly better on defense, while Baltimore has been moderately better on offense. So, comparisons. Baltimore has played teams that are giving up a total of 1,100 yards per game. New England's opponents have given up a total 1,027 yards per game on defense. In comparison, Baltimore's opponents have gained an combined average of of 869 yards per game on offense while New England's have gained a combined 937 yards per game on offense. The moral of the story is that New England has played better defenses, perhaps explaining their poorer offensive showings, while managing to play slightly better on defense against better offenses. Also, you can always use stats to show what you want to be true.

Cincinnati over CLEVELAND (5.5)

Bob: Cincinnati (-5.5)

Cleveland has lost by an average of 22 points this season. Cincinnati has been comparable to previous Browns opponent Minnesota on offense, who won by 14 in Cleveland. 'Nuff said.

Steve: Cincy (-5.5)

In Bengals we trust, woohoo! Seriously, I'm still riding high from their last-second win at Pittsburgh last week. It was simply improbable to me, and I'm still not sure if it even happened. It is one of those inexplicable results that you see every couple of years, like when the Dolphins took the Patriots out behind the woodshed for a whipping in one of their Super Bowl years. It is the far less meaningful, regular season version of the Red Sox coming back to beat the Yankees in the ALCS.

NY Giants over KANSAS CITY (8.5)

Steve: Giants (-8.5)

Me and the Chiefs are in a fight. I think they're better than this, so I'm challenging them with this pick. I'm a man, I'm 25, I can take it. The Giants looked impressive last week beating up on a horrible Tampa Bay team, so I'm bullish that they can make it two weeks in a row. Even if they no longer have David “Helmet Catch” Tyree, and even if my fantasy WR Domenic Hixon is now so stuck on the bench that I will be cutting him pronto.

Bob: Giants (-8.5)

The Giants have been getting it done against bad teams. Not to mention the Giants are top 10 in both offense and defense while the Chiefs have been No. 30 on offense and No. 20 on defense. KC is bad. Can Kansas City manage to cover at home? Perhaps. But I wouldn't bet money on it.

CHICAGO over Detroit (10)

Bob: Chicago (-10)

I really have no feelings on this game. Neither team is very sexy. I guess it's exciting that the Lions managed to win their first game in nearly two years, but it unfortunately came at the expense of my (new) hometown Redskins. So I'll take Chicago since I really have no idea.

Let me take this opportunity to complain about some obnoxious Giants fans who were at the bar where I watched the games last week. There are several levels of obnoxiousness in terms of football fans. The first level of obnoxiousness is loudly and aggressively rooting for your team in a bar that isn't your teams bar. Check. Secondly, it's obnoxious to root for your team when they are a division rival of the home town team (Redskins). Check. Thirdly, it is obnoxious to sing songs and chants about your team in a bar that is in the town of your division rival. Finally, it is obnoxious to root openly and gleefully against the hometown team as they lose to a team that has been historically bad. As a matter of fact, it seems like something about this bar brings out the worst in people—I got to see Steelers fans dance last year as they watched replays of Tom Brady's knee being blown out by Bernard Pollard. Awesome bar otherwise, though.

Steve: Detroit (+10)

Yeah, except for that bar sounding roughly like the Mos Eisley cantina, it sounds awesome. (I hope you got that Star Wars reference, by the way, you Star Trek loving mofo.) I suppose it could be worse – They could have done the lights-on, lights-off Merriman dance after Brady got hurt, just like Merriman did after he beat the crap out of Tila “E.T.” Tequilla.

Anyway, I suppose I should focus on the game. I'm going against the grain again with the Lions and picking them because 10 points seems like an awful big spread for the Bears. I mean, I'm talking about a “Courtney Love on drugs” kind of spread, the type of spread that is done for any sort of second-rate guitar player who can squeeze her hand and pretend to be sorry about Kurt Cobain for 10 minutes. (By the way, I have no idea if Courtney Love is a slut or not now, but I imagine she has to be, right?) The Bears' offense hasn't impressed me much at all this year, and whatever promise Cutler showed in Denver seems to have dissipated once he arrived in Chicago.

WASHINGTON over Tampa Bay (7)

Steve: Washington (-7)

This line seems a bit too high, but since the Johnson era is beginning this week for Tampa Bay, the sky is the limit as far as the line goes. Washington has a base level of competence – Jason Campbell, Clinton Portis, some of the guys on defense – that Tampa Bay would kill for at this point. I'm not even sure if Tampa's coach makes it through the season at this point.

