Pickin' pigskin with Bob and Steve: Week 14, Part 2

Sorry about the delay yet again, but yet again, I was busy (procrastinating) with work, which affected by time in posting this.

INDIANAPOLIS over Denver (7)

Steve: Indy -7

Listen, as they say on The Office, when there are two Santas, things get ruthless. And the Colts want that perfect record... Actually, I have no idea if this is the case, but I did love The Office this week. I really wanted to work it into the football picks somehow, and I decided to do so here. Do I regret this? No. Because it really was a wonderful episode. And it was awesome when Dwight kicked the tree down. And oh so awkward when they called David Wallace on speakerphone. And awesome how Jim knew the perfect gift to get Kelly.

Bob: Pain and misery -7

I feel like this is the last opportunity to stop the Colts before they go 16-0. And I don't think Denver has it in them to do it. Next week they face Jacksonville for the second time, and Indy seems to perform well against teams the second time they see them. Other than that its the Jets and Bills. Both teams could be dangerous, but I don't see how they are any more dangerous than the numerous other opponents the Colts have knocked off. Meanwhile Denver hasn't beaten anybody terribly good this year and lost to the perhaps mediocre Steelers and Ravens.

As for this week's episode of The Office, I felt like it wasn't nearly as funny as this week's episode of 30 Rock. Between Tracy Jordan being the only one to see through the writer's Verkunian dodge to Kenneth's Secret Santa, Jack letting his Boston accent slip for a bit, and Liz Lemon calling in the bomb threat to keep Jack's crush in town from the writer's phone, the episode was pretty hilarious. I'm not trying to discount The Office, since that show is funny too, but 30 Rock is the show I really look forward to on NBC Thursdays.

MINNESOTA over Cincinnati (7)

Bob: Minnesota -7

It's starting to look like the Bengals might have had a really weak schedule. We thought the Steelers and Ravens were good, but maybe they just aren't. Otherwise, the Bengals have beaten Detroit, Cleveland x 2, and Chicago. The only good win they have is against a Green Bay team that was very troubled at the beginning of the season. They are catching Minnesota at what could be a very vulnerable time (Brett Favre in December), so they may be able to sneak a win. But I can't say I've been too impressed with anything the Bengals have done this year, and they have looked even worse since Cedric Benson went down.

What can we compare Brett Favre's ongoing troubles in December to, by the way? We could talk about Tony Romo in the playoffs, but for Romo it seems mental whereas Brett Favre just seems to lose some sort of magic. I would say a better comparison would be Robin Williams - who is great in most comedies but just seems to not be great in serious movies. Sure, he was good in Good Will Hunting (Sure, Brett Favre won that Super Bowl), but everything else has been kind of unimpressive or just plain bad. That would make Brett Favre's interception to end his career with the Packers What Dreams May Come (a good effort that just didn't come together) and his season as a Jet Bicentennial Man (unmitigated disaster). I hate to say it to Brett Favre haters, but the first two movies I thought to compare to this season (Insomnia and One Hour Photo) were apparently very well received. Let's hope that this season is more of an Artificial Intelligence (so much promise but in the end just awful).

Steve: Cincy +7

I'm not sure if I buy into your Robin Williams argument, since two of his best received movies - Good Will Hunting and Good Morning Vietnam - he was playing “serious” characters. Sure, in Vietnam he got to be a bit wacky, but it's still a movie primarily about war.

I feel he has the opposite problem – When he tries to do a comedy, it ends up sucking. Robin Williams is like a character from a Saturday Night Live skit. Almost all of them suck when they're exposed in a longer movie, such as Night at the Roxbury or It's Pat or Stuart Saves His Family. Every once in a great while, a movie will work somewhat OK - The Ladies Man and Hook - and every once in a while, you get the rare thing that works completely - Wayne's World and the aforementioned good Robin Williams movies.

That really doesn't have much to do with this game at all. I'm going with the Bengals because I'm a glutton for punishment, and I have to take some chances to pick up games at this point.

NY Jets over TAMPA BAY (3)

Steve: Jets -3

Collapsing team vs. team that teases me with competence. Hm... I'll go with the Jets for this game, even though The Sanchise is allegedly not playing. (That could be even more reason to pick the Jets here, you know.)

