Inexplicable Movie Review: FLASH! AHHHHH!

Housekeeping portion: If you left a comment ages ago, and you just got an e-mail notification about its approval now, well… Sorry about that. And also, I’ll be doing some entries here and there, since I feel like using this as a creative outlet again. “Reactivating your Twitter and Blogger in the same week? Madness!” Absolutely!

So, for a podcast I was on this past weekend, I watched Flash Gordon (1980) for the first time. Spoiler alert – I friggin’ loved it. It was an incredibly enjoyable two hour experience, and there were two factors contributing to said enjoyment level: the incredibly light tone and the stellar soundtrack.

Tackling the first factor first, to put things eloquently… At no point are the actors in Flash Gordon completely up their own ass, like in, say, a Christopher Nolan Batman film. While I liked Nolan’s movies, the unfortunate side effect of them has been a slew of superhero movies where no fun is allowed, with the exception of Joss Whedon’s Avengers.

And even the success of that movie has seemingly given movie executives the impression that “success” is contingent on pairing a bunch of superheroes together, as opposed to making a fun popcorn movie. Maybe Guardians of the Galaxy will buck this trend, since it’s essentially using the leftover heroes, but crap like the new Spiderman and Superman movies have been grab bags of villains and heroes talking dourly to one another. The new hero movies take all of the joy and fun out of being a hero.

Therefore, it’s awesome to see Flash Gordon acting like he’s the shit in the opening five minutes of Flash Gordon, and he’s not even a superhero. He must be aware that the movie is named after him. Throughout the movie’s 120 minutes, Sam J. Jones, Max von Sydow, Timothy Dalton and Brian Blessed just chew up the scenery and spit it out, and it’s awesome. Have I mentioned that it’s awesome enough? Well, it’s awesome.

All of the effects in the movie are cheesy, especially since this came out post-Star Wars. This only adds to the movie’s appeal in my mind – This is a movie that could only have been made in the 1980s, between the effects and a color palette that ranges from neon to radioactive in most scenes.

And, oh – Queen. As I wrote down in my notes while watching this movie, “Any of the scenes with Queen’s music are awesome. God damn it, why did Freddy Mercury have to die? The music helps to distract from some of the now really bad special effects. Yet another thing that should be used in modern movies.”

FOX is allegedly doing a re-make of Flash Gordon as of April 2014, which has me worried. I will set the bar low, as I’m imagining some grisly dark tale with tons of pretty but heartless CG and a soundtrack by The Black Eyed Peas, or Gwen Stefani.

I didn’t really have a proper ending for this, so here – just listen to Queen.

Pitching Perfect Projects: Eating Dinner and Looking For Work

I've got two somewhat-related project ideas tonight. For those unfamiliar with my previous post on this topic, you can check out it out here and here. The concept? Pitching ideas that I think would make fantastic movies or television shows. First up...

- Eating Dinner. This is based on the idea of Roger Ebert's old reviewing partner, Gene Siskel. Ebert has said several times that Siskel always asked himself one question about every movie he watched: Is this film better than just sitting in on dinner with the leads? I love that standard, because it's relatively simple to understand.

However, instead of using it as a standard to judge movies on, why not just film movies or a show based on the concept? Of course, there is the legendary My Dinner With Andre, which stars the great Wallace Shawn. Most of y'all probably remember him as the funny dude from The Princess Bride, another great performance. If he's willing to sign on for the show, then great! If not, then we'll have to look elsewhere.

Some of you might be thinking - Hey, what about Shatner? He did have a show that was pretty similar to what I was pitching. However, the problem with him is that Shatner himself is too much of a buffoon, and doesn't have enough chops, to make it work. You need someone who brings something to the table besides a broad caricature. Preferably, you would involve someone who isn't widely known for just one role, or who has range as an actor. Actors with developed personas - Christopher Walken, Alec Baldwin - wouldn't really work for this, and a complete unknown wouldn't be believable as an equal of whoever he was talking to.

Assuming there is no limit to who I can cast, then I find George Clooney and Edward Norton to be the best choices. Clooney just exudes cool, between his presence in Ocean's Eleven and tagging anything hot that moves in Hollywood, yet I don't really know much about the guy. The same thing goes with Norton, except he also seems slightly nuts. He seems to have a slight sense of humor about himself, given his appearances on Stella and Modern Family. In the past, he dated Courtney Love and Salma Hayek, which is range in pretty much every conceivable way.

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Now we got a stew going...

