Thursday, September 9, 2010

Pickin' Pigskin: Week 1, Part 1 - Let it beginnnnn!

So, I have my picks in, and joining me this year will be my buddy Matt. He goes to school out in Tulsa, or some god forsaken place like that, but he is originally from Minnesota and a Vikings fan. He'll be joined by returning pickers Bob and Kristin Hanson, who just celebrated their first wedding anniversary on Aug. 21. On to the picks!


Steve: Well, so far we don't have a fifth contestant, folks. And I realize this will be a bit last minute, since we're on the eve of the football. But I ask you - ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? A MONDAY NIGHT PARTY?

Hey, remember when O.J. Simpson was a football commentator and a normal human being? I kind of do, except I realize that I probably shouldn't have any memories of this. I was 10 when he stabbed his wife, and I don't even think I followed football at that point. And heck, as Dana Carvey said, he sure was funny in those Naked Gun movies.

I thought of O.J. this week after it came out that Reggie Bush would probably be losing his Heisman Trophy. I found it interesting because on Sportscenter, they said it would be the first time someone was ever forced to give up the award. And O.J. killed two god damn people! Well, allegedly... except that he was found guilty in civil court... And nobody really believes that he didn't kill two people.

Anyway. My picks are kind of boring. Sorry. If you don't like them, well, go screw!


Bob: Since you mentioned O.J., I’ll take this as an opportunity to plug the 30 for 30 series on ESPN. Although the last few of them to air are sitting on my Tivo, this has been a strong series and definitely worth a watch if you are unfamiliar. My favorites so far have been “June 17, 1994,” about the O.J. White Bronco chase, “The Two Escobars,” about soccer player AndrĂ©s Escobar and drug kingpin Pablo Escobar, “Run Ricky Run” about Ricky Williams, “The U” about Miami’s ascendency in college football, and “No Crossover: The Trial of Allen Iverson” (no explanation needed). I have liked most of the other ones, too, as they have all been both interesting and often featured things I did not already know about fairly notorious situations.

And speaking of Situations, how about Jersey Shore, everybody?! I can’t even describe anymore why I like this show, because most of the second season has been about an anonymous note that some of the roommates wrote to another roommate whose boyfriend (also a roommate) was blatantly cheating on her. Actually, I think I can describe why, even though that previous sentence probably didn’t sound very interesting if you don’t watch the show. The girl (who was being cheated on) is mad at the girls who wrote the note (who will not fess up to it even though it is obvious they did it) for screwing up her relationship with the guy (who would hook up with girls at clubs and then crawl in bed with her at the end of the night). So mad, in fact, that at the end of the last episode there was a fight!

Jwoww (a note writer) got into a fight with Sammi Sweetheart (the cheated upon girl) because Sammi Sweetheart said Jwoww was saying mean things about Rhode Island’s own Pauly D. Normally this wouldn’t have been very interesting, because Jwoww loves to fight and probably has a foot and 50ish pounds on Sammi Sweetheart. However, Ronnie (the cheater) knocked down Jwoww (this guy is a prime candidate for getting arrested for domestic assault, btw) in the midst of the fight, and as some of the other roommates held Jwoww back Sammi Sweetheart lands a solid punch on Jwoww. Unfortunately, that is where the episode ended.

I loved everything about writing that last paragraph.

Oh, and football! I feel very torn about this season. I think there are going to be some great games this year, because there seem to be more good teams than usual. The entire NFC East, three of the four AFC East teams, the Colts, Titans, and Baltimore, as well as (Super Bowl champions) New Orleans and Green Bay. In addition, the Vikings, Falcons, Steelers, Houston, Bengals, and 49ers all seem like they could be good, and there doesn’t seem to be a prime candidate for 1-15 right now. However, I just don’t feel great about the Patriots and their lack of a defensive line this year, so I fear this could be a long season considering the Dolphins and Jets look to be good.

And can I make a quick note on Tom Brady’s new haircut? Why????????


Matt: So, I'm a little bit mentally distraught at A.) The Vikings playing while I am in class and B.) the impending Vikings implosion that will happen while I'm in class. So my commenting will be brief. Week 1 for the NFL is always sort of an awkward first date anyway, since no one is sure who actually tried in Week 3 of the preseason anyway. Needless to say, I'm dreading NFL week one from a Vikings stand point. At least college football has been good, with crazy steam-punk inspired Virginia Tech uniforms and my unfortunate Golden Hurricane losing on a last second hail mary pass. Maybe I've got to fully embrace the lower-quality, higher-excitement college football this year. Except the Gophers are terrible too. Consider Minnesota football a write-off in all forms.


Kristin: Hello everyone! Hello fall!

So my initial reaction to Steve’s post was, “omg, wtf are they trying to take away Reggie Bush’s Heisman?!?” My first thought was, “Maybe it’s for promising to marry Kim Kardashian and not following through or maybe it’s for sleeping with her in the first place.” However, since obviously this crime does not hold a candle to O.J. and the most notorious crime of our childhoods (with the possible exception of Rodney King), I had to ask Bob what this was all about.

He said it was over some NCAA rule breaking BS. My thoughts on this are as follows:

1) Take the F*cking money. If ever in your life as a football player you are offered anything, take the f*cking money. You never know when the next run, the next game, the next hit will be the one to end your career and/or take years off your life. I fully support whatever unethical decisions he made to get himself as much money as possible.

2) The NCAA is shocked and saddened to learn that their darling did some unethical things to increase his exposure and his bank account. UMMMM, big F*CKING DUHHH!!! I, the girl who thinks that college football is for people that own tractors or bug spray with DEET or nothing better to fill their lives with, knew who Reggie Bush was. Now, how would I know who this dude is without some unethical shady somethin’ somethin’ going on. Aka, how do I know something the NCAA doesn’t? Liars.

