Today, on Martha Stewart Living - Capturing giant spiders.

I live out in the country. If you want a nice aerial view of my house, you can type in the address - 657 Dry Bridge Road, 02852. See the stuff to the North, and the Northwest? Those are giant farms, and to the South, you can see forest. We've been advised by the neighbors to NEVER let the cats out of the house, since they've been domesticated now, and there are all sort of creatures - coyotes, foxes, skunks, deer, even bears - lurking out there.

For the most part, living out here is really nice. There is a pleasant breeze off the fields, and the critters stay hidden during the day, which is the only time I could see them. However, all the animals and plants do attract something else:


I found this little bastard scurrying across the floor this morning, after I awoke from an impromptu nap. Sure, I've seen bigger at my old house, but that was DEEP in the woods. And this wasn't the first one I've seen - There were about five just hanging out in the kitchen when we moved in, plus one or two in each of the four closets, plus a couple in each of the two bathrooms. And you don't even want to venture into the basement, which was destroyed by the last tenants, and is full of cobwebs and holes and a musty smell.

Sooo, anyway. That little guy? I trapped him under a pint glass as he scurried across the floor. I'm undecided if I'm going to kill him, or let one of the cats. Cleo, who is the older, better behaved cat that I don't photograph as much because she is older and better behaved, has had her eye on it the entire day. I think I will indulge her and let her do the deed, and then toss the spider in the trash.

The Baggage Game: Saturday, August 14, 2010

Ah, the long lost return of The Baggage Game! For some past editions of the game, check out here. Today's contestant is Jet, a sports fan who's job is listed as "musical theater" in San Angelo, Texas. He's a dude with shady facial hair - a mustache and a five o'clock shadow. He wants someone who "likes to stay in shape" which is code for "hot." Jet himself is easy on the eyes, it seems. (EDIT: Episodes are back to being streamed online! I'll probably make a proper link-up of the episodes I've review with streams at some point, but for now, you can watch this full episode embedded at the bottom.)

His potential dates are: Tricia, a writer from Howell, Michigan, who is in a ruffled red dress and looks very, very slightly like Alison Brie from Community and Mad Men. (She's a dead ringer for my actress friend Kristen Casey too, except that no one reading this knows who she is.) Next is Maija (pronounced Mya, ugh), who is not black, but a tall, blonde journalist from New York. She looks like she is six inches taller than him. Finally, there is Susan, another blonde and a sports fan and masseuse from Northport, N.Y., but she is in this hideous blue dress. It looks like a cloth bag and ends mid-thigh; I'm a big hater of that style. booooo. Susan herself is good-looking, like a pretty Caroline Rhea. Tricia is definitely the most attractive, but she also seems like the youngest by a good five years.

Jet says he's excited to see "what's inside those bags," which sounds worse than it is.

First Round
Tricia: I refuse to ride escalators.
Maija: I'm a big pot smoker.
Susan: I'm an obnoxious backseat driver.

Tricia has obviously seen Mallrats. Jet quips, "I guess she's afraid of standing." Jet proves he's down with the herb, as he asks of Maija, "Is that really baggage?" This would be the biggest baggage with me though. She said she just smokes because she has a prescription, but then goes on a big pro-pot rant. Susan, meh. I'd just let her drive everywhere.

Second Round
Tricia: I stuff my bra. (As Jerry reads it, he quips, "I don't, but the person who this belongs to does.")
Maija: I sleep with my seven dogs.
Susan: I practice witchcraft.

Okay... The dogs thing is concerning, but the witchcraft thing, that's definitely screwed up. I'm pretty much Squares McSquaresville, so that's definitely the dealbreaker for me. Jet is actually a funny dude, at least so far, and he agrees with me. Susan is the one eliminated, and hopefully, she doesn't hex me for reading this.

The bra-stuffing isn't really that concerning to me, you know, as long as I get to touch them eventually. Tricia seems like a sweet person - She has worked five years as a Disney princess, she speaks French fluently and she sponsors some kids in Guatemala. Maija says that she is a big, big cuddler, and basically goes Full Slut (like Robert Downey Jr. goes Full Retard in Tropic Thunder) to attract him. She adds that she is working on a book right now. (Note: Despite her weird name, and the fact that she claims to be a journalist, I can't find any record of her on Google, which strikes me as odd, and makes me think she is BS'ing her job and background.)

Final Elimination Round
Tricia: I won't have sex until marriage.
Maija: I've been on 300 first dates in the past three years.

And, well, there goes Tricia's chances. Jet says he loves sex. I'm not sure how I'd handle that, and luckily, I don't have to chose :D Meanwhile, Maija, holy smokes. Jet jokes, "How'd you have the time to make it here?" Jerry notes that there seems to be a difference in their approaches. Maija says that she began Internet dating, and 98 percent of them were the wrong guy. (I've done Internet dating too, and gotten like... a date a month. I guess having large breasts would have helped me more.) She says this while sounding like the biggest hesher ever, so I'd definitely skew more toward Tricia.

Jet takes a dramatic step toward the stage, eyes them both for a couple seconds, and then... closes Maija's briefcase. Womp womp wompppp. Tricia seems happy to win, and has an awkward hug with Jet. His baggage is one of these three things:

- I slept with my ex-girlfriend's mother.
- I have a room just for my snakes.
- I sleep on my brother's couch, and I have no job and no car.

Ick. Of these, #3 would be the most concerning now, while #1 and #2 would just make me question his judgment in general. (Jerry jokes that she doesn't care so much about #2, because she won't be handling snakes until she marries him. ZING! He's on fire this episode.) Tricia agrees with me, and of course, Jet reveals that this is indeed his baggage. Jet spins some BS, about how he travels a lot between New York and L.A., and he's trying to establish a business with his brother. Shockingly though, she accepts his baggage anyway, and they exchange a little kiss. (Note: Jet is a beautiful bastard.)

After the episode, Jet says he was apprehensive about Tricia at first, because of the no sex thing. She then zings him and says, "Well you don't have a bed anyway." mwhahahaha. She is way too good for him. (p.s. Tricia call me!)

The Alison Brie photo is from here. And here is an embedding of the full episode, with the warning that the availability fluctuates from time to time:

Inexplicable (Comic) Book Review: Super Mario Brothers and Super Mario Land comics rule

While I've written at length about The Wizard here and here, and everyone is in agreement that the Super Mario Brothers movie sucked, there is one Mario-themed production that was shockingly good: The comic book series.

Besides the example to the right, you can find a bunch of page scans on this website. (Note: Clicking on any of the images will make them full-size, so that you can actually read them.) I'm not actually sure how I ever came across them. I dimly recall an aunt buying me the big red "Best Of" book that I still have to this day, but I'm not sure how I got an additional copy of it, or several other issues, or the four Game Boy issues that were about Super Mario Land.

However, the key thing about all of them is their surprising sophistication. Like some of the better cartoons to follow - SpongeBob Squarepants, Shrek - there was a lot of references in there that would fly over the head of a kid. You know, like how all the flowers in the king's garden are named Bud. There were pop culture references that you wouldn't get as a kid, along with puns that required a somewhat-advanced vocabulary.

