DON'T READ THIS: Blogging LOST, Week 3

In keeping with last week, here is another running diary of LOST. Of course, huge spoilers on this week's episode follows, and as always, Amanda and Tom will be providing some commentary as well.

9 p.m. - A short recap this week, and we're apparently going to be following Locke (and hopefully Fake Locke) for a bit. In Bizarro LAX, he's getting out of his van with the fancy ramp, which stalls and makes him fall down on to the lawn, with the sprinklers smacking him in the face. How farcical and morbidly funny! And hey, Peg Bundy is back as his girlfriend! That's nice that he has love again. She finds the card from Dr. Jack Shepard in his clothes, and says maybe it's destiny that they ran into each other. Nifty, huh?

The scene shifts to the Smoke Monster. It hovers outside of a building in the Others' village for a bit, and then finally forms around a machete, which Fake Locke takes. He had Richard tied up in a trap, but finally chops him down. First commercial break.

9:07 p.m. - Short break, as we're back to Locke in his office. And his evil boss Randy is harassing him about his walkabout, and then shitcans him for lying about attending the conference. Aw, poor Locke.

We move to Fake Locke on the Island. He mentions that he knew Locke's appearance would gain him access to Jacob, because Locke is a "candidate." Fake Locke tries to appeal to Richard by saying that he'll tell him everything as opposed to keeping him in the dark, but Richard refuses to join him. Fake Locke is then seemingly going to kill him, but gets distracted by something, and lets him go.

Flash to Ben on the Island. He's talking to Alana or Illana or whatever her name is - Amanda and I don't know. Amanda comes up with the name Wannabe Jackass, which seems appropriate. WJ says that Fake Locke is now "recruiting."

Fake Locke is now going through the cottage with the music from earlier; a vinyl is playing on a record. In another room, James (Sawyer) is drinking himself into a stupor - It seems like Fake Locke has his first recruitment target.

Amanda: Oh God damn it he is sexy. Even as a brooding alcoholic with a broken heart. And absolutely NO good can come from this. Well I mean, really. Locke is clearly this insane Smoke Monster with a plan. And Sawyer is VERY vulnerable and angry right now. He's got a hairline temper and is liable to fly off the handle at any second. If Locke starts devising crazy plans, Sawyer could go along with it. And shit will go down.

9:18 p.m. - Back from the second commercial break, we're sticking with Sawyer and Fake Locke. (Sawyer is in his underwear and a wife-beater, hence Amanda's great like.) Amanda says, "How'd Sawyer get so dirty? ;) I think that LOST and Intervention could have an amazing crossover episode."

Wow, Sawyer catches on right away that Fake Locke is fake. Fake Locke says he can answer the most important question in the world - Why Sawyer is on the Island. And even drunk, Sawyer gets in some good zingers, but agrees to go .

Amanda: NO. 1) Don't go with him. 2) NO PANTS!

We flash to Bizarro LAX. Hugo Reyes, the OWNER of Locke's company, has a confrontation with him outside of his (former) job. He offers him a new job with his temp agency.

Now we're on the beach. Wannabe Jackass covers up the corpse of Locke, and says they should go to the Temple, luring Sun with her by saying that Jin might be there. They postpone their plans though to bury Locke.

Flash over to Fake Locke and Sawyer, and Fake Locke sees a kid in the jungle. He chases after him, eventually falling at his feet. In an eerie similarity to Real Locke, the kid tells him that he knows the rules and can't kill, which causes Fake Locke to scream, "Don't tell me what I can't do!" Third commercial break.

Tom: Tween Jacob. Can't wait for LOST babies - It'll be better than Muppet Babies.

9:28 p.m. - Back on the Island, Richard catches up to Sawyer and warns him that Fake Locke will lie to him. Richard runs, and Fake Locke and Sawyer have an awkward exchange.

In Bizarro LAX, Locke and Rose has a short exchange. She runs the temp agency, and apparently, she still has terminal cancer. Aw. But she convinces Locke to take a more realistic job, as opposed to construction foreman.

Back on the Island, Sawyer and Fake Locke are walking through the woods. Sawyer talks about Of Mice and Men, which Fake Locke has no recollection of, and Sawyer pulls a gun on him, asking him what will happen if he pumps a slug into his brain. Fake Locke says he used to be a man, like Sawyer, and lures him into further intrigue and not shoot him.

9:38 p.m. - Apparently, according to a conversation between Wannabe Jackass and Ben, Fake Locke is stuck in his current form for some reason. They stick Locke in the ground, and Ben does a short eulogy. "John Locke was a... believer. He was a man of faith, he was a much better man than I will ever be and I'm very sorry I murdered him." The Pilot gets in a pretty nifty line right after, "Weirdest damn funeral I've ever been to." Nice.

We flip to Bizarro LAX, and Locke is calling for Jack. But he gets the secretary and doesn't talk! Eeck. Locke confesses to Helen that he got fired, and of course, right as he does, the doorbell rings. The airplane company found his baggage. Locke tells Helen that he lied about the conference, and has her open the case, which was full of his knives. He says he wasn't allowed on the walkabout. "I'm sick of imagining what my life would be out of this chair." Helen and Locke kiss passionately, after she rips up Jack's card. nooooooo!

Flash over to the Island with Fake Locke and Sawyer. They apparently have to climb down a ladder on a cliff, to God knows where. One of the steps snaps as Sawyer tries to climb down it, and then, the ladder detaches from the face of the cliff. Fake Locke grabs Sawyer as he dangles, and they manage to make it to the outcrop they were shooting for. It is a small cavern with a scale, with a black rock and a white rock balancing each other. Fake Locke throws the white rock out into the water, and then lights a torch to show him why he's there - There is some sort of mural on the wall, with his name and various others. Shocking! And we hit another commercial break.

Tom: I hope they're going to explain something in the last 10 minutes.

9:53 p.m. - In Bizarro LAX, Locke is somehow watching kids run laps, and then teaching them about... the human reproductive system. I guess he's a substitute teacher. And Ben Linus teaches European history! What a weird turn of events.

We flip over to the Island, where Fake Locke is showing Sawyer around Jacob's cave. Each main cast member corresponds to a number, and Fake Locke says that Jacob was pushing all of them toward the Island. Fake Locke says they are all "candidates" to become the protector of the Island, and then says that there is no need for a Protector. Fake Locke also crosses out Locke's name on the wall. Fake Locke asks Sawyer if he's ready to go home, and Sawyer says, "Hell yes."

Amanda: I'm not buying it, Locke. If it's that easy, why are you still there? Sorry. There's more to it than this.

Storytime with Amanda Meyer: The best crushes ever ever

Every weekend, my friend Amanda Meyer writes an entry. This week's concerns her celebrity crushes.

The more I talk to people, the more I realize that I have entirely too many celebrity crushes. It needs to stop, though I do not imagine that it will. What follows is a list of my Top Five actual celeb crushes and Top Five fictional celeb crushes.

Actual People That Should Fall in Love With Me:

1)Leonardo DiCaprio. Leo has topped this list since I first saw Titanic in theaters at the age of nine. He has been faithful ever since, only getting better looking as he ages and continuing to pick characters I can’t help but fall in love with. Furthermore, he’s got class; this guy cleans up real well, is very active with charity work, and he’s a good actor, not just a pretty face.

2)Milan Lučić. If I ever needed a guy to fight for me, he would be it. This guy kicks ass. He is also Canadian and plays hockey. What’s not to love? His ONE drawback is that he’s six months younger than me. And he gets a lot of broken noses, which takes away from looks. Slightly.

3)Bobby Flay. Bobby and I would get along great, and I would always have a great meal to come home to. The only downside here is that he is my parents’ age. Eww.

4)Matt Damon. A local boy, he and I have the streets of Dorchester in common. What girl can’t resist a Boston accent? Besides, he’s dreamy. And look, he loves the Sox. ‘Nuff said.

5)John Cena. Don’t even ask. I don’t watch wrestling, his acting career is miserable. But he’s HOT. And he can fight.

Fictional Characters Who Would Love Me if They Were Real:

1)Jack Dawson from Titanic. If you haven’t seen this movie you need to. There really is no reason why I should even need to explain this. In three days he waltzes in, turns Rose’s world upside down and gets her to fall head over heels in love with him. She wasn’t the only one who fell.

2)Jim Halpert from The Office. Jim has a goofy smile, makes amazing facial expressions, gave the PERFECT wedding toast this season, and is all-around adorable. What a great guy. Also the actor is from Brighton, my current digs. I like it.

3)James “Sawyer” Ford from Lost. If I ever get stuck on an island, I hope Sawyer is there to save me. He’s sarcastic, a huge wise-ass and obsessed with condescending nicknames, but after a few episodes, it’s just endearing. He also kicks ass, takes names and has a heart. He might not ever say it back, but Sawyer, I love you.

