The Baggage Game - Sunday, August 29, 2010

Note: Video link embed at the bottom of this entry, if you'd like to watch along.

Today's dater is Ashley, who is a cute blonde. She looks kind of like... Well, I can't think of a really good comparison right now. A little chubbier Christina Ricci with blonde hair? Melissa Joan Hart but not as pretty? She's the director of a non-profit from Jacksonville Beach, Florida. I hate her voice, and her shoes are horrible too.

The first dude is Jax, a bartender from Shelby Township, Michigan. He is a beautiful bastard, which you could probably determine once I wrote that he was a bartender. Second up in a security guard from Long Beach, California, Mazi. He looks like Webster all-grown-up. Finally, there is Jason, a personal trainer from Standish, Michigan. (Apparently, Jax and Jason carpooled together or something.) Jason has really stupid hair. He looks like he should be in the Val Kilmer role of Top Gun. Anyway, on to the game!

First Round
Jax: I live in my friend's dining room.
Mazi: I dated a meth dealer.
Jason: I'd rather be at the gym than with a girlfriend.

Holy smokes, Mazi! Well, he does live in Long Beach, and he seems like a decent guy. Jason is quite eager to show off his six-pack after the urging from Jerry, and he notes that he is a personal trainer, so that's where he makes his living. Jax is a beautiful, pretty man, so he could live in a cardboard box, and it wouldn't matter. He's quite non-chalant about the fact that he lives in his friend's dining room, saying they just put a sheet up. Classy, classy guy.

Second Round
Mazi: I was a gigolo for obese women.
Jax: I lost my virginity to a friend's mom.
Jason: I have over 300 Star Wars figurines in my bedroom. (Well, we know this isn't Jax.)

Ashley says she's never even watched a Star Wars movie, and drawls, "I've got better things to do." Please, wtf. She's coming off as a major meh to me. For me, the gigolo thing would be the dealbreaker, and Ashley shows some common sense by agreeing with me.

Surprisingly, somewhat-frumpy Mazi is the one eliminated, since this elimination had "Jason the Personal Trainer" written all over it. Jason defends his Star Wars collection, noting that everyone has a collection of some sort, whether it's shoes with women or baseball cards or what not.

Hot spot time! Jax's guilty pleasure is sex, he loves feet (ew!), he regrets sleeping with a married woman, his last relationship was two years and he would take Ashley to Auckland, New Zealand. Jason's best feature is his abs, he lost his virginity when he was 16, his ex stalked him when they broke up, he gets in the mood when his girlfriend strokes her hand across his chest, and he's most proud of losing more than 100 pounds.

Final Elimination Round
Jax: I've slept with 312 women.
Jason: I talk all my first dates to my astrologer.
Mazi (eliminated): I'm unemployed and live with my mother.

Jax's number is really high, but not surprising to me. He works as a bartender and he's gorgeous. (Bastard.) Meanwhile, Jason's baggage makes Ashley swooooon, as she says she's into spiritual healing and what not. He says he only dates certain signs, one of which is Aries, and which she's into as well. (The writing is on the wall for Jax being eliminated, since Ashley really disliked his baggage.) And although Mazi is eliminated, his baggage is pretty severe as well.

Anyway, Ashley chooses to eliminate... Jason! Shocker! I guess she's really into the bad boys more than she is into guys who are decent human beings. Ashley's baggage is one of these three:

- I have two restraining orders against me.
- My shopping habit put me $50,000 in debt.
- I bit off a man's finger.

My money is on the debt thing, although it seems like the tamest of the three. The restraining order and finger thing... Too violent. And indeed, her baggage is the shopping habit. She said she has EIGHT credit cards, and she likes designer things and likes to shop. (This is hard to tell from her outfit, which isn't that great.) Jax accepts her baggage, because he's shooting for #313.

For Ashley's excess baggage video, click here. For the full episode, look below.