As part of the moving into a new apartment, I was re-reading the "Best Of" book I had and chuckling to myself here and there. Most of the humor still holds up. Also worth noting is the artwork, which is what appealed to me most as a kid. The characters and backgrounds are vivid and bright, even more so than the Super Mario Brothers cartoon that was also pretty solid. The comic book series comes the best at recapturing the artwork of the second and third games of the Super Mario Brothers series.

So, if you see a copy lingering around a used book store, by all means pick it up. It's the perfect sort of odd purchase that you'll probably like, or it makes a great unique gift for someone who's into video games. (My other recommendations on this front: Game Over, an incredible biography by David Sheff about the rise of Nintendo, and The Ultimate History of Video Games by Steven Kent, an exhaustive look at the video game industry shortly before the launch of the PS2 and X-Box.) It also might make for a good investment, since they go for $10 to $40 online, it seems.

As I said at the start of this entry, all the comic images are coming from this website, which has a ton of archived comics related to the whole series. Really, really good stuff! And, I haven't forgotten that I owe y'all a Baggage review - I'm at work now, so I'll check my DVR and have it up after I get home.

Inexplicable Book Review: The Men Who Would Be King (Spielberg!)

I really enjoy books about Hollywood. One that I had bookmarked to read for a while has been The Men Who Would Be Kings, which ended up being a great read by Nicole LaPorte. It basically chronicles the rise and fall of DreamWorks, which now only exists as a shell of itself, as opposed to the grand new studio originally imagined by Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg.

When it was originally formed in 1994, they envisioned it becoming another great movie studio, a la Paramount and Universal and MGM. However, problems started from almost day one - Spielberg did some hit movies for other companies, as opposed to directing them for DreamWorks. It didn't help that Katzenberg, who revitalized Disney, flopped with most of his early animation efforts before Shrek: Antz, The Prince of Egypt and The Road To El Dorado were all costly and barely broke even, or flopped badly. It wasn't until Saving Private Ryan (1998), American Beauty (1999), and Gladiator (2000) that the company had some film success, followed by Shrek in 2001. The Ring and Old School were surprising successes, but because they lacked confidence in Will Ferrell and Judd Apatow and Adam McKay, the price for Anchorman skyrocketed from less than $1 million (script only) to more than $4 million, as other companies got into a bidding war.

If you're into a sort of "inside Hollywood" tale, it's fascinating to read about the dynamics between the three mega-partners, and how Spielberg essentially served as a whiny kid for his own company. Almost everything was catered toward Spielberg as the Grand Creator, only for him to not really live up to expectations, and to provide floundering management. I whipped through the 500ish pages in about a week.

In lieu of Baggage, please enjoy When A Kitten Attacks

Sooo. Originally, I planned to review some Baggage episodes by watching them online. Since I moved to my new place, I hadn't set the DVR up to record the show. Unfortunately though, it looks like the streaming video on GSN.com is down for the new season. Therefore, I won't have a Baggage entry until Friday. Sorry folks!

As an apology, please take this humorous photo of Minnie the Kitten:


Obviously, at some point while I was at work today, she decided that the paper towel holder MUST die. I found it on the floor when I came home from covering the fair this evening. Sigh! Luckily though, it was all paper, so I was able to easily chuck it in a bag.

Speaking of the fair, I'll add that it is incredibly odd to cover a huge event in the area 1) you grew up and 2) you work two different jobs in. I was doing constant double takes because I saw people I knew, or I thought I knew them from my various travails. So yeah, that was weird.

(Also: Someone tapped my car at 5 m.p.h. while I was about to make a turn. There was no damage to my car, so I figured "meh", and neither of us called the police, since we didn't want our rates to increase. However, it was then weird because we were both going the same way, and she inadvertently followed me for 35 minutes. At this point in the story, I think it's supposed to take a turn on to Sexy, but unfortunately, this was not Skinemax, and she was like missing three teeth.)

Proper post on Baggage later.

I have to cover this big county fair in town tonight, so I'll be posting a bit later. In case you were wondering, as if the dangerous backyard squirrels didn't give it away, yes, I live in a pretty rural area. My new place leads out to a huge farm in the back, and my old place is near where this fair takes place. So, whooo wheee!

Inexplicable Music Review: Girl Talk and the human response.

I have a deep, deep problem - A crippling addiction to Girl Talk. By that, I don't mean I love chatting with women about their day and what not. (I mean, that can be OK from time to time; I'm not some Neanderthal.) Rather, I mean the musical artist, a "band" that consists of one guy remixing and mashing-up songs.

My latest find was the above video on YouTube, which painstakingly culls music video and live performance clips from the dozens of bands that make up a single track. It must have taken the creator hours to do - he only did four of the tracks as a result. The end of this track, with Metallica mixed with Lil Mama, is especially good. The quick cuts between the ridiculous heavy guitar music and the rapping is incredible, as are the transitions at the start and the end of the sequence. There are some other people doing the same thing on YouTube, although I find the other efforts to not be as well done.

My problem with Girl Talk is the same one I have with ice cream cakes - It's so much of a good thing that it is hard to transition back to "normal" music. Once you hear Metallica with Lil Mama, you think to yourself, "Well Ride The Lightening is good, but it sure would be better with some crappy rapping mixed in. Imma go listen to Girl Talk instead..."

The issue works in opposite as well. Because he uses so many unusual samples (and by unusual, I mean bad pop music), I find myself humming along to some horrible music now. The best example on Feed The Animals is probably "Girlfriend" by Avril, which is used to great effect on a track. But now, whenever it comes on, I must say that I'm supremely interested in it. Sigh. Damn you, Girl Talk!

No Anchorman 2 :(

I'm running late again tonight, and I fell asleep watching the Red Sox play lose horribly to the Yankees last night, so this one is just a quickie about a horrible thing - There will be no Anchorman 2. (Note: Baggage write-ups will return Wednesday.)

The movie officially isn't being greenlit, according to sources, because of how huge all the stars' salary is now. At first, I thought this was silly. Even if it's bad, Anchorman 2 probably makes at least $100 million, and probably more in the $150 million to $400 million range, after you factor in international distribution and what not. It's an easy, obvious cash cow.

But then, I thought about it more. Will Ferrell would probably command $20 million, Carrell around $10 million to $15 million, and maybe $10 million for Paul Rudd. Applegate is probably around $5 million. The other minor cast (sorry David Koechner) and cameos, you figure in $10 million. We're already up to $55 million to $60 million. On top of that, Ferrell and Carrell are big enough stars that they would probably both get percentage points of the revenues, further cutting into the profits. This is also overlooking that Adam McKay is no longer somewhat unknown as a director and writer, and he would have to be paid for both, along with possibly a writing credit (and thus more grosses) for Ferrell.

So yeah, all of that adds up. Still, it's disappointing to realize the movie won't get made. I'll revisit this a bit in the future though, when I share my review of a great book about the rise and fall of DreamWorks.

