Inexplicable Gilmore Girls Review: Christopher the Desperate, Rory has no friends

In a rare image, Rory has friends!

Warning: Spoilers follow for episodes one through 12 for season seven of Gilmore Girls.

There are few bigger fans of Lauren Graham than I. However, my affection doesn’t necessarily extend to Lorelai Gilmore. She’s a pistol, as my friend Mike Smith would say, but holy smokes there is a whole lot of baggage that goes along with her. I don’t mean the literal baggage (because her home is full of junk food, junk art and junk furniture), or her status as a single mother. I’m referring more to the immense trust issues she has with Emily, and which then permeate every other relationship she has.

So! It’s kind of understandable why Luke would put up with it – He’s a surly, grumpy diner owner in Stars Hollow. He doesn’t have many other options, and Lorelai is a legit catch for him. Except for inexplicably attractive extras in the background, the other women in Stars Hollow between 21 and 50 seem to be 1) Gypsy 2) Lulu and 3) Rory (all sorts of ew).  Well, ever since the strange disappearance and tragic murder of Lindsay. (My biggest pet peeve, by the way – Some Stars Hollow characters just falling off the map, once The Story of Lorelai and Rory are done with them.)

However, Christopher is a decent looking dude with many millions, potentially billions, of dollars. He seems relatively charming, and while I’m not his biggest fan, he’s not obviously defective like many other characters on the show. He even manages to grow some hair back in the course of the show’s run!

Therefore, it’s kind of depressing that he keeps going back to the Lorelai Gilmore Tree for that dose of sweet and sour sap. It makes him seem incredibly desperate. He and Lorelai have a child together, except that child is now a 20-something, soon-to-be Yale graduate. They also have a horrible, tangled history with one another, and that’s without including the parental baggage.

Lorelai and Christopher get married and divorced in the span of the first 12 episodes of the seventh season, but, meh. It all landed with a wet thud to me, because it was never all that believable that Lorelai was into Christopher. Yes, I realize that’s how Lauren Graham was playing it and what the show wanted, but it wasn’t ever compelling or dramatic television for me because Christopher was so unbelievably desperate or blind to that fact – take your pick.

Anyway, other stuff happens in the first dozen episodes. Rory finally gets some friends besides Paris, in the form of Olivia and Lucy (a.k.a. Kristyn Ritter, a.k.a. The Bitch In Apartment 23, a.k.a. Jessica Jones). Unfortunately, because Rory is involved, it means this just can’t be normal. Lucy is dating a suddenly kind of cool Marty, who gives Rory the cold shoulder and lies about knowing her.

This whole situation is weird. Marty could have diffused it by telling Lucy at some point, “Hey, you know, I actually know Rory. Sorry! I was embarrassed about telling you because I had a crush on her at one point, and she kind of turned me down.” Marty definitely should have done this, because Lucy was waaaaayyyyyy out of his league. That would have been way more adult than the ensuing shitshow that happens, wherein Logan, of all people, eventually gets crapped on by Rory for being a decent human being and telling Lucy.

Also, Luke’s Secret Daughter continues to be excellent.

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