- Looking For Work. Now, this is the show that Shatner could be on, if he wasn't busy with his show based on Twitter.

The premise is somewhat similar to Lookwell!, which I've written about in the past. In that show, Adam West played an out-of-work television detective, Ty Lookwell, who was deluded into thinking he could actually solve crimes now. It was nonsensical, and absolutely awesome.

The twist in this show is that the actor would just play him or herself. Obviously, Adam West would still work for this, as would anyone else who is normally seen as being available for just about any role with a paycheck - George Takei, Michael Caine, Carl Weathers. You can imagine it as the poor man's version of Curb Your Enthusiasm, except that it would be a scripted show with the character playing himself.

Part of the beauty of this is that it allows you the opportunity for tons of silly nostalgia and self-referential humor, especially when it comes to the business. The show should be a spoof of some of the more outlandish aspects of the trade - remember how Robert Goulet had a sitcom? - by putting the lead in ridiculous situations every week that he or she is completely serious about. (Spoofs work best when the people don't realize they're in a spoof; nobody ever cracks up in Airplane! or The Naked Gun.)

iTunes Running Diary – Monday, September 7 - The Best of Steve's Worst

This week's artists.

In case the theme of this week's diary isn't obvious, I'll just come out and say it: Songs I listen to even though they are not critically acclaimed in the slightest. In fact, most of them downright suck, and if you want to judge me, well, I can't really blame you. Admitting you have a problem with pornography is more acceptable than being a Limp Bizkit fan at this point. (And yes, I do enjoy them, but they didn't come up in the playlist Genius spit out.) Anyway, let's get this over with...

- "Mudshovel" by Staind. Prepare to see a lot of nu-metal / grunge / heavy rock / loud music on this list. I think just about every guy gets the impulse to listen to grinding guitars and hard rock at some point. Others who are luckier than me will find their heavy metal muse in something critically-liked, such as Metallica or Pantera, or at least in cheesy fun, like Kiss or Poison.

However, because I grew up in the late 1990s and early 2000s, it means certain tracks are burned into my psyche, like "Mudshovel." First, from a literary standpoint, I feel like that should be two words. Second, this is the only Staind song I can remotely tolerate.

If I am following my stated goals with this entry though, it definitely fits the criteria. The guitar breakdown leading up to and into the chorus is excellent. And, although the song is loud and nu-metal, there is some harmony and melody, as the lyrics are synced up to the pulsating guitar at points.

- "Bullet With A Name" by Nonpoint. There are several bad things about this band. For starters, they're from Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Since they're not old or supermodels, that means there is a strong chance a member of the band is on meth.

Second, the chance of this is increased because this song is on the soundtrack to, not just a video game, but a wrestling video game, Smackdown vs. Raw 2007. It's kind of like if I told you my friend had a drug problem, AND he was moving to Harlem or Compton.

Final bad sign: Wikipedia keeps track of the chart positions for pretty much any single released in the past two decades. Even though "Bullet With A Name" was featured in a popular video game, it still only hit #22 on the U.S. Mainstream Rock charts. Even worse is that it's still there most popular song. They've managed to have 10 singles that placed between #22 and #40 on the charts, but no higher. That's the sort of middling mediocrity that is equivalent to Troy O'Leary or Tim Thomas or Ron Coomer or Xavier Nady.

- "They Say" by Scars on Broadway. Similar to the first two, this is a heavier song that features a good melody despite its heavy sound. It was pretty popular last summer, I believe, but seeing as I don't listen to a ton of new music, there is a good chance it actually came out five years ago.

The weird, synth guitar that comes in especially hard toward the end of the song really helps "They Say" out in my estimation. Also, its short length (that's what she said) helps it from becoming super repetitive and effed out. By the time it's over, I've moved on to another couple of songs, and I wouldn't mind hearing it again because the chorus isn't really dragged out.

- "Peace of Mind" by Boston. I believe there is a rule out there that bands based on cities suck, and Boston does not dispel the trend to me. (Confession: I don't mind Chicago.)

They have, to me, one unquestionably awesome song, which is "More Than A Feeling." In every other aspect, they are beaten by arena rock brethren Journey. "Peace of Mind" is a decent little 1980s rock song, but it's not nearly as good at rocking as "Anyway You Want It." The best of Boston can't touch Journey's more somber offerings, like "Open Arms", or the cheese value of "Wheel In The Sky" or "Don't Stop Believing."