4)Billy Costigan from The Departed. Boys from Boston. What can I say? Us local girls love our boys. The accents, the badass persona, the Irish Mobster boss... We love it all. Sure. Billy had issues, but at the end of the day, all he wanted was to make it out of the Southie projects and be respectable. How can you not fall for that?

5)Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. Chuck is arrogant. He only loves himself. He owns more Dior than I do (and that’s saying something). He’s 18 (creepy). He’s a pompous mutli-billionaire Upper East Sider. But GOD is he gorgeous. His one-liners are almost as good as Sawyers, and sometimes he has a heart. He makes me want to leave Boston for NYC, and that is saying something.

The picture of Crush soda is from here.

Storytime with Amanda Meyer: Jeffrey Steingarten and for the love of foie gras

Every Saturday, my friend Amanda Meyer writes a blog entry. One, because I think she's an excellent writer, and two, because I like to have a day off. Questions, comments or concerns? Leave them at the end of this entry, gawd!

Something I have learned about myself this week is that if I could trade lives with anyone in the world I would choose... Jeffrey Steingarten! Shocking, oui?

So he doesn’t have much going in the looks department, he has a funny sounding voice and I’m willing to bet most people don’t even know who he is. But you know what I have to say to those people? Get you butt to a couch and start watching some Food Network!

Steingarten happens to be one of the world’s leading food critics, a field I wish was easier to break into. This guy has a sweet gig going on. First of all, he works for Vogue. Hello! Who doesn’t want to work for Vogue? That magazine can singlehandedly solve any of my life’s problems.

He is also a regular judge on Iron Chef. Not only does this mean he eats delicious food, but he gets a lot of opportunities to meet Bobby Flay (my ultimate celeb crush). I also have a great appreciation for the fact that he graduated from Harvard and then Harvard Law, worked for Boston’s Mayor White, but left politics behind to be a writer. That’s admirable, and he’s really good at it; I highly recommend his book, The Man Who Ate Everything.

This leads me to my next point - The guy is paid to eat (everything!). I blame my love of food on my very Italian family. It was not until I was about 15, when I invited my then-boyfriend over for Christmas Eve dinner, that I realized most Americans do not eat seven courses of seafood over the holidays. I grew up assuming that raw oysters and calamari were every day fare, although I now realize that could not be further from the truth. Silly me.

I have also learned that conversations with new friends about favorite foods seldom go well. Usually they talk about their love of pizza or lasagna or even ribs, to which I express my undying love of foie gras and cioppino (for those of you who care, that’s goose liver pate and Italian fish stew). My obsession with Food Network shows as well as Bravo’s Top Chef only continue to encourage me to try new things, which in turn encourages more and more strange looks from people I tell about them.

But when you’re a famous food critic, I bet you don’t get funny looks. Mr. Steingarten makes these same dishes sound so fantastic that everyone who reads his book will immediately be inclined to book a flight to France for some authentic escargots! I would love that kind of power.

Luckily for me, I have found a great way to share this love of food with other foodies via the Internet. Yelp! is not only a great way to rave or rant about a meal out, but also a wonderful way to find some hidden gems in your area that you just have to try. So maybe this doesn’t put me quite on the same level as my new-found hero, but everyone has to start somewhere. Oh, and if you’re curious, you can find all my reviews under my username: amandabanana.yelp.com.

The picture of Jeffy is from this site here, which has several humorous photos of chefs and others downing some sort of booze.

Happy Heroic Hockey Happiness!

The view from the balcony.

This weekend, I experienced by first Boston Bruins game in person, and I must say that it was an awesome experience at that. They got a small measure of revenge against the team that eliminated them from the Stanley Cup playoffs last year, the Carolina Hurricanes, as they brutalized them on the scoreboard and in the fisticuffs, 7-2.

I consider myself somewhat odd in that I love watching blowouts by teams that I follow far more than watching a close game. I was thrilled when the Celtics blew out the Lakers to win the championship in 2008, and when the Red Sox mashed the snot out of the ball in their game seven win against the Yankees in 2004. I could careless that the games lacked drama, because the margins of victory meant that I could relax and enjoy the games.

Similarly, the Bruins jumped ahead of Carolina by three goals after the first period, and added a couple more in the second before the Hurricanes could score. Carolina failed in all aspects of Saturday night's game - They couldn't clear the puck when the Bruins were on the attack, their own scoring chances were sloppy executed, and a porous defense forced them to switch Ward out after he gave up four goals in a period and a half.

The best part though was the fisticuffs. At the end of the second period, Milan Lučić beat the crap out of Jay Harrison. Sure, he got in a couple cheap shots to bust Harrison wide open, but that'll teach Harrison right good! After that fight, Zdeno Chára also mixed it up with someone, and the Bruins got a total of 19 minutes in fighting penalties, which was awesome.

To make the night even better, I was there with my friend Amanda Meyer. Thanks to her Twitter account, she won a free ride on the Zamboni! I was secretly a bit envious, but this is something for me to shoot for the next time I go to a Bruins' game. She also got her face on the big screen, but of course, I couldn't get my cell phone camera out fast enough to snap the shot.

Picture taken by me, with my cell phone camera, which is shockingly good, at least by my standards.

Storytime with Amanda Meyer: Profoundly pitching perfect proposals

[Left] This martini costs more than a year of college did for me.

There is no way to not embarrass myself in the setup of this story. All you need to know is that I enjoy wedding shows on Style Network and WEtv a lot more than I should, considering that I have no immediate plans to get married. I love the drama and the fashion and the elegance of weddings, so it’s no surprise that I absolutely love good proposal stories as well.

I have recently learned that The Oak Room at the Fairmont Copley Plaza here in Boston serves a martini that will cost some lucky lady’s future husband a whopping $12,500 for what I can only describe as the perfect proposal. But naturally for that kind of bank you’re getting more than a drink. This tasty cocktail comes complete with an overnight stay in one of their suites (which they deck out with roses, candles and of course champagne), breakfast in bed the next morning, and the most important part, a ring! This can be picked out at the upscale jeweler located in the hotel.

How perfect does that sound? Pretty perfect, right? At least to me. But it got me thinking - What could Google tell me about other creative proposals? I assume guys blog about this sort of thing since you very well know they aren’t getting these ideas on their own. Unfortunately, I was hard pressed to find anything that topped the martini proposal.

What I mean by this, is that a creative and unique proposal idea seems to be one of the following:

- Using a scoreboard at a sporting event
- Playing a practical joke with a happy ending
- Placing an ad in the local paper
- Having a local radio DJ pop the question for you
- A “Marry Me” screen saver on her computer

Can I just point out how terrible each of these ideas is? I really hope that people aren’t using these tips!

I have actually seen two rejected proposals at Celtics games before. It’s awkward and you’re put on the spot in front of thousands and thousands of strangers! Ick!

A practical joke? Really? I had a boyfriend do something along these lines on a much smaller scale of course and I didn’t talk to him for a week. Girls don’t like that stuff, or at least I don’t.

As for an ad in the paper, that seems sort of creepy to me. It’s not like I read through the classifieds regularly anyway.

The DJ idea is just ridiculous, and although my old roommate actually said she likes this idea, I am really against taking the easy way out of it. Own up and ask yourself! Come on guys!

This is also the same logic I am using to ditch the screen saver idea.

So the point of my long ramble today is this: When in doubt, don’t trust Google on this one, instead trust big fancy hotels with big shiny diamonds and lots of liquor and the girls who watch wedding shows when it comes to this sort of thing. I’m a little let down that I couldn’t find any better ideas out there (easily anyway, because I am assuming a guy would not look much more extensively than I have).

And on that note, I may just start frequenting Copley and scoping out rich looking young men at the bar!

The picture from this article and more information about the $12,500 martini can be found here.

Storytime with Amanda Meyer: Psyched for the Bruins

Maybe it’s all that French-Canadian blood I have, or maybe I just enjoy watching hot guys on skates throwing punches. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I can say with certainty that I am one hundred percent head-over-heels in love with the Boston Bruins.

Today is the final day of preseason hockey for the Bs, and going into their match-up with the Columbus Blue Jackets, they are 4-1-1. For those of you who are unfamiliar with hockey, that’s four wins, one loss in regulation, and a loss in an overtime shootout. Some notable changes to this season’s lineup are the addition of goalies Tuukka Rask and Dany Sabourin and the loss of right wing Phil Kessel. These are the more significant roster changes for the 2009-10 season and therefore worth discussing.

With last season's backup goalie Manny Fernandez not on the roster and Tim Thomas looking sloppy in practice, these 35 year olds who together won the William M. Jennings trophy last season were bound to be replaced. The solution? Tuukka Rask of Finland at the ripe age of 22, drafted in 2005 by the Toronto Maple Leafs who has been playing for the Providence Bruins since 2007. Rask has won both preseason games he has played in and is looking really sharp on the ice.

Rask’s partner in crime is Dany Sabourin of Québec, a seasoned 29-year-old who signed with the team as a free agent over the summer. He got a win in Toronto but received a loss during the shootout in Columbus this past week. The team’s loss in regulation was against the Montreal Canadiens for Thomas though he made up for it by winning in overtime against them in their second match-up.