Bob: Washington (-7)

Ugh. You are absolutely right that Tampa has been very meh. But it kills me as someone who has watched the Redskins to put any hope in the Redskins this season. Is Jason Campbell better than Josh Johnson? Yes. But I don't know that I could name four other starting quarterbacks who he is better than right now.

Ultimately, this team is playing for their coach's job right now, and by all accounts the players seem to like him. So I think they can beat up on a terrible Tampa team that just put in their rookie quarterback. But Zorn has been so awful that I wouldn't be surprised if they lose, and benching Byron Leftwich is always a good decision.

INDY over Seattle (9)

Bob: Peyton Manning (-9)

At this point, it's just him. I mean, it helps having Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark, and a competent defense. But take away Peyton Manning and this team isn't last year's Brady-less Patriots. It's more like this year's Titans—talented but unable to get things done. If the 9ers can beat Seattle by 13, Peyton Manning can do better.

Steve: Jim Sorgi (-9)

I think even Jim Sorgi could manage to beat Seattle at this point. While I stand by my contention that Seneca Wallace could eventually be a decent QB in this league, I think it'll take a couple of games to do so, similarly to how Matt Stafford finally looked kinda comfortable this past week. I realize Wallace has more game experience than Stafford, but he hasn't ever really been The Guy because the return of Hasselbeck has always been looming. Hey Seahawks, just turn the offense over to him already, so that Matt will have some brain cells left to play for when he wants to help his kids with homework.

I've complained in other comments that the lines are too big for various games, but this one seems about right. Even if Manning and Jim Sorgi get hurt, their rookie running back, that Brown kid from Connecticut, sure looks like he can take over as the “system RB with inflated numbers” role that was formerly held by Edge James and the perpetually-hurt Joseph Addai.

NEW ORLEANS over Jets (7)

Steve: New Orleans (-7)

I imagine this line is so high, despite the unblemished records for both, because of New Orleans' explosive offense. It wouldn't surprise me to see Brees do what Brady was supposed to do in Week 2: Pick apart the Jets' over-aggressive blitzing defense with precision passing. I'm thinking that the Jets will fall back down to Earth a bit with a shellacking at the hands of the Saints.

Bob: New Orleans (-7)

This will be the week we find out if Sanchez is the real deal or just a QB being pulled over the finish line by an offense that is playing well and a great defense. Actually, the way New Orleans has been playing, the verdict on Sanchez may not be so decisive. But I'm not getting off the Saints train until somebody pulls them back to Earth.

Buffalo over MIAMI (2)

Bob: Miami (+2)

Miami has been much better on defense while it's effectively a draw on offense. So why is Buffalo favored by two points? Because Chad Pennington got hurt. Well I've got a newsflash for everybody: Chad Pennington is not good. Miami is already the No. 29 team in terms of passing yards per game on offense. I'm not saying Chad Henne is the Brady to Pennington's Bledsoe, but this is a blessing in disguise for a Dolphins team that was already in a bad place. Chad Henne managed to throw for 92 yards in less than two quarters of work last week, which is two-thirds as much as Pennington was averaging a game. I think Miami should be an interesting matchup for the rest of the season.

Steve: Buffalo (-2)

I think this line is more of a reflection of how decent Buffalo has looked this year, and how bad Miami's defense has been. While I agree with you that Henne (or Thigpen) for Pennington is more of a wash than people think, hasn't anybody else noticed how shoddy Miami's defense has been? They let the Chargers with Tomlinson run all over them for four quarters.

Meanwhile, I don't think Buffalo's opening week showing against the Patriots was a fluke. As odd as it sounds, I like the dimension TO adds to their offense. Not because I think he's a marquee receiver anymore, but because he just adds some swagger and attitude and meanness to a team that has been nondescript for years. While I wouldn't ever call him a leader, TO provides them with a personality that the rest of the team can adopt.

That being said, I hope this game is a shootout and that Ronnie Brown runs for 400 yards and eight touchdowns, because he is my only dependable fantasy running back at this point. Stupid Felix Jones and his injuries.

SAN FRAN over St. Louis (9.5)

Steve: St. Louis (+9.5)

It's not that I think the Rams have a serious chance of winning this game, it's just that I don't think San Fran will win by 10 points. It seems kind of high to me for some reason. The Rams suck, but not THAT badly against San Fran.

