Focus on body language, not words, of O'Brien 60 Minutes interview

"Jay's got the The Tonight Show. I have a beard and an inflatable bat."

That is the money quote from Steve Croft's interview with Conan O'Brien on 60 Minutes last night. Between that, and the long, long sigh he gives when asked if he thinks Jay Leno acted honorably, tells you everything you need to know what he thinks. Conan can be a hard nut to crack at times in interviews, so I found his body language a lot more interesting than his interview answers, which were pretty typical.

What was his body language? A lot of hesitant answers, head-shaking, slow and careful responses. He stressed repeatedly that he was fine, but despite him saying that, there was a tinge of sadness and melancholy to the entire interview. Outside of the above quote, the strongest Conan got in terms of words was when he said he couldn't possibly see how The Tonight Show could be losing money when he was hosting it.

The only other person interviewed for the 15-minute piece was Conan's wife, Leslie, who did a bit better at providing an impassioned response that helped to round out the interview. Presumably, she wasn't covered by the disparaging statements contract that Conan was forced to sign as part of his $30+ million settlement. And, I'll note that Mrs. O'Brien is easy on the eyes, which shouldn't be that surprising to me.

Grade: A-

Dear TMZ, thanks.

Thanks for being useful every once in a great, great while, such as for the above picture from this article you did... That is all.

Around The Dial: White confirmed for SNL, Conan confirmed for Boston, and death confirmed for shows

Some more television news for you all to digest, since I am woefully behind on my television viewing because of work...

- Our long national nightmare is over, as The New York Daily News and People and practically every other outlet on the Internet is reporting that Betty White will host Saturday Night Live on May 8. According to them and others, guest appearances by Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Molly Shannon, Maya Rudolph, Ana Gasteyer and Rachel Dratch will help White split up the workload of the show.

For myself and other members of the Facebook group devoted to getting her on the show, this is great, great news. I'm just hoping that it doesn't spawn movements for other, inferior hosts, that would water down the entire concept. For example, as much as I love the Chuck Norris facts floating around the Internetz, he would make a pretty horrible SNL host. I think we all got a good dose of his "acting" ability from Walker, Texas Ranger.

- Speaking of Chuck Norris and Walker tangentially, Conan O'Brien is now on tour! It bears the comical name Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour, and Conan will hit 30 cities, along with sidekick Andy Richter and portions of his band. Tickets start at $39.50.

I would love to go to this, but I'm not sure if anyone I know in Boston or Rhode Island would be interested in going with me. (This is assuming that tickets haven't already sold out.) If you'd like to go with me, shoot me an e-mail (sgre6768@gmail.com) or leave a comment. He is playing two shows in Boston, Friday June 4 and Saturday June 5. Both shows start at 8 p.m., and ideally, I'd prefer the Saturday show.

- I talked the other day about The Forgotten being canceled already, which made me curious about what other shows had been canceled so far this year. Luckily for me though, TV Series Finale has done all the work for me already with a great list here!

First, I'm really disappointed that I never saw Blonde Charity Mafia, which frankly sounds like something I would make up. My show would revolve around supermodel blondes pulling bank heists and acting EXACTLY like the characters in The Godfather and Goodfellas. Unfortunately, the actual show was supposed to be a docu-series about a trio of young, influential women in D.C. (I'm presuming they would be blonde.)

Second, I was glad to read that Flight of the Conchords ended of their own accord as opposed to waiting for the axe to fall from HBO. While I enjoy Bret and Jemaine as much as anyone, I found their series to stretch the concept a bit much. Their old stand-up special packed the quality into a compact bit, whereas the show stretched it as thin as silly putty.

Third, I find TNT dramas to be very overwrought. I don't like The Closer or Saving Grace, and a third show, Raising The Bar with Zack Morris, has been axed completely. Good riddance. Zack, please go back to your hijinks at Bayside. Heck, you could probably be the principal at this point, which would lead to HILARIOUS role reversals!

And finally, unfortunately... The Tyra Banks Show is done. NOOOOO! She provides so much great fodder for The Soup with Joel McHale. Sigh. At least he still have Wendy Williams, Maury Povich, The Today Show and reality shows to keep afloat...

The Betty White photo is from here. The Flight of the Conchords photo is from here.

TV Review: You effing suck Jay Leno, please just retire and stay gone, you miserable old hack.

In case the title of this entry doesn't make my feelings toward Jay Leno abundantly clear, this review by the great Troy Patterson of Slate.com does an excellent job. From his first paragraph:

The cold open depicted him [Leno] awaking in a black-and-white farmhouse, a Dorothy Gale coming to, as his bandleader, other subordinates, and also a slumming Betty White crowded round his bedside. The implication was that Leno's months away from Tonight and his prime-time sojourn did not represent a disastrous misadventure but rather a magical mystery tour. The bit was no less shameless than we might expect. And no less unfunny. Pay no attention to the man in front of the curtain.