Bob: Jets -3

Tampa Bay had a nice little run there when they covered against a few teams, but they are still 1-11. This spread seems dangerously low to trust the Bucs to stay in the game. Then again, Kellen Clemmens is an interception machine. In his one season as a starter he averaged an interception roughly every 25 passing attempts, and the next year he managed to throw a pick with only five attempts over the whole season. I'm going to stick with the Jets only because I just don't trust the Bucs to be able to take advantage of the bad QB.

KANSAS CITY over Buffalo (PICK)

Bob: Buffalo

So if having to watch Buffalo play in Toronto was like having to watch your girlfriend cheat on you on The Real World, does that mean having to watch them play Kansas City is like having to take them to a play after you take them back (because let's face it, you aren't doing better)?

Steve: Kansas City

Uhhhh... I'm not sure about this analogy. But hey, it's almost Christmas, so why not? As a result, my gift to the Chiefs is picking them, and Matt Cassel, in this game. Also, I hope that I spelled Cassel right, because I'm too lazy to look it up.

Green Bay over CHICAGO (3)

Steve: Green Bay -3

I'm shocked that this line is so low. Haven't the Packers won them some football games? Don't the Bears still suck?

To make more references to NBC shows, it is as puzzling as the decision of Community to focus on Britta as the romantic interest of Jeff Winger, the lead character played by Joel McHale. Britta is OK, but she is no Alison Brie, a smoking-hot brunette that plays the neurotic student Annie. It seemed like the producers of the show realized this halfway through the season, as they started downplaying the Winger-Britta romance, and started showing Annie in short skirts and tight fighting outfits. Good times, good times.

Bob: Green Bay

I refuse to dignify this game with more analysis. The Bears will lose by double digits.

New Orleans over ATLANTA (10)

Bob: New Orleans -10

I've got to say, I was rooting for New Orleans for most of this season. I don't remember the last time they had a good team and I still feel guilty that New Orleans kind of got destroyed by a hurricane. But in successive weeks they have embarrassed the Patriots and then managed to beat my hometown Redskins by getting two of the most perplexing calls this season. I have a theory that the reason that the Colts are undefeated is because Peyton Manning personally fellates every ref before the game. Well, I'm starting to have the same question about Drew Brees.

But that's only half the reason I'm starting to root against them. They also have this inability to cover that is maddening. I value my pride over New Orleans fans' happiness.

Steve: New Orleans -10

Wow, way to take a STAND, Bob. You mean you're confident picking the team that's undefeated against the team that just got completely killed by the Eagles?

BALTIMORE over Detroit (13)

Steve: Baltimore -13

I don't like this line at all. It seems like the Ravens haven't been as good since the beginning of the year. But, the Lions are still the Lions. I'm torn, so I'm going with the home team and the better team. I'm guessing the Ravens might play a little bit better now that the Steelers have shit the bed so much.

Bob: Baltimore -13

Who would have thought that people who are trying to make money by gambling operations would make these games so difficult to pick? I, too, will go with the Ravens since the Lions haven't been able to stay in games against even semi-decent opponents lately.

JACKSONVILLE over Miami (3)

Bob: Miami +3

I would have been more mad last week if I hadn't seen that coming from a mile away. I guess I did pick the Patriots to cover last week, but it became clear to me after the first quarter that the Patriots were going nowhere against the Dolphins on offense. Thus, I knew the Dolphins would chip away at the lead until they were able to surpass the Patriots. Ugh, not that I was happy, but I wasn't surprised or angry - which is a positive step for me.

Why am I picking Miami to cover when Jacksonville is the slightly better team, at home, with only a three point spread? Meh, I really can't justify it too much except I think Miami is too dangerous to pick against any week, particularly when they are playing a team like Jacksonville that doesn't seem to show up that often. I think it will be close enough that I'm comfortable with the points.

Steve: Jaguars -3

I'm a bit annoyed that you picked the Dolphins, since I wanted to pick them in this close game. But, I have to make up some games on you, you dastardly devil! Even if this means picking my mortal enemy David Garrard to win a game, I suppose I have to bite the bullet and actually do it.