Bob: San Francisco (-9.5)

One thing is certain: at the end of this week, one of us will likely be significantly ahead in the overall standards (although Kristin may still be winning). We have disagreed a lot. I think San Francisco may have looked better than they actually are, but I also think St. Louis is that bad. St. Louis will be far and away the worst defense San Fran has faced, so I believe in their ability to blow out the Rams this week.

Dallas over DENVER (3)

Bob: Denver (+3)

Denver has silently been the best defense in the league—by far, while Dallas has been nearly the worst. Combine that with the Mile High effect and the fact that Denver matches up well against Dallas, and I think this is an outright, significant win for the Broncos.

Steve: Denver (+3)

I have no idea what to make of this match-up or this line. It seems pretty silly to me that Denver, which is traditionally a strong home team, and which has a 3-0 record, is the underdog against a 2-1 Dallas team that hasn't been able to stop other teams. The Giants ran roughshod over the Cowboys, and that game was at home. I think Knowshon Moreno, my silly-named fantasy running back, is going to have a fun time this weekend. I'm hopeful that he finally plays well enough to cause the cessation of career backup Buckhalter's playing time.

PITTSBURGH over San Diego (6.5)

Steve: Pittsburgh (-6.5)

I'm still keeping with my theory that San Diego has quit on Norv Turner, even though they managed to cruise past the Dolphins. If they have any chance of staying in games, then their defense has to play big week after week. While that works against the kinda-finesse offense run by Miami, I think the Steelers are just going to try to stream roll over the Chargers with multiple dosages of Fast Willie Parker and Rashard “why did I pick you in fantasy again this year?” Mendenhall.

Bob: San Diego (+6.5)

Pittsburgh badly needs this win, but these two teams are pretty evenly matched. Combined with the fact that I think San Diego will pass all over the Steelers defense, I'll take the points.

MINNESOTA over Green Bay (3.5)

Bob: Minnesota (-3.5)

I have never liked Fav-re, and I hope we get to see him collapse later in the season. But for now, Minnesota has clearly looked like the better team. So I don't think there's any question that the Vikings win this week. Considering Green Bay hasn't been particularly stout against the run, I think Adrian Peterson makes this game not even close.

But let's drill down into this sure to be highly rated grudge match between Favre and his former team. At what level is this backstabbing by Favre. What comes to mind is a Red Sox legend going to the Yankees, a la Wade Boggs. But honestly, that doesn't even begin to describe the backstabbing Favre committed on Green Bay and, particularly, the team's fans. This is like divorcing your wife, rebounding with one of her friends, but then marrying her sister. And acting like it wasn't even something that was weird or awful to do.

Ugh, how did I get drawn into giving my two cents about Favre? It's like a disease. And be sure to tune into Sportsnation next week, as they try to break the record for most mentions of Brett Favre in a telecast.

Steve: Green Bay (+3.5)

I don't care what the line is. I simply refuse to side with Brett Favre in this game, even if it is played in Minnesota and not Green Bay. If you pick Minnesota, then you're letting the football terrorists at ESPN (Chris Berman, I'm looking in your direction) slobber all over Favre's jock for another week.

And hey, remember how Favre was addicted to painkillers for a long time, but nobody cares anymore because he's white? I'm not sure if any other non-field action has ever been so completely swept under the rug as much. I would saw Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley's gambling addictions, but Barkley almost got arrested for not paying back his bill at a casino, and Bill Simmons points out his conspiracy theory about Jordan playing baseball to avoid gambling debts every other week. The only other comparison I can think of is Brady fathering that baby with his crazy (but I still content better looking) ex-girlfriend, but a kid out of wedlock is no big deal for the NFL and professional athletes in general.

Thanks to this site for the image of Jay Sherman at the top. Although it really has nothing to do with the rest of this post, that blog does have some pretty funny items on the Mets, if you're into that sort of thing.

Pickin' Pigskin: Week 3 Tally

Hey, who knew? I've strung together two solid weeks in a row! Last week's finish, with overall records in parentheses:

Kristin: 13-3 (29-19, 1st)
Steve: 12-4 (26-22, 3rd)
Bob: 11-5 (28-20, 2nd)

I'm now only three games behind the leader, which is nice. And, I had a feeling that Kristin was going to shame Bob and I in this contest. She's only up a single game now; we'll see if she can expand her lead in the weeks to come. Bob lost two games in the standings this week, which led to the flip-flop at top.