The awesome wallpaper is from here.

Oh, Craiggers, I hardly knew ye :(

I'm a big fan of Craig Kilborn. I've written about my love for him in the past, so therefore, I was delighted when I heard he was getting a shot at a talk show for the summer, The Kilborn File. It only broadcast in a handful of markets (L.A., New York, Philly, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix, Austin), but as you can see from the above clip, it is most definitely Kilborn at is icy-coolest. Skip ahead to 6:50 for the best part, when Reggie plays an audience member in Kilbyashi, an oddly-fascinating quiz game. He also does Five Questions with his guest, and in this clip, we find out that Lisa Edelstein from House got her start in showbiz as a cheerleader for Donald Trump's USFL team. And as if you need more incentive, Christine Lakin (Al from Step By Step) is his co-host and "Huckleberry Friend." (She is now 31, which seems insane to me, and makes me feel old.)

Unfortunately though, it seems like the show might not make it past its initial run of about 30 episodes. Ratings have been really soft for it, as compared to similar shows from the previous year, which makes it doubtful he'll be in the pre- and post-afternoon drive slot if the show is renewed.

One thing that is indisputable - Kilborn is smooth with the women. Or at least, I'm assuming that they actually like him, since it seems like 80 percent of his guests are women. And they're alllll foxes - Besides Lakin and Edelstein, there was Jill Wagner (a.k.a. The Mercury Girl), Missy Peregrym, Sasha Alexander and many others. Wagner's interview in particular is great, as she admits to sleeping in a onesie and being afraid of people's elbows, and then she tries to sell Craig's desk in Five Questions. Good times, good times!

A quick post of odds and ends.

Saturdays are always my least-read day, which in turn makes it hard for me to get the proper motivation toward them. A couple weeks ago, I had the idea of using it as a showcase for my horrible cartoon strip, The Greatest Comic Ever Ever, and I managed to get the first one posted. However, I probably don't have regular access to a scanner for another couple of weeks, so I've decided to delay pursuing that completely.

So, since I don't have the comic to use for Saturdays, I decided instead to do some random odds and ends, entertainment-wise. You know, for things I couldn't really do a full post on, but that still interest me. For example...


- Did you know Paris Hilton can be funny? Me either! And surprisingly, it took Jimmy Fallon to get it out of her. The above is still one of my favorite Saturday Night Live clips. She wasn't hosting this episode, just doing a guest spot, which is probably why it was decent. (The episode she did host wasn't that well-received by the cast, apparently.)

Always funny and awesome though is Kenan Thompson in "What Up With That." I notice something new each time, like how Kenan doesn't slap Lindsay Buckingham's hand.


- I caught some of the Betty White-featuring Hot in Cleveland the other night, and I thought it was pretty enjoyable. If you like The Golden Girls, but wish they weren't all effing ancient, then this is funny in a similar way. The only annoying aspect is the persistent laugh track. It's a good, old school style scripted comedy, with a completely ridiculous premise of three showbiz workers deciding to leave it all behind for the relaxed life of Cleveland, but it is overall a bit of a throwback to a somewhat bygone era.

However, it does make me question whether it is wrong for me to be quite enamored with Jane Leeves. She's almost 50, but between the accent and the general good looks, she's still quite foxy.

The picture of Jane comes from this TV Land photo gallery, which is also the network the show is on.

The Baggage Game: Friday, August 6

Today, we have Kristen, who is ridiculously busty. Like, we're talking Always Sunny In Philadelphia level, when Dennis wants to "get really weird with it" when it comes to finding a lady with a large chest. Kristen is like a taller, bustier version of Katy Perry, if you can imagine that. And yet, she's a graphic designer and in Chicago? She's not excessively thick, either. She says she wants a guy with big lips - for kissing. (What an odd request.)

First up is Adam, a business owner from Australia, who likes snowboarding and mixed martial arts and what not. How stereotypical! Peter, a personal trainer from Ontario, Canada (or California), comes off as superrrrr gay, with his frosted hair, fake tan, bright orange shirt and weird accent. He adds that he is very sensitive and close to his mother. The final dude is Ron, a "really loyal guy" who is a financial consultant from New York. He seems like the dreamiest of the three, and Kristen adds that they're all very attractive. (No comments about their lip size yet though.)

First Round
Adam: I own 15 dogs.
Peter: I can't get a credit card.
Ron: I make women shower before sex.

Ron's baggage seems borderline-psychopath, so it's a good idea he is a gorgeous bastard, since an ugly guy doesn't ever get away with it. His is definitely the worst of the three to me. Peter's baggage reeks of despiration. He says he has a good job now, but it doesn't sound entirely convincingly, and Kristen rightly points out that him paying all his bills with cash is not the way for him to restore his credit. Adam reveals that he breeds dogs, which seems... weird to me. A hard round for the three of them, as all three are pretty significant red flags to me, and we've barely started.

Second Round
Peter: I have a small penis. (Jerry says, "I'm just quoting here," proving again why he is the perfect host for this show.)
Ron: I don't believe in God.
Adam: I pee in my sink. (Jerry says, "At least this guy doesn't have to be close to the sink." Zing! He's on fire!)

Of the three, the small penis thing would be the biggest dealbreaker to me (as a woman!), but these three things actually don't seem as bad to me as the previous three items of baggage. Unsurprisingly, Kristen eliminates the penis guy, and tries not to laugh while doing it. Peter is the one with the small penis, which doesn't seem shocking for some reason.

Ron explains that he had a perfect GPA and was ranked near the top of his flight school, and that he's a gentleman, and I may have just fallen a bit in love with him. In contrast, Adam goes the opposite direction, and says that Kristen shouldn't pick him as compared to Ron, because he's a bad boy and what not. He has an Australian accent, so I immediately think of Mel Gibson, and hey, that worked out perfectly, right?

Final Elimination Round
Ron: My longest relationship has lasted three weeks.
Adam: I expect my girlfriend to cook and clean for me.

Kristen is downright pissed by Adam's baggage. She said she doesn't cook unless it is Saturday date night, and his pithy remarks don't seem to salvage things. Meanwhile, Ron seems like a narcissist with his remark. Kristen says, "Oh god!" to his baggage, and Jerry says, "Not in his house." Man, Jerry should get to date her, nevermind these two dudes. In contrast from other episodes, Kristen walks over to Ron's baggage and closes it shut - Quite assertive of her! Anyway, her baggage is one of the following:

- I'm a phone sex operator.
- I demand a pre-nup agreement.
- I lost $500,000 in Vegas.

Of these, the phone sex operator thing is more worrisome than the other two, since the other two at least imply that she's got something going on in the money department. But phone sex operator? Meh.

Adam says the pre-nup thing is most worrisome to him, because he strikes him as her not having trust in the future. Of course, this is what Kristen's baggage is, because she is coming into a lot of money soon. Adam accepts the baggage anyway, citing how accepting she was of his baggage. Awww. Good luck with Mel Gibson 2.0, Kristen.