Patterson is my favorite television reviewer; I consider him the Ebert of the medium. And I agree completely with his take. The return of Leno to The Tonight Show was every bit as mediocre, depressing and lifeless as you would expect, despite some utterly shameless behavior on the part of everyone involved.

Let's start, naturally enough, with the aforementioned cold open. The Wizard of Oz was the easiest movie spoof they could have used for the situation, so of course, they absolutely used it - Jay Leno is effing involved, after all. Except for a brief pop-in by Betty White, the cold open was uninspired and stupid, which segued nicely into a stupid monologue where Leno pretended to be actually upset with NBC.

My whole problem with Leno is that he is seemingly devoid of real emotion. Know what would have been awesome? If Leno started his show and said, "Hey, I'm glad I'm back, and fuck Conan. I got shoved out of this show years ago and pretended to be okay with it, but really, I wasn't okay with that, and I apologize." Instead, Leno was passive aggressive, playing on both the side of NBC management (not acknowledging that his show's MASSIVE FAILURE in prime-time led partially to Conan's low ratings) and against management (calling them idiots now and during the fiasco). Hey Jay, why don't you pick a god damn side instead of trying to sit on the fence for every issue?

After the monologue, we were treated to a taped bit involving Leno searching for a new desk. This was predictably lame, except for a brief segment with my man Adam Carolla. Of course, he was only on for about a minute because he was using some racy humor. sigh. Leno got on a mom for "cooking" her family a nutritious meal of Kentucky Fried Chicken; at least she didn't subject them to his show later in the night.

The worst was yet to come though, as Jamie Foxx just acted like a retard for 20 minutes. (Sorry Sarah Palin.) His entire appearance made me throw up in my mouth, and he was followed by Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn, who was dressed up like a street hooker. (Even worse? She looked really uncomfortable in that outfit. It is one thing if she likes to dress that way, but the whole thing reeked more like an idea to capitalize on her image ASAP, methods be damned. She needs a new publicist.)

Anyway, since Jay doesn't have the nerve to relay this message to Conan, let one of his fans instead relay the message to you - Fuck you. You are everything wrong with late night television.

Grade: F

Surveying the late night scene

Continuing from part one of my look at late night. Where does this leave everyone in the grand scheme of late night? Looking at everyone else, by network...

- At NBC, you have Leno, who I suppose will be his solid and unspectacular self. He is almost 60, so you have to think he has a decade left, at most, and that's giving him the benefit of the doubt that he will stay as relevant and "culturally hip" as he is now. Which is to say, a net zero, as opposed to someone derided for being tragically unhip. And, in light of his failure at 10 and the orchestration of Conan out of NBC, I think there is a great chance that Leno to 11:30 backfires completely on NBC.

One aspect of this whole equation that I think goes unreported is the strength of Conan at 12:30, which no doubt helped Leno maintain hit ratings during his last half hour. I actually like Jimmy Fallon at 12:30 - his show has some creative ideas, like the Wheel of Carpet Samples and his writing of "thank you" notes on Fridays. He also somehow got The Roots as his house band and uses them well, and he's also had some legitimate guests. However, he definitely doesn't have the cachet of Conan yet.

And although I don't wish any ill-will toward him, if something did suddenly have a problem with Leno, they have no clear in-house replacement. They would either 1) have to patch things up very, very nicely with Conan and pay him out the ass to come back or 2) pay someone else a ton of money to fill the void, who probably doesn't have any late night experience. Fallon simply isn't ready, so I think you might see an "established" name like Jerry Seinfeld or Steve Martin or Martin Short (to pluck some names out of the air) lured to NBC with an insane amount of money.

- At CBS, Letterman will probably be largely unchanged, although maybe more venomous toward Leno. He was the cranky old man in this whole drama, throwing stones at NBC and Leno from his perch atop the ratings at CBS. He seemed simultaneously pissed off at NBC, for doing the same thing to Conan as they did to him, and gleeful, for them wallowing in such misery.

If Leno has a problem with age and a sudden health deterioration, well, I guess CBS has the same problem with Letterman and a proper succession plan. They're in a kind of “strong” position if something catastrophic happens to him in the next couple of months, since Conan is a free agent and out on the market. But assuming that Conan does get snapped up by someone, then Craig Ferguson isn't a clear guy to step up into the 11:30 spot. To me, Ferguson follows more in the footsteps of past CBS 11:30 hosts like Tom Snyder and Craig Kilbourn - I liked both, but they have a niche appeal.

However, luckily for CBS, they have a natural promotion to make - Jon Stewart is just sitting there at Comedy Central at 11, ripe for the taking. Yes, Viacom technically no longer owns CBS, but they still have so many business dealings together that I think an ascension by Stewart after Letterman leaves is only natural. I also don't think that you'd have the bumpy issue of intellectual property if Stewart went from Comedy Central to CBS, and I think The Daily Show would transport pretty well to a major network, even if Stewart doesn't want to do a monologue. As is, it feels cramped at times with just 30 minutes, and adding another interview and/or a musical act each night would easily get you to an hour.

