Steveats: Roy Rogers – Master of microwave burgers, heat lamp fries

They certainly look vaguely edible!

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

When it comes to microwaved cheeseburgers and French fries that stay warm via heat lamp, there is no better store for you than the Roy Rogers “restaurants” strewn about the New Jersey Turnpike. There is no better alliance between a state and a good chain than

New Jersey and Roy Rogers. They just seem perfect for one another.

The food at Roy Rogers reminds me of the warmed-over cafeteria grub I would get in middle and high school, and oddly, I do mean that as a compliment. I think this Steveats feature has proven that I have pretty horrible taste at times, and an affinity for junky, glucose-filled food. Roy Rogers is the closest thing to cafeteria food that an adult can just purchase in public.

I grabbed some shortly after midnight on Sunday, and my body seemed mostly OK with being subjected to a cheeseburger and perfectly adequate fries. The burger looked a little bit sad, so I managed to spice things up a bit with the fixings they offered – namely, ketchup, mustard and some sort of cheap salsa chop.

So then! Conventional reviews are kind of worthless when it comes to Roy Rogers. From my description of them, you should know whether or not they have something that appeals to you. In additional to the burgers and fries, they also have roast beef, fried chicken, chicken patties and chicken nuggets, and really overpriced soft drinks. Again, it’s just like your high school cafeteria!

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Steveats: Nathan’s Hot Dogs (And More Importantly, Fries!)

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

So, this past weekend, I drove from my abode in Narragansett, Rhode Island, down to Vineland, New Jersey, and back. I did the trip mostly via Route 95, the Tappan Zee Bridge, the Garden City Parkway and the New Jersey Turnpike. I’ll have some more thoughts about the drive itself in a future entry, but for now, let’s do some Steveats about the places I stopped along the way.

A few weeks ago, I talked about my “love” of Sbarro’s pizza, which is obtained from the odd trucker stop on the border of Connecticut and Rhode Island. There are two other fast food places in that place, one of which I’m covering today – Nathan’s hot dogs. They’re also available in other fine establishments, like the service plazas along the New Jersey and Connecticut highways, and “street meat” vendor carts pretty much everywhere.

I’m a man that loves a good hot dog, and heck, I love me a boiled dog too. You don’t have to flame grill that sucker for me to enjoy it. And if you’re looking for one of those kind of waterlogged but still delicious tubular meats, then Nathan’s has you covered.

In contrast to the usual hot dogs available from the grocery store, the Nathan’s dog seems a bit smaller yet denser. This tubular meat frustratingly does not fit in the bun, but because it’s skinny, it seems to retain its meat flavor a bit better. Saugeys are still better to me, but when it comes to the cheaper dogs, Nathan’s hits the spot pretty well.

Also – dem fries! Nom nom nom. I’m a French fry connoisseur, and thick crinkle cuts are like a drug to me. I ate way too many of them, getting them two different times in a 24-hour span. My colon did not appreciate this, but my taste buds most definitely did.

Want to support Steve’s blogging? Then purchase something via the Amazon clickthru link for Your Parents Basement, Steve’s other project! If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!

Steveats: Popeye’s Strawberry Cheesecake Pie Thing (and practically a whole chicken)

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

So, Popeye’s has a dessert item. I’m calling it a “dessert item” because they didn’t really have a name for it on the menu. It was a sort of pie, similar to the apple “pies” that are served at McDonald’s – a sort of fried, two or three-bite item. Except instead of apple pie, Popeye’s pie item has cheesecake and strawberry filling.

The verdict… Surprisingly good! It was sweet, but not overpowering, and I’d definitely have it again. The pie casing was pretty iffy, but still, that filling made it a perfectly above-average fast food item. Thumbs up to the Popeye’s dessert team!

However, when it comes to Popeye’s other items, holy hell are they really giving you a metric ton of chicken nowadays. Their traditional combo meals are called platters, and come with two or three pieces of chicken, a side and a drink for about $10 or $11. Orrrrr, you can pay $11.50 for a special meal deal they have, and they give you five pieces of chicken, two sides, a dessert item and a 44-ounce soft drink!

That is a ton of food – see the photo. And of course, I plowed through it. While it’s advertised as five pieces of chicken, it’s more like three, three and a half. There is almost no meat on the bone-in thighs and wings, but the breast and drumstick were tasty, if you’re into fried chicken. And who the heck doesn’t like fried chicken? Even fast food fried chicken is still delicious, says the guy who can always be talked into KFC. I generally prefer Popeye’s to KFC, because it tastes a tiny bit less greasy and the actual chicken is better, but I’m game for both at all times.

One definite edge KFC has though – mashed potatoes. Popeye’s gave me this weird, soupy mixture with gravy and bacon bits in it. Is the bacon craze over yet? It was cute when it first started, but now a bunch of companies are using bacon that have absolutely no business involving bacon in their food transactions. You do you Popeye’s, and just stick to the fried chicken, and those weird, spicy French fries on your menu too.

If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!