Friday, October 1, 2010

The Baggage Game - Thursday (or Friday), September 30, 2010


Welcome to another edition of The Baggage Game! This was actually supposed to post last night, but something got buggered up, and I didn't notice until now. Hence, the weird title. As usual though, you can find the Excess Baggage here, and the episode itself is linked at the bottom. And the neat image above is from this artist's website.

Today's contestant is Danny, a website designer from Kneilworth, New Jersey, and he's wearing a smart vest. He wants someone who can appreciate horror films. He kind of looks like a Jonas brother.

The first potential dater is Sharla, who is billed as a "dancer" from Apple Valley, California. She is tall, busty and blonde, but dressed conservatively, so she might not be THAT kind of dancer. (She definitely could be though.) Next up is an "agency representative" from Houston, Texas, named Ty. And finally, there is Evelyn, a public relations rep from Key Largo, Florida. I dislike her immediately because her blouse is tucked into her super high shorts. Of the three, Sharla definitely wins the beauty contest.

First Round

Sharla: I have a collection of 50 knives. (Jerry says, "And 49 ex-boyfriends.")
Ty: I spend $1,000 a month on my hair. (Jerry says, "That is unbe-weave-able.")
Evelyn: I always pick my nose while driving.


Sharla says nothing is sexier to her than a girl with a knife. Well then. Ty's baggage makes her sound like she's horrible with money. And while Evelyn's baggage is gross, I do plenty of gross stuff too, so that wouldn't really dissuade me.

Second Round

Sharla: I kissed a girl and I liked it.
Ty: I plan my wedding after the first date.
Evelyn: I was rejected by an online dating site. (Jerry says, "Maybe she had some kind of virus.")


The first baggage is pretty benign for Baggage. Seriously, I'm sure plenty of gals have drunkenly kissed another gal. The second girl would be the most worrisome to me, and I'm generally a guy who likes commitment. You plan the wedding after the first date? The first one??? Goodness. (The crowd agrees with me, and lets out an angry scowl.) Meanwhile, I imagine the girl who got rejected is either bisexual, or she was already in a relationship at the time. Otherwise, I can't imagine why you'd get the boot.

But somewhat surprisingly to me, Danny decides to reject the dating site girl, and to keep the marriage woman. The online dating site woman turns out to be Evelyn. It turns out she was on some site where you describe your ideal guy, and it couldn't find him for her. This sounds like somewhat weak baggage to me, but whatever! I definitely would have kept her over the marriage girl, which turns out to be Ty. And Sharla continues to seem more and more appealing.

Time for the Hot Spot! Sharla is best described by "Genie in a Bottle" (note: limited to Christina songs), she will brag about being able to fit in her prom dress at her next high school reunion, three times a night is too many, she would blast her music to get Danny's attention at a traffic light, and fooling around is best when the moment strikes. (Note: Sharla has a tattoo of like a wristband on her leg, which is very distracting.) Ty likes Rob Pattison (the Twilight dude) over Rob Lowe, she spends too much money on perfume, when she's alone she likes to sing naked to her imaginary American Idol fans, and the one word she would use to describe Danny is hot.

Final Elimination Round

Sharla: I don't believe "fooling around" is cheating.
Ty: I poke holes in condoms.
Evelyn (eliminated): I emptied my bank account for a psychic.


Ick Sharla. And we were doing so well together! She clarifies that flirting isn't a big deal to her as long as she's coming home to him. However, her overall package is still WAY better than Ty, who clearly wants to get pregnant right away or something. Ye gads! She says she's really ready to move forward in her life. The already-eliminated Evelyn also sounds nutty, since she says she's into the psychic still.

Danny thinks it over for a minute, and then sends my girl Sharla home. Womp, womp, womp! He and Ty hug, and exchange a little cheek kiss. Danny's baggage is one of these three:

- I falsely impersonated a priest.
- I live in a tree house.
- My penis is all over the Internet.


The penis thing is definitely the worst. I'd hesitate if a girl I was dating had her boobs or vagine (in Borat terminology) all over the Internet. The tree house thing suggests to be some sort of hippie freak, which would also stink, whereas I would associate the priest thing with Halloween or a prank.

