Steveats: BK finally hits orange gold with Cheetos

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

It only took Burger more than a year of disgusting tinkering, but they finally stumbled upon a golden vein of fast food deliciousness, thanks to stealing / borrowing concepts from other disgusting food companies. The Mac n’ Cheetos are pretty friggin’ delicious and exactly what you’d expect.

I’m not even someone who enjoys Cheetos, but I’ll admit

that I came into this item with high hopes because it’s basically copying the format from the Taco Bell and Doritos mash-ups. I don’t really like Doritos either, but the Cool Ranch taco shell offerings at Taco Bell are excellent “fuck it, I’m hungry and want something bad for me” foods.

Likewise, the Mac n’ Cheetos just use the snack item as a thin crust for the macaroni and cheese. According to the Burger King website, they’re put into the fryer, but the bites didn’t really taste all that deep fried to me. They are also not nearly as gooey and creamy as the promo pictures would

have you believe, but in actuality, this is a good thing, because it makes them way more edible.

Let me be clear – These aren’t the next great fast food item. You only get five of them for $2.50ish, and they’re strictly a side item, as they wouldn’t let me add fries and a drink. However, they’re pretty perfect as Drunk Food, or as the proverbial Extra Item when getting a value meal, and you feel the need to make sure your stomach REALLY hates you the next day.

This is supposed to be a limited time item, but much like the Doritos-Taco Bell tacos, it wouldn’t surprise me if the Mac n’ Cheetos stays on the menu permanently. They’re also “only” 310

calories, according to the Burger King menu item info, so it won’t completely tank your calorie intake for the day to give them a try. Again though, this is probably something that you’ll know you’ll like or hate just from the name and description.

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Steveats: The Oddly Disappointing Angriest Whopper

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

For the second time, I’m going to the Burger King well for a Steveats. And for the second time, I’m disappointed! Although this time, it’s for oddly disappointing reasons.

Frankly, the Angriest Whopper is not really that angry. The main gimmick is the bright red bun, which allegedly has hot sauce baked into it. However, it just tasted like a normal bun to me, and I’m someone who’s usually pretty damn sensitive to any sort of heat. Like, a jalapeno ring or two is normally plenty for me on some nachos or a burger. I’m not sure if the taste varies from bun-to-bun (teehee), but my particular Angriest Whopper was incredibly tame.

The other ingredients, according to the BK website, are jalapenos, thick-cut bacon, “angry onion petals” and the usual lettuce, tomato and mayo. The bacon was OK, but it tasted like the normal BK / fast food microwaved bacon to me, not any sort of special thick-cut variety. Likewise, the angry onion petals were seemingly just partial or smaller onion rings. They either had no or a weak hot sauce on them. My particular Whopper only had a couple jalapenos on it, and they were the hottest component by far. Still though, they’d probably disappoint anyone serious about setting their taste buds aflame. I didn’t really consciously want this, but if something is being billed as The Angriest Whopper, then I do kind of want it to be something that I regret eating for that reason, not just because it’s gross.

The worst part though? I paid about $5.50 for the “pleasure” of the Angriest Whopper. That’s about $2 more than a normal Whopper, even though the main differences seemed to be 1) the tasteless bun 2) a few strips of bacon and 3) jalapenos. To double down on the bad news, BK’s website said it’s 830 calories for the damn thing! And 1,530 mg of salt, more than half the recommended daily allowance. Blah. Anyway, this is a fast food item that y’all can safely skip. The best part is the design on the wrapper.

(Side TMI / gross note: At least this Whopper doesn’t have the poop problem the Halloween Whopper did, at least in my field research…)

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