Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I
tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note:
Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)
As my
grandfather used to say, “Jeezum Crow IHOP, what IS this thing that you’ve
created?”
The menu describes
them as criss-croissants, a.k.a. waffled croissants. What they actually are is
bastardized travesties of a normal breakfast. After this whole
cronut business,
and McDonald’s going 24 hours on the menu, BREAKFAST HAS NO MORE RULES.
But without
rules, there is anarchy. And in anarchy, disgusting, immoral things like the
criss-croissants can happen. It’s basically like a soggy waffle with breakfast
slash lunch stuff shoved inside of it. In my case, it was spinach
and roasted red pepper. It wasn’t the most horrible thing I had ever put
inside of my mouth, but it definitely wasn’t a product worth bringing out of
the R&D labs.
Also, the
pricing was very curious. For $8.50, I could get two eggs, two strips of bacon,
two sausage links and hash browns. OR, I could get the same combo, plus a
criss-croissant, for $9. So basically, because I’m cheap, I consumed an extra 500ish
calories. (I can’t tell you exactly how many, because it’s not even listed on the
ole IHOP menu.)
This
criss-croissant is no reason to visit IHOP, unless you’re looking to consume an
ungodly amount of calories on the cheap. In which case, it’s probably better to
just frequent your favorite, local greasy spoon. Please do not reward these Dr.
Frankensteins of Breakfast.
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