Friday, July 30, 2010

The Baggage Game: Friday, July 30

Ah, tonight's contestant is BJ, which is always a silly name for a person. He's a pilot and looking for his co-pilot, and BJ doesn't want a deadbeat in his cockpit. (teehee.) Hopefully, he's a bit of a better dude than the last pilot who went on a nationally-televised dating show.

The daters are April, a fitness instructor from Houston who is poured into a slutty, ugly dress; Stephanie, a medical assistant from Tulsa who wants to travel to Transylvania, and has an ugly Suzie Orman-like haircut; and Olivia, by far the foxiest of the three, a dance studio owner from Ogden, Utah who "likes to perform in public." In addition to being the easiest on the eyes, Olivia seems like the best person from her initial 30-second interview. And also, she's from Utah, which isn't normally where you go if you want a wild and crazy life.

First Round

April: I keep the hair from my bikini waxes.
Stephanie: I bring my own sheets to hotels.
Olivia: I eat fast food twice a day.

April says, "I like the way it looks on the wax strip. It looks like salmon swimming upstream." This is quite possibly the most insane thing I've heard on this show yet, and I just threw up a little bit in my own mouth. ugh. Stephanie's "baggage" actually seems like a normal, reasonable thing to do. And Olivia is really fit, so I doubt the fast food thing is not much of an issue. (Then she adds in that she doesn't cook or clean, and that she's not his mother, which seems a bit worrisome. What do you do then, just dance all day and wreck the house?)

Second Round

April: I was stopped for speeding six times in one night.
Stephanie: I have Jesus tattooed on my back.
Olivia: I'm still dating my ex-husband.

Wow, as far as baggage goes, this is a pretty good round. The speeding thing is the least worrisome to me; it's speeding, meh. The ex-husband and Jesus thing are neck-and-neck with me though. The ex-husband thing would win out though, since it suggests an indecisive personality. However, BJ eliminates the Jesus girl, which is Stephanie. (This isn't really that surprising, since Stephanie has a huge tat on her thigh.)

Olivia turns out to be the one dating her ex-husband, so I would have eliminated her. Sorry about that, Olivia! April explains her speeding problem by saying that she was trying to get to a bachelorette party, which seems reasonable. April also has a mouth like Jenny from Flippin' Out, and looks roughly like her. Olivia then dances for the crowd, followed by April awkwardly trying to dance and work-out in her way-too-slutty dress. (Some FCC operator probably just had a heart attack.)

Final Elimination Round

April: I have five over-protective dads.
Olivia: I was kicked out of college.

Olivia says she went to a very religious college and she got kicked out for being in a guy's room after hours. Since she's in Utah, I imagine this means she was at BYU and got booted, like that Mormon girl from The Real World. Meanwhile, April just seems like a complete trainwreck, between the waxing and dads. BJ shows that he has a brain and eliminates April. "It's too bad BJ, because you and I could have had a lot of fun in your cockpit." (I'm glad I'm not the only one with a silly mind.) Anyway, BJ's baggage is one of these three things:

- I spend my vacations on a nudist retreat.
- My first love was my second cousin.
- I've been arrested 22 times.

Of the three, the nudist thing would bug me the most, although the arrest thing would be a very close second. Sadly, the cousin thing wouldn't bug me as much, provided there had been a buffer of several years after the cousin-fucking. BJ's baggage is the arrest thing, which shocks Olivia, because she's never been arrested. BJ admits that he used to work on a morning radio show, and thus, he would get arrested while doing pranks. However, Olivia accepts him anyway. Awwww.


  1. The speeding 6 times in one night would be an issue. Cuz then her license would be suspended. As for his baggage. The arrested thing would be the major deal breaker for me. Once? Ok...but more than that? No way.

    and the cousin thing? Yuck.

  2. Reality TV pilots generally equate to total d-bags, especially when they are named Jake... don't even get me started on that tool head!!

    Interesting that slutty dresses don't seem to rate too high for you but cousin banging isn't too much of a worry. Very interesting ; )

    Also, my sources tell me that the whole being from Utah thing is often quite deceptive. Apparently some of the woman are so repressed that once they get a bit of freedom and the right opportunity, well let's just say things can get incredibly freaky!!

    Happy Weekend Steve!

  3. @ Amanda - Yeah, 22 times is pretty excessive. I have no idea how you get arrested THAT many times and not spend some significant time in jail.

    @ Empress - Thanks for the weekend wishes! I agree about the Utah thing, and church in general. I think it can serve as a front for people.

    And haha, what can I say? I'm just not a fan of the slutty dresses. I've always gone much more for the sporty, preppy or "girl next door" look. The cousin thing, meh, I could see a circumstance where it wouldn't be a huge deal.


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