Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Pitching Perfect Projects: The Golden Girls 2

Wherein Steve shares sure to be hit TV or movie ideas. For the past ideas, click here!

The Golden Girls was a great show back in the day. Wikipedia says is starred “Beatrice Arthur,” Betty Whire, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty, and they’re all wonderful treasures. I will still occasionally leave it on TV late at night, on the rare occasions that an episode of Family Feud is not playing on Game Show Network.

The show was rare because it featured old people in a starring roles, which Hollywood and the TV industry are loathe to do, unless it’s stupid, broad comedy. (Looking in your direction, Wild Hogs.) And even then, older women get far less roles offered to them than older men, never mind starring roles.

But you know what Hollywood does love, more than anything else? Sequels! So, I’m proposing that we use one of Hollywood’s favorite devices, albeit an uncreative one, to get a great show and actresses back on the air. My casting ideas for Golden Girls 2:

1+2) Jessica Walter, 75, and Kelly Bishop, 72. Both are still acting, and they’re adept in a wide variety of comedy and drama roles. Walter, in Archer, Columbo, Arrested Development and Dinosaurs (she was Fran!); Bishop, in Gilmore Girls, Bunheads and Dirty Dancing. They’ve both got good acting chops, and especially in Walter’s case, they’re quite willing to consider a role as long as you cut them a check.

Why did I settle on these two as my main choices though? Well, because they sound similar. They both have rich voices, and by that, I mean they both sound like they came from the oldest of old money in their roles. I want to see them trading acidic lines with one another! Even better, they kind of dress similar in their two biggest roles, as Lucille Bluth and Emily Gilmore.

Did I mention they’re sisters? That’s because their mother is…

3) Betty White! Let’s not change the formula TOO much, after all. She’ll slide right into the mother role that Estelle Getty had on the original, and that she kind of already had on Hot in Cleveland. (Which, while I liked that show, it was clearly more of a younger sister to Golden Girls than a full-on sequel.)

4) Since Walter and Bishop are kind of acerbic, we need a personality to balance them out. Not sweet and matronly though, because that’s what you’d expect from an older lady, and besides, we’ve got White in the cast already. We need some sass and individuality with the sweet!

This is probably the most important role of the show, so I’d be backing up the Brinks truck on to the door of Diane Keaton. Beyond the money, the role might appeal to her because Wikipedia says she’s outspoken against plastic surgery, she became a mother at 55, and criticized the idea of “old maids” in film and real-life. (The back-up option is Catherine O’Hara of Home Alone, Christopher Guest movies and SCTV, but she’s only 62. She might be better as a recurring guest, a younger sister.)

Others considered: Lily Tomlin is 77, but probably too big of a name to be a regular cast member. She would definitely be a season one guest star target though. The same with Helen Mirren (71), Carol Burnett (83) and Faye Dunaway (75). Jane Fonda (76) is on the guest star list, but not being all that familiar with her IMDB, I’m not sure if I’d want her on a sitcom; same with Raquel Welch (76).

Anyway! If anyone from Hollywood is reading, feel free to send approval and Paypal to sgre6768@gmail.com, and I’ll get to work on a treatment.

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