Modern Family almost jumps the shark in finale

Dear Modern Family,

You have consistently been the most accessible new show on network television in your debut season. For example, my mom likes watching you, and she's not normally super-into television sitcoms. You are consistently funny, and you will definitely be in my Top Five when I do my "end of season" rankings.

That being said, were you just plain out of ideas for this finale? The final five minutes, in particular, were just straight-up bad. Really, a mud fight during a family portrait that would eventually end in Claire loosening up a bit? Seriously? That is the kind of shit I would expect from Two and a Half Men or Will and Grace or Blossom or some other horrid, by the numbers sitcom. Come on, Modern Family - You're better than that.

Before the last five minutes, you did have some decent moments. I loved Mitchell freaking out about the bird being loose in the house. Phil getting in trouble with Claire is always funny. And Luke being wrapped in plastic to avoid getting messy before the picture? Totally awesome. However, why did you have to screw it all up with those last five minutes? Sigh!

Grade: C-

Is Julie Bowen hotter than Sofia Vergara?

To answer the question posed by the title of this entry, before Wednesday night's episode of Modern Family, I had been leaning toward Bowen being hotter anyway. There is something that strikes me as “fake” when it comes to Sofia. It's not quite the female-female impersonator level, which strikes Pamela Anderson, but she almost seems too good to be true. Also, I envision her being completely batshit crazy, which doesn't help.

In contrast, Bowen is no doubt a feast for the eyes, and she seems stable and attainable. Julie Bowen is the hot girl that your best buddy settles down with early. At the time, everyone is like, “Hey, whoa man, looks like you traded in your freedom too early, yuck yuck yuck!” But then, as time passes, and they're happily married, you just realize... That magnificent bastard. He married up!

So yes, I'd favor Bowen over Vergara at this point – Call it a 10 to 9 boxing decision, as opposed to a flat out KO. And oh, there was a hilarious new Modern Family on Wednesday night. The evil Alex moment of the night? When she gleefully spilled to Claire (Bowen!) that Haley had been drinking. “You're not going to like this as much as I do, but she's drunk.” mwhahaha. So perfect.

The other great scenes of the episode were between Luke, the normal little kid, and Manny, the Rico Suave in training. Manny was a complete neat freak in his room, which led to Luke being the messy one, spouting off things like, “I am a bathroom Martian!” and “I'm wrinkling your linen!!!” The kids definitely stole the show from the adults this past episode, although the other plots – Jay throwing out his back, Phil being Phil – were still great.

Grade: A+

Laughing like a banshee with Modern Family

Just a quick one for today, since I've been busy with work and a bit behind in my viewing. I still have to watch this week's Community, Parks and Recreation, and The Office, and I have several episodes of Legends of Wrestling sitting on my computer, along with the entire season run of Justified, which I haven't even tried to start watching. (Yeah, everyone I know who watches loves and adores the show, but like LOST and Arrested Development and Always Sunny, I didn't want to jump in half-way.)

So instead, let me focus on Wednesday's episode of Modern Family, which was nearly perfect. The other day, I harped about the consistency of The Ricky Gervais Show, Community and Archer, and yet Modern Family somehow got left out of the discussion. For shame! Modern Family is the best of the bunch, which is even more impressive considering that it didn't have the early hiccups that Community did, and it also has a full 20+ episode run, which The Ricky Gervais Show and Archer do not have to worry about.

The best part about Modern Family is that while individual episodes normally have two or three main story arcs, all the secondary characters are still given something to do. This "something to do" is normally hilarious, which helps. For example, on Wednesday's show the main issues seemed to be 1) Phil and Mitchell racing back to Mitchell's house and 2) Claire's anxiety about flying with an eventual Weekend at Bernie's routine and 3) Jay seeing his dream Hawaiian vacation erode away as Gloria heaped more and more activities on it.

These plots were all pretty funny, but I loved the little moments even more. Like when Haley crushed on a guy for the entire episode, and then she and Alex found out that he was only 13... and Alex laughed like a banshee for a solid half-minute. The other son, Luke, is also almost too ridiculously funny, like when he ran through the screen door in last week's episode.

Grade: A+

TV Review: I love you, Phil Dunphy.

Everybody dies boys, let's focus on what's important!

This was a strong episode of Modern Family, especially for Phil. That sly old fox had some great lines sprinkled throughout, such as the one above I used for the photo cutline. The other great line he had? "One day I'm going to be a grandfather, and then everybody better hide their meat."

Anyway, his drama with his father-in-law Jay felt a little rehashed, since Jay basically has authority problems with every character on the show. The episode's other plot lines were pretty amusing, although a bit more bittersweet than usual, with Cameron realizing he hates being away from Lilly, and Alex and Manny pulling away from their respective parents. And while I love the middle daughter's character, it was pretty funny to have Claire get vicious, mom-like revenge on her at the end.

