Steveats: Gas Station Buffalo Chicken Rollers aren’t bad

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

Since my last entry on gas station food was well-received, I decided to go back to that dirty well for this week’s entry. Speedway seems to be the new kid on the block in the northeast, as they either bought out Hess or simply took over the majority of their locations in Rhode Island. Of course, me being me, I was very tantalized when one of them had a sign that said “TWO HOT SANDWICHES FOR $2.50.”

“Ooo, how mysterious!” I thought. “Hot sandwich, whatever could they mean? Is it going to be like Arby’s? Except edible? Maybe a nice pastrami or one of them New York deli sandwiches, as Mitch Hedberg described them, like a loaf of bread and a pound of meat. I’m positive that’s what a gas station would serve!”

With BBQ.

But, as you can (hopefully) guess from the title to this entry, what they mean is tubular meats. And let me be clear about one thing – This aggression of calling a hot dog a sandwich, it won’t stand. I don’t know who started out this horrible misnaming, but a hot dog is its own separate thing, just like the hamburger. That could also technically be a sandwich, if you’re a jerk like that.

Anyway. The buffalo chicken rollers from Speedway are pretty similar to the taquitos I got the other week, but, they were better. The advertising on the front of the station made them look like shredded chicken meat, unfortunately though, it’s still the same ole tubular meat. Thankfully though, the buffalo is potent, and the chicken tastes like chicken. A bit rubbery, but quite edible, and the equal of the hot dog.

With mayo.

One issue if Speedway wants to seriously up its tubular meat game – condiments. If you’re offering a buffalo item, then it’s your civic duty to also offer ranch or blue cheese. Speedway had neither available, so I had to settle for BBQ (not bad) and mayo (ick; just too much). Also, there were no plastic forks, otherwise I probably would have ditched the bun and had my tubular meat kabob style.

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