NEW ENGLAND over Carolina (13.5)

Steve: New England -13.5

I'm surprised the line is this high – still. Unless the Patriots get up by 28 or more in the first half, then I'm not sure if they can hold on to a two-touchdown lead to cover the spread. Luckily for the Patriots though, I think they can get up by that much on a pretty iffy Carolina Panthers team.

And also, I need Brady to do well for fantasy purposes. Mendenhall didn't do great on Thursday night, earning only about six points, but in even better news for my team and bad news for my opponent, Big Ben had a worse game, and only had 10 points when his season average is in the 20s. I realize Brady is beat-up, but if he has a “normal” game for him, then quarterback should be a “win” position for me this week.

Bob: Carolina +13.5

I don't even know what to think about the Patriots anymore. As I said on Thursday, I think people are overplaying the “Belichick is done” angle. The fact of the matter seems to be that the Patriots can't keep teams honest because they have no running game. The Whitman's Sampler of Laurence Maroney, Sammy Morris and BenJarvus Green-Ellis just isn't cutting it. Maybe when (if?) Fred Taylor comes back they will look better, but right now why wouldn't you cheat against the run?

The lack of a running game seems to have a cascading effect. Since teams are cheating against the pass, they are able to focus on running toward Brady. This is making things difficult on the offensive line, which as a result is getting porous — it's difficult to block when defensive rushers don't have to guard against a play that could go outside the tackles. This also puts a burden on the defense, since the Patriots cannot control the clock. For any given loss, the defense hasn't looked terrible. But the offense has been unable to control the ball in the second half giving opposing teams numerous opportunities to come back.

Additionally, Bill O'Brien hasn't seemed to be able to call plays to try to cover up the Pats' lack of a running game. Say what you want about Charlie Weis, but he was able to make the Patriots look good when Antowain Smith was in the backfield. Instead, O'Brien has kept almost everything between the tackles, which has added to the problems I mentioned above.

So I pick Carolina to cover. I feel as though they are actually better off with Delhomme hurt. I don't see an upset here, but anything is possible unless the Pats can start picking it up.

HOUSTON over Seattle (6)

Bob: Houston -6

I want to abstain. Why should I have to pick this game? Neither of these teams does anything too impressive and they are kind of painful to watch. I pick Houston because Seattle has been really bad on the road. Houston can burn in Hell, though, until they get their act together. I am tired of them teasing everybody at the beginning of every year.

Steve: Seattle +6

Seattle is bad on the road, but the Texans seem like they're in freefall again, and the Seahawks did win last week (at home, but still). I'll try riding them again for another win.



TENNESSEE over St. Louis (13)

Steve: Tennessee -13

I guess I have to get ride back on the Titans bandwagon. You know, it's kind of like Parks and Recreation, a series that has really gotten a lot better in its second season. The first season just felt like a rip-off of The Office, but the second season feels distinctive, since the Pam-Jim dynamic in the first (Leslie longing after Mark) has been completely ditched, and the show has found its own niche.

The Christmas episode was pretty strong, as well. Leslie was accused of having an affair with a local councilman, but she didn't, but she couldn't prove it. It was total lawlz, Bob, and you should be watching this show regularly.

Bob: St. Louis +13

I'm not off the Titans bandwagon, but they haven't been blowing teams out for the most part. Also, St. Louis has been frisky lately — not winning, but still frisky. So 13 is just too rich for me.

As for Parks and Recreation, I tried to stick through that show last season but just couldn't do it. It was way too much of a ripoff of The Office, and I'm not wild about Amy Poehler outside of Weekend Update. I might give the show another chance based on your recommendation, but Thursdays are already a crowded night for me, with Fringe and Grey's Anatomy (I'm married so I have to share the Tivo) taking precedence over NBC for the most part.

Washington over OAKLAND (1)

Bob: Oakland +1

If the Redskins had any heart, they would go out and beat the pulp out of whatever team they played the week they had a win stolen from them—particularly a win against an unbeaten team. The Redskins don't have any heart.