The Katy Perry pic is from this web collection of her.

Weather-related maladies

Man - I had an odd day because of the weather, which is why this entry is actually coming after August 5. However, I'm backdating it because I would have posted it earlier, if not for the ridiculous weather.

The fun started at 9 a.m. I just finished submitting my latest story on court hearings for a local woman accused of killing a man with her car. You can read a brief of it here. Also, just like last time, my family noticed that I landed in some video clips again. I came in at about 1:50, blinking like I just stole the crown jewels of England.

Anyway, after submitting that story, I took the next five minutes to relax and unwind. I got up from my desk, walked out to the small kitchen area of the paper, got some water from the Poland Springs dispenser, and used the bathroom. Just your everyday sort of thing.

But when I walked back into the newsroom, there were literally buckets of water pouring out from the ceiling. See, early Thursday morning, Westerly got hit by severe flash thunderstorms, and it was also under a tornado watch. Apparently, the leaky roof from earlier in the year wasn't quite fixed completely, and something had burst in the roof. All the weight of the water focused on two ceiling tiles, which snapped and came tumbling down.

Of course, the affected area was right near my desk, about five feet away. One of my co-workers unfortunately got the brunt of it, as it mostly hit her area of the partition wall that we share. However, the water soon seeped across the floor to the rest of the newsroom, and by the end of the morning production run, the newsroom was down to six computers that could be safely used, as opposed to the normal 16.

The whole scene was madness. Workers from the on-site print facility came rushing in with pushcarts. These are normally used for paper disposal and recycling, but today they held dozens of gallons of water. The thing that surprised me the most was the sheer noise of the event - The water was loud, and it was surrounded by two to six yelling workers at all times, followed by a noisy vacuuming and cleaning effort. In this cacophony, the editors managed to get the paper out, which was a small miracle.

Anyway... That's how my day started. I left work early to instead do some stuff out of the office, since they had to clean-up and what not. Proving the old Rhode Island adage correct, if you just waited 15 minutes (times four), the storm passed, and in its place was 88-degree heat and ridiculous humidity. The feel-like temperature according to Weather.com was 102 at one point, so I didn't really get a ton of work done. (Damn my Irishness!)

The fun wasn't over for the day though. Thursday night is trivia night at Casey's, a local restaurant / pub that my friends and I enjoy. We were minding our own business, eating delicious meals before the fun started shortly after 9 p.m., when the lights started to flicker. They came back on, and then, VOOMPH! Complete darkness. (Photo to the right, taken by my roommate Becca.)

I've seen this sort of thing happen in bad movies, and thankfully, there was no mad rush or screaming as people tried to flee in terror. Everyone kind of just sat in the dark for a minute, and quietly murmured to their friends. The staff came around to tables and said that a conductor on the street had probably blown, and that we could stay and drink if we wanted to and what not.

We (my roommate Becca and her friend Julie) decided to stick it out, because we're awesome like that. The power snapped back on in about 20 minutes, following by trivia, which we totally dominated and won! Woohoo! Two weeks ago, we won with the glorious team name The Stephanie Pratt All-Stars, but this week we kept it simple with the inside joke name of What's Your Deal?

So, yeah. I'm officially not a fan of this god damn weather. But at least winning trivia at the end of the night softened the blow a bit. (Also, I stole a bunch of mints on the way out from Casey's, which is always a good thing.)

The Baggage Game: Wednesday, August 4

Today's dater is Lou, an independent contractor from Cleveland. He says "outgoing is good, because I don't do shy well!" He certainly does seem like a slick-mouthed mofo right off the bat, although I do like the light blue shade of his shirt, which is similar to the aqua shirt I'm wearing in seemingly every photo taken of me out and about.

First contestant is Beth, a blonde forensic specialist from Dallas in a really, really bright and shiny purple top. It kind of looks like a grape disco ball. Next up is a preschool teacher from Birmingham, Alabama - Audra. I don't like how she spells her name, and that additional fact that she has her high beams on through her dress doesn't help matters. She also uses the corny "We could make beautiful music together" line because she is an opera singer. The final contestant is Stacy, a saleswoman and former model from Houston. By "model" she does not mean Giselle Buncheon, as she is about a seven or eight. She does promise to "tickle his funny bone" though. Because she's funny - ha ha, get it?

First Round
Beth: I've dumped boyfriends for gaining weight.
Audra: I spend $5,000 a month on online auctions.
Stacy: I bring my own silverwear to restaurants.

Audra collects Star Wars figurines and a bunch of other crap and likes to win, and admits she uses her credit cards for this. She sounds like a complete nut. Beth's baggage seems pretty reasonable, because she's incredibly fit. She also comes right out and says, "I'm very shallow," which makes me like her a lot. And while Stacy's baggage is odd, it's not so odd that I couldn't deal with it. Audra is the one I would be trying to actively eliminate.

Second Round
Beth: My homeless brother lives in front of my house.
Audra: I'm a dead fish in the sack.
Stacy: I don't have sex on Sundays.

The homeless brother thing, what the eff? That's the only thing that would be a dealbreaker for me. But Lou, proving that he is a classy guy, eliminates the "dead fish in the sack" thing. I'm meh on this - I always feel like sexual chemistry is something you create together. Unsurprisingly though, preschool teacher and shopping fiend Audra is the dead fish. The "no sex on Sundays" thing would be the least concerning thing, since there are six other days of the week.

Beth explains that her brother gave up the 9-to-5 grind and now sleeps in a van down by the river in a van in front of her house. She adds that if she gets fat, Lou should totally break up with her; I'm slowly falling in love with her, even if her outfit is pretty horrible. In addition to the loud purple shirt, she has a really short black skirt and knee high black-felt boots.

Final Elimination Round
Beth: I owe $80,000 in back taxes.
Stacy: I was in a cult for nine years.

Oh boy, Beth... We were getting along so well! She said it's the result of a bad divorce, which sounds, uh... bad. But Stacy's baggage is nutty as hell, especially since she still seems pretty airy and not THAT broken up about it. I'd still pick Beth, even if I didn't have to for a silly game show.

Anyway, Lou dumps Stacy, and she unloads on him, saying this and that about how she didn't want to go out with him anyway and that he's too short for her. This makes me like her a bit more, since Lou does seem like a bit of a sex-obsessed ass. Anyway, his baggage is one of the three:

- I abandoned an ex at a roadside truck stop.
- I cashed in my mother's 401k to buy my girlfriend fake boobs.
- I slept with two sisters in the same day.

Ick, all three of these are REALLY bad to me. However, if he was 21 or younger when the sister thing happened, I'd give him a bit of a pass on that. Both sexes do tons of stupid crap when they're younger, after all. The other two things are completely indefensible though.

Beth thinks the worst thing would be the cashing in of the 401k for the fake boobs, and I agree with her. However, his actual baggage is the two sisters thing, which surprises me. (Because, I agree with Stacy, he's short.) Lou's explanation of the situation makes it a lot worse, since he comes off like the biggest sleaze - He said it happened at a karaoke bar, because the second sister was jealous he had slept with the first, so he took advantage. wtf mate? Beth accepts him anyway, although it seems a bit reluctant to me.