This brings me to some heartbreaking news, the loss of Phil Kessel to the Leafs. Signed to the team in 2006, Kessel was the fifth overall pick in the draft for the rookie maximum salary of $850,000 a year for three years. Just a few months later, Kessel was diagnosed with testicular cancer, which was treated quickly, and less than a month later he was playing down in Providence. Four days later he was back in Boston, missing only 11 regular season games.

Impressed? It gets better!

He was clutch in shootouts, winning game after game for the team in overtime. He scored the first goal of last season, got his first two NHL hat tricks, and managed to get the highest record number of NHL regular season goals (36). So you can see why I was sad to lose this wonderful asset to the team, and did I mention that he’s also gorgeous? Because he is.

But of course, pesky salary caps were making it nearly impossible for him to actually stay here in Boston, so every one should tune in on December 5 to see his first game against the Bs. (Better yet, buy tickets, it’s in Boston!) As a side note, the Bruins took Toronto’s first and second round draft picks for next season and their first round pick for the following season.

So, hopefully this catches everyone up to speed for the season. Some other minor notes to make for those of you who didn’t previously love hockey:

- Milan Lučić has shown that he hasn’t lost his edge... or his temper, getting a 10 minute ejection in a preseason game and already racking up penalty minutes for fighting. Useless fact: I used to have a huge crush on him until I found out he is six months younger than me. I can’t go for younger men.

- Team Captain Zdeno Chára hasn’t seen much play time yet, but what he has shown is that he has a great chance of winning his fourth consecutive “hardest shot” contest during this year’s all star break.

- New addition Steve Begin and veteran Dennis Wideman are showing excellent shooting skills and even better skating skills, which is good considering Wideman got sloppy in last year’s playoffs.

- Alternate captains Patrice Bergeron and Marco Sturm have had a strong presence in the preseason and their efforts of assisting the newbies and bringing the team together off-ice have really come through on-ice as well.

So there it is: the 2009-2010 Bruins in 752 words. I hope everyone is now just as excited for the regular season to begin when the Bruins open at home against the Washington Capitals on October 1. The game is at 7 p.m. and will air on Versus.

The Steve Greenwell TV Guide

[Left] The album title expresses my sentiments about television. And, by the way, did you know she's married to Nick Cannon? Seriously! Strange. She and him kind of fly under the radar, whereas everyone freaks out about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

On the recommendation of frequent contributor Amanda Meyer, and from friends like Nicole and Kate, I finally started watching Lost. While I had always thought I'd like the show, I held off on watching it in the past because I was worried about adding yet another show to the weekly list I have to watch. Sure enough, I've burnt through 16 episodes in 24 hours, and unless something really distracts me in the next few weeks, I should be able to catch up on the past seasons by the new season's start in January 2010.

For my own benefit, and to generate some discussion on this here blog, here are the other shows I try to stay abreast of. Most of them will probably not shock you. They are ordered by their premiere dates; some have started already, while some start in a few weeks. The list:

- Dinner: Impossible, sixth season premiered in August on Food Network. I dislike Food Network shows a lot of the time because it can be such a pain to watch them, but this is one of the few that I'll go out of my way to watch. (For example, Brian Boitano's show has new episodes on Saturday and Sunday mornings, because I really want to wake up at 9 a.m. to watch a cooking show.) New episodes are normally Wednesday nights, with repeats on Sundays.

- Psych, fifth season premiered Friday, August 7 on USA. I'm really behind on the adventures of James Roday, unfortunately, but I do try to watch it whenever I'm home on a Friday night. That hasn't been a lot lately, which is sad, because it normally means I'm working somewhere. (I don't go out on Fridays; I'm no longer that cool.)

- Top Chef, sixth season premiered Wednesday, August 19 on Bravo. I missed a couple of the middle episodes, but I've caught the last two. So far, I think this has been a decent season, at least compared to the most recent ones.

- Community, first season premiered Thursday, September 17 on NBC. I'm hoping that this show, which features Joel McHale and Chevy Chase and John Oliver and Ken Jeong as recurring cast members, gets a chance to thrive on Thursday nights. I think it is a natural show to slow before or after The Office. It has only had one episode, which was a bit bumpy, but still showed plenty of promise. McHale (from E!'s The Soup) plays a sleazy kinda-lawyer who has to go back to community college to earn a degree to resume practicing law.

- Parks and Recreation, second season premiered Thursday, September 17 on NBC. Of all the shows on this list, this one has the greatest chance of falling off. While I love Amy Poheler, Parks and Recreation really does feel like a low-energy, dumber version of The Office. It might be saved because it is on the same note as two other shows on this list, so I'll be catching a lot of it by accident anyway.

- The Office, sixth season premiered Thursday, September 17 on NBC. This was a "Michael being silly" episode, but I still thought it was a decent start. I'm also the only person who seemingly likes that Pam and Jim are sweet and don't have problems. Why does every TV couple have to be miserable for people to like them?

- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, fifth season premiered Thursday, September 17 on FX. Unlike Lost, I didn't catch up on previous seasons before the show restarted this year. As a result, I'll probably try to play catch-up with the show when I get a chance. Judging from the rest of my list, it might have to wait until next year for me to get completely on its schedule.

- Saturday Night Live, 35th season premieres Saturday, September 26 on NBC. Hey, the quality really does ebb and flow, but I still catch almost every episode of a season live. There are still five to 10 great, "must see the next day" sketches per season.

- Family Guy, eighth seasons premieres Sunday, September 27 on FOX. While it seems like a lot of my friends have moved on from this show, I still get a kick out of it every week. Yeah, as South Park points out, a lot of the humor relies primarily on asides and non-plot gags. Who cares? It is still funny, even if it doesn't have the critical value. Their spoof of The Empire Strikes Back is also scheduled for this season.

- The Cleveland Show, first season premieres Sunday, September 27 on FOX. I don't think this looks great, but I'll at least give it a chance because it is made by the Family Guy, uh, guys. I really think that Quagmire would have been a much better choice for his own show.

- South Park, 13th season resumes Wednesday, October 7 on Comedy Central. Yes, I'm surprised as anybody that this show has made it to a 13th season. I really have no idea what they'll talk about when the season resumes, but that's part of the appeal.

- The Venture Bros., fourth season premieres Sunday, October 18 on Cartoon Network. This is my favorite animated series, even more than Family Guy and Futurama, because it is so bloody clever at times. For those who have never seen it, The Ventures Bros. basically spoofs old spy shows and cartoons, especially Johnny Quest. Underneath this layer of spoof, there hums some good characters and mysteries, though, which is neat. I'm especially excited because it hasn't had any new content for more than a year, and even that "season" was only 11 episodes. Apparently, only two guys write the scripts and the animation is done old-school style, so the production time is really long.

- Lost, sixth (and final) season premieres January 2010, on ABC. See the start of this entry for more information, but I'm confident I can catch up on the other five seasons by the time it restarts.

I'm sure I've forgotten a couple shows, so feel free to ask me about them in the comments section.

Storytime with Amanda Meyer: Theme party phylum

In the words of The Beastie Boys, "If I knew it was going to be that kind of party I'd stick my dick into some mashed potatoes!" ... Yeah, I don't know what the means either.

So as previously mentioned, it’s now seeming like fall and it’s definitely back to school. Now, I don’t know if you know this, but Boston is kind of a college town and our city’s population has very recently swelled to 800,000, accommodating an additional 200,000 or so twenty-somethings. And what’s a better way for these co-eds to spend a night at than at a party? Specifically, at a themed party!

A ride on the Green Line last weekend reminded me of just how hip and happening themed parties are here. I would say that a good 60 to 70 percent of the parties I am invited to have some sort of theme. Popular themes include white and/or black parties, the 1980s, CEOs and corporate hos, Boston sports figures and the roaring twenties.

Now, I admit, from time to time I have been the host of such a party. Last year, my roommate and I got a tad drunk and we ended up whipping out our credit cards and buying some costumes online. It was July. Later that week the costumes arrived and we realized, “Oh crap! We just wasted $60 each on costumes... in July!” So we had a very, very premature Halloween Costume Extravaganza. (I want to make a quick side note, I was very happy with the costume, which was purchased here. I highly recommend the site if you find yourself invited to a themed party or if you are considering a career as a stripper and/or exotic dancer.)

I’m going to include some photos inspired by this party to really illustrate the rest of my story, which I call ‘The Three People You Meet at Themed Parties.’

First, we see the girl who drunkenly (though often these costumes are bought stone cold sober) bought an elaborate ‘army girl’ costume (and yes this is exactly what I bought, and you should all just stop laughing right now). These are the people who secretly (or openly) love themed parties and want to go above and beyond to fit in at the event, they are also usually female. These people are the ones who are “attending” on Facebook, who instead of bringing their own beer, brought their own tequila. These people aren’t just in costume, they have the makeup, shoes, and jewelry to complete the outfit. They are absolutely offended by the other types of people at this party.

