Inexplicable TV Review: The Great Food Truck Race

Confession - I've watched every episode of The Great Food Truck Race the past two years, even though the show is pretty damn awful. There is absolutely no reason to legitimately watch it.

All of the food looks generic and bad, except for a couple dishes made by The Asians. By that, I mean all of them - there were Asian-only teams in the first and second seasons, and they were the only trucks that made something beyond shitty-looking waffles or meatball subs. On top of that, the truck owners clearly just gouge the consumers, charging the rubes $10 at times for shit served on a paper plate.

The show also has no real sense of drama. In the latest season, one girl spoke about how she trying to earn a food truck in honor of her dead fiance, who died overseas because he was in the military. It was a sob story, and the only remotely interesting background of people running the trucks.

Of course, she was eliminated in week one. So basically, it seemed really cruel to me that her sob-story background was played up so much by the producers / whoever edited the show, since they knew she was getting shit-canned after one episode. But hey, on the plus side, maybe they got an extra half-point in the ratings for it.

Beyond that bit of ick, there is a bunch of manufactured drama, like trucks getting into traffic accidents - oh no, how will they ever pay the insurance deductible? There is a huge quality split in the various contestants as well, and the editing is so slipshod that it isn't covered up well for drama purposes, unlike a competent reality show like Top Chef.

Also, the show itself is pretty threadbare. Between the commercials, and intro recaps in and out of every break, the actual show is maybe 40 minutes.

So yes, I'm pretty much hate-watching the show - I like to see how low Food Network can set the bar. I'm eagerly anticipating season three as a result.

The image is from the big banner on Food Network's website for the show.

Things I've learned from Food Network and Top Chef

There are some universal cooking truths that I've picked up from watching all of the various programs on the Food Network, and Bravo's Top Chef. While I'm no master cook, these sort of tips aren't really about my own cooking anyway - More of a reflection of the shows themselves. On to the list, in no particular order:

1) The Food Network has so many random shows that nobody ever suspects that they're on Throwdown. I've probably seen at least 20 episodes of this show, and nobody ever says, "Wow, since when has the Food Network had a show about the best hot dogs produced by pregnant Middle Eastern women?"

I have a lurking suspicion that it is because the Food Network has so many shows that are actually shows that do not sound like shows. You know, like the one about people making high-end cakes, or the various competitions they show from across the states, or the one where the fat guy with the bleach blonde hair eats greasy diner food and shockingly always likes it. Oh, and they always had an awesome Japanese cooking game show that they turned into a lousy American version, and also, a show where they specifically looked for the worst cooks in America.

At this point, if Food Network knocked on my door and said they were giving me a show, I wouldn't doubt them. "Oh, you're trying to get that important low-paid, mid-20s demographic? Sure, let me just dust off my recipe for lamb shanks in Keystone Light..."

2) The cooking ability of a female Food Network chef is inversely proportional to her hotness. Giada De Laurentiis? I didn't even know she was a cook until seeing her show a couple of times. At that point, I noticed that she did indeed have a spice rack underneath her rack. Likewise, Rachel Ray and Sandra Lee are varying degrees of "easy on the eyes" but clearly inferior cooks to others on the channel. However, there is a corollary to this...

3) Hotness matters not on Top Chef for ladies, but it helps if you're a dude. The greatest proof I can offer is that Tiffany (season one) and Casey (season three) both made the finals. However, it invariably seems like the dreamier Top Chef men make the final rounds at a higher percentage. The best example of this was Sam, who just made me turn a little gay as I thought about him. (Sorry for that TMI.) But there was also Fabio of the glorious accent, and the stoic cool of season one's Harold.

4) In any cooking competition, it is a bad idea to do rice or a risotto. Every single season, someone gets eliminated from Top Chef or Top Chef Ripoff (the Food Network star show) because they do a shitty rice or risotto. If you are on one of these shows, please don't attempt a rice or risotto.

In the past, dessert also fit into this category. However, the contestants wizened up to this, as some of the challenges specifically called for making desserts, and the cooks and judges on the various shows acknowledged that people had troubles making desserts.

The picture of Giada is from here. The Flay picture is from this blog.

Storytime with Amanda Meyer: Jeffrey Steingarten and for the love of foie gras

Every Saturday, my friend Amanda Meyer writes a blog entry. One, because I think she's an excellent writer, and two, because I like to have a day off. Questions, comments or concerns? Leave them at the end of this entry, gawd!

