Steveats: Sbarro, my filthy guilty pleasure pizza

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

A couple weeks back, my ole journalism buddy and American Idol fan Rueb suggested that I review the various acceptable pizzas now at gas stations and convenience stores. While that’s definitely still in the cards, I recently had a chance to indulge in my true guilty pleasure pizza – Sbarro.

Now, my brain realizes that Sbarro is all sorts of disgusting. Theoretically, it is New York-style pizza, but Sbarro is to pizza as Velveeta is to cheese – technically the same, but only faintly familiar.

If you’ve never been to a Sbarro at a mall or truck stop, pizzas are seemingly baked at a Question Mark time and left out under a heat lamp, to be sold slice by slice, until there is no more. Traditionally, they offer on-demand cheese, pepperoni, a “stuffed” slice and a fourth random option, like broccoli or sausage.

I’ve written briefly before about my like of Sbarro’s. For this post today, I went with the “stuffed” pizza, which is essentially a kind pizza casserole. In the middle of two pieces of dough is some sausage, pepperoni and bacon, with cheese. It basically makes your heart want to explode from cholesterol, but, it’s also somewhat delicious. Plus, I’m positive it was all balanced out by the cucumber and tomato salad I had.

Other random things about Sbarro – the Wikipedia page is oddly cheerful. It is also the favorite New York pizza spot of Michael Scott, and Jack Donaghy once dated Pizzarina “Zarina” Sbarro. And hey, they also managed to file for bankruptcy twice in three years! But, they seem to be out of it…  for now.

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Why Community is better than your show: Completely hidden plotlines

Dear viewing public,

I know many of you still watch The Office. It's okay - I do too. I mean, this is the last year with Steve Carrell, so there is a good chance this is the last year it will be even remotely funny. However, it's shocking how fast the show has gone downhill, and I'm someone who still likes Pam and Jim, and didn't think the show jumped the shark when they got together.

It's just been a steady decline since, of all people, David Wallace left the show. It's not so much that he was a lynch pin cast member or anything, but his leaving and the selling of the paper company represented a turning point in the show. They were the sane, by-the-books corporation that a lot of Michael's humor flowered against. Now, he has some Paula Dean-esque boss, and her idiot son is in the office too.

So please, instead of watching The Office, please give Community a try for the next couple weeks. Remember before The Office got really popular, those first two or three funny seasons? You know, you initially resisted, because only your hipster friend Byron liked it, and while he liked it, he mostly just complained that it wasn't as funny as the British version.

Well, Community doesn't have a British version! So, no worries there. But I know you aren't watching it because of the latest TV ratings report. The Office is still pulling a 3.4, which is DOUBLE the audience of Community! That's an outrage, and apparently plenty of you aren't even turning the television off, since Outsourced is pulling a 2.5, despite being horrible.

Y'all should be watching Community - It's hilarious. I mean, even beyond the usual plots of each episode, there is stuff hidden in the background. For example, the pictures from this entry are all about Abed, who has about two lines in the entire episode. Yet if you pay close attention to the background, you can see him:

1) Rubbing a pregnant woman's tummy.
2) Getting into an argument with the woman and her boyfriend.
3) Delivering the baby in the couple's car!

The only reference to this? Near the end of the episode, Shirley says, "Oh Abed, we haven't seen much of you this week! What have you been up to?" His response: "Not much." And that's it!

Community is ridiculously great like this. The episodes weave plots and characters together, and none of the gags are cheap, and they refuse to go into tired sitcom cliches, like actually having Jeff fall for one of the women on the show. Please start watching and supporting it now, otherwise, I might actually have to start watching Outsourced instead. What else do I need to tell you to start watching? That it has funny comedy guest stars, like Betty White, Patton Oswalt and John Oliver?


What else do you need? T&A? Because it has that too:



EDIT - Thankfully, someone has made a YouTube compilation of this entire plot with Abed! If you want to see it, look below:

TV Review: Thursday night slightly disappointing

The first result for "Thursday Night Lineup".

