Precise German shooting touch can't completely save Parks and Recreation

I love Ron Swanson almost as much as this puppy.

Detlef Schrempf was the marquee guest on this past week's Parks and Recreation, which seems totally appropriate for a town like Pawnee. This seemed like a one-off episode from the main plot, meaning, it had little to do with the continuity of the overall season, excluding the story with Mark and Ann. Basic premise of the episode: The recreation department is taking part in a 24-hour telethon, except that Leslie, in complete Leslie move, signs them up for the 2 a.m. to 6 a.m. time slot. Also, Leslie being Leslie, she stayed up the night before the telethon, and plans to stay up the night of the telethon, for a total of 48 straight hours.

This gives the recreation department an excuse to show off some cheesy, funny skills that wouldn't really fit in any other episode. You know, like Ron showing off (in a sleep-inducing way) how to make a wicked chair, and Jerry demonstrating his skills at classical piano. Predictably, Leslie was a nut, and Detlef managed to get waylaid en route to the telethon because Tom insisted on bringing him buy the strip club that he is part-owner of.

(An aside about Detlef Schrempf – I know him almost entirely as the white dude in NBA Jam who bombs 3-point shots. Therefore, imagine my surprise when I looked him up on Wikipedia and found out he is essentially the German basketball version of Forrest Gump. For example, he somehow managed to make three all-star teams. This was despite a shaky start to his career, because of being initially drafted by the Mavericks, as it took him starting for the Pacers for people to realize he was a decent NBA player. He was the first German player to reach the NBA finals, followed by Dirk Nowitzki, and he shot an insane percentage from 3 one year – 51.4 percent in 1994-95.)

Outside of a few brief moments between Andy and April, the only emotional development in the episode occurs between Mark and Ann. He is unsure about proposing to her, and Leslie convinces him this is a good idea – and that he should do it during the telethon. However, in the meantime, Ann comes up to her and says she is thinking about breaking up with Mark. As a result, Leslie frantically tries to distract Mark from proposing on television, and as a last resort, drops her pants on live television.

This whole part of the episode was very meh and cliched – I felt like I was watching a bad NBC sitcom from the early 1990s. Like, this is something that would have happened in Wings or Empty Nest or Blossom. It definitely detracted from an otherwise excellent episode.

Grade: B+

Buy My Crap - Bakugan for the Wii and The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons

In an effort to shill more of the crap on eBay that I don't really need any more, I offer two things to you today: Bakugan for the Wii and The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons.

- Let's start with the video game. Bakugan is a kind of Pokemon-like game that relies on you collecting and powering up cards. These cards allow you to throw a ball on to a playing area, with the goal to land two balls on an area to win that card, or to battle an opposing player for the card.

It's nothing groundbreaking, but if you have kids, they'll probably enjoy it. It is definitely aimed at kids from ages 8 to 15, as it has a very "Saturday morning anime cartoon" feel to it. You can find my eBay auction for it here. I'm also doing a review of it for Blast, and I'll link to that when it's done.

- On the contrary, I imagine quite a few people reading this are familiar with The Book of Basketball, the latest book from Bill Simmons. Some people love him and others hate him, but this entire book is basically about Simmons obsession with basketball, and especially NBA basketball. Given his encyclopedic knowledge on the subject, I think it reads a bit better than his day-to-day column work.

All that being said, I imagine I'll have a full review at some point in the future on this blog. You can find the eBay link here.

And as usual, if any of you buy my crap, let me know and I'll package some free crap in there for you. Crap, crap and crap, fun times!

News - Sunday, November 1, 2009

This teacher is impossibly cute to me. sigh.

I haven't felt great most of the day, so here is a belated news post for all of you. I blame BRETT FAVRE, as the media overload about his return to Green Bay has turned my brain and optic nerve (I think that's a real thing) into mush. But on the plus side, I have been able to catch up on and Glee and Titan Maximum and Modern Family and The Office and Community this weekend. (Not so shocking news: I did not go out for Halloween, and it felt great!)

- This is a bit of a belated pimp for this article, but it really is quite splendid. Malcolm Gladwell, one of my favorite authors, did a piece for The New Yorker showing that there is an especially strong link between brain damage and professional football. The article also tries to turn the findings into a bit of a statement on dog-fighting, but I found those parts of the piece less effective.

However, I am not surprised by the main finding at all. For years, NFL players have been dying early and suffering from an array of health problems that you just don't see in other sports. For example, old NBA players and NFL players might have problems with bad knees, but NFL players are also getting dementia and post-traumatic stress disorder.

- On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've just started reading The Book of Basketball by ESPN sports columnist Bill Simmons. If you don't like his usual work, then this isn't going to convert you, but it is an authoritative tomb on his chief love, professional basketball, and specifically the NBA and ABA. I give it a solid B+ so far, since it is well-written and enjoyable, but the narrow topic scope means I have to be in the mood to read about the NBA. Also, one of his chapters is a legit 80 pages or so.

Random note: Amazon offers this book for $30, but after discounts, the actual price is $16.50 plus shipping. I bought it from a Borders / Waldenbooks for $21, off the list price of $30, since there was a 30 percent discount. This begs the question, where are these book stores that actually sell goods at full price? Do they even exist?