This leads me to person number two. This person is called “guy in the horse mask.” This guy responded as “maybe attending” on Facebook, because he loves parties, but doesn’t love themes and is holding out for a better offer. When a better offer is not found, he will pull together a lame excuse of a costume at the last minute, but will ensure it has enough comic value for him to still get appreciation on the effort. This person is usually a guy, and his prime motivation for complying to the theme is the possibility of getting laid later on by one of the girls who fell into the first category.

The last type of person at a themed party is “that other dude.” This guy (and this person is almost certainly a guy) came for the booze and didn’t even bother to dress up, and he probably didn’t even respond to the Facebook invite. He knows he’ll get crap for his lack of dress, but only until everyone in costume is wasted, at which point they will promptly forget about it. This guy probably came under duress, as a date, or possibly due to peer pressure from a good friend. In the end, he still has as much fun as everyone else, possibly more, and the pictures on Facebook the next day are far less embarrassing for him.

Now I’m not here to pass judgment on any of these people, just a few observations I have made at the many parties I go to. I will even be so bold as to say that while you were reading that, you said “oh my gosh, it’s like she knows ME” during one of those descriptions. And by the way, since I clearly fall into the first category, if anyone has some cool and not overdone themes to suggest for my future parties, please let me know. I might even invite you and make you the guest of honor!

Scheduling and News - Sunday, September 13, 2009

An example of the Adult Swim schedule. Click here for full-size.

Here is a tentative schedule for the blog in the coming weeks, since I've always liked when Adult Swim posts their schedules on a bump:

- Sunday: Miscellaneous fun
- Monday: iTunes running diary
- Tuesday: A wrap column about how the weekend football picks went
- Wednesday: Miscellaneous fun
- Thursday: NFL picks on early weeks / miscellaneous fun
- Friday: NFL picks on normal weeks
- Saturday morning: Kristin's football picks on normal NFL weeks
- Saturday night: Storytime with Amanda Meyer

With this current schedule, there are three regular features (iTunes running diary, NFL picks and Storytime) and a smattering of other content every week. I will continue to sprinkle in my other semi-regular features, such as Inexplicable Movie Reviews and At The Commercials, instead of giving them their own specific day.

And speaking of a regular feature, let's do one I haven't done in a while - The news!

- Click here for a really good article from The National Post about how the Mexican government is having a big problem cracking down on the drug trade. It reminds me of some of the better work that you'd see in The Wall Street Journal; I think journalism needs more international reporting like this.

Along similar lines, in terms of the war on drugs, The Guardian also had a nice piece in an August issue about cocaine bars in South America, and Bolivia in particular. While I think the article is a bit soft on the abuse aspect and danger of the drug until the end, the enterprise nature of the report is still surprising and interesting throughout. And although the content is a lot different, the enterprise reporting going on in Afghanistan is just as impressive, according to American Journalism Review.

- In stripper news that is actually realistic and not super-sleazy or funny, a Vancouver paper did a really good piece on how strippers and prostitutes are still using Craigslist to setup jobs. The reporter sets up meetings with several of the escorts, and although he compensates some for their time, which is normally a journalistic no-no, the results seem to be worth the overlay. Informative and interesting read.

- In stripper news that is bizarre and surreal, although not what you'd think, a Connecticut man was arrested for dumping paint stripper all over his wife's car, which he then draped with her wedding dress and bouquet. The only thing surprising about this story is that it happened in New England, and not Germany or Florida.

- And in stripper news that is completely what you think, a guy is trying to use pictures of a stripper on a police car near a police deputy to blackmail the deputy from testifying against him in court. Whew; that's a mouthful.

Storytime with Amanda Meyer: Seasonal shifts in the great coffee battle

So this fine Saturday, I want to talk about coffee. Specifically, I want to talk about my inability to start brewing my own and further inability to stop spending far too much money daily on my caffeine fix.

I’m a sucker for advertising. I define Corporate America’s targeted demographic. And yet, if Dunkin’ beat Starbucks, why does The Bux continue to beat my wallet on a daily basis? I’ll tell you why in four short words: pumpkin spice soy lattes. Okay Dunks, you win my vote on iced coffee, but fall is in the air. I know, I know, summer just ended, but if you don’t believe me, look at the foliage freaks screwing up traffic on 95N starting at the 128 Split all the way up to New Hampshire.

So other than the foliage and back to school, fall in Boston means that it’s a lot windier than I’d ever like it to be, and thus, my lattes double as a way to keep warm. Starbucks re-introduced the pumpkin spice flavor this week and I am already hooked. In my humble opinion, it’s absolutely perfect. The soy milk makes it extra thick and the nutmeg on top is like the icing on a cake.

“But Amanda! You live in Boston? Wouldn’t it be much more fun to hang out at some tiny hole in the wall cafe drinking fresh brewed coffee that isn’t mass produced?” Well, in a word, yes. But to elaborate, that takes time, time I don’t have as one of this city’s many impatient “Massholes,” and I like I said, their advertising is good. Basically what I am telling you is that getting out of bed early to brew coffee is less appealing to me than standing in a line, having an anxiety attack about being late to work, and spending no less than $5.21 (venti soy flavored latte with MA 6.25 percent sales tax) on enough espresso to get me through the day.

Call me crazy, but that’s just how I roll. And for the record, when I do have a lazy Saturday morning with nothing to do but homework or reading, I absolutely love scouting out “real” coffee shops and spending some nice time there with my iPod and my books. But in the great rush to work Monday through Friday, that is the last thing on my mind.

Pickin' pigskin with Bob and Steve (and Kristin!): Week 1, Part 2

[Left] This doesn't really have anything to do with anything, except that I really like Luke Skywalker, and I think Mark Hamill's performance is sometimes lost in the praise people give Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher. I mean, Ford got the Han Solo role, which almost anyone could have made cool!

In an effort to get some more sports content up, I'll be doing a weekly football picks column with my buddy Bob during the football season. And, similar to the Sports Gal, his wife will be picking games as well. For our take on the Thursday night game, click here. The rest of this week's games, with Kristin's take at the end:

BALTIMORE (-13) over Kansas City

Steve: Kansas City +13

While I'm not in love with Kansas City as a team, I simply thing this line is too high for Baltimore. The Chiefs have some talent on the offensive side of the ball - Matt Cassel, Dwayne Bowe, Larry Johnson - and the Ravens are still underwhelming to me, even if Ray Rice is seemingly everyone's fantasy sleeper. Even if Cassel can't play, I think Tyler Thigpen is a better QB than people realize.

Bob: Kansas City +13

I agree that this line is way too high. However, I'm tempted because I don't think that KC has the running game to keep the Ravens honest. In the end, I think the Chiefs will surprise some teams because Cassel may be a better QB than some people realize and I think the Chiefs did a lot to work on their defense in the offseason. Also, firing Herm Edwards was the greatest decision this franchise has made since... actually, I can't think of a better decision than firing Herm Edwards. That guy was an AWFUL football coach. Now, KC is actually playing to win the game.

CINCINNATI (-4) over Denver

Steve: Cincy -4

Denver just looks god-awful this year. Kyle Orton could barely win, even though he was supported by a world-beating defense in Chicago, so I have no idea what gave Josh McDaniel the idea that he was the answer at QB.

I do have a bit of a soft spot for Cincy, since they are my favorite team, because of my experience growing up with Tecmo Super Bowl. (And thanks to this guy for putting the screen shot to the left on his blog; see, the Bengals can win in at least one medium!) I don't think they're going to be mind-numbingly bad this year, more mediocre, and I wish they would just fire Marvin Lewis already. Their re-signing of Chris Henry is just embarrassing, even for the Bengals. That being said, I still think that Carson Palmer is a franchise / Pro Bowl QB, and that Chad Johnson (I'm not calling him the other name) has something to prove.

Bob: Denver +4

I don't understand why people are so down on the Broncos this year. I think Jay Cutler was a way overrated player who had two great wide receivers to throw to. I imagine he is going to come down to earth this year when his No. 1 wide receiver is... Devin Hester. Orton, on the other hand, never seemed to be as bad as people thought. Remember, he had the receivers that Cutler just inherited but managed to have servicable numbers. I don't think Orton is going to set the world on fire, but I think the Broncos will be better than people think. Also, Orton has the cooler beard. I'm not sure Cutler even has facial hair.

The flipside is that the Bengals seemed to get much worse this year. They lost T.J. Houshmanasdfsdal;jfsda;jl;dafjha and got a whole bunch of bad karma when they resigned Chris Henry. It will be much easier to guard Ochocinco now that there isn't a prolific No. 2 wide receiver to guard as well. Combined with the bad juju between Ochocinco and Carson Palmer during the offseason, I see bad things in the Bengals future.

HOUSTON (-4.5) over Jets

Steve: Houston -4.5

Every year, it seems like some people pick the Houston non-Oilers to breakout, and while I wouldn't go that far, I do think they'll be on the cusp of playoff contention this year. Everyone, myself included, laughed when they chose Mario Williams over Reggie Bush, but time has proven that their talent evaluation was correct, and Steve Slaton is a nice player as well.