Normally, I can count on Thursday being my best night of television weekly, since it has an array of shows on. The NBC comedy lineup is quite formidable for a stereotypical 20-something like myself - Community, Parks and Recreation, The Office and 30 Rock. I watch all of them except 30 Rock usually, but I watched even that last night, which was a good thing because the other three shows were disappointing. A mini-review on each, with the warning that HUGE SPOILERS for all the shows lie ahead:

- The Office "returned" from a longer break than the other shows, and I'm not angling to get on the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotes with that statement. For some reason NBC or the show's producers thought it would be a good idea to come back from a long break with a clip show.

Now, clip shows have a time and a place, but I don't really think they're necessary in a show's sixth season. The Simpsons do them frequently, but they have been on for about 47 years now, and have done everything, as South Park so eloquently noticed at one point. The Office had a major story arc throughout the show's lifespan - the Pam and Jim courtship - surrounded by minor arcs revolving around Michael and (later) the higher up's ineffectiveness. I don't think you need a recap show, unlike, say, Lost, where there are dozens of characters to keep an eye on.

That being said, I found the B-story arc of the episode to be fairly entertaining. A corporate health assessor was trying to scope out the health of the Scranton branch of Dundler-Mifflin, and of course, Michael, Dwight and Andy were playing hijinks on him. Unfortunately though, unless I blinked, I don't even think Jim or Stanley were in the episode.

- Parks and Recreation focused on Leslie's second date and zany dinner party with some lawyer friend of Ann (Rashida Jones). To be honest, I find him impossibly dull. What's up with people who travel to exotic places suddenly being presented as "interesting" people? Traveling to some place awesome does not in turn make you awesome. A mathematical theorem, if you will:

Lame Person + Exotic Location = Lame Person
Fun Person + Exotic Location = Fun Person
Therefore, X Person + Y Location = X Person

Basically, I'm tired of people on television and in my actual life thinking that travel is some magical substitute for a lack of a real personality. Great, you touched a dolphin. Maybe next time Flipper can teach you some god damn tricks.

... But outside of that angle, which dominated the show, Parks and Recreation had some good singular moments. The continued slow-burn on the sexual tension between April and Andy is good, although Andy still seems way too old for her, even if he has the mindset of a kid.

- Community was also somewhat disappointing, but maybe it's just because I found last week's episode with Jack Black so awesome. (That's not even counting the Alison Brie cheerleader outfit, which was also so awesome.)

I found the main storyline of the episode, which was Jeff's relationship slash non-relationship with a faculty member, kind of flat. Yes, I realize they kind of hooked up around Halloween time, but she has been completely absent from recent episodes. So now, I'm just supposed to accept her on my screen, making out with Joel McHale? I say nay! Luckily, other portions of the episode were humorous, and as always, the last bit with Troy, Ahbed and Jeff delivered.

- Surprisingly, I found 30 Rock to be the highlight of the whole comedy block, even though I'm not a regular viewer. Everyone keeps telling me to get into it, but I missed the initial episodes, and I hate jumping into shows half-way through seasons.

If last night's episode is any indication of the regular quality though, I think I'll have to take the plunge. Liz Lemon (Tina Fey, looking as foxy as always) wanted to transplant the show to a sunny locale. She convinced her boss, Alec Baldwin (looking as foxy as always), to do so, but he changed her idea from Miami Beach to... Boston!

I like Boston, so I thought that was a bit of an improvement, as opposed to being in the bizarre crime capital of the world. In Boston, the gang got into plenty of trouble, especially Tracy Morgan, who was harassing historical reenactment guys on the street. Good times! I heart Tracy Morgan.

All of the pictures are on the first Google Images page of results for their respective show's search term. The picture at the top is from here. 30 Rock is from here. The Office is from here. Community is from here. And Parks and Recreation is from here.