Episode 087 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1989)

This week in Your Parents Basement, we are embracing the best aspects of turtle power! From 1989, we’re playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by Konami (Ultra) for the NES.

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TIMESTAMPS

• 0:00 – Intro, which features the hypnotic 15-second loop from the first stage.
• 39:50 – Emails!
• 53:30 – It’s time to… Ask the Sweet Boys.
• 1:01:00 – A snifferoo, as well as an outtake!

SHOW NOTES

- According to Price Charting, TMNT is pretty affordable by itself, just $7 for the loose cart. It’s $29 for the box and manual as well.

- Wikipedia has a good entry on the Konami vs. Ultra distinctions.

- Hardcore Gaming explains why TMNT is so “weird” versus other Turtles media.

Inexplicable Video Game Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 4

Remember a couple entries back, when I was talking about how awesome the second and third Ninja Turtles games were for the NES? Well, imagine that excellent, but riding a cool skateboard and eating pizza, because like, that's how totally awesome the fourth Turtles game for the SNES is.

Quite frankly, it's one of the best games for the system, which is amazing since it came out in 1992. Although technically titled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time, my friends and I just called it Super Turtles. You see, this was a clever double meaning, in that it was the first Turtles game for the SUPER Nintendo, and because the quality was quite SUPER as well. Ha ha ha, aren't I so clever? (Yeah, I'm totally taking credit for it right now.)

Anyway. Besides some obvious technical enhancements, Super Turtles is vastly superior from a planning and layout perspective. Stages feature more thing to interact with, such as manholes, damage-causing traffic cones and exploding gas tanks. While regular enemies are still numerous, bosses feature a life bar, which makes it much more convenient to fight them; you know if you have enough life to fight conservatively or aggressively.

The four turtles each have different weapons and attacks, and slight differences in attack power. You can also now run and use shoulder tackles, and there are combo attacks allowing for throws (more points) and back-and-forth slams (splash damage on nearby enemies). This is in addition to the usual weapon attacks, a jump kick, a slow but strong jumping weapon attack, and a character-specific special attack.

Touching on the technical enhancements – This is by far the best version at capturing the spirit of the animated cartoon Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which is what most kids I knew liked about it. The music and sound effects are also spot-on, and heck, they even managed to cram in almost all of the relevant characters from the show. The time travel aspect of the storyline means there are some silly cutscenes that totally fit in with the flavor of the show.

They attempted a 3D remake for X-Box Live or Network, whatever it is called. Although I haven't played it, I've heard it's ass, so stick with the original. It ranges for $2 to $30 on eBay, depending on whether you want the box and manual. I wholeheartedly recommend it!

Inexplicable Video Game Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Two well-received entries that I've done lately have been on the NES and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Well, what could be better than COMBINING the two to create a bastard child of awesomeness? Practically nothing, I say!

- Firstly, the initial Turtles game is already covered pretty well on the web by the Angry Video Game Nerd. You can watch his video here. It was one of the first games I ever owned, and while I thought it was OK, it has a punishing difficulty level because of the poor play control.

Also, as the Nerd points out, it has almost nothing to do with the series as a whole. You fight Shredder and the Technodrome toward the end of the game, and Rocksteady and Bebop at the start. The rest of your time is spent doing crap like fighting flaming men with some weapon called a "scroll" that no one on the show actually uses. Oh, and you also have to go through an insufferable water level where you defuse bombs, and every god damn thing on the screen can kill you.

- In contrast, Turtles II: The Arcade Game and Turtles III: The Manhattan Project are both excellent. At the time, Turtles II featured fresh-for-the-NES style arcade action, and a difficulty level that was tough, but not impossible.

Turtles III was more of the same. It was a little bit easier overall, but still very playable, and each turtles now had their own special move, as opposed to the generic jump slash of the second game. You could also lift enemies with your weapon and toss them.

Both games also did a much, much better job of including characters and boss enemies from the show and movies. Specifically, the second one ended with a showdown with Krang and Shredder. The only quibble I have with both games, which is a small one, is that the distinctiveness weapons are taken away. Especially in two, all of the attacks are generic, regardless of the length of your weapon.

- This post is just about the NES games, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention some other games. Turtles IV (or whatever silly name it has) is great, and although it can be really easy, it's easily the best of the hack-and-slash Turtles games. Likewise, the actual arcade version of Turtles II is excellent.

On the flip side, all of the fighting games stink. Steer far, far clear of them.

The Turtles in Time photo is from here. The picture at the top is from these neat entries on the Turtles.

Inexplicable Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles does not need tinkering, Michael Bay.

I'm normally pretty OK with movies being remade, even if they're popular titles from my past. For example, the first Transformers didn't completely suck, even if the second one was complete and utter trash. The Karate Kid was a classic, but I agree with Bill Simmons when he states that certain aspects of it feel completely dated; I think it might be hard for some kids now to relate to movies that have absolutely no computer, cell phone or Internet presence. The new Karate Kid doesn't look great to me, but it also doesn't look like complete ass.

I'm more confused by the news that Michael Bay is remaking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Uh, esqueeze me? Baking soda? What the heck is wrong with TMNT?

The movie holds up great, which isn't to say that it is a legitimately great movie. It is a bad movie aimed at kids, and it makes absolutely no attempt to be high art. With the ridiculous premise of turtles and a rat exposed to radiation who then learn kung-fu from the rat because he's originally from Japan, it would damn near be impossible to get an Oscar nomination. The turtles make lame jokes that are funny to kids, and so-bad-they're-funny to me now that I'm an adult.

It also helps the camp / humor value that everything about the movie is out of central casting and predictable, and logically unexplainable. You know, like how there is a secret army in New York City, led by a dude with a bladed helmet, and who seems to have a general who barely speaks English. They entice underage teenagers to join their super-serious martial arts gang with cigarettes, arcade games and skateboarding ramps. (Note about movies of this ilk, and a good idea for an Airplane! style spoof: What exactly is in it for all the super-serious henchmen of these movies? I'll even give you a title - Hench. Like, duh.)

There are also plenty of fight scenes, and most of them hold up well because they feature Three Stooges-style slapstick. ha ha, Michelangelo is on his back and spinning to trip up Foot Soldiers! Donatello just spit water in that guy's face! Oh, now the turtles are ordering pizza, and the Domino's guy (hi product placement!) can't find them because they live in a sewer, ha ha!

Given how ridiculous and great everything already is, why does their need to be a remake? Well, besides the obvious reason that Michael Bay would like to make lots of money. There are two directions they can go with this, both of which would suck:

- Make it like Batman Begins, which would mean super realistic and gritty... except that they're mutant ninja turtles?

- Copy the animated shows and go even more slapstick. However, the recent animated shows have sucked, so I can't see them doing big business. And hey, remember a couple years ago when they went this route and that movie sucked because it was slow and plodding?

In conclusion, Michael Bay please do not mess around with my movie. And also, don't you dare think of remaking The Wizard.