As a programming note, new episodes of Baggage return today - They're on weeknights at 6:30 EST, with a replay at 9:30. However, because I don't want to undercut Game Show Network, I'm going to finish with the first season of episodes before moving on to the new ones. From this entry on, all episodes will be embedded at the bottom of the entry, but as a warning they do go down frequently, and sometimes don't work for overseas viewers.
Anyway, on to today's game! The dater is, uh... some older lady. Actually, the recording was a bit buggered up today, and it started right as they were going to the first commercial break. So, I didn't get to hear the hometowns or explanations for the daters, who are Richard, Paul and Andre. And, it comes out that her name is Maggie, which is always a solid name, and she's a teacher, which is normally good.
Richard: I constantly have my hand down my pants.
Paul: I've had cosmetic surgery.
Andre: I only have sex with the lights on.
Of these, Richard and Andre's baggage would freak me out the most because of the severity. You *constantly* have your hand down your pants? You never have sex with the lights off? C'mon, how about some romance, old dudes? No wonder you're single. At least Paul is trying to better himself, and it's working a bit, since he looks like a thinner George Clooney.
Paul: I must have my nipples bitten during sex.
Andre: I live with two tigers and TEN pitbulls.
Richard: I'm 54 and I live with my parents.
Maggie looks really pissed about the nipples thing. Holy hell, that is some weird baggage. She shakes her head about the tiger and pitbull. And she openly gapes her mouth at the parents thing. All three are really pathetic to me, and I'd want to eliminate all of them. The parents thing could be the most understandable, but ONLY if the person was taking care of them because they were so elderly. This is indeed why Richard is doing it, and now, Maggie feels bad. Womp womp womppppp.
Springer laughs about the remaining guys, saying that unfortunately, Maggie can only chose one of them. mwhahaha. Again, he's the perfect host for this madness. Anyway, Paul described his nipple fetish, which sounds freaky. Andre leers at Springer and Maggie as they talk about his animals. (Note: Andre is not Mike Tyson.) However, he explains that he works in animal rescue and rehab, so awwwww. The two dudes spar verbally, and Paul says, "I might not be able to cook beef wellington, but I can heat up a pot pie in the microwave!" I have no effing clue why he thought this was a selling point for himself. (If any ladies are reading this though, lemme just say that I can cook up some mean Easy Mac.)
Andre: I've built a bomb shelter for the Apocalypse.
Paul: I want to get married and have children now.
Paul is an older dude, so it kind of makes sense. Maggie and Springer seem a little freaked out by him though. Springer quips, "Not until after the show." But, then Andre reveals his baggage, and he sounds like an absolute friggin' nut with his explanation, which relies on him referencing how he travels and knows the "government situation" abroad. He seems like a character Nic Cage would play in a movie.
Anyway, Maggie goes for Andre the Survivalist and Animal Lover. To be honest, both of them seem pretty shifty and weird, and I wouldn't be surprised if Maggie wanted to reject both. (She even remarks, "Both of them are pretty weird.") Her baggage is revealed to be one of the three:
- I slept with my therapist.
- I stole a handicapped placard to get VIP parking.
- I wear adult diapers.
Ick. The diapers would definitely be the dealbreaker for me, seeing as how I'm 26 and not 66. (Andre is also scared by the diapers, and I have no idea how she could be a schoolteacher and be wearing diapers.) The placard thing would bug me as well, unless there is a good, funny story attached, whereas the therapist thing reflects more poorly on the therapist than Maggie.
Of course, that is TOTALLY her baggage, and in her baggage briefcase is a pair of the diapers. ICK. She remarks, "If I start laughing, or I'm just nervous or something, I pee in my pants." She is very non-chalant about this, which is doubly concerning. Despite this though, Andre accepts her! This makes me wonder if he just wants the free dinner.
The John McCain image is from this blog entry.