Andy did get these picks to me right at 1 p.m., so none of the games had started yet. As a disclaimer, pretty much none of these are SFW, so read on if you dare.
KANSAS CITY over Oakland (3)
Andy: Kansas City
While this game will be testing Oakland’s shaky offense, the big question that remains to be answered is will Oakland ever play football well enough to win. My answer is no. KC played a Baltimore D that is better than Oakland’s last week and scored many, many points.
TENNESSEE over Houston (6.5)
Tennessee is coming off of a loss where they had victory in their grasp and lost it to a casino employee raping Steeler team in overtime. Due to this they are going to push Houston’s face into a pillow while they push through the teas.
New England over NY JETS (3.5)
Andy: I don’t pick Pats' games, it's bad luck
GREEN BAY over Cincinnati (9)
Andy: Green Bay
Cincinnati has a run stopping defense and is playing a pass heavy offense. Aaron Rogers will reach a rhythm and not be stopped, and while this is bad news for Bobby’s fantasy team and Ryan Grant, this is good news for the whole city of Green Bay.
Minnesota Over DETROIT (10)
Andy: Adrian Peterson
All Day is going to the Motor City and is about to run train on the entire Lions organization. I predict that AP will have a better time then Kanye West had at the VMAs.
PHILLY over New Orleans (PK)
Andy: New Orleans
The boys in Vegas are giving Phili excess respect this week for the piss poor line they gave them last week. The only problem is that they aren’t playing Jake Delsuckface this week, they’re playing the best offense in the NFC. Drew Breeses through this week.
ATL over Carolina (6)
This game is going to be sadder then Mike Vick going to a petting zoo. Atlanta is keeping its heat from last season while Carolina’s team all wants to play for New England. Falcons at Home means that the Panthers are going to be drowned and electrocuted.
WAS over St. Louis
This game is difficult to predict because both of these teams are huge under achievers. The only thing is that I believe the Skins have more self-respect then the Rams. Clinton Portis has two runs for 20+ yards and 25 runs for less then 3.
JACKSONVILLE over Arizona (3)
This is silly - Arizona is going to win by double digits. Jacksonville is already telling their QB to suck it because Tebow is going to be their starter next season, and because of this Gerrard will poop himself on the field like he does every game and lead his offense to 14 total yards.
SAN FRAN over Seattle (1.5)
I believe that the Seahawks have something going this season, while the Niners will be more focused on Micheal Crabtree. Expect to see the Seattle receiving corps do something worth talking about
Buffalo over TB(5)
Andy: Tampa Bay
The Bucs are a better team than what people think, while the Bills thought that they had a game in the bag last week and gave up. Expect to see this team have a hangover that the Bucs capitalize on, leading to more Bills players having their lawns defiled.
DENVER over Cleveland(3)
What the Vegas boys forgot about this game is that the Broncos are a bunch of gays. The Cleveland Steamers leave a huge mound of disgrace on each of the Broncos Chests.
SAN DIEGO over Baltimore (3)
I think this pick is poor, but I hate the chargers. This game will be lights out when Ray Lewis fists Phillip Rivers
Pitt over CHICAGO (3)
Chicago blows, and without Urlacher they have nothing to look forward to all season.
PS. Polamalu is a little bitch
DALLAS over NYG(3)
Why? Because fuck the Cowboys, that’s why
Indianapolis over MIAMI (3)
Why? Because fuck Peyton Manning that’s why. Don’t judge me, the Pats game is about to start.