I did pick the Bengals game correctly though, which makes me very happy inside.

On the fantasy front, my team lost by a final of 109-95. It is somewhat ironic that we finally lost, even though this is our highest point total by about 20 this season. I needed 25 points from Felix Jones on Monday Night Football, and he finished a couple yards short of 100 (which kicks in a 5 point bonus) and several TDs. Stupid Cowboys.

Similarly, Ronnie Brown had about 50 years on the Dolphins opening drive, but then fumbled a TD at the goal line and only got about 25 yards the rest of the game. Moreno also finished 10 yards short of a 5-point bonus. Brady could have scored a lot more too, if he hadn't kept missing WRs. At least Reggie Wayne scored 23 points for me this week.

Pickin' Pigskin: Week 2 Tally

My performance this week wasn't nearly as shaming. The weekly results, with overall record in parentheses:

Steve: 9-7 (14-18, 4th)
Bob: 7-9 (17-15, 1st)
Kristin: 7-9 (16-16, 3rd)
Andy: 6-9 (16-15, 2nd)

Although I was this week's winner, it was only by two games, so I'm still languishing in last place. Bob kept pace with the others, so he holds a slight lead over Kristin and Andy. I'm just glad I didn't finish in last again, because it would be embarrassing to have 17 straight weeks of sub-par performance.

Reviewing my fantasy team's performance this week, we won again, so we're now 2-0. This is the first time we've won our first two games in three seasons, so really, it's a banner fantasy year for us so far. The final score was 79-65, another low total. Tom Brady was my savior last week, but this week he shit the fantasy bed, with only 10 points. I was bailed out by Ronnie Brown, who had 30 points last night, making up for the bad showings by Brady and Reggie Wayne (3 points). I was also helped out because my opponent played Matt Hasselbeck, who only score 5 points before leaving the game with an injury.

Athletic prowess and lack thereof

Caddyshack. Watch it, learn it, love it.

I consider myself fairly run-of-the-mill when it comes to athletic ability. The only sports I might be considered above-average in would be basketball, but this relies a lot on the level of competition I'm facing and the height of the other player. Normally, I can make sure I'm not embarrassed on the courts. My shot is very streaky, but I always put in full effort on the defensive end, even if my natural skill level isn't great. I played freshmen hoops, but got cut during tryouts from a high school team that wasn't especially good.

Because of all the hours I've logged on the hardwood, I also tend to be passable on the volleyball court. The past couple of Sundays, I've been helping some friends fill out their practice roster, and it's always a lot of fun to me. My lack of height – I'm only about 5'9” on a good day – hurts, since I like to play the front, but I'm a decent setter and I can at least strike well enough to be a decent for a “just for fun” co-ed team. My serving is actually pretty good, because my head smack puts a lot of weird spin on the ball.

From there, things drop off steeply. Back in the day, I was a good Little League player, but my work at the plate always stunk. I'm good in the infield, but even in softball now, I hit for almost all singles. (Ironic, since the “singles only” player with an inflated batting average is severely overrated in conventional baseball, yet that's what I am.) Except for a forgettable half-year playing midget / bantam football and another half-hearted attempt at track, that wraps up my “formal” athletic exploits.

The point of this entry isn't to brag about my (limited) accomplishments, but rather as a launching point to complain about the people who come to the driving range. If you're some fat ass, don't complain that you can't hit the ball 200 yards with our clubs and our balls. (teehee.) Yes, they're both old and crappy, but the spare tire around your gut is the bigger reason why you can't drive the ball with authority.

It annoys me because I have to deal with the complaints. Normally, because I don't want to alienate the customers, I shift the onus on to the town. But honestly, I'm more often thinking, “Why don't you hit the gym before you complain about your shot, jack ass?” If my jumper was off in basketball, I don't normally blame the ball or the rim, but this seems to be standard form with golf.

Sure, there are some fat ass golfers – John Daly – who can manage to make it on the tour, just like David Wells and C.C. Sabathia have managed to carve out impressive baseball careers as plus-sized bastards. Most of us need to get into shape though. And if my measly ass can hit it about 150 yards with the crappy plastic clubs, even though I have no significant golfing experience and little natural strength, then the problem isn't the clubs.