So yeah. I have no real idea why Modern Family took two episodes off; maybe it had something to do with them filming the season's final episode(s?) in Hawaii. Regardless, they didn't miss a beat in their two episodes off TV. It's still mandatory watching if you're any sort of fan of Arrested Development-style humor.

Grade: A

TV Review: Modern Family delightfully mixes the sass with the sap

While I'm as amazed as everyone else that Two and a Half Men apparently now sets the standard for television sitcom ratings, at least Modern Family gives me hope on a weekly basis that people are developing better taste. The three families involved in the show each have their dramatic and farcical highs and lows that make for a delightful stew of Good each week.

The main overlapping theme between the three families on Wednesday night's episode was trust, although the dramatic "high" involved the gay couple going through a crisis while raising their adopted baby. Already a bit high-strung because of their status as a gay couple, they had the additional problem of their baby seemingly bonding with their Asian pediatrician and calling her mommy. Melodramatic, over-the-top hilarity ensued.

However, like every episode of the show, there was a tint of humor to even these somewhat-somber proceedings. Thankfully, Modern Family never switches into full-out Grace Under Fire mode; there is always a laugh buried into the dialogue. Also thankfully, nobody has gotten cancer or abused by their parent yet. (Note – I was not much of a fan of Grace Under Fire, obviously, yet still somehow know enough to know those were both plot points. I'm a little ashamed with myself right now.)

Modern Family packs a lot into its 22 minutes, as there were actually three other storylines in this week's episode. As a contrast to the gay couple, the lightest plot involved the "normal" family looking for treasure underneath the house, and being scared of the dark space there. (See the image I used at the top.)

The normal family tends to be my favorite in each episode, and the singular best moment of the episode was when the mom attempted to teach the middle daughter how to dance [right]. This wasn't that successful, and the daughter's awkward cringe as a girl her age walked by her reeked of authenticity. As she watched in horror as her mother danced, the daughter said, "Now I understand why you're with dad."

Also crammed into the episode were subplots involving the oldest daughter of the normal family trying to get her driver's license – on her third try – and the old-young family trying to overcome their collective fear of roller coasters. All-in-all, it was a great restart for Modern Family, which had been off since Valentine's Day. If you still haven't gotten into the show, then this is an easy-enough introduction to the series for you.

Grade: A

Modern Family has massive... talents.

After a couple of admonishments from friends that I wasn't watching, consider me a convert to Modern Family, the closest show to Arrested Development that I've seen on network television since its demise. (Note: I haven't seen Better Off Ted yet, the only other show I've heard compared to it.) While Modern Family is definitely rooted more in reality, it still has a sort of reckless spirit about it that allows all of its characters to have their own, entertaining identity.

Of course, this is my effing blog, so I'll note my five characters that really make the show tick - the evil middle daughter, Sofia Vergara and her breasts, the wacky middle class dad, the straight normal mom counterpart played Julie Bowen, and of course, Ed freakin' O'Neill. Tackling them in order...

- Like my love for Brittany on Glee, the Evil Middle Daughter Alex played by Ariel Winter is simply incredible, even though she isn't in that many scenes. However, when she is in a scene, she preys upon the gullible nature of her older sister Haley and younger brother Luke. The most prominent example, and the one cited on Wikipedia, is how she tricked both of them into believing that you can recharge a cell phone battery by rubbing it on your forehead.

- On the opposite end of the spectrum from Alex's subtle, seething evil is Sofia, who plays Gloria, an over-the-top Colombian trophy wife with an outrageous accent. I get the feeling that the role might not be much of a stretch for her, outside of having to pretend to love Ed O'Neill. I mean, he's a funny guy and all, but still. Even as far as trophy wives go, Ed is doing pretty gosh darn good for himself.

- Claire (Bowen) and Phil (Ty Burrell) go a bit hand-in-hand, as the married couple are the "normal" family that a lot of the humor derives from. For example, in one of the most recent episode, Phil gets hurt and has to go to the hospital for an operation... but before he does, Claire feels the need to get dressed up for the hot firefighters taking him into an ambulance.

Bowen is portrayed as the lead in some ways, since I believe she has the most screen time of any of the characters. Naturally, Burrell comes in at a close second. He is the "cool dad", although this is a self-granted title that couldn't be further from the truth. Bowen's character always has a sort of brewing, brimming rage, and the eventually lash out is almost always great.

- And finally, hey, how can you go wrong with any show that has Ed "Al Bundy" O'Neill? While his most famous role might be from Married With Children, I'll always remember him as the creepy coffee and donut shop manager Glen from Wayne's World, and his little monologues:

So Wayne, I hear you're putting on some kind of concert. That's good. People need to be entertained, they need the distraction. I wish to God that someone would be able to block out the voices in my head for five minutes, the voices that scream, over and over again: Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?