Monday, September 7, 2009

Inexplicable Movie Review / Rant: Transformers 2

This is probably why I should go to bed earlier. Taken from a rant I was giving to another friend around 2:30 a.m. EST about Transformers 2. I really could go on for about 2,000 words about how mind-splitting bad and inconsistent that movie is, but instead, I'll just give you this part.

I edited my friend out for privacy concerns. What got me started on this? Well, at the end of Good Will Hunting, he decides to follow his dreams of love as opposed to being super successful, or whatever. Rant follows:

ChemBros15: Aw.
ChemBros15: It's like the opposite of Transformers 2.
ChemBros15: See, in Transformers 2...
ChemBros15: In the first one, I guess he SAVES THE WORLD. And he has a super hot girlfriend.
ChemBros15: But yet
ChemBros15: For some reason
ChemBros15: In the second one, he HAS to attend a college really far away.
ChemBros15: HE JUST HAS TO!
ChemBros15: Because, you know, when you save the freakin' world, and you have a super hot girlfriend, you aren't satisfied enough by that.
ChemBros15: You just NEED to get that degree in chemistry.
ChemBros15: And there are no state schools you could go to.
ChemBros15: So that you could keep banging your supermodel GF.
ChemBros15: OH AND ALSO
ChemBros15: You have a car that can turn into a robot.
ChemBros15: And vice versa.
ChemBros15: Suffice to say, I did not enjoy the plot of Transformers 2, except that it was so bad it was great.
ChemBros15: It did not make sense on any level, in the slightest.
ChemBros15: In fact, to paraphrase Billy Madison, at no point in its rambling, incoherent 90 minutes, did it approximate anything remotely resembling a coherent plot. We are all stupider for having seen it, and may God have mercy on our souls.
ChemBros15: And also, I'm posting all of this to the blog.
ChemBros15: It can be a special treat for tomorrow morning, because I don't feel like expanding more on what I said.
ChemBros15: OH BUT WAIT.
ChemBros15: Okay.
ChemBros15: Just one more thing.
ChemBros15: There is a Transformer, one of the evil ones, that can turn into a human.
ChemBros15: And it turns into a hot chick that goes psycho on Shia LePussy.
ChemBros15: Yet it still can't manage to kill him or download his brain or anything!

I'm not even the world's biggest Megan Fox fan - Every interview and even photo of her just screams, "Fucking nuts!", to me, which is unappealing for someone as prudish as I am. But if I was 18 again (hey, what an original idea for a movie!), you bet your sweet ass I would not be moving 10 minutes away from Megan Fox, nevermind across the god damn country.


  1. God that movie was pretty bad.

    Although you have to admit it was pretty funny in the scene outside the frat house during the party when the dude bros are pissed at shia lebeouf cause his car rolled up in their garden.
    Shia: It's cool guys. I'll take care of it. Why don't you go see if you can find that polo in a tighter size.
    bro dude 1: we already looked! ::fist taps bro dude 2::

  2. That part was kind of funny - I had forgotten it even happened. But the only decent characters / acting in the whole movie was by Shia's parents. Everyone else could have died in the Transformer apocalypse and I would have said, "Good riddance!"


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