So then Bob says, “Speaking of football, did you hear that Tom Brady got in a car accident.” I give him the, “hello!!???!!! My heart just stopped!!!! You better elaborate asap!!?!!” look. Apparently, he walked away from the accident (no surprise, even twisted metal can’t hold Brady down) and practiced today, but “the other guy” needed to be pried out by Jaws of Life.

My theory is this: maybe I should have given Giselle more credit than I have been. My initial thought was that she made Brady wear that idiotic haircut, which makes an otherwise fabulous specimen of a man an extra from That 70’s Show, to keep throngs of women from throwing themselves at her man. However, now I’m thinking that along with a body I would kill for (as long as I could have that ass and not also acquire her Yankees fan-dome, I would rather keep my own sorry ass and never cheer for NY) she also has ESP. She equipped her husband with a hair helmet so thick and shiny it protected his skull through a major car accident. Slightly unrelated, my other thought on this matter was an instant, “thank god our QB isn’t a raping dirt-bag that face-plants riding his stupid motorcycle.” That would be much worse.


Steve Bob Kristin Matt
Saints Saints Saints Saints
Giants Giants Giants Giants
ATL (-2.5)
at PIT
Falcons Falcons Steelers Falcons
Bucs Browns Bucs Browns
Broncos Broncos Broncos Broncos
IND (-2.5)
at HOU
Colts Colts Texans Colts
MIA (-3)
at BUF
Dolphins Dolphins Dolphins Dolphins
Bears Lions Lions Bears
Titans Titans Raiders Titans
Pats Bungals Patriots Patriots
ARI (-4)
at STL
Cards Rams Cardinals Cards
SF (-3) at
Seahawks Niners Seahawks 49ers
GB (-3) at
Eagles Packers Eagles Packers
DAL (-3.5)
at WAS
Redskins ‘Boys Redskins Cowboys
Ravens Ravens Ravens Ravens
SD (-5) at
Chiefs Chiefs Chargers Chargers


  1. Not gonna comment on *one* of your picks...

    Although, I do have my own concerns for my 'Boys. It's not like Aikman is still steering the ship, you know?

  2. I'm loving Kristin's commentary! It doesn't seem right for me to make any comments on football now or ever as 'grid iron' just isn't my thing. However, I will glady cheer on the sidelines in my undies and tiara -- just for you Steve.

    xo The Empress

  3. I feel like an ass. I totally should have told you I'd do this, but alas!

    I'm always late on the uptake. Lol, and I've also been suffering from unbearable heat and my brain cells are lost. (But that has nothing to do with football)

    So- awesome commentary from all of you guys, especially you and Kristin, and, yeah, all I could think of when I saw everyone's choices for Atlanta @ Pittsburgh was that my Dad would LOVE Kristin's pick. He's Steelers all the way.

  4. @ THE Frisky Virgin - The Cowboys kind of remind me of a better-run Raiders. The owner is way too domineering for them to win a Super Bowl, but at least he still possesses a brain, unlike Al Davis.

  5. @ The Empress - Again, I need some pics of this ;) And I also am a fan of Kristin's picks. I must admit, she is always the breakout star when it comes to this.

  6. @ Christina - You still have some time! As long as you get me the rest of the picks by Sunday, you can still get in on this. You'll just have to take one automatic loss for Saints vs. Vikings, which isn't too much of a handicap.

  7. Jerry has been compared to Al for years, and fans have had to endure it for what feels like centuries. Ugh. Unlike the Raiders, the Cowboys have won Super Bowls; they've had superb teams. Of course, that was with Jimmy Johnson; Barry won with Jimmy's team...I will never fully get over losing Jimmy. Ugh.

    Currently, we have the talent. I'm not 100% secure with Romo--not sure why, given his stats. I just feel like in the clutch, he gets squirrel-y--misses open receivers, under-throws, etc. The offensive line will be tested...oh, so many things. I feel like it's there for this team; it's just a matter of executing, putting it all together.

    Okay, I'm done wheezing. *sorry about that*

    Always a fan, no matter what--rain or shine, win or lose.

  8. @ THE Frisky Virgin - To be fair, Davis won some Super Bowls with John Madden, no? Since then, yes, it's been a shit show.

    I think the Cowboys are a bit overrated, plus, the NFC East is a tough division. They always seem to go after flashy players (re: their entire past and present receiver corp of T.O., Roy Williams and Dez Bryant) as opposed to lineman and the fundamentals that let you win.

  9. Yep, absolutely true, but that was a little before my time, and before Jerry took over the Cowboys, if I'm not mistaken.

    Speaking of, I miss the days of John Madden and Pat Summerall calling games.

    The NFC East is loaded--one of the toughest divisions, in my opinion.

    I hesitate to use the word "overrated," but there are certainly some high expectations, and that worries me. I'm not terribly confident, truth be told. I still say the talent is in place, but putting it all together is what concerns me.

    Probably one of my biggest peeves when it comes to getting players: choosing flash over fundamentals. Now, sometimes that flash turns into something pretty great, but I have always believed in creating a strong foundation that allows the "flash" to, well, flash.

    The O-line in the days of Aikman, Smith, Irvin, Moose, etc., was seriously intimidating.

    Now, we have two of our big starters out (Colombo & Kosier)for the Redskins game tomorrow. Should be interesting.

  10. @ THE Frisky Virgin - Well, your game starts pretty soon, at this point. I'm not sure what to make of the Skins vs. the Boys. I think the Redskins are going to be horribly dysfunctional this year, but I bet they win a game or two before it all goes to shit.


Try not to be too much of an ass, unless completely necessary. You are subject to tyrannical moderation.


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