Meanwhile, I think the Jets are going to struggle with Sanchez at QB. I'm seemingly the only Kellen Clemens fan left in the world; I don't think he ever really got a fair shot to win the job, and it wouldn't surprise me to see him do some good work once he gets out of New York. I feel like the Jets weren't a playoff team last year, and didn't really do anything to improve themselves for this year, and they aren't a particularly young team either.

Bob: Houston -4.5

I get sucked onto the Texans bandwagon each year. They're a likable team that is in the Colts division, so I always hope they can do well. Usually, they prove me wrong. However, I think facing Sanchez in his first pro game will be great for a defense with a good pass rush, and I can see Slaton and Shaub ruining the Jets defense.

Speaking of the 2006 NFL draft, isn't it funny how that draft class turned out to be a surprisingly weak one, at least in the first round? The first round of that draft had seven Pro Bowlers, which is the same as the 2007 and 2008 first round draft classes despite the fact that they have had less time to accumulate Pro Bowls. In addition, one of those Pro Bowlers was named Vince Young; I don't see him making a quick return. Wasn't the impression at the time that 2006 was a strong draft class? Yet, many teams had huge misses in the First Round (although the book isn't closed on them, Leinart and Maroney haven't exactly set the world on fire).

NEW ORLEANS (-13) over Detroit

Steve: Detroit +13

This game makes me nervous. I think Detroit getting a real coach and a real QB, even if he is a rookie, substantially improves them this year, along with the continued improvement (presumably) of Calvin Johnson. I think they've improved enough that they can hang a bit with the Saints, who are entirely offense. This game has potential to be similar to those 1980s NBA games that would have 136-117 finals.

Bob: New Orleans -13

I think the Saints defense is better than it played last year and Detroit made a bad decision by throwing Stafford into the flames so soon. I think Stafford would have been better served by letting Culpepper (who vastly outplayed him in the preseason) take the reins at the beginning. The Lions likely aren't going to the playoffs this year, so giving their franchise quarterback some time to develop and perhaps be the hero as Culpepper inevitably fades could only help. Also, Stafford's preseason play was a big red flag. He doesn't seem ready to be an NFL quarterback. I agree this game will be high scoring. But I think that Stafford will turn the ball over enough that the Saints put up a lot of points.

[Left] Dear San Francisco, remember when you were relevant? Joe Montana does. He has four reminders of it.

ARIZONA (-6.5) over San Francisco

Steve: Arizona -6.5

While I think everyone else will overrate Arizona, based on their somewhat-miraculous run to the Super Bowl last year, this isn't the week I'm betting against them. San Francisco is just a mess. I can't wait for two years from now, when the Patriots sign Frank Gore after another miserable season, and he scores 20 touchdowns for them.

I also don't know why the line is only a touchdown for this game. San Francisco, I think there is a chance they win like two games this year.

Bob: Arizona -6.5

I think Arizona has the chance to be pretty bad this year, but San Fran will be worse. Kurt Warner seems to have the same disease that Jake Delhomme and Chad Pennington caught – that is, they can't put together two good seasons. Unfortunately for the Cards, Matt Leinart is not going to be the answer. I can't imagine a way to get worse karma than to dump your college girlfriend, the mother of your kid, and then dating Paris Hilton. This guy not only has a hex, he probably has eight different forms of HPV.

[Left] Rick Pitino called me this weekend Seattle fans, and he told me that Steve Largent isn't walking through that door.

SEATTLE (-8.5) over St. Louis

Steve: St. Louis +8.5

This line stuns me. What's going on? Did Matt Hasselbeck suddenly find a fresh body to harvest new organs from? Did they use a time machine to import Ricky Watters, Chris Warren and Shaun Alexander? Did Deion Branch find the fountain from Tuck Everlasting and use it to regain the form that made the Seahawks trade for him in the first place?

It's not that I love the Rams, but Bulger and Stephen Jackson are a decent one-two punch to me, and I can't see the Seahawks running away with this game by 9 points. I don't think the Seahawks have the firepower or health to severely outclass the Rams, who finally have a real coach.

Bob: Seahawks -8.5

Stephen Jackson is good, Marc Bulger is not. This is definitely a guy who benefited from having good receivers earlier in his career and a coach who cranked offenses up to 120 decibels. I don't trust St. Louis to do a whole lot this season, even though they hired a better coach. They were one of the worst teams in the league last year, and I don't see how they got much better.

The Seahawks, on the other hand, were pretty racked with injuries last year. Even though they aren't getting younger, I think this team might be decent. Also, don't forget about T.J. Houshmanasdfsdal;jfsda;jl;dafjha. I also think they have good depth at running back. Finally, the Seahawks have a great homefield advantage, which puts them over the top for me. I also think the line is high, but I think this game could be a laugher.

NEW ENGLAND (-11) over Buffalo

Steve: New England -11

See, the Patriots are a team that I can see completely overrunning teams. They have a bunch of weapons, plus something to prove this year with Brady being healthy, plus I think they'll be super focused on the game as an escape from all of the Richard Seymour talk this week.

It doesn't help the Bills that 1) they fired their offensive coordinator right before the season started 2) their best running back is suspended for this game 3) their QB is still Trent Edwards and 4) Mr. Edwards now has to deal with TO. Maybe TO will be a bit more humble, seeing that only the Bills were interested in his services this offseason, but trying to guess the actions of TO is like trying to count all the grains of sand on a beach.

Bob: Buffalo +11

I like the Patriots chances of having a record-setting offense this year, but I don't see how their defense can hold up. Their defense hasn't been up to snuff during the last few years, and I think they only got worse in the off-season. Particularly, I see the secondary being something where people say "they couldn't possibly be worse than last year," but somehow proving people wrong. If they move to a 4-3 I think their pass rush has a chance at being better, but that secondary still worries me. I think we might see a lot of 41-38 games this season.

I don't think Buffalo is going to do anything great this year, particularly while Lynch is suspended. If it wasn't the Pats, I would say this one is a laugher. However, that might jinx the game (and this is coming from a guy who has eaten the same food during Patriots games for the past six years) so I won't say that. Buffalo covers, or perhaps wins outright.

[Left] I remember a kinder, gentler time in Atlanta football history, when a certain quarterback was just getting in trouble in civil matters.

Miami (-4) over ATLANTA

Bob: Atlanta +4

I'm not a believer in Miami at all. They had a gift schedule last year, had a fairly weak division, and weren't able to do much against quality teams. In addition, I see defenses figuring out the Wildcat and Chad Pennington having a down year (he can't seem to put two good seasons together). I wouldn't be surprised if there was a quarterback controversy later this year.

That isn't to say I'm wild about Atlanta either. Atlanta's defense didn't set the world on fire and didn't do much to improve. I also think Matt Ryan will have a hard time following up last year. In the end, I think Miami did more to improve their defense, which will help them pull through. I'll take the points.

Steve: Miami -4

I'm not a huge believer in Miami or Atlanta either, but I think the Falcons have the greater chance of collapsing this year. Matt Ryan got picked in the third round of the fantasy draft for the league I'm in, which seems insanely high to me. While I think there is a chance that he gets better, I think it's negated by the huge amount of carries Michael Turner had last year. I am a big believer in the curse of 370 – and the curse of 363, so I'm worried about Adrian Peterson too – so it wouldn't surprise me to see Atlanta struggle to post between a 5-11 and 7-9 record this year.

That being said, the Dolphins don't impress me that much either. Chad Pennington can't stay healthy, and I think Ronnie Brown has just as much injury concern as Turner. (Brown is on my fantasy team though, so I'm wishing for the best.) I think they manage to stay healthy through the first game though, and that means a Dolphins win by a touchdown or more.

Philadelphia (-2.5) over CAROLINA

Bob: Philly -2.5

This game is a crap shoot. On one hand, you have the wildly inconsistent Jake Delhomme. On the other, you have the somewhat less inconsistent (but not to say consistent) Donovan McNabb. Despite the fact that there hardly seems to be a home field advantage in the NFL anymore (thanks for all the luxury boxes, though, NFL owners), it looks like McNabb is much worse on the road (8 TDs and 8 picks on the road last year versus 15 and 3 at home) while we all know that Delhomme is better at home. So my gut instinct is to take Carolina.

Then again, Philly's defense was much better last year than Carolina's. That, in addition to the turmoil Carolina faced in the off-season (being simply trounced in the playoffs and Julius Peppers' holdout), makes me feel as though this is the beginning of a bad season for Carolina. So I'm going to take the Eagles here.

Steve: Philly -2.5

The contract extension that the Panthers signed with Delhomme is just absolutely insane. I have no idea what they were thinking. Yes, he's been the best quarterback in franchise history, but that history is about a decade long, and he's been a great player only a few years in that span. He's also injury-prone, and throws a lot of interceptions. I'm not sure if there has been an odder, “Why the hell did they do that?” personnel move that has been made in the past couple years.

