Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Steveats: The Taco Bell Quesalupa

A Quesalupa in the wild.

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable fast food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

The Quesalupa, as described by the Taco Bell writing team, is a magical item. “A beautiful, chewy Chalupa shell on the outside, with delicious pepper jack cheese baked right inside the shell.” Why, yes, that does sound interesting to me! I quite enjoy cheese-based products, and while I’d never profess to being the world’s hugest Taco Bell fan, I’m also not immune to the wonders of a cheap taco during a night of drinking when I’m hungry late at night.

Unfortunately though, the Quesalupa didn’t even meet the low standards I had for it in my head. First off, get those confusing commercials out of your head. (A short analysis of them though – YouTube commentators had the same initial thought I did. Are we supposed to be noticing the redhead with the prodigious posterior? Also, what laundromat has an ATM machine between machines? The Onlines tell me that in the commercial, it’s meant to highlight that the people are so entranced by the cheese of the Quesalupa that they do not notice the person doing the cannonball or the stripping laundry lady, but it’s hard to tell because there are no vocals and a weird EDM track on in the background.)

The actual cheese in the Quesalupa isn’t all that stretchy. I know that saying “cheese” with any Taco Bell product is being generous, but still. It’s somewhere in-between the consistency of the shredded crap they put on their normal tacos and the gooey, liquid cheese for the burritos. It was somewhat flavorless, at least the one I tried.

Anyway, the rest of the ole Quesalupa is just the standard Taco Bell fare. I don’t mind normal Chalupas, but they don’t really deserve their increased price over the standard $0.99 items or Big Box of the Month. It’s $2.99 for the Quesalupa, and for your late night, bad food binging, three tacos or two McDoubles are better investments.

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