At The Commercials: Oh I get it, Sobe - It's about oral sex.

I'm not even sure if the double entendre of this commercial by SoBe was intended, since the video has since been taken down from their official YouTube channel. Maybe they figured, "It's probably best if we don't align our crappy drink with oral sex." (Sorry, I'm not a SoBe fan in general. I think it just costs more because of the cool bottles, since the juice doesn't taste any better than other drinks to me.)

However, one thing is for certain - SoBe sure does know how to cast "easy on the eyes" extras in their videos. If doesn't matter if you like black or red hair, or fake bright red anime style hair, or platinum blondes and girls with just one shoulder on their shirts - SoBe has got you covered with attractive coeds. And, judging from the video at the top, if creepy guys with mustaches is your thing, then you're all set as well.

The Baggage Game: Monday, August 2

Ah, time for another installment of The Baggage Game! Tonight's contestant is Mark, a 40s-ish real estate guy from California who wants a younger girl. His potential daters? Nadia, a cute blonde bartender from Chicago who looks kind of like Jenny McCarthy, if you switched the thickness from up top to the backside; Oksana, a jewelry designer with a James Bond femme fatale accent; and Livia, by far the cutest of the three, a headhunter from California, who needs to buy a vowel (an O!) for her name. She looks sort of like Liv Tyler.

First Round
Nadia: I talk like a baby to get my way.
Oksana: I judge men by their car.
Livia: I am legally blind.

Mark seems to be most concerned about the car thing, which would also worry me the most. He says that it is a superficial thing to judge a person on. I'd be more worried about the fact that I drive a no-thrills Toyota Corolla. Nadia's example of her "baby talk" was more cute than anything else. Livia can still see with corrective lenses, meaning she isn't actually blind.

(Mark expressed distress that she doesn't like to drive at night, since sometimes he likes to have some drinks and she might need to drive home. Holy hell - When did chivalry get this bad? Howdareyou, Mark! When you go out with a lady or your girlfriend, I don't think it's outlandish to compose yourself enough that you don't get a stinkin' drunk on.)

Second Round
Oksana: I'm a big loner.
Nadia: I only date rich and powerful men. (Jerry remarks, "I'm still in the game!")
Livia: I'm $70,000 in debt.

Mark doesn't really express initial disgust with any of the three, but chooses to eliminate the $70,000 in debt one. Personally, I would have eliminated rich and powerful, because I will never be rich and powerful. And surprisingly, Livia is the one eliminated! She knocks him on the way out though, saying that she also likes young and vibrant people, and he's a bit too old for her.

As a note - Nadia and Livia are wayyyyy out of Mark's league. Nadia used to date a Major League Baseball player, and is thus used to rich and powerful men. Oksana reveals that she is from the Ukraine, meaning if I went out with her, I would constantly bring up the Seinfeld thing.

Final Elimination Round
Nadia: I want to get married now.
Oksana: I don't speak to my family.

I don't find either of these to be that big of a deal. Nadia notes that she is almost 30, and starting to feel the clock tick. Mark immediately shies away from this, which adds to my suspicion that he's a bit of a douche. He even expressed displeasure about Oksana's situation - Hey Mark, why the heck do you want in-laws? Mark has been favoring Nadia throughout the interview portions, so it's not surprising when he eliminates Oksana the Spy. Moving on to Mark's baggage, which is one of the three...

- I enjoy wearing women's lingerie.
- I've had an affair with the cleaning lady.
- I lost $1.9 million in the stock market.

The lingerie thing is definitely the freakiest, to me and Nadia, and the cleaning lady thing is the least concerning. Mark has seemed a bit like a rich douche throughout the game, so the money thing wouldn't surprise me. While having an affair with the cleaning lady isn't a great thing, it's not as weird and gross as the lingerie thing, and unless he's banking like $50 million a year, the stock market thing suggests worse judgment.

Mark reveals that his baggage is losing the $1.9 million in the market. He says he's a risk-taker, and that's how he made a lot of money. He said he's working his way up to get back in the game, and he will be back in the game quickly. Nadia, who definitely seems like a gold digger, said that she accepts his baggage - I imagine she thinks he'll get that fortune back pretty quickly.

As a reminder, Baggage is on Game Show Network every weekday, with the initial airing at 6:30 p.m. EST and a replay at 9:30 p.m. EST. The Liv Tyler picture is from here.

Pictures from the new apartment, and friend me on Facebook.

So, I've sprinkled a few photos from the new apartment into this entry. Above is my room's closet, which you'll note is incredibly messy right now. My junk is scattered all over the plus, because I'm still moving some stuff from my parents' house to the new place. However, there is a TON of space in them, since they span the entire wall. Once I (finally) have everything moved over, I'll start to sort it a bit more thoroughly. As of right now, the only thing I have out is my laptop.

To the right, please admire my bed, my stuffed animals, and a few other things. For example, I have a wonderful and glorious towel with ducks on it, which is spread out over my clothes hamper. Please, try to hold your applause. To the left is a crock pot, which is on top of a cabinet I use to store really old video game stuff, and speaking of that, there is a Gamecube and Guitar Hero: World Tour box also visible in the picture. (Note: As usual, you can click the photo to see the full-size version.)

Anyway, if you want to see a couple more shots from the glorious apartment, feel free to add me on Facebook. I realize that I haven't hyped up my account in a while, but I don't mind new friends on there. You can then see other glorious photos of me, such as my sweaty head and gut at a volleyball tournament, and a variety of shots of me at Casey's, a local bar. I'm Stephen Greenwell, URI 2007.

(p.s. That character to the right is Cleo the Cat, who likes to headbutt me until I pet her, and then when I pet her, she turns away, but when I stop, she headbutts me again. Cats are confusing creatures.)

Steve hates moving, edition 10.

I hate moving.

While the new place is always something I've looked forward to, it doesn't change the fact that the actual process to moving is always a horrible, horrible thing. Every time I'm about to move, I promise myself that this time, it'll be different and easier, but this is seldom the case.

I was actually semi-good for me this time. We got permission to move into our new place on Wednesday, a couple days earlier than what I thought, which was Saturday. So, I moved a couple boxes over Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

However, despite this early progress, I'm still left with a whole bunch of crap. Sigh. At least it is a bearable 77 degrees, as opposed to my past couple of moves, which were in 90-degree heat. (Note: That type of stupid coincidence takes more than dumb luck. Rhode Island doesn't get 90-degree heat EVERY summer, yet the last three moves I had done, it was that hot each day. I have a talent for planning important things on bad days.)

Anyway, I think I have two trips left, and then I'll be completely moved out. Wish me well, folks!

The picture is from this site that tries to hook up geeks with women. Oh sweet irony!