Ty says she would have a problem with the tree house thing the most, but Danny's actual baggage is the wang thing. He said that in 2006, he was a Playgirl centerfold. (Note: I am definitely not looking this up or providing a link for it :/ ) He said the shoot is available all over the Internet, and it gets some catcalls from the audience. Ty says she can accept his baggage though, and they kiss briefly on the lips.









11 comments:

  1. Sharla reminded me of a less-pretty version of Cameron Diaz. Still pretty, but not as pretty.
    Anyway, gotta disagree with you on Danny's round - I actually think the treehouse thing would be the worst. I would think maybe the penis thing was somehow a drunken night/accident when he or someone else took a picture and posted it? I dunno, it just seems like that has a lot more acceptable explanations than living in a treehouse, which is just weird and not okay for a grown man. Maybe I'm too narrow-minded. :P

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  2. @ Sierra - See, I'm not big into Cameron Diaz. If you're talking about Mask-era Diaz, before she lost about 500 pounds and still had breasts, then I'm game. But otherwise, she seems like a fuglier Kaitlin Olson (Sweet Dee from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) to me.

    I also think it is a male vs. female thing with the last round. As a dude, I'm used to girlfriends living at their parents' house or with three other friends. However, speaking as a man who had to live at his parents' house for 18 months at age 25 and 26, it is a much, much tougher feat to pull off. Therefore, I'd be more accepting of a woman in a tree house than I would be a woman with 500,000 naked pictures of herself online.

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  3. Mask-era Cameron Diaz was much prettier than current Cameron Diaz, that's for sure. When she takes her top off in The Sweetest Thing you can see all the bones going across her breast plate and it's pretty nauseating. I think she's aged pretty well though.
    I can see that that would be a bit of a gender barrier. Living with parents actually wouldn't bother me as much as the treehouse thing though.

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  4. Ummmmm, Ty is a nut job!!! Seriously bizarre--maybe they are actually a match made in Baggage Game heaven. Weird.

    Wouldn't be too crazy about my man's jewels being all over the internet, to be honest. :/

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  5. @ THE Frisky Virgin - Yeah, the condom thing is wickedly disturbing. What gives???

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  6. @ Sierra - Diaz just looks ravaged by age to me :/ Much like Claire Danes, I don't know if it's botox gone bad or something else, but their faces look like a football that has been tightened too much.

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  7. Haha Stephen, Your Blog has me cracking up. I had never seen the episode before today when I found this blog. Something just suddenly intrigued me to look up my episode & I found this...

    As for our "Baggage" as people/daters...the fact that I did the show has been, up until now, the most significant thing which I'd hide above all else. I agree with you %100 on that outfit they had me in and the neurotic LA girl in me desperately wishes I'd giggled less and been 10lbs thinner...haha

    Also...a quick note: While some of the "Baggage" they loosely try to base in reality, you and your followers should be aware that these shows are NOT real...and I swear I'm not crazy, well I did agree to do the show...but beyond that I am relatively sane. Haha

    Regardless of your opinion on me, though...Kudos on your blog! ;) I'm a fan!

    Evie-D

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  8. @ Evie-D: Thanks for taking my poking fun at you lightly, as it was intended :) You're now the third person I've heard back from; it's weird how small the Internet can be at times!

    I've also heard from others that they tend to embellish when it comes to the "baggage", which makes sense, given that Springer is involved.

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  9. @Maria KerkinosLast Not according to Danny!!!! Although she was pretty hot! Steve G Thank you so much for posting this. As talked about as this episode is, and the fact that they are STILL TO THIS DAY airing this, your site is the only place to find this episode! This episode was even talked about on the HBO series Girls!

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    Replies
    1. Ha, I do seem to be the only blog that kind of writes about this! Or at least, I did five to six years ago, before I cut the cable cord. But still, between a couple reality TV stars being on the show, and mentions on "Girls" and other shows, these entries tend to get some legacy hits, even if the writing does make me cringe from time-to-time now.

      If anyone is curious, the clip from Girls can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZor-ImMen0

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