Inexplicable Movie Review: The Bronze doesn’t medal, but tries hard

The Bronze is a truly bizarre, sometimes amusing movie, that was ultimately a little too bleak for me to really get into (and that I managed to see thanks to Redbox, and not Target). Melissa Rauch does most of the heavy-lifting in the low budget comedy, but as a result, there aren’t many good scenes left for talented supporting actors like Gary Cole (Bill Lundberg from Office Space, Harvey Birdman, Kent on Veep, and he’s in hundreds of other movies), Cecily Strong (Saturday Night Live) and Thomas Middleditch (the Pied Piper creator in Silicon Valley).

Quick plot summary – Hope Ann Greggory (Rauch) is a bronze medalist in the all-around from the Athens Olympics, in Kerri Strug-like fashion. However, her career is essentially ruined after she tries to rush back from that injury, and she now spends her days stealing birthday money from cards in her dad’s mail truck, and her nights offering guys a doubleteam for drinks.

These parts are bleak, but funny. I figured I was in for a traditional sort of “redemption” story, as Hope’s old coach commits suicide and asks her in the note to continue training the new star pupil, Maggie Townsend (Haley Lu Richardson). It presents a moral dilemma for Hope, as she living on her past reputation as a bronze medalist, and doesn’t want anyone to upstage her.

From there, the movie takes some unconventional twists and turns, but most of them are unfortunately not all that fulfilling. You can’t see several of them coming, but this makes them more frustrating than amusing for a dark indie comedy. The first act of the movie is the best, as it contains Hope at the bottom in an amusing way, but the later acts are just psychologically unpleasant for her, and for us as the audience.

This extends to the supporting cast, and oddly enough, the best member is Richardson, a relative newcomer. She gets the juiciest part though, as the hyperactive and seemingly naïve Maggie. In a movie of moody, melancholy roles, she’s the one character that “pops” off the screen for most of it.

In contrast, Strong and Cole aren’t given much of anything to do. It’s frankly bizarre to see Strong playing Maggie’s single mother, since she’s 32 and Richardson is 21. Richardson looks too old to be Strong’s daughter, and Strong is mostly playing a straight role until the very end of the movie.

Cole is good in almost everything, which is why his IMDB has 155 credits as of October 2016. Seriously, take another look at it – He’s in so much awesome stuff, that he’s also awesome in, that it’s easy to overlook certain roles. He’s Bosco on Bob’s Burgers! He’s been on 44 episodes of Family Guy and he’s on Angie Tribeca! Archer! 30 Rock! Curb!

But, he’s also from the Christopher Walken School of Role Choices, and he probably needs to vet what he’s in a tiny bit more. By that, I mean that he’s not really given much to work with in this flick, and he’s particularly menacing and unappealing in one scene. He’s not bad, but with Cole (and Strong, and Middleditch) you get the feeling that there was more to work with her with some script revisions or more takes.

The movie being low budget clearly shows at times – As I just mentioned, it feels like they could have done more reshoots after realizing how dark some of what happens is. The quality of the film is also bizarre at times, and all of the gymnastics scenes are iffy. Karen watched this with me and was not impressed.

Sony probably picked this movie up because the Olympics were in 2016, but holy hell, it DEFINITELY earns its R-rating. It is a hard R, with swearing throughout, drug usage and a surprising amount of nudity. Don’t watch this if you want to re-experience that Olympics buzz, and definitely don’t watch this anywhere near children. But, if you’re looking for a dark, foul-mouthed comedy, it’s worth the $1.50 Redbox rental.

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Pitching Perfect Projects: Eating Dinner and Looking For Work

I've got two somewhat-related project ideas tonight. For those unfamiliar with my previous post on this topic, you can check out it out here and here. The concept? Pitching ideas that I think would make fantastic movies or television shows. First up...

- Eating Dinner. This is based on the idea of Roger Ebert's old reviewing partner, Gene Siskel. Ebert has said several times that Siskel always asked himself one question about every movie he watched: Is this film better than just sitting in on dinner with the leads? I love that standard, because it's relatively simple to understand.

However, instead of using it as a standard to judge movies on, why not just film movies or a show based on the concept? Of course, there is the legendary My Dinner With Andre, which stars the great Wallace Shawn. Most of y'all probably remember him as the funny dude from The Princess Bride, another great performance. If he's willing to sign on for the show, then great! If not, then we'll have to look elsewhere.

Some of you might be thinking - Hey, what about Shatner? He did have a show that was pretty similar to what I was pitching. However, the problem with him is that Shatner himself is too much of a buffoon, and doesn't have enough chops, to make it work. You need someone who brings something to the table besides a broad caricature. Preferably, you would involve someone who isn't widely known for just one role, or who has range as an actor. Actors with developed personas - Christopher Walken, Alec Baldwin - wouldn't really work for this, and a complete unknown wouldn't be believable as an equal of whoever he was talking to.

Assuming there is no limit to who I can cast, then I find George Clooney and Edward Norton to be the best choices. Clooney just exudes cool, between his presence in Ocean's Eleven and tagging anything hot that moves in Hollywood, yet I don't really know much about the guy. The same thing goes with Norton, except he also seems slightly nuts. He seems to have a slight sense of humor about himself, given his appearances on Stella and Modern Family. In the past, he dated Courtney Love and Salma Hayek, which is range in pretty much every conceivable way.

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Now we got a stew going...

- Looking For Work. Now, this is the show that Shatner could be on, if he wasn't busy with his show based on Twitter.

The premise is somewhat similar to Lookwell!, which I've written about in the past. In that show, Adam West played an out-of-work television detective, Ty Lookwell, who was deluded into thinking he could actually solve crimes now. It was nonsensical, and absolutely awesome.

The twist in this show is that the actor would just play him or herself. Obviously, Adam West would still work for this, as would anyone else who is normally seen as being available for just about any role with a paycheck - George Takei, Michael Caine, Carl Weathers. You can imagine it as the poor man's version of Curb Your Enthusiasm, except that it would be a scripted show with the character playing himself.

Part of the beauty of this is that it allows you the opportunity for tons of silly nostalgia and self-referential humor, especially when it comes to the business. The show should be a spoof of some of the more outlandish aspects of the trade - remember how Robert Goulet had a sitcom? - by putting the lead in ridiculous situations every week that he or she is completely serious about. (Spoofs work best when the people don't realize they're in a spoof; nobody ever cracks up in Airplane! or The Naked Gun.)

A stunningly great slideshow - Jay Mohr, Christopher Walken and tails

It goes without saying that Christopher Walken is awesome. Incredibly awesome. Jay Mohr, of course, considerably less so. However, he does do a great Walken, and this short 3:32 routine about his discussion with Walken on the set of Suicide Kings about his dog and tails is one of my favorite stand-up bits. And to boot, the above is a nice little slideshow.

So really, enjoy this today, Tuesday, and REALLY ponder the question - Would you rather have a tail or the gift of flight?

(Note: I choose the gift of flight. Sorry Chris. Please accept this funny picture from here as my penance.)