Saturday, September 19, 2009

Pickin' Pigskin with Kristin: Week 2

[Left] The beautiful Kristin Hanson, on her wedding day, with some lucky dude. Every week, Kristin will be offering her counterpicks to Bob and Steve's picks.

KANSAS CITY over Oakland (3)

Kristin: Oakland (+3)

The Raiders seem meaner. I really think that in Kansas all they know about is corn, and other boring nice things, so giant people wearing eye patches should be able to come within at least three points. (Editor's note: Kansas City is in Missouri.)

TENNESSEE over Houston (6.5)

Kristin: Tennessee (-6.5)

The only way that Houston wins games is when somehow gusts of wind block Adam Vinateri's kicks in their dome. I'm not over it. And they didn't even win that game.

New England over NY JETS (3.5)

Kristin: New England (-3.5)

Go Pats! And apparently, the new Jets coach has been talking smack to try to keep up the Pats-Jets rivalry, because if the Pats-Jets rivalry went away, that many more people would not give a shit about the Jets. The Jets quarterback also looks like a 1970s porn star. And I think 1970s porn stars usually had Hep C, so they really shouldn't be athletic.

GREEN BAY over Cincinnati (9)

Kristin: Green Bay (-9)

I just really like cheeseheads, and if they're playing at home I get to see cheeseheads.

Minnesota over DETROIT (10)

Kristin: Minnesota (-9)

It's hard to have feelings about most of these games. The Lions pretty much suck. I feel kind of bad for them.

PHILADELPHIA over New Orleans (PK)

Kristin: New Orleans

They played well in their first game and didn't whose-his-face (Editor's note: Donovan McNabb) get injured again? That's part of his job. It's probably in his contract to get injured every year.

ATLANTA over Carolina (6)

Kristin: Atlanta (-6)

I'll have to leave my cell phone on during that game, because I heard I might be getting called up to QB for Carolina.

WASHINGTON over St. Louis (9.5)

Kristin: Washington (-9.5)

I have to say the 'Skins even though I don't think they're going to win. Maybe they left their offense at the home field, and it will rejoin the team for their home opener.

JACKSONVILLE over Arizona (3)

Kristin: Jacksonville (-3)

Jaguars are cooler than Cardinals, if you had to pick one for a pet.

SAN FRANCISCO over Seattle (1.5)

Kristin: Seattle (+1.5)

I know San Francisco did well last week, but now they're not really the underdogs anymore because they're favored to win. If they were feeding off being the underdogs, they have nothing left to eat.

BUFFALO over Tampa Bay (5)

Kristin: Buffalo (-5)

Either they're super mad and come out with something to prove after getting their asses handed to them by Tommy McBrady, or they return to the doldrums at the bottom of our conference. The second one is probably more likely because TO is too busy with his reality show to make any big catches, or at least he was last week. Either way, they'll probably still beat Tampa Bay.

DENVER over Cleveland (3)

Kristin: Denver (-3)

If they're at home, they might get lucky again. Also, the Browns? Really? Why not the Pinks, or the Sky Blues? Who wants to be a Browns fan?

SAN DIEGO over Baltimore (3)

Kristin: Baltimore (+3)

Baltimore has always been known for their defense, but they put up a lot of points last week. If they're not jetlagged, I think they have a shot.

Pittsburgh over CHICAGO (3)

Kristin: Pittsburgh (-3)

I know both teams had injuries. I think that the Steelers are starting from a better place, and maybe they'll be able to concentrate better without Hairy-Mr. Stupid-I-Want-to-Attack-You-with-Scissors-Face (editors note: Troy Polamalu). I know I'd be able to play a lot better if he got a haircut, or at least got relegated to the sidelines and wasn't able to look at me.

DALLAS over NY Giants (3)

Kristin: Dallas (-3)

As much as I don't want to pick either team, one of them has to win. And, I was reading that Dallas has a shiny new stadium, so if they don't win they should be really ashamed. Like a lot.

Indianapolis over MIAMI (3)

Kristin: Miami (+3)

I know this is a very foolish pick but Chad Pennington is good for nothing but upsets, or at least upsetting me. Yeah, they really probably won't win, because don't they really not have much of a run game, or defense? I know they don't have Mr. Magic Dreadlocks Man (Editor's note: Ricky Williams) tearing it up anymore and they don't have the Other No. 54 (Editor's note: Zach Thomas). I think all the pot finally made Mr. Magic Dreadlocks Man lazy and he doesn't want to run fast anymore. BUT THE COLTS STILL SUCK! HAHAHAHAHA!

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