Believe it
or not, since I’m so often at the forefront of the hottest pop culture trends,
but one of my favorite stations is the Game Show Network. The average viewer
age for the channel that plays Family
Feud on a loop is probably around 75, but hey, I like me some Feud to unwind at the end of the night.
Steve Harvey is funny, and jussstttt titillating enough as a host to make it an
interesting show. He’s no Richard Dawson, and I wish GSN would show some older
episodes more often, but it’s still plenty good.
However, one
constant feature of GSN is odd, uncomfortable and gross commercials. And most
of them are about poop. The most benign one is for Cologuard, which you can see
here.
Now, in case
you couldn’t watch just now or your mind filtered out the entire thing, let me
explain what you just watched – You poop in a box and then put it in the mail,
and then they analyze your poop and tell you if anything is wrong with your
poop. Their mascot is literally a Box of Poop.
I will hand
it to them though, the commercial is so cheerful that I didn’t initially
realize that it was asking me to poop in a box. And hey, at least it’s kind of,
sort of for decent health reasons. Outside of poop commercials, the other
bargain basement, budget cable commercials usually feature washed-up
celebrities hawking the importance of gold and end of days grifters, and ads
about catheters. Along the latter lines…
I feel a bit
bad for this actress. She seems to have a bit more spark and personality than
the sort you normally get for these kind of commercials. They usually seem
resigned to the idea that this probably isn’t good for their overall careers,
but hey, you need that check to pay for the kids’ private school tuition.
In contrast,
this blonde lady seems like she has some chops. I’d cast her to be the spunky
daughter or granddaughter in my Golden
Girls 2 treatment. She deserves better than to be talking so openly and
loosely about poops. The devil’s donuts.
And, oh yeah
– this commercial seems somewhat insane. I have no idea who greenlit it, or
thought, “Hey, this will be a good look for our product!” Then again, I’m
talking about it and you’re now reading about it, so I imagine THEY WIN. They
win with their disgusting poop. God.
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