Something I have learned about myself this week is that if I could trade lives with anyone in the world I would choose... Jeffrey Steingarten! Shocking, oui?

So he doesn’t have much going in the looks department, he has a funny sounding voice and I’m willing to bet most people don’t even know who he is. But you know what I have to say to those people? Get you butt to a couch and start watching some Food Network!

Steingarten happens to be one of the world’s leading food critics, a field I wish was easier to break into. This guy has a sweet gig going on. First of all, he works for Vogue. Hello! Who doesn’t want to work for Vogue? That magazine can singlehandedly solve any of my life’s problems.

He is also a regular judge on Iron Chef. Not only does this mean he eats delicious food, but he gets a lot of opportunities to meet Bobby Flay (my ultimate celeb crush). I also have a great appreciation for the fact that he graduated from Harvard and then Harvard Law, worked for Boston’s Mayor White, but left politics behind to be a writer. That’s admirable, and he’s really good at it; I highly recommend his book, The Man Who Ate Everything.

This leads me to my next point - The guy is paid to eat (everything!). I blame my love of food on my very Italian family. It was not until I was about 15, when I invited my then-boyfriend over for Christmas Eve dinner, that I realized most Americans do not eat seven courses of seafood over the holidays. I grew up assuming that raw oysters and calamari were every day fare, although I now realize that could not be further from the truth. Silly me.

I have also learned that conversations with new friends about favorite foods seldom go well. Usually they talk about their love of pizza or lasagna or even ribs, to which I express my undying love of foie gras and cioppino (for those of you who care, that’s goose liver pate and Italian fish stew). My obsession with Food Network shows as well as Bravo’s Top Chef only continue to encourage me to try new things, which in turn encourages more and more strange looks from people I tell about them.

But when you’re a famous food critic, I bet you don’t get funny looks. Mr. Steingarten makes these same dishes sound so fantastic that everyone who reads his book will immediately be inclined to book a flight to France for some authentic escargots! I would love that kind of power.

Luckily for me, I have found a great way to share this love of food with other foodies via the Internet. Yelp! is not only a great way to rave or rant about a meal out, but also a wonderful way to find some hidden gems in your area that you just have to try. So maybe this doesn’t put me quite on the same level as my new-found hero, but everyone has to start somewhere. Oh, and if you’re curious, you can find all my reviews under my username: amandabanana.yelp.com.

The picture of Jeffy is from this site here, which has several humorous photos of chefs and others downing some sort of booze.

Top Chef back on top tonight

Another Top Chef season starts tonight, although it is a spin-off show, Masters, as opposed to a proper season. Still, anything is better than nothing, since we have hit the dead zone (not The Dead Zone) of the television season. All of my favorite shows - Family Guy, Heroes, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Office, Life on Mars - are either on break or canceled completely. Only wrestling and baseball are on to entertain me, and both can be quite hit or miss.

Anyway - focusing. I like Top Chef because, although it is a reality show, the contestants are all professionals. The focusing is on the cooking, and as far as the meals go, what they make looks far better than almost all of the things made on the Food Network. This is surprising, since most weeks the challenge is something ridiculous. "Make a gourmet meal out of these 20 things from a convenience store!"

Sadly, the more recent seasons haven't been as good as the initial ones, as the focus has shifted subtly to the drama between contestants. The first season was special because Harold just STFU and cooked awesome food. But the lesson the producers seemed to take from it was that we needed more Stevens, the pompous wine guy who lecture incessantly. (Shockingly, Steven is the one reality show contestant ever to look at his behavior on TV, then to come back and admit that he was a gigantic tool and to completely reform his ways.)

I understand the need for some drama, since it is television and all. But the drama on a show like this should originate from the tension over what the judges will pick as the best dish, as opposed to relying on relationships between contestants and their personality traits.

I think this is an underrated aspect to American Idol's success - You don't see behind the scenes vignettes about how Kelly Clarkson hates Justin Guarini. (Timely reference, I know, but I don't really watch Idol, and their god awful movie deserves more attention.) You might see a piece or two about their home lives, but the bitterness from other reality shows isn't present. The focus is on singing and popularity and the judges, which is smart, because the judges (at least the mains) don't really change from year to year.

On a random note, Masters has different judges than the main show, which is unfortunate, because Tom is awesome. Anyway, one is Kelly Choi, who last appeared on TV in... Eat Out NY. What an unfortunate name.