- "Lick It Up" by Kiss. I believe this is Chuck Klosterman's favorite song, but it kind of sucks. There, I said it. Then again, it's not like Kiss shows a lot of musical diversity, and I do always rag on other bands for straying too far out of their comfort zone.

To make another baseball comparison, "Lick It Up" is a .275 rock song. Is it an incredible, life-changing experience? Not really. Is it so bad that you change it every time it comes on? Not really. It fits the bill if you're trying to round out a Top Five for your favorite Kiss songs, or if it was one of the first hard rock songs you ever heard, which I believe is why it ranks high on Klosterman's list. Hey, I can be the same way - You shant talk me out of my love of Green Day, Everclear, Billy Joel, Counting Crows, Soundgarden and Sublime, despite their radically different sounds.

- "Only Women Bleed" by Alice Cooper. I'm apparently closing this entry out with some of the worst / most dubious songs by rock legends. While Alice Cooper has some great songs, this is not one of them. Adam Carolla cited it as one of the worst songs to play at a wedding, and I happen to agree with him.

To be honest, I giggle like a 12-year-old at the chorus, so I don't even know that much about the content of the song. The chorus is so blatant and overbearing that the rest of the song's lyrics kind of get swept under the rug, similar to how "Rape Me" by Nirvana isn't endorsing rape in the slightest. Wikipedia says it is a song about a wife in a relationship with an abusive husband, and on second listen, it is a song with a message, and I'm probably going to Hell.

iTunes Running Diary – Monday, August 31

This week's artists.

First, a procedural thing. To better comply with Twitter, and my own schedule, I'm going to switch these to Monday night. Monday is the big music day on Twitter, and since this is generally one of my more popular and easy-to-do weekly features, it doesn't make much sense for me to bury the entries on Sunday nights.

And secondly, to test out the new iTunes and my new computer, I used the Genius application. It is supposed to create a playlist from a song of your choice by analyzing your library and deciding your other tastes. I used it on a past iTunes diary song, "Chelsea Dagger" by The Fratellis, and the playlist it suggested was pretty decent.

- "Everything Is Average Nowadays" by The Kaiser Chiefs. I don't really have any idea of how popular the Chiefs are. As far as I know, my friend DJ (who appropriately loves music) is the only other person who listens to them.

They play "kind-of" rock-ish songs; I'm not entirely sure how to describe them. They fit in that nebulous category with Modest Mouse, The Killers and TV On The Radio, in that they aren't quite hard rock or alternative, but they're not emo or techno or anything like that. Has there been a good category for these bands yet?

- "Live Forever" by Oasis. When I was in high school, I didn't really appreciate Oasis that much. In reflection, I think it was because a couple songs - "Wonderwall" and "Don't Look Back In Anger" especially - were played incessantly on the local radio stations.

While by any stretch of the imagination they aren't The Beatles, the band they seemingly emulate, their deeper tracks are quite enjoyable. "Live Forever" would be one example, as would Guitar Hero and Rock Band track "Some Might Say." Even their title track, "Morning Glory," is good because it wasn't over-exposed with radio play.

- "Lithium" by Nirvana. This one seems a little out-of-place with the rest of the playlist, but hey, maybe that's the idea? It does seem the song with "hardest edge."

Although I fondly remember Nirvana from my youth, I was also way too young to really appreciate / understand it. For example, I had no idea what *this* song was about, and because I was about 8, I couldn't really relate with the angst of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Despite that though, I could still recognize that it was a really great song, which I didn't realize with Led Zeppelin at the same period of my life.

Because of this, it does make me question the "backlash" that Nirvana has gotten in recent years. Yeah, the music is kind of simplistic, but if it still made 8-year-old me stop and realize it was something special, then it has to have some redeeming value.

- "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" by Cage The Elephant. I'm not really sure where this band came from, but man, they sure are catchy. Yet, they still have a bit of an edge to them. The two local stations I listen to - 95.5 WBRU and 94.1 WHJY - both play them, even they are alternative, college and modern rock, and hard rock and hair rock, respectively.

They also have more than just this song, as a second single, "Back Against The Wall", is just as catchy. I think both songs should be retroactively placed on the There Will Be Blood soundtrack, but that's just me.

- "Heroes" by David Bowie. Genius actually spit out two Bowie songs for my playlist, but that could be because I have like 30 or so in my iTunes library.

Nonetheless, this is a great song, and it even has a pretty good cover by Bob Dylan's son. I do prefer the Bowie version though, because it seems less preachy. I could be saying that because the cover was a tie-in to the horrible Godzilla movie with Matthew Broderick...