For that reason alone, I think Philly wins this game easily. The Eagles are still the Eagles, and while they seemingly have a couple brain farts each year under Andy Reid, I think there is a great chance that the Panthers just completely quit on the Delhomme. I think that process starts this week.

[Left] He's coming for you, Childress... You creepy looking sonofabitch...

Minnesota (-4) over CLEVELAND

Bob: Minnesota -4

Sometimes, there is a clear villain in games like these (at least in my head). Typically, I would root against Mangina (note: not a misspelling) for unleashing the whole Spygate thing two years ago. The double whammy of going to the hated Jets and then immediately stabbing Belichick in the back cemented his place in my heart. On the other hand, Brett Favre has made NFL off-seasons completely unenjoyable by playing the whole “will I / won't I retire?” game. So I don't know who to root against in this game.

Even when you consider the suffering of the fan bases, it's hard to choose between the two. Cleveland has been consistently awful (and had their franchise stolen from them), but Minnesota has not been setting the world on fire either. In the end, it amounts to Favre and AP versus... Brady Quinn and Jamal Lewis? On the other hand, Brad Childress versus Eric Mangina... Ugh. I'd like to take the points, but I'll take Adrian Peterson running all over Cleveland's not amazing run defense. I do like Cleveland's chances of having a rebound year, though.

Steve: Minnesota -4

I totally concur with you on all of the wishy-washy drama between both of these teams, coaches and individual players with the rest of the league. Both have been pretty miserable for the past fill-in-the-blank years, but Minnesota has at least had some promise and some exciting teams (remember when Daunte Culpepper didn't suck?), whereas Cleveland has just had year after year of muddy, grinding, unexciting teams. While it was shitty of Art Modell to move the team to Baltimore, who the heck wants to stay in Cleveland?

For the aforementioned non-football reasons, I'm going with Minnesota. While the Brett Favre factor means that every game, he has a chance of throwing five interceptions and ruining their chances, I don't think it'll happen this week, on his first game back, and with Adrian Peterson ready, willing and able to run roughshod over the rest of the league. However, it does worry me that Childress is the coach, and he needs to realize that Peterson should not be a case study for whether a Jim Brown-like workload would work in today's NFL.

INDIANAPOLIS (-7) over Jacksonville

Bob: Indy -7

Some day, Indianapolis will be bad. I would take more solace in this if I thought that time would be soon. I am sick of Peyton Manning commercials, even if they are kind of funny. I am sick of hearing about how Peyton Manning is great, while he has essentially had two No. 1 receivers almost his entire career. It will be interesting to see how he performs without Harrison. It is also interesting that Bob Sanders has again managed to injure himself. Perhaps this is the year the Colts come down to earth (but I wouldn't bet on it).

Jacksonville always plays Indianapolis hard, but this is a team that hasn't gotten much better. They had a middling defense last year and did nothing to improve it, while they got worse on offense by losing Fred Taylor. MJD managed to hurt himself last week. Gerrard actually has players to throw to this year, though. I say Indianapolis wins this by not much more than a TD, but starts falling down to earth as the season goes along.

Steve: Jags +7

While I am worried about MJD health, enough so that my buddy convinced me to draft Brady over him in our fantasy draft, I think that the Jaguars will be amped and looking for blood in this game. Remember that cinematic classic Little Giants? In the final game, a plucky squad without much talent managed to stage a miraculous comeback against the big, bad local team. I don't think this has anything to do with the Jags vs. the Colts, but I did want to work them into this picks column somehow. My gut just says that the Jags keep this close and interesting, as the Colts don't manage to put a finishing blow on the Jags when they get a chance.

[Left] Dear Tampa Bay, please break Tony Romo's legs, so he can understand the pain Jessica felt when he BROKE HER HEART.

Dallas (-6) over TAMPA BAY

Bob: Dallas -6

I'm starting to get concerned because I'm choosing a lot of favorites. However, I don't see how Tampa Bay does anything this year. I wrote that before I saw that Byron Leftwich is their starting quarterback. Leftwich??? I guess this team could surprise me, but I would have a hard time turning the keys of my team over to anybody name Byron, and particularly Byron Leftwich.

Dallas may sneak up on people this year. Romo broke up with his bad luck charm (hopefully his career won't go the same way as Nick Lachey's, though), they seem to have gotten better on defense, and they've gotten rid of a consistent locker room cancer. Ewing Theory, anyone?

Steve: Dallas -6

Byron Leftwich deserves enshrinement in the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars Hall of Fame, since he's a black dude, and also in the Matt Jones Misapplied Stereotype Hall of Fame, because a few analysts laughingly referred to him as a “scrambler” when he was being drafted out of Marshall. (This is named after former Jags receiver and college QB Matt Jones, who was called a possession receiver in the NFL because he was a white dude, which essentially means that nobody noticed that the guy ran fast as eff.)

I'm also picking more favorites than not, and I can't blame you for picking Dallas in this game. Even overlooking Tampa Bay's issues at QB, what the heck is going on with their coaching staff? They hire a first-year coach to replace Gruden, and while I think he was overrated, Morris' performance this season would have normally been banner news in a non-McDaniels year. Meanwhile, the Cowboys' off-season has been quiet for the first time in ages, with the only drama concerning punters and the scoreboard, and not the on-field product. I don't think this will last the entire season, but Week One seems safe for now.

NY GIANTS (-6.5) over Washington

Bob: Washington +6.5

This game has me torn. I just expect the Redskins to be bad. Not only does the team make awful decisions, but they have an evil, evil owner. On the other hand, Haynesworth has a way of making a team inexplicably better. This team's defense could be stifling. I can already see the Redskins flags popping up on cars all over town (when they started off well last season, you could go five minutes without seeing a car with them on the road).

Helmet catch. Helmet catch. Helmet catch. Helmet catch. Ugh. If you can't tell, I severely dislike the Giants. Somehow, though, this team has managed to remain good. Hopefully karma will catch up with them for winning a Super Bowl on the luckiest play ever. Also, it's about time Eli Manning play to his level—which is far below the level he has been playing at. Maybe the lucrative extension he signed during the offseason will convince him to play awfully for a few weeks.

Steve: Giants -6.5

First, I agree with Bill Simmons and (seemingly) you about the David Tyree catch. Since he got released by the Giants in the preseason, there is a good chance the helmet catch will be the LAST catch of his career. That fact guarantees that he'll be in the news every five years, as newspapers and sports media sites will feel the need to run retrospective after retrospective on the New York Giants' upset, just like they way overdo every other storyline that has a remote New York connection. ESPN ran an entire mini-series on The Bronx is Burning, but I doubt they'll be extending the same courtesy to anything coming out of Baltimore, even if Brian Billick morphs into Godzilla and starts playing offensive line for the team he used to coach.

However, as much as I dislike the Giants, they are at least run, or rather left alone, by a semi-competent owner. Dan Snyder is like Jerry Jones or Al Davis with absolutely no track record of success. TMQ calls him Voldemort, so named after the Harry Potter villain, and I see no reason to dispel that nickname. I think Campbell is better than people give him credit for, and that Eli Manning is much worse, but there is also a big talent disparity in the talent surrounding each of them. Clinton Portis is the only guy I like on Washington from a stats perspective, and even his numbers are the result of the Redskins force-feeding him carries a lot. Chris Cooley is a cool mofo though, with a very nifty name.

GREEN DAY (-3.5) over Chicago

Bob: Chicago +3.5

Battle of the blahs. Although people seem to be somewhat excited about these two teams this year, they just manage to play such... boring games. Don't get me wrong - this will probably end up being a good, hard-fought game with several lead changes. But what player is going to be the star of this game? Aaron Rodgers? Jay “Diabetes” Cutler? Matt Forte? There is no player in this game who excites me much. I see this as ending up as a close game - read one field goal - so I'm comfortable taking the points.

Steve: Green Bay -3.5

As a former fantasy owner of Aaron Rodgers, I think he takes a big step forward this year and becomes a Pro Bowl quarterback. Last year was essentially his rookie season, yet people are more psyched about Matt Ryan this year. What gives??? If the defense improves even a little, than the Packers are a playoff team, and really only have the Bears to worry about in their division. (I'm assuming Childress or Favre will eventually do something stupid to ruin Minnesota's chances.)

The Bears, meh. I don't think Cutler is the franchise QB that everyone else does – he comes off as an insufferable jerk in interviews, and in the Stephan Pastis book where he tries to make the Broncos as a placekicker. However, Cutler is clearly better than Kyle Orton, Rex Grossman and the other scrubs Chicago has run out at QB in recent years, so it wouldn't surprise me to see him annointed in the same lofty airs as Brady and Big Ben after he leads his team to a good record. But, I'm going with my heart this week, and picking the Packers.