The Baggage Game: Friday, July 30

Ah, tonight's contestant is BJ, which is always a silly name for a person. He's a pilot and looking for his co-pilot, and BJ doesn't want a deadbeat in his cockpit. (teehee.) Hopefully, he's a bit of a better dude than the last pilot who went on a nationally-televised dating show.

The daters are April, a fitness instructor from Houston who is poured into a slutty, ugly dress; Stephanie, a medical assistant from Tulsa who wants to travel to Transylvania, and has an ugly Suzie Orman-like haircut; and Olivia, by far the foxiest of the three, a dance studio owner from Ogden, Utah who "likes to perform in public." In addition to being the easiest on the eyes, Olivia seems like the best person from her initial 30-second interview. And also, she's from Utah, which isn't normally where you go if you want a wild and crazy life.

First Round
April: I keep the hair from my bikini waxes.
Stephanie: I bring my own sheets to hotels.
Olivia: I eat fast food twice a day.

April says, "I like the way it looks on the wax strip. It looks like salmon swimming upstream." This is quite possibly the most insane thing I've heard on this show yet, and I just threw up a little bit in my own mouth. ugh. Stephanie's "baggage" actually seems like a normal, reasonable thing to do. And Olivia is really fit, so I doubt the fast food thing is not much of an issue. (Then she adds in that she doesn't cook or clean, and that she's not his mother, which seems a bit worrisome. What do you do then, just dance all day and wreck the house?)

Second Round
April: I was stopped for speeding six times in one night.
Stephanie: I have Jesus tattooed on my back.
Olivia: I'm still dating my ex-husband.

Wow, as far as baggage goes, this is a pretty good round. The speeding thing is the least worrisome to me; it's speeding, meh. The ex-husband and Jesus thing are neck-and-neck with me though. The ex-husband thing would win out though, since it suggests an indecisive personality. However, BJ eliminates the Jesus girl, which is Stephanie. (This isn't really that surprising, since Stephanie has a huge tat on her thigh.)

Olivia turns out to be the one dating her ex-husband, so I would have eliminated her. Sorry about that, Olivia! April explains her speeding problem by saying that she was trying to get to a bachelorette party, which seems reasonable. April also has a mouth like Jenny from Flippin' Out, and looks roughly like her. Olivia then dances for the crowd, followed by April awkwardly trying to dance and work-out in her way-too-slutty dress. (Some FCC operator probably just had a heart attack.)

Final Elimination Round
April: I have five over-protective dads.
Olivia: I was kicked out of college.

Olivia says she went to a very religious college and she got kicked out for being in a guy's room after hours. Since she's in Utah, I imagine this means she was at BYU and got booted, like that Mormon girl from The Real World. Meanwhile, April just seems like a complete trainwreck, between the waxing and dads. BJ shows that he has a brain and eliminates April. "It's too bad BJ, because you and I could have had a lot of fun in your cockpit." (I'm glad I'm not the only one with a silly mind.) Anyway, BJ's baggage is one of these three things:

- I spend my vacations on a nudist retreat.
- My first love was my second cousin.
- I've been arrested 22 times.

Of the three, the nudist thing would bug me the most, although the arrest thing would be a very close second. Sadly, the cousin thing wouldn't bug me as much, provided there had been a buffer of several years after the cousin-fucking. BJ's baggage is the arrest thing, which shocks Olivia, because she's never been arrested. BJ admits that he used to work on a morning radio show, and thus, he would get arrested while doing pranks. However, Olivia accepts him anyway. Awwww.

Movin' on up... And why Steve dislikes bikers (the cyclist kind).

I apologize for the delayed posts the past couple days, but I'm moving out of my parents' house and into an apartment with my friend Becca in a nearby town - woohoo! It's been far too long for me, and it almost feels like escaping prison. It's almost hard for me to imagine life out on my own again, but yet, I'm excited to give it a try. Becca and I have known each other since seventh grade, and we're not dating each other, so I don't think it'll be awkward at all.

Anyway, I also don't really have any pictures yet. I don't have a proper camera, and I always forget that my cell phone has one, so I haven't snapped any photos. Since I know y'all are probably naturally curious, the above picture is the Google Maps satellite image of the new crib. If you want to get super nosy, you can look it up yourself - 657 Dry Bridge Road, North Kingstown. (Feel free to mail me money or delicious cakes and cookies as well. No poison or stalking though.) We have a super-huge backyard, which is actually a huge collection of local farms, so that's nice. The parking situation is less than ideal, but still, there should be plenty of room for BBQs and other fun stuff.

Between work and frantically packing and trying to move out by Saturday, I have tried to sneak in some basketball. However, this is a surprising pain in the ass because the court closest to me, Crandall Field in Ashaway / Hopkinton, is constantly stalked by a roving gang of kids on bicycles.

They aren't as bad as The Warriors or anything, but the park has developed a reputation as a place for bikers and skaters to go. As a result, nobody plays hoops there anymore. The town finally managed to get rid of the black spray paint that said "Die kikes!", but they don't do much in terms of keeping the bikers off the court. They constantly drag a picnic table and a nearby trash barrel on to the court and then try to jump over them. (Note: This small bit of vandalism and graffiti is odd for the field, which is otherwise inhabited by a nice, big playground and friendly families.)

So to you punk kid cyclists there, Old Man Greenwell shakes his fist at you. Hopefully, there are less of you in North Kingstown.

At The Commercials: ohmygod Apple please stop with the iPhone.

These commercials for the iPhone 4 make me feel really uncomfortable, especially the one above. First off, the girl looks REALLY young. Like, in the 14 to 17 range, with that silly haircut of her's. That tone of voice probably doesn't help, and her boyfriend sounds like a skeeve. "You look really, REALLY cute. Now call me daddy..."

Second, the commercials are eerie because there is no background sound, and for the most part, very little sound. It is odd and unnerving - like we're eavesdropping on a private conversation. The worst, eeriest voyeur feeling definitely comes from the "I'm pregnant!" commercial they. Why am I a fly on the wall for their most private moment???


Sigh. According to Apple's website, which doesn't work for me in terms of actually playing the commercials, there are five in all. The only one that is mildly cute to me is about the girl getting braces. She comes off as cute in it, but like haircut, her "dad" seems creepy and maladjusted:

The Baggage Game: Wednesday, July 28

Today's contestant is Shane, a business owner from the silly named Defiance, Ohio. When he gets on the stage, he says he's not worthy to Jerry and bends down on a knee, which makes me immediately dislike him. He also says that he wants a woman who is filled out in the right way. ick.

We have Krista, a busty blonde dental hygienist from Milwaukee. There is Jen, a blonde and brunette nanny from Tustin, California; she looks a bit too mom-ish for this show. Then, we have Debra, a brunette teacher from L.A., who is definitely the cutest of the three contestants. She has a great smile and laugh, both of which are bright as heck. (Rough approximation provided by the girl to the right, which I got from this dental website and Google Images.)

First Round
Krista: I have been to 32 Donny Osmond concerts.
Jen: I drive 15 miles per hour under the speed limit.
Debra: I'm obsessed with serial killers.