- "Pump It Up" by Elvis Costello and the Attractions. This is the final song on the playlist of 25, and it seems like a 1980s version of the artsier, modern rock also on the list.

Not surprisingly, this is another suggestion from Rock Band, since I'm not the biggest Costello fan in the world. The only other song I have from him is "Radio Radio," and mostly because of the SNL connection.

The full list picked by Genius: "Pinball Wizard" by The Who. "Dashboard" by Modest Mouse. "Wolf Life Me" by TV On The Radio. "Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)" by Lostprophets. "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked" by Ida Maria. "Do What You Want" by okgo. "Troublemaker" by Weezer. "Reptilia" by The Strokes. "Life on Mars?" by David Bowie. "Daylight" by Matt and Kim. "Heinrich Maneuver" by Interpol. "You Don't Know Me" by Ben Folds. "Sunshine Of Your Love" by Cream. "The Angry Mob" by The Kaiser Chiefs. "The WAND" by The Flaming Lips. "Do The Panic" by Phantom Planet. "Cannonball" by The Breeders. "Train In Vain (Stand By Me)" by The Clash.

Blogging about tweeting

[Left] Not about her.

I got a Twitter account a couple months ago, although it was primarily to promote this blog; I had no real desire to post 140 character updates about my life. Yet, this minimalist format has indeed snagged me a bit, as I've done 552 updates - tweets, as the kids call them - in the past four months or so. (I wish it was easier to look-up when I joined, but I can't find that button right now.)

Because you are so limited in terms of length, it forces you to be brief and to the point. It is kind of the opposite of blogging, where I just ramble for 800 words and then post a silly picture.

The oddest thing to me is how easy it is to add other people. There are things like a Major League Baseball feed that I'll normally add a person or two from each day, along with The Match Game's Charles Nelson Reilly, which is maintained by friends of the late comedian. (By the way, future idea for a posting - Best game shows of all-time, since The Match Game is on it.)

I also wonder what the semi-professional bloggers and writers and journalists think when they see my updates to my high school and Internet friends. I'm sure they are very interested in my comments to my friend about how I did an article about our mutual friend and my former roommate about him competing in some lifeguard games. The guys from Gamezebo probably get a real kick out of it, and think to themselves, "This is so utterly relevant!"

Scheduling

So, what time would people prefer to see this blog updated? I recently found out that I can schedule posts for public consumption at certain times, which is great in terms of helping me get organized. For example, I'm currently typing this on Saturday morning, and I already have the iTunes post queued up to go Sunday morning.

I realize that my readership might prefer seeing posts at a certain time. They're currently set to post at 9 a.m. EST, I believe. (It might be PST; I haven't been home to personally monitor it.) This is really early, so there is something for people there to start their workday with, or to distract themselves from work with. I also like getting the comments in my e-mail while I'm at work, so that I can properly ponder a good response.

However, I don't mind queuing them up for a later time, if people would prefer that. I know #1 commenter and former Tag Team participant Danielle Membrino normally comments at night, so 5 p.m. or 8 p.m. EST can also be accomplished.

How say you?

p.s. Also on the plus side, I finally found a place at the driving range where there is wireless internet available. So, I can update the blog and Twitter from time to time here, which is nice.

News - Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Before and After.

Because I don't feel like formatting one of my already-typed posts, here is some news...

- In the serious Twitter news department, the State Department asked the company to remain running in order to help facilitate protesters of the Iran election.

- In the non-serious Twitter news deparment, Lindsay Lohan posted old nude pictures of herself. At this point though, I don't care enough to find them, knowing that they're probably after she started doing coke, losing weight and effing anything that moved. Back in the day, Lohan was SUPER hot, and now, I don't know any guys that would willingly stick it in without triple-wrapping it. Even Sam Ronson probably used a tongue condom.

- Here is a wrestling move that looks really awesome, Evan Bourne's shooting star press. And here is an example of what happens when it goes really, really wrong, such as when Brock Lesnar tried it at Wrestlemania and landed on his head. In other wrestling news, Donald Trump bought WWE Raw, but it's all probably an act. Next week's show will be commercial free too, which sounds neat.

- And finally, in stripper news... One in Minnesota on disability is suing White Castle because they won't let her go through the drive-thru in her motorized wheelchair. Fun times, fun times. And also, in what should be a major relief to everyone, a stripper's kids weren't eating dog food, contrary to initial media reports.