San Diego (-9.5) over OAKLAND

Bob: San Diego -9.5

How will this game even be close? Even if Seymour does report before this game starts, I don't think he's going to be a game-changer. San Diego isn't a terribly likable team, but I just don't see how the Raiders can possibly be good in the next few years. On the other hand, I can see San Diego going into a frenzy and beating the pants off a few teams, a la the Patriots in 2007. I hope somebody knocks the grin off Philip Rivers' face by the end of the season, though.

Steve: San Diego -9.5

This line could be 20.5, and I'd still pick the Chargers at that point. The Raiders... are just a miserable team. Even if Rivers and LDT get hurt, I think whoever is Rivers back-up and Sproles would still handily beat the Raiders. Tom Cable punched out an assistant coach, and the bad news is that with the Seymour trade, that wasn't even the bad news of the off-season!

-----

Similar to the Sports Gal, Bob's wife Kristin will also be picking games against the spread with us. I have no idea how much she knows about football, but I have great confidence that she'll beat either one or both of us this season. These picks were submitted before the start of Thursday night's game, but Kristin's regular spot will be Saturday morning, as a sort of Girl Power Tag Team with Amanda Meyer's entries later in the day. (This makes the picture above of the WWE's Bella Twins totally justified, of course.)

Tennessee over PITTSBURGH +6

Mainly because I hate the Steelers. I think they're cocky and rude, and frankly, Tennessee is an unassuming team that did rather well last year while nobody was paying attention (at least I wasn't paying attention), so maybe they'll do well again this year.

Miami over ATLANTA +4

I'm pretty much going to pick Miami unless they're playing the Pats. Maybe it's a Dan Marino thing, or maybe I'm just not over the dogfighting thing.

BALTIMORE over Kansas City -13

I think it's always safe to pick a team where you would never want to run out of gas in their city.

CAROLINA over Philadelphia +2.5

Philly is a city of choking assholes.

Denver over CINCINNATI +4

My mom went to school in Denver, so my family kind of always roots for them.

CLEVELAND over Minnesota +4

As much as I dislike the Jets (Mangini), I need to pick them over the Vikings because I'm more mad at Brett Favre. I believe there is honestly something wrong with you if you're over 40 with a wife that hot and you choose to leave her and return to football. Repeatedly. Even after everyone knows you're too old and you kind of suck now. And, frankly, didn't he even break a rib? Isn't that a sign from God? A too-old sign?

HOUSTON over Jets -4.5

I don't think that Houston can win, but I just can't pick the Jets.

Jacksonville over INDIANAPOLIS +7

Ditto for Indianapolis. Maybe somehow the spread will help me out on that one.

NEW ORLEANS over Detroit -13

I almost want to pick the Lions, because no one else ever will all season, but as long as they're still rebuilding New Orleans, you have to root for the Saints.

TAMPA BAY over Dallas +6

I'm not allowed to ever pick Dallas since I was raised a Redskins fan. However they'll probably win because I think Romo is still broken up with Jessica Simpson.

ARIZONA over San Francisco -6.5

I guess I have to pick Arizona. The last cool thing the 49ers ever did was that Super Bowl where they scored 49 points, except I think I was in elementary school then.

Washington over NY GIANTS +6.5

Go 'Skins! There is a chance they might win this game in order to more fully break my father's heart later in the season after getting his hopes up.

SEATTLE over St. Louis -8.5

I think I'm going to have to say Seattle. The Rams are just so boring.

GREEN BAY over Chicago -3.5

I hope that Green Bay completely trashes the Bears because I hope they're as pissed off at Brett Favre as I am. It would be like going to the Yankees. And really, the Midwest has nothing much better going on, so it's almost worse.

NEW ENGLAND over Buffalo -11

Obviously go Pats. But if they don't beat the spread, because they like ridiculously close games that don't seem close after the fact but really were while you were watching them, it's because they traded away my husband. You don't let go of a man who looks that good in a suit, or who can completely squish whoever he wants.

OAKLAND over San Diego +9.5

As much as Oakland is old and mean, and I really shouldn't pick them, I'm not over the LT comments when he was a total prick after we beat them in the playoffs a few years ago. I think they're a team of poor sports.

Tag Team Sequel: Steve and Danielle on nannying, Basterds and The Informant

Although Danielle is a dear, dear friend,
she ain't got nothing on this dame.

To rip-off the disclaimer for Bill Simmons' BS Report, Tag Team is a free flowing discussion between two adults that sometimes touches on mature subjects. This is the sequel to an earlier Tag Team I did with Danielle, which was mostly about South Park and how awesome it is. This time, we speak a bit about our respective jobs, and some of the summer movies that I haven't seen.

Want to do your own Tag Team with me? Send me an e-mail at sgre6768@gmail.com or leave a comment.

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Steve said at 1:47 p.m. on August 23:

I'm trying to queue up a couple of these, punk. And since Bob got a sequel, I suppose it is your turn, since your Tag Team with me is the second most popular thing on the blog, in terms of hits. Hurrah for you!

Anyway, how did you like Inglorious Basterds? I told you it was supposed to be awesome! I mean, it had Brad Pitt and was directed by Quentin Tarantino, so I don't know how it possibly could have failed. The other key thing it has going for it - Killing Nazis. Nobody likes the Nazis, not even their moms, so seeing lotsa Nazi deaths would be awesome. It somehow feels like an OK thing to watch, as opposed to Transformers 2, in which random people would just get wiped out constantly.

How is life (just outside) Boston? By the way, I saw this little girl yesterday that I was a substitute teacher for this past year, and she was so cute! She was helping out at a free dental service day that I had to cover for the newspaper I work for, and she was dressed up in the same polo and outfit as her mom. It kind of reminded me of you and Isabel. Have you two visited any fun puppet shows lately? And also, do people ever think you're her mom? You two don't really look alike at all, but kids are kids, and don't always look like their parents.

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Danielle Membrino said at 4:03 p.m. on August 25:

I promise I'm going to write you soon. Probably like Wednesday or Thursday. I just have some friends visiting right now, so I'm kinda busy. [what i'm saying is they're more important than you]. But I do have lots to say on these two subjects. I have this big patch of peeling skin on my wrist from a sunburn. It kind of itches. Maybe I'm just shedding.

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Steve said at 12:51 a.m. on August 26:

That part is definitely going in the entry, so that everyone knows to avoid you and your zombie-like peeling skin sunburn. Ugh, gawd.

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Danielle said at 11:05 p.m. on August 26:

I am so tired. But I'm going to answer this now because tomorrow night I need to work on editing photographs I took of one of my mom's friends kid. Ugh, I have lots of boogers in my nose.

Inglorious Basterds was pretty good. It was bizarre and entertaining. I felt Tarantino held back on the gore though this time! I've seen Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill (unfortunately) and comparatively, it's not as bloody. I mean, don't get me wrong, the scalping is pretty graphic (all the Jewish-Americans working under Brad Pitt owe him 100 Nazi scalps) and there's definitely lots of shooting and killing. But nothing made me go, “Holy shit!” or feel grossed out.

It was pretty long though - almost exactly three hours. I mean, the newest Harry Potter movie is almost 3 hours long, but a) It's Harry Potter and b) It didn't feel like 3 hours. Basterds felt long and kind of drawn out at times. There was a lot of dialog at times. It was funny and I liked it, but it still felt like it was dragging at these times. If anything, like you've said, it's definitely worth it just to see some Nazis get killed and Brad Pitt talk with that Southern accent trying to speak Italian in one scene.

Ok, so that wasn't a lot, but whatever. I'm not very good at reviewing movies. Either I like it or I don't. And if I do like it, then how much I like it is really based on... Would I buy it? I like buying movies. I don't really know why. I have more than 100 DVDs. But I don't think I will buy this. It was good and I enjoyed it, and I'm not saying I'll never watch it again, but I didn't love it enough to own it. That's just me though. Definitely worth seeing in theaters.

As for nannying and what not, it's going well. We, fortunately, do not wear matching outfits. Growing up (and even now) my mom was always very anti-matching clothes with children or husband. If she comes downstairs in the morning and my stepdad is wearing a shirt that's the same color as hers, she'll go back upstairs and change. Or if he would come downstairs after she was already dressed and ready, she'd make him go and change. She refused to match me or my sister either. Thankfully this means she never tried to make us wear matching outfits (and considering we're 7 years apart, that probably would've been weird).

Point is, I'm very anti-matching. It's vomit-inducing or hilarious. And yes, occasionally people have referred to me as "mom" and I'm like, “Uh... Definitely not. Just the nanny. I get to give her back!” (I'm so witty, I know!)

But Isabel's generally a well-behaved kid, so I'm not like ashamed to be around her. Yesterday we went to story time at the Harvard Coop bookstore, and I told her I was glad she was one of the good kids. She certainly can throw fits, but in public she's well-behaved. I cannot stand parents that won't take care or control their kids in situations like storytimes and puppet shows.

