Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I
tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note:
Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)
In the past,
I did a Steveats on some of the weird Easter candy available. Unmentioned by me
at the time – Isn’t it weird that there is so much egg stuff with Easter?
Rabbits don’t even lay eggs. So, that’s weird that there are tons of chocolate
ones.
I was hoping
to find some similarly weird Halloween candy, but as of today, I’ve come up
somewhat empty in my pursuit. A local Speedway had o options that were mildly
intriguing – candy corn flavored M&Ms and Hershey bars.
Now, neither
item was good, but they weren’t the taste equivalent of a dumpster fire either.
I actually thought both were edible, especially the M&Ms, and that’s high
praise for candy corn. Channeling
Lewis Black here for a minute, candy corn is usually just the worst, and
the Hershey’s bar used another bad base, white chocolate. But somehow, it works
to make the whole thing… OK. It’s like covering broccoli or sprouts in cheese.
My bottom
three Halloween candies: 3) Any sort of gum. It’s Halloween! Halloween is for
candy, gum is for covering up your rank breath at the office after lunch. Gum
isn’t candy, gum is just gum.
2) The
aforementioned candy corn.
1) Taffy
candies in the black or orange wrappers. Good god, they’re awful. According to this
amusing blog entry, they’re actually supposed to have peanut butter inside
of them, but I’ve never successfully finished one of those things either so I
don’t know about that. They are hideous, disgusting, hideous and grossly
hideous.
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