On a completely unrelated note, I am listening to awful music on Youtube right now. I watch music videos every morning before I go to work, which leads to bad pop songs getting stuck in my head. Well, I just clicked over to listen to “She Wolf” by Shakira, and the top comment made me laugh. “i think that having sex with this woman would be a good treat for me.” Don't we all agree?

Steve: Washington -1

I'm not sure what I think of Shakira. I feel the same way about Fergie. On paper, both should be more attractive, but for some reason, I'm just not into them. Maybe it's something about women who do dance songs – I'm also not really into anyone from the Pussycat Dolls, not even the Nicole Sckhdsjhs girl who is kind of attractive. The only exception is Beyonce, but I wouldn't date her because her ex is Jay-Z, who is like the modern, rap version of Sinatra. I'm not crossing that guy.

Oh yeah, the game. I think you're overreacting to the Redskins losing to the Saints. I mean, they cut their kicker! Of course they can win by a field goal this game. Besides, the Raiders only beat good and average teams, not below average and underachieving teams. And also, I wonder how Campbell would do on a decent that didn't dick around with him each year with a new coordinator. I feel like he could have been similar to Aaron Rodgers, but he never got the chance.

DALLAS over San Diego (3)

Steve: San Diego +3

I feel like there is a chance things could get really ugly in Dallas this weekend. You wouldn't think that from the record of Wade Phillips, but the guy comes across like a clueless old man when he's talking about how impressive his win-loss record is. Hey Wade, maybe the fact that you think a good regular season record is good is the reason why people are pissed off about you!

He kind of reminds me of the apologists for URI men's basketball coach Jim Baron. At a certain point, you actually have to get over the hump and get into the NCAA tournament. Wade Phillips, at a certain point you have to actually win some games in December, and even better, win some games in the playoffs.

Bob: San Diego +3

Now is the part of the season that we remember that the Cowboys just weren't that good in the first place but managed to look impressive by playing the Redskins and other bad opponents. As for Wade Phillips, my feeling about him is similar to the feeling of the Queen of Hearts, who is played by Kathy Bates in the SyFy special Alice I'm currently watching -- “Off with his head!”

I've never understood why owners stand by mediocre or bad coaches just because they're winning. If anything, you should knock off your bad coach after a season where you have a decent record but got killed by your coach for whatever reason because you might be able to attract a Cowher or other above-average coach who knows he won't have to rebuild your team. Phillips, Brad Childress and Norv Turner will each cost their teams a big game this year, leading their teams to be eliminated from the playoffs. Just because the guy's teams are great in September doesn't mean he's worth holding onto.

NY GIANTS over Philadelphia (1)

Bob: Philadelphia +1

So wait, the Giants manage to upset Dallas and their shaky defense and all of a sudden we think the Giants are good again? Roughly equivalent to an Eagles team that rocked them 40-17 several weeks ago and has won their last three? Not so much.

Steve: Eagles +1

I've been going against you on almost every pick, but I can't with this one. Because of their respective fan bases, I feel like the Giants and Cowboys and (to a lesser extent) Jets always have weird, crappy lines. Hey, the Eagles just totally shit all over the Falcons, and yet nobody seems to care. Meanwhile, the Giants barely got by the Cowboys, who always collapse in December.

Arizona over SAN FRANCISCO (3.5)

Steve: Arizona -3.5

Okay, Cardinals, you have my support. Which reminds me that another Thursday night show, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, is my favorite on television now, and that isn't even counting their absolutely hill-air-e-us Christmas DVD that just recently got in stores. Anyway, in this week's episode, they were trying to recruit a fourth teammate for their flipcup team, and trying to get revenge at the bar across the street that beat them in the last flipcup tournament they were allowed to play in, Flip-A-Delphia, about 10 years ago.

Bob: Arizona -3.5

I'm not wild about the Cardinals, but San Fran is the NFC version of the Texans — looked good to start off the season, a fashionable pick to do something after a bad year, but in the end they fall apart. Meanwhile, the Cardinals have been bizarrely dangerous.

Kristin's picks are scheduled to post at 11 a.m. EST Sunday. The photo of Tracy Morgan is from this weird blog about hermaphrodites in Hollywood - seriously. The Hillary Swank thing was inspired by The Office, and a web site is created for it here.