Steveats: Gas Station Pizza Showdown

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

As part of my continuing culinary adventures at gas stations, and at the urging of Eric Rueb, I decided to give one certain food item at three different places a try – pizza. The results were… not really that surprising overall, but individually, somewhat surprising!

First discussed and worst I had – 7-Eleven. This actually looked like the best of the three pizzas available to me, as the cheese looked to be seasoned and the pizza hot. Important note here – it’s an incredible curve that we’re judging these pizzas on, as a good portion of frozen, store-bought pizzas are better than these ones.

However, while the 7-Eleven pizza looked OK, it was incredibly bland and greasy. That’s a double dip of bad pizza qualities, since if I’m ingesting a bunch of calories and oily cholesterol, it better taste good. The pepperoni was slightly better than the cheese, but both left this reviewer cold.

In second place is Cumberland Farms. This was only narrowly behind 7-Eleven in terms of look, and it definitely tastes better. It’s kind of like good cardboard with cheese. You know, the type that would be acceptable to send something precious in, as compared to the cheap cardboard used for fast food, or to house gas station pizza.

I think the deciding factor in Cumberland Farms over 7-Eleven is the heat lamp. Cumby’s seems to keep their lamp on a higher temperature, or *gasp* they might actually ditch the pizza more frequently. This leads to fresher tasting cheesy cardboard.  

The surprising taste winner is Speedway, because their pizza looks like it was microwaved about a million times before being put out there on a heat rack under some lamps. This wasn’t a fluke, either – I went at two different times, and three different Speedways, and each time, the pizza looked like a warmed-over substance strip mined from the surface of Mars.

However, it definitely tasted the best of the three gas station pizzas I tried. I have no clue why either. My guess would be that because it’s a bit thinner, it retains its (probably fake) cheese taste and sauce a bit better than the other two. Also, the Speedway ’za is definitely helped by the fact that they helpfully offer up a bunch of seasonings. I went for the shaker of Garlic Parmesan, and covered the slice, and that definitely helped.

All three pizzas were edible, and since the going rate was two slices for $3 at all three places, I can’t really complain about the price too much. However, if you’re looking for an actual meal vs. a quick bite, then your Generic Chain Pizza Place is better for $5, whether you favor Domino’s, Pizza Hut or Papa Gino’s.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!

Steveats: PACt – Water with a slight hint of cranberry

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

SPECIAL NOTE! Today is Amazon Prime Day, when a bunch of stuff is supposed to be on sale. Last year, the event was kind of a bust, but hey, maybe it’ll be different this year! If you’re feeling generous, support Stephen on Stuff by using the Amazon clickthru link for another of Steve’s projects, Your Parents Basement.

It’s a smaller entry today, as for once, I was subjected to a product that wasn’t really that bad at all! PACt is the newest product from Ocean Spray, and it’s basically water with a slight hint of cranberry. You know, kind of like hot ham water from Arrested Development, but good. (Or at least, good for everyone, not just Buster Bluth.) The pictured 16-ounce bottle only had 10 calories, so I’m assuming it’s good for you, or at least, not actively horrible. What is horrible is that spelling though – Just call it Pact, because OdD FormaTTIng IS StuPID.

If you have the SmartPay app from Cumberland Farms, then you probably got a free coupon for it. Well, unless I’m just so god damn special that now I’m being micro-targeted through my apps for odd products. However, while Cumby’s is offering it up for free, I didn’t find it until visiting my third store. It seems to be a bit of a soft rollout for PACt. (Although, they could have been offering this product for years and I wouldn’t have known, since I’m not often looking for flavored water beyond diet soda.)

Tangent – I now have way too many individual store apps, thanks to my smartphone, and I have no idea which gas stations I should be focusing on. It feels like homework to sit down and work out the math, which is why I haven’t done it, so I usually gravitate toward the ones with free products (Cumby’s, Speedway, 7-Eleven) or discounts on gas (Cumby’s and Speedway).

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!

Steveats: The Gas Station Hot Dogs

Cheese dog, steak and cheese taquito.

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

I started out this feature with a relatively simple item – the Burger King hot dog. At the time, I noted that it wasn’t really all that different than a gas station hot dog, except that it cost almost double, since gas station hot dogs are typically $2.50 or $3 for a pair.

Some people reacted in surprise, because they were unaware that those hot dogs were actually edible. I think I first became curious about how they tasted because I wasn’t ever allowed to get one as a kid, and because they seem like they would be the most disgusting food item of all-time. I also have a habit of liking to grab a snack while at the gas station, with a past obsession being peach rings.

Steak and cheese taquito.

Let me reassure you with today’s entry – They absolutely are edible, or at least as edible as any hot dog, even the weird varieties. Although, it’s most likely that this is the case because the hot dog is the cockroach of the meat world, or the Twinkie, if you will, given that they have similar shapes. After the nuclear holocaust of Fallout becomes reality, the only edible meat will be hot dogs.

Anyway! I mostly eat like a grown-up nowadays, except for this feature. But on the rare days I’m feeling peckish and don’t want a fast food burger, the gas station hot dog is my second or third choice, after a sandwich from various places. Cumberland Farms is usually my vendor, and it’s where these wieners come from, but 7-Eleven has OK dogs as well.

For the purposes of this entry, I picked two kind of weird hot dogs – the cheese-infused dog, and a steak-and-cheese taquito thing. The latter, you might notice, is not actually a hot dog, but it is on those heating rollers, so I definitely think it still counts. The taquito is kind of mushy, but it did taste of steak and cheese. I wouldn’t get it again, but it was fine for the price. At Cumby’s, that was two for $2. (Note: I used a bun for it, because it looked super greasy.)

Disappointing cheese dog.

The cheese dog was slightly disappointing. The cheese wasn’t all that good, and such small portions! (As the classic saying goes.) Again, it was still plenty good enough to eat, but I’d just opt for the normal hot dogs next time.

The normal dogs are your best option when it comes to the gas station meat – don’t get ensnared by the bells and whistles of the “special” flavors. This is a bit of a golden age for gas station food in general though, as both Cumberland Farms and 7-Eleven are seemingly in an arms race when it comes to offering pairings of hot dogs, pizza and soda for less and less money. Again, pretty much all of it is edible, and at least comparable to the more hyped bargain fast food (Subway’s “sandwiches,” Wendy’s and McDonald’s not-actually-a-dollar menu).

If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!