Steveats: Newport Creamery Waffle Grilled Cheese

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

Oftentimes, I get “inspiration” for this segment from the radio in my car. As in, I actually still listen to radio stations, and they always seem to heavily feature advertising from fast food places, greasy spoons and small chain restaurants.

Newport Creamery would fit into the latter two categories, and they’ve been hammering the airwaves lately with ads about their waffle grilled cheese sandwiches. Because they are a weird, kind of old chain, said items are not even on their regular menus, and instead, you can only see glimpses of them at the store and on their Facebook page. (My suspicion is that they don’t want to spend the $10 to print out newly-changed menus, because they’re seemingly using the same thinly-plastic laminated ones from the 1980s.)

I went with the Vermonster, which was a tasty combination of melted cheese, caramelized onions and bacon, on a garlic butter toasted waffle. While the cheese looks a little gloopy and gross, it tasted hella good. Likewise, the “waffle” portion was a bit soft and a tiny bit soggy, but still really good. Other options included a Buffalo chicken grilled cheese, and a dessert waffle grilled sandwich. You also get seasoned fries, so clearly, it was a very healthy meal for me.

The total cost was about $8 – a bit much for normal grilled cheese, but not bad for a hearty lunch that included fries. It’s not fine dining by any stretch of the imagination, since it’s still Newport Creamery, but it’s definitely worth ordering if you’re tired of their usual grilled cheese and hot dogs. (Side note: Nothing else is worth ordering there, except milkshakes and ice cream.)

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Steveats: Popeye’s Strawberry Cheesecake Pie Thing (and practically a whole chicken)

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

So, Popeye’s has a dessert item. I’m calling it a “dessert item” because they didn’t really have a name for it on the menu. It was a sort of pie, similar to the apple “pies” that are served at McDonald’s – a sort of fried, two or three-bite item. Except instead of apple pie, Popeye’s pie item has cheesecake and strawberry filling.

The verdict… Surprisingly good! It was sweet, but not overpowering, and I’d definitely have it again. The pie casing was pretty iffy, but still, that filling made it a perfectly above-average fast food item. Thumbs up to the Popeye’s dessert team!

However, when it comes to Popeye’s other items, holy hell are they really giving you a metric ton of chicken nowadays. Their traditional combo meals are called platters, and come with two or three pieces of chicken, a side and a drink for about $10 or $11. Orrrrr, you can pay $11.50 for a special meal deal they have, and they give you five pieces of chicken, two sides, a dessert item and a 44-ounce soft drink!

That is a ton of food – see the photo. And of course, I plowed through it. While it’s advertised as five pieces of chicken, it’s more like three, three and a half. There is almost no meat on the bone-in thighs and wings, but the breast and drumstick were tasty, if you’re into fried chicken. And who the heck doesn’t like fried chicken? Even fast food fried chicken is still delicious, says the guy who can always be talked into KFC. I generally prefer Popeye’s to KFC, because it tastes a tiny bit less greasy and the actual chicken is better, but I’m game for both at all times.

One definite edge KFC has though – mashed potatoes. Popeye’s gave me this weird, soupy mixture with gravy and bacon bits in it. Is the bacon craze over yet? It was cute when it first started, but now a bunch of companies are using bacon that have absolutely no business involving bacon in their food transactions. You do you Popeye’s, and just stick to the fried chicken, and those weird, spicy French fries on your menu too.

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Steveats: The Oddly Disappointing Angriest Whopper

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

For the second time, I’m going to the Burger King well for a Steveats. And for the second time, I’m disappointed! Although this time, it’s for oddly disappointing reasons.

Frankly, the Angriest Whopper is not really that angry. The main gimmick is the bright red bun, which allegedly has hot sauce baked into it. However, it just tasted like a normal bun to me, and I’m someone who’s usually pretty damn sensitive to any sort of heat. Like, a jalapeno ring or two is normally plenty for me on some nachos or a burger. I’m not sure if the taste varies from bun-to-bun (teehee), but my particular Angriest Whopper was incredibly tame.

The other ingredients, according to the BK website, are jalapenos, thick-cut bacon, “angry onion petals” and the usual lettuce, tomato and mayo. The bacon was OK, but it tasted like the normal BK / fast food microwaved bacon to me, not any sort of special thick-cut variety. Likewise, the angry onion petals were seemingly just partial or smaller onion rings. They either had no or a weak hot sauce on them. My particular Whopper only had a couple jalapenos on it, and they were the hottest component by far. Still though, they’d probably disappoint anyone serious about setting their taste buds aflame. I didn’t really consciously want this, but if something is being billed as The Angriest Whopper, then I do kind of want it to be something that I regret eating for that reason, not just because it’s gross.

The worst part though? I paid about $5.50 for the “pleasure” of the Angriest Whopper. That’s about $2 more than a normal Whopper, even though the main differences seemed to be 1) the tasteless bun 2) a few strips of bacon and 3) jalapenos. To double down on the bad news, BK’s website said it’s 830 calories for the damn thing! And 1,530 mg of salt, more than half the recommended daily allowance. Blah. Anyway, this is a fast food item that y’all can safely skip. The best part is the design on the wrapper.

(Side TMI / gross note: At least this Whopper doesn’t have the poop problem the Halloween Whopper did, at least in my field research…)

If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!