From just reading these, Debra's baggage sounds the most ridiculous, but she explains it more as of love of shows like CSI and Forensic Files. (Phew, the hot girl seems normal, at least through one round.) This is a pretty "meh" round to me, since I've dealt with variations of all three of these personally. (However, please note that I totally pegged Jen as being a mom, and sure enough, she drives like a mom.) Hopefully things pick up in the second round...

Second Round
Jen: I buy panties at the $0.99 store.
Krista : I have a bowel movement every two hours.
Debra : I read self-help books every day.

Shane freaks out about the panties thing, which surprises me. As long as they're new, who cares? However, he acts as if he had been told that the woman had AIDS. The bowel movement issue seems more worrisome, since she would constantly be need pit stops and what not. The self-help book issue seems like a positive, like they're constantly working on bettering themselves. However, Shane chooses to eliminate the $0.99 store panties, which turns out to be Jen the Mom.

Anyway, Krista explains that she likes to eat a lot of all-natural food and fiber, so she has regular, non-smelly poops. (Shane expressed regret that his house would smell bad. Classy guy.) Debra said, as I guessed, that she likes to improve herself.

Final Elimination Round
Krista: I get paid to be naked at parties.
Debra: I'm on probation.

Holy heck, these are two surprising reveals! Krista explains that she gets paid to be nude and to wear a "body paint" outfit. And Debra's story is really minor - She tried to evade a parking meter maid. Awwww. That just makes her even foxier to me! Oh, la and LA. Meanwhile, Krista is just a glorified stripper (as Debra points out).

Unfortunately, Shane is a tool, and picks Krista. I'm guessing it is because of her giant fun bags, because they immediately hug and have their paws all over each other. ick. Anyway, Shane's baggage is one of these three things:

- I've had three serious girlfriends at one time.
- I have 61 ventriloquist dolls.
- I'm banned from entering the state of Florida.

Right off the bat, I can't imagine that the Florida thing is true. Florida is the most fucked up place in the United States, with the possible exception of Alaska. What the hell would you have to do to get banned from the state? Did he rough up Goofy or Mickey Mouse?

I'm right on the money with Shane the Tool, as he reveals that he had three serious girlfriends at one time, which is the biggest baggage for Krista and myself. (Heck, at least the dolls, I'm assuming he would make some money.) Shane said he's past that point of his life, but she doesn't really believe him, and sends him packing. (She seems vaguely broken up about this.)

Now that he's eliminated, Shane is all snotty about Krista being a nude model. However, with his ridiculous baggage, I doubt it would have mattered if he had chosen on of the other women either.

Inexplicable Music Review: The Ting Tings, perfect for summer consumption.

I've previously established that I don't have much musical taste, between what I consider "cool" music and because I'm a 26-year-old guy that likes Ke$ha. (So sue me! There is just something so raw and filthy about her that somehow also makes her attractive. I can't properly explain it.)

Anyway, one band I'm into that is perfect for summer consumption remains The Ting Tings. You've probably heard a lot of them recently - The above music video for "Great DJ" is used in at least one commercial, for some Garner Fruitis shampoo, and it is frequently used as bumper music for shows. (You can thank me later for finally identifying it for you.)

Basically, I'm very much into accessible, listenable techno, and The Ting Tings seem to be the latest permutation of it. This genre started with some of the 1980s hip-hop beats, and gave way to early to late 1990s "big beat" techno like The Chemical Brothers and Fatboy Slim. The audience for both bands eventually decayed, but acts like Daft Punk still remain pretty popular. Now, I think you can clearly hear that techno kind of influence in the drums of The Ting Tings and the production value of most Kanye songs.

There are a couple other factors that certainly help The Ting Tings' success:

- The female vocalist, Katie White, is cute as heck. She's clearly hot, but she is jussttt a bit thick and chesty, which makes her seem more "normal" than most pop sensations like Katy Perry. Sure, she styles her hair over her eyes like she is a bit emo, but her hair is gorgeous and in general, she looks pouty and dreamy. I've joked in the past that I'd like to marry her, since she's roughly my age, and I'm only half kidding. (Watch, someone will produce a picture of her smoking, like they did with Piper Perabo, and totally kill my dreams.)

- All of their music videos are pretty solid. As my friend Michael noted about the one up there, it probably cost about $100 to make. It's just them making the same dance move throughout the video as the colors throb behind them. However, because it's so simple, and because the music and lyrics seems to sync with the video, I'm a big fan. There isn't a lot of innovation going on in music videos today, as most bands are content to just be filmed singing, so I like anything off the beaten path.

Similarly, the band's other videos are examples of this minimalist but neat, eye-catching style:


- I don't think The Ting Tings take themselves too seriously, which is important in my book. Like the DJ behind Girl Talk, they just seem content to make some good, catchy music. They're also fine doing goofy stuff, like singing the "Happy Birthday" song on Yo Gabba Gabba. This adds to my impression that Katie White is a sweet girl I can take home, as opposed to a nasty sex freak. (That's what Ke$ha is there for, anyway.)

- This final reason is kind of silly, but I like that the male lead of The Ting Tings, Jules De Martino, looks like one of my favorite wrestlers, Christian Cage. Good for them both! I also have no idea if Jules is straight or gay, but hey, whatever makes him happy and producing hit records make me happy.

Inexplicable Book Review: My Teacher Is Not Bruce Coville

Back in the day, there were a bunch of nifty horror series for kids. (I say this as if they don't exist now, but since I'm 26, I don't really hang around in the kid's lit sections of book stores, since I don't want to have a good, long chat with Chris Hansen.) Of course, R.L. Stine's Goosebumps and Fear Street series are the most famous, but there was also the softcore porn-esque writing of Christopher Pike and the Scary Stories anthologies with freaky illustrations.

A subset of this was kinda-goofy series, like the ones written by Bruce Coville. The one I remember best had the catchiest title - My Teacher Is An Alien. According to Wikipedia, it came out in 1989, when I was five. However, I first stumbled across it in third or fourth grade, at one of those Scholastic book fairs that came 'round the school every couple of months. The other books are My Teacher Fried My Brains, My Teacher Glows In The Dark and My Teacher Flunked The Planet.

The plot of the four-book series was pretty simple: Super nerd Peter Thompson likes cute girl Susan Simmons, but there is a bully, Duncan Dougal, in the way. Oh, and also, their teacher Mr. Smith is actually an alien named Broxholm, who has a wife who is also an alien masquerading as a teacher, who uses a device to unlock Duncan's inner brain power. You know, your typical sort of stuff.

The series morphs from what seems to be the typical "oh my goodness, my teacher is an alien stuff!" to a bit of a morality play on humanity itself. The aliens observing Earth are worried about the destructive powers of humans, with the atomic bomb foremost among their concerns. They don't want the humans to corrupt the rest of the galaxy when they eventually get out into the rest of the galaxy.

It's an interesting thing to ponder, and as a kid, I always resonated more with books that skewed toward grey-ish morals and surprising outcomes, like My Teacher Is An Alien. Also, there was a light little romance hinted at in all the books. So, as an awkward fourth grader first discovering that girls were pretty and not always cootie-faced, I always liked books and video games that hinted at something like this.