An example from yesterday: Isabel and I were sitting on the floor listening to the books and we were next to the snack table. This little boy who had to be around 2 1/2 walked over to the table and promptly knocked over a cup of water on the table. Now accidents happened, but no parent came over to take him away or to clean it up. The water started running off the table onto the carpet next to me and on/in my purse! And on top of that, he started splashing the water spilled on the table with his hands, therefore also splashing me!

Finally, I just got up and grabbed some paper towels and pushed his hands away and cleaned it all up. I kind of looked around; no one still seemed to be claiming him or noticing ME cleaning after HIM. I go to throw away the paper towels and when I turn around, the little boy is sitting in the lap of some woman was A FOOT AWAY FROM ME. She was sitting there the ENTIRE TIME and did NOTHING.

I am only a nanny. I don't have a child. I should not be a better parent than you! Don't think you can just ignore your kids now that you're in a group setting. RUDE!

Sorry, that was more of a rant than I intended. And this is getting long, so I'll stop for now! (Plus, your and Amanda's Tag Team was wayyy long so I didn't finish it. I read like half of it and then just skimmed the rest.)

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Steve said at 1:45 p.m. on August 31:

It figures that you were worried about replying late, since it took me even longer to reply than you did. Go figure, even! But alas, here I am, four days later, to your three days. You are still beating my friend Chloe in terms of response time, though.

Anyway. Okay, I still haven't found someone to go see Inglorious Basterds with, which is mildly upsetting to me. What gives??? At this point, I might just download a screener or cam copy, because I'm not sure if I can wait until it comes out on DVD. Pretty much everyone thinks it is awesome, and it even hit #1 at the box office for a couple weekends, which is rare for a Tarantino film. For all of the acclaim that Pulp Fiction got, I think it only made around $50 million in theaters. By the way, have you seen that? It is a little gross in parts, but so stylish and neat in others, that I think you might like it.

See, I definitely think you should wear matching outfits now, because almost nobody else matches. You're conforming to your mom's expectations by not conforming, Danielle! God, you conformist. And you're making your young daughter conform too! Sickening, really. Next thing you know, you'll give her YOUR cooties as well!

For some reason, this reminds me - Remember when we saw Transformers 2 with your sister, and we went to the Dollar Tree or whatever it's called before? And when we were in line, I was wondering who would get a pregnancy test from that store, and then you and your sister started talking about it... And the lady in front of you both reached back and bought one, right in front of you. Since I was only tangentially involved, the whole thing was really, really funny to me.

And finally, one, how DARE you criticize the length of Tag Team I did with Amanda Meyer! I thought it was the perfect length, although, I do love the sound of my own voice. And second, wow, that sounds like an annoying situation with that kid. I had to deal with a little bit of that when I would substitute for elementary school teachers, but luckily, I never had to do lunch duty, just a bit of recess. The harder part for me would be seeing kids struggle who obviously came from bad home lives. Not surprisingly, there was an overlap between inattention to detail on the kid (i.e. his shoes were untied, messy clothing, absolutely no school supplies) and his ability to do any sort of school work.

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Danielle said at 10:36 p.m. on September 2:

Noooooo, you should go see Basterds in theaters. Go by yourself. Or are you one of those people who won't do that? I actually don't really mind going on my own sometimes. I saw Up by myself and I was kind of glad because it definitely made me cry a bit. and crying is for weenies.

As for matching outfits - I hate it too, not just my mom. It looks SILLY. Especially when parents make siblings who are a few years apart wear the same clothes. I'm sure they REALLY appreciate that. Because they're exactly the same. Obviously.

I will definitely buy the awesomest clothes for my child, but then I'll let them dress themselves. It sometimes produces very interesting results. I let Isabel do it most of the time. I really only give my input to let her know how warm or cold it is outside so she knows what clothes to pick from or if it's something that just looks... Not good. Although a few times I've tried that and she wears it anyway. But I'm just like, fine, wear what you want. I'm not the one who has to walk around in it. (I don't actually say that to her. Just in my head.)

You asked me to answer in the e-mail how one becomes a nanny. So for me, it started with babysitting. When I was 11, I took the Red Cross babysitting course and after I completed that, I started babysitting occasionally for my next door neighbor. I babysat for her until I graduated high school and then a few times after that during my freshmen year of college.

Then I did odd jobs around Newport babysitting, took a break from it during my sophomore year of college. Then when I got back from studying abroad my junior year, I REALLY didn't want to work at Ritz Camera again so I started looking for babysiting jobs and ended up as a part-time babysitter in Maryland. And I continued doing that throughout my senior year too.

I was a little apprehensive because I found them on CraigsList and not long ago there had been a couple incidents down in Maryland where babysitters who got jobs off of CraigsList went to the house and got murdered. So yeah.

But the family was super nice. For my birthday, they bought me the entire Harry Potter bookset in hardback! So it all worked out for the best! And then last summer I worked as a camp counselor at a sleep away camp in Connecticut.

Once I moved to Boston in the fall I needed to find a job; great timing with the recession and all. No jobs in the art field were really coming out, so I started looking at babysitting jobs again. The family I nannyed for down in Maryland told me about this website, sittercity.com. It's a legitimate website and more secure because you have to register to use it and the website can perform background checks on people.

So anyway, toward Christmas time I responded to this one family's posting and they responded and we met up and it seemed to really click. They did the background check, called my references and voila, I became an official full-time nanny. Umbrella and carpet bag not included.

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Steve said at 10:35 pm. on September 8:

Wow, you went to a theatre by yourself AND you were crying? C'mon Membrino, get your life together! And yeah, I normally refuse to see a movie in a movie theater unless I have a friend to go with. It just feels weird going by yourself, or, I imagine it would. My friend Shaun would do it from time to time, and even he said it was weird, and he's normally a pretty mellow kid.

Kids mostly seem to wear what they want to anyway, judging from elementary school classes I subbed for. The difference is mostly in quality level - The girls from better families will have like leggings and Abercrombie clothes in angry, non-matching colors, whereas the poor kids have like ratty T-shirts and jogging pants in angry, non-matching colors. For that reason, I like matching clothes; it is a sort of conformity that suggests you are at least in your right mind a little bit. Speaking as a kid who never-ever really learned how to dress because of his family background, it's somewhat cringe-worthy when I see kids who remind me of me at that age.

I like your tale about becoming a nanny! While this is nowhere near the same level of complexity or coolness, I have been a house sitter twice for a pair of URI professors. However, all I had to do with them was to feed their fish and watch the dog, which required sleeping over at their huge house and feeding her twice a day. As you can imagine, this wasn't much of a chore, AND they paid me AND left me a bunch of food in the fridge! The whole experience was very, very sweet, and I secretly hope to get the chance to housesit again soon. After all, I don't really have a permanent residence, but I do have a college degree and a reputable job and references, so I'm still super qualified for it.

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Danielle said at 10:36 p.m. on September 10:

I really have no problems going to the movies by myself. The only time I felt like a creeper was when I went to go see Meet the Robinson's by myself. It was pretty full in the theater, so I had to sit next to this little kid who was there with his parents. I felt like a creeper for sitting right next to this little kid all by myself! But then they had some commercial about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (not a preview, one of those commercial things for the people who get there before the previews even start) and he said something to me about the Ninja Turtles. So of course I had to talk to him about them! But I also made sure to talk to his mom so I didn't seem so weird. And actually had a pretty interesting conversation with them, haha!

Anyway, I an early screening of The Informant tonight. And I'm going to tell you about it, cause I don't know what else to write about!

I'm not going to give too much away though, because it was really the unexpected in this movie that made it great. Being able to react to this movie was the best part. Matt Damon was great! His character, Mark Whitacker, is very much a go-getter, happy, bizarre person, and he plays the part perfectly.

For anyone who doesn't know, the movie is about Mark Whitacker trying to help take down the company he works at for illegal, worldwide price-setting. He becomes an informant for the FBI and it goes from there.

His seemingly innocent naivety of how he sees things is partly what makes the movie so funny. He seems himself as the good guy and the rest of the head honchos in the company as the bad guys. And that's that.

The other part that really makes this movie is the overhead voice. Throughout the entire movie you get to hear Whitacker's thoughts as he's talking to people or something is going on. Most of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on. In one scene he's going into this big meeting wearing a wire for the FBI and he starts thinking about polar bears and how their fur makes them blend them, except for their noses. Because they're black. But they know to hide their noses. But how do they know their noses are black? Do they look at other polar bears and say, "Am I not invisible?" That seems like a lot of thinking for bears.

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie. You really get attached to the character Mark Whitacker because he just seems so endearingly naive and Matt Damon plays him so convincingly. I mean, I felt REALLY embarrassed for him at times. The only downside to this movie is there is a lot of bureaucracy behind it and it is sometimes rather hard to follow with all the terminology about what's going on. They don't really give explanations of some of the things going on and it can get confusing and you just have to guess at some things if you don't understand it. It was still very amusing and I would recommend going to see it.

(I hope that was a good review. I don't think I'm very good at them!)

Want to do your own Tag Team? Feel free to e-mail me at sgre6768@gmail.com.