- Mel Gibson's girlfriend just gave birth. Thing he'll be getting it circumcised? Hi-oh, thanks for coming ladies and gentlemen! (p.s. This lame joke doesn't even work because it was a girl. Sigh!)

- In weird, funny Halloween news, San Antonio Spurs guard Manu Ginobili caught a bat during a game. Seriously. He was rather non-effected by it as well... Good for him.

- In weird and creepy Halloween news, some police departments do keep a tight eye on sex offenders during the holiday. In what makes perfect sense to me, they aren't allowed to hand out candy and they have to keep their lights off. Also, there are like a dozen stories on Google News about stabbings at Halloween parties, so if you do hold a party, don't leave the jack-o-lantern carving knife out on the table, seriously guys.

- And finally, in stripper news... And sad video gamer news... A bunch of Russian Counterstrike players managed to play despite strippers getting busy all up in their area. Some of them are kind of haggard looking, but really, if you're playing competitive Counterstrike in 2009, you should take whatever you can freakin' get.

The Bill Simmons picture is from this blog which has a good post about the NHL. Mel and his baby-momma are from the People article linked above. And the pictures of my new crush are from here, here and here. Note: The first two are awesome and I'm following both now.

iTunes Running Diary - Monday, July 13, 2009

This week's artists, a day late.

- “She Wants To Move” by N.E.R.D. Wondering whatever happened to one-hit wonder Pharrell after he was done “Frontin'”? (Girl, you know he wants you bad.)

Much like Danger Mouse of The Grey Album fame, who is now more known for being half of Gnarls Barkley, Pharrell is actually in N.E.R.D., a kind-of popular band known for this song and “Spaz.” Ironically, both are featured in commercials, but I knew of N.E.R.D. before then because of “Rock Star,” which got some alternative rock radio play. Like Gnarls Barkley, N.E.R.D. is a little hard to categorize; kind of like techno, alternative rap.

And because I brought up Gnarls Barkley, I'd like to take a second to talk about Charles Barkley, the greatest NBA player ever. I'm saying this for two reasons – I have an awesome poster of him that I bought in third grade, and he is by far the most quotable, funniest NBA player ever. Although I've already brought up this story once before in a comparison between Gnarls and Charles, his bar fight in Philadelphia bears repeating:

My favorite Charles Barkley story is about when he got into a bar fight in 1997 and threw a guy through a plate glass window. When the police asked him if he had any regrets, Barkley said, "I regret we weren't on a higher floor."

As Cigar sports reporter Pat Oullette said when he heard that story, "Charles Barkley is the man." Sports editor Matt Pavao said, "I wish Charles Barkley threw me through a plate glass window." Production manager Michelle Kirms said he was her favorite basketball player growing up.

- “Song 2” by Blur. The other night at trivia, the trivia lady asked an approximation of the following question: What British band, despite releasing seven critically-acclaimed albums, is best known as a one-hit wonder for their hit single “Creep”?

Now, the answer is obviously Radiohead, except that up until she named the actual single, it was Blur. And I'm saying this as a guy who actually likes more music by Blur besides “Song 2.” While I'm not crazy about the frenetic energy of “Crazy Beat,” it's still a good listen, as is “Tender (The Sweetest Thing).” And “Coffee and TV” is just an addictive, great song that is pushed over the top by the bittersweet music video.

If you're looking for a British band with one monster hit that conceals their underground credibility, then it's Blur. I think everyone is aware of Radiohead's virtues. Heck, I don't even like Radiohead that much – I find their music to be a bit like ambient techno, there and clearly good, but I'm just not interested – but I can name two hit songs by them. Obviously, “Creep,” but there is also “Karma Police,” which has gotten significant radio play.

- “Chelsea Dagger” by The Fratellis. Back in the day, when I ran the Cigar entertainment section, I assigned this CD to someone to review it. They came back, raving about how great it was, and gave it a great review, but it didn't really stick in my mind to go download some tracks.

Flash forward to about two weeks ago. I got sent a copy of Guitar Hero: Modern Hits to review for the DS, and one of the songs was “Chelsea Dagger.” It is so rhythmic and awesome, and it makes me feel like a sad panda that I took so goddamn long to download it. Along the same lines, it took me forever to get into Girl Talk, and Feed The Animals now has the most plays on my iTunes.

- “Love Me Two Times” by The Doors. I didn't mean for this entry to highlight just music from Guitar Hero and Rock Band, but apparently iTunes had different ideas.

A couple entries ago, when talking about Everclear, I wrote that their lead singer's struggles with drugs and altered thinking on it probably gave the band a sort of obsession he couldn't match once he got clean. The obsession allowed him to create great music and survive long enough to eventually get clean. Without the music, I imagine that he would have succumbed even quicker.

I think the same thing about Jim Morrison and The Doors. I always feel like the music and lifestyle kind of get blamed as causing the drug usage, but given the background of Morrison – there are plenty of good books out there on his life – he would have been into drugs even without the music.