Friday, September 3, 2010

The Baggage Game - Friday, September 3, 2010

I hope you all enjoyed the temporary respite that Legends of the Hidden Temple provided last night, because night, it's back to messed up dating! :D To watch this episode, check out the bottom of the entry. For the extra baggage with the dater, click here. And the picture to the right comes from here.

Today's dater is Michael, a medical spa consultant from Cleveland, Ohio. This sounds like another fake job that they have regularly on the show, except that Jerry actually asks him what it is. Nice follow-thru, Jerry! Michael explains that it is his job to make men and women "look better and feel better." This basically makes him sound like a whore. He is very, very pretty looking.

The first potential date is Kathleen, a teacher from Palm Harbor, Florida. She's an attractive blonde, but looks close to 40. Next is Farib, a marketing executive in a cute zebra-print dress from Denver, Colorado. And finally, there is Thao, a makeup artist from Fountain Valley, California. Her (ample) chest is squeezed so tightly by her low-cut pink dress that it is in danger of becoming a FCC violation if she breathes heavily. Despite this garish attire, she is the cutest of the three.

First Round

Kathleen: I wear three bras at once.
Farib: I can't swim. (Jerry says, "Is that really a problem?" I'm with him.)
Thao: I only eat Asian food. (Note: She is Asian.)

Kathleen's baggage is certainly... odd. Her chest does look a bit padded. Kathleen said she made the switch when she got into trampolining (?) and said it helps keep her breasts perfect. Farib said she's afraid of water a bit, since a traumatic, near-drowning incident as a kid. Meanwhile, Thao's baggage is already annoying. Seriously, NOTHING but Asian food? Howdareyou.

Second Round

Kathleen: I'm bankrupt and live with my mother. (Jerry quips, "I'm not sure which one is worse.")
Farib: My best friend Lisa is imaginary. (Jerry says, "If you think about it, that's a threesome.")
Thao: I've dated men in jail. (Jerry, who is absolutely on fire, notes, "So have most of the guys in jail." ZING!)

Note - All of these women are grownups, so that thing with the imaginary friend? Simply unacceptable at this point. Likewise, the "bankrupt and live with my mother thing" is concerning, since all of them look at or near 30 years of age. Therefore, the jail thing would be the least concerning thing to me, which isn't something I say every day.

By the way, Michael sucks as a contestant. He is pretty, but he has the personality of my left cheek, and even that one is my uncreative one. He doesn't have much to say about the baggage, and he chooses to eliminate the imaginary friend girl, which I probably would have sided with as well. This turns out to be Farib, who said that she and Lisa debated, and Mike is too short for her anyway. (Then, in her post-interview, she says that his turquoise shirt doesn't turn her on anyway. Ouch!)

The interviews are a train wreck. Kathleen is close to 40, as previously stated, and she says that her house is in foreclosure "because I have a lifestyle I need to maintain." As what? Carrie Bradshaw? Meanwhile, Thao is bangin' prisoners, and her voices sounds like a ruptured bag of helium. Good times, good times. Michael is clearly more impressed with Thao, and I would be as well, although I'm not enamored with either one.

Time for the Hot Spot! Kathleen's greatest passion is her son (ick, how is that not baggage?), she waxes, she's had sex on a race track, chocolate is her biggest weakness, and the best thing she does sexually is "show up." Thao describes her sex life as hot, she bites her nails, her parents don't know that she posed naked, she can contort in bed and if she wrote a book about herself, it would be called Dangerous. Michael says he loves the edginess of Thao, to which Jerry remarks, "I bet you do."

Final Elimination Round

Thao: I cheated on each of my 14 boyfriends.
Kathleen: I broke up a marriage.
Farib (eliminated): I've never orgasmed before from a man.

Similar to the other week, Kathleen's baggage isn't that concerning to me, assuming she didn't know. She then reveals that she DID know, and said that even if they're married, why should she hold that against them? This answer just makes me think she's a pathological nut, of course. So oddly, Thao's baggage is more reassuring to me. I'm cocky enough to think that I'd be the guy to break the streak, whereas Kathleen clearly doesn't possess the maturity to be a decent mate. (And by the way, SHE HAS A KID. She's a mom and she's this much of a mess!)

Whew. Anyway, "Mr. Personalty" Michael ends up choosing Thao, and eliminates Kathleen. So, at least he has the common sense to agree with me. On her way out, Kathleen says, "Clearly Michael, you're all looks and no brains." Because really, when you're a 40-year-old with a kid, living at your mom's house with a padded bra and no money, you need to be fawned over. Anyway, Michael's baggage is one of these three:

- I was paid $1,000 to sleep with three cougars.
- I have a diaper fetish.
- I've been to rehab nine times.

If I was a lady, the diaper thing would be the worst by far, but all three would be dealbreakers. The prostitution thing, ick - Because if they need to pay you, they aren't attractive. And rehab nine times suggests an ongoing, persistent problem. Dr. Drew normally recommends that people in recovery not date for a year, and Michael doesn't seem like the most disciplined, cerebral guy.

Thao says she would have the biggest problem with the rehab thing, although she notes that the diaper thing would be "creepy" too. She said too many of her friends have been lost to drugs and alcohol, so the rehab thing would be a big deal. (This makes me like her more.) But surprisingly, Michael's baggage is that he slept with the cougars, which makes Thao burst out laughing. Michael gives a one-word explanation: Vegas. He said he was drunk, and they put the money on the table, and he took it because it paid for his trip. But Thao said that he was OK with her cheating, so she accepts his baggage. They actually seem to have some chemistry with one another, so hey, maybe it'll work out.

1 comment:

  1. Do you know who the girl named Thao was? I'd really like to know her name


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