Anyway, if you're interested in the series, it's widely available. From a casual glance on eBay and Amazon, the individual books go for $0.50 to $2. Most library networks also have all four books.

The picture of the series is from this nifty interview with the creator of the series, Bruce Coville.

The Baggage Game: Monday, July 26

Today, we have Steve on, a spa owner from Tulsa. (Seriously, "spa owner" is a valid profession in Oklahoma? Isn't just standing out in the sun like stewing in a spa in Oklahoma?) He's a bit older than the typical guy on Baggage, probably closer to 50 than 30.

The contestants are Jillie, a paralegal from Delano, Minnesota that talks like a phone sex operator; Marilee, a "free-spirited" songwriter from Grand Rapids; and Priscilla, a marketing rep from Beverly Hills, who is unfortunately nowhere near the same ballpark physically as the other two. Jillie is incredibly attractive, and also clearly the youngest, while Marilee is a busty, blonde and in her mid-30s, roughly. Think a bustier Beth Littleford, who's picture is from this blog.

First Round
Jillie: I never leave home without make-up.
Marilee: I'm obsessed with The Rock.
Priscilla: My boobs are two different sizes.

None of these are dealbreakers to me. Priscilla's baggage leads to the best Jerry line of the round, "Well at least you know they're real." (Steve also makes a motorboat sound, showing that he is a classy, classy guy.) Jillie is quite firm that she NEVER leaves without make-up, but she is a really hot blonde, so this isn't concerning to me. Marilee's baggage is sadly appealing to me, since I love professional wrestling The Rock. Jerry quips, "They used to call me the pebble."

Second Round
Jillie: My four psychics guide my life. Priscilla: I live with two men. Marilee: I shave my entire face.
The physics thing wins by a landslide, since the men and shaving thing are relatively minor issues. The shaving thing... Hey, at least she cares enough to shave! And I'm living with my female friend Becca, so I don't view the men thing as an issue. But FOUR physics? Wow. The other Steve (you know, the one on the show, not me) agrees and eliminates the physics.

And of COURSE, ultra-hot Jillie is the one with the four psychics! Sigh. Marilee seems like a decent human being though, and I instantly like her because she hates camping. Also, she apparently bakes great muffins. Priscilla notes that she is a girly-girl and likes to drink beers with the guys (which is really obvious, to sound mean and catty for a second).

Final Elimination Round
Marilee: I want to adopt five kids.
Priscilla: I won't have sex until marriage.

Steve remarks, "Oh hello Angelina!" to Marilee's baggage, which makes me hate him even more. He adds that he's not sure he wants children. What an ass! When Priscilla reveals her baggage, Marilee cackles a bit, which makes me like her even more. Priscilla says, "I'm a prize, and good things come to those who wait." Unsurprisingly, Priscilla gets the boot. Anyway, Steve's baggage is one of the three:

- I've had sex with a man.
- I have a tattoo of my ex-wife.
- I was married to two women at the same time.

Marilee said her biggest problem would be if he was into other dudes. I find all three to be dealbreakers, but hey, to each their own. Steve reveals his baggage to be "I've had sex with a man," which I knew a while ago because The Soup used it as a clip. He mentions that things just got out of hand at college at one point, which is a bit of an understatement; I've gotten drunk but I've managed to avoid getting... Well, let's not go there. Steve gives an angry interview after the show, proving that Marilee was probably right to eliminate his sleazy ass.

(Note: This is the premiere episode of the show, actually, and thus, the only one available fully on YouTube. Sorry!)

A wacky day of TV: An inexplicable Mel Gibson mini-marathon and the real Buffy

This always hilarious photo is from here.

- Yesterday, for some reason, they were showing several Mel Gibson movies on TNT. At 2:15, they played Payback, followed by Braveheart. I'm not sure if they had planned this for months and couldn't change the line-up, or if they actually thought the movies would be more in demand because of Mel's... problems.

I will say that I actually enjoy Payback, and it reminds me of why Mel has gotten so many chances in Hollywood. The dude can act, even if he is a horrible alcoholic and racist. He basically plays a bad, clever motherfucker in Payback, and he's the good guy. It predates stuff like Sin City and Kill Bill by a couple years, but it's a gritty, not-as-good "revenge" movie in that same vein. Mel and some of the supporting characters (James Coburn and Kris Kristofferson and vampy Maria Bello) in the movie have some really strong performances, as he is trying to get back the $130,000 $70,000 owed him.

More importantly, it is the perfect sort of movie for a lazy Saturday afternoon. It has lots of violence and explosions, and enough decent acting to keep you interested; it follows firmly in the footsteps of fare like Falling Down with Michael Douglas and Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze. (Also, Ebert is a big fan, if that helps persuade anyone.)

- Also on Saturday was the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer, of which I am the only remaining fan of. While the WB / UPN / whatever show has many, many more fans, especially among people who write fan fiction, I like the original movie for a couple reasons.

First, it doesn't take itself nearly as seriously as the series does. Kristy Swanson is goofier than Sarah Michelle Gellar, and the movie as a whole is very tongue in cheek. It's like the difference between Gremlins and Gremlins 2, with the movie Buffy being more of a spoof and exaggeration of horror movies. It was pretty odd for the time, considering that Buffy came out in 1992, four years before Scream.

Second, Swanson is much, much hotter than Gellar. I realize this is a scandalous statement to some, but take a look at that picture of her doing gymnastics and try to argue otherwise. Sure, she fell off the cliff into the Abyss of Non-Celebrity almost immediately after Buffy, but her peak is much, much higher than Gellar's. Although Gellar is undeniably cute, I never really viewed her as a major sex symbol like Swanson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Denise Richards or Neve Campbell.

For those reasons, I was quite glad to see Buffy The Vampire Slayer pop up on VH1 Saturday afternoon. Congrats!

- And finally, ESPN's programming is just odd sometimes. Instead of showing any number of Major League Baseball games, they instead showed... a men's softball championship. Seriously, ESPN? Sigh.

Notes on Baggage - Because I don't write about it enough.

Thanks to Kristi's comment on this post, I've noted that more people than just myself are obsessed with Baggage. Poking around the web a bit...

- Here is a really great, exhaustive article on the show. They've even tabulated some stats on it, such as how likely men and women are to accept the other person's baggage. I highly recommend it! The picture for this entry comes from the site.

- Baggage now has a Facebook fan group. Nice! You can access it here. According to the group, they are currently doing casting calls in Vegas for the second season, which will start airing Aug. 16. Sweet! (I hope I still have GSN by then...) Side note: The casting director for the show is a stone cold fox.

Anyway, the next post for The Baggage Game will be tomorrow at 11 a.m. I'm going to stick with the current schedule, which has me doing three posts about it a week, until I either 1) run out of episodes or 2) lose Game Show Network. After that, I do have another game show to fill the void, thankfully, so no worries.