- At ABC, they seem pretty content with their current lineup of Nightline and Jimmy Kimmel Live. I love Jimmy Kimmel - I think he consistently does the best show, with weird, quirky bits like having his Uncle Frank and Security Guard Guillermo in skits, but his ratings have stayed pretty level after a slow start. Of the current Big Four late night hosts, I think he gets the best out of his interview segments, with a nod toward Colbert and Stewart on cable as being as his level.

Nightline is what it is: great counter programming to all of the late night yuk-yuks. Any time there is a major news event, its ratings swell. I'm sure it makes Kimmel's life more difficult, but the night as a whole is a critical success for ABC because of Nightline, and probably a commercial success as well. I don't think Kimmel or the rotating hosts of Nightline make anywhere near the salaries of Leno, Letterman and Conan. I also think there is little chance that Conan ends up at ABC, just because they'd have to essentially scrap two in-house programs that are average to above-average successes for them.

- Finally, I think Comedy Central deserves to be in this conversation, because The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are both siphoning off the younger viewers that would formerly watch Letterman and Leno. Part of this is because those two hosts are getting old, but the other aspect is the brilliance of Stewart and Colbert.

I previously mentioned that Stewart seems destined for CBS at some point, and I imagine that when that happens, Colbert moves up to 11. I'm still not sure what they used to replace Colbert at that point, though. As much as I've railed against Comedy Central for no longer doing original programming, a slew of their shows have just been bad - Carlos Mencia, The Chocolate News, that debate show with Lewis Black, etc. I think there best option is to either just have another Daily Show, with John Oliver or another correspondent as the new host, or to spin something off from The Colbert Report. People seem to respond well to that format at night, and presumably, their new show could be different enough from Stewart to still succeed.

The NBC fart logo is from here. Colbert is from here. Letterman's photo is on about 500 different sites as a stock image, and Kimmel and Affleck comes from some weird photo index site that I'm not going to link to.

Evaluating the late night landscape

All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. - Conan O'Brien, courtesy of this site.

Because I need some closure on this whole matter, this will be my last post on the late night fiasco for a while, and as a result, I'm going to try to cover all of my bases on it. Let's start on the micro level with Conan's last episode of The Tonight Show, and work our way to examining the scene as a whole.

In case you missed it, I believe the entire last episode is now available on Hulu, here. It was a bizarre but high note for the show to end on, with a surprise appearance by Steve Carrell, and other guests, including Will Ferrell, Tom Hanks, Neil Young and Beck. The best singular moment was an oddly-touching montage of the show's short seven months, set to, of all things, "Surrender" by Cheap Trick.

The episode got a 4.8, according to the article I cited above for the video clip, which was about quadruple his normal rating, and a really high number for a late night show. Frankly, I wasn't surprised it was so high, since plenty of people were leaving comments on my Facebook status as I was watching the show. And, the final episode has gotten near universal praise, both from the Internetz and from my friends I've talked to about it. Throughout the episode, at least in my opinion, there was a feeling that something "special" was happening. The only other times I have gotten that same feeling have been from live sporting events - Game Seven of the 2004 ALDS (Red Sox crush the Yankees and complete the biggest comeback in sports history), Game Four of the 2004 World Series, and Game Five of the Eastern Conference Finals, when LeBron James willed his team to victory.

Because of the feeling I got from Conan's final show, I think he's going to be OK regardless of whether he ends up. I outlined some of the options the other day, and I still think that FOX is the most likely destination. They're the only major network that 1) would have the proper time slot open and 2) could meet his salary demands. If he's willing to take a major pay cut, then I could see him sneak on to FX or Comedy Central or USA. I frankly don't think he will end up on HBO, Showtime or Cinemax, simply because the exposure would be so much smaller. Yeah, The Larry Sanders Show was great, and nobody ever effing saw it. The premium cable outlets would just have to blow him away with cash.

Let's turn our focus now to the real villains of our story - NBC. They just completely mismanaged the entire situation, from start to finish. The original sin was essentially forcing Jay Leno in 2004 to agree to vacate The Tonight Show in 2009. Although there is no way for me to validate this, at the time I thought, "There is no way in Hell that Leno will give up his show."

At the crux of this thought was my knowledge of how he had originally gotten the job - by busting his ass. I don't think anyone questions that Leno is one of the hardest working men in show business, and he got The Tonight Show from under Letterman by 1) having an aggressive, hard-nosed business manager and 2) working much, much harder than Letterman behind the scenes to get the job.

Unfortunately though, this doesn't change the fact that Leno isn't a great late night host, and he won't ever be, not even if he works at it for another 22 years. Leno is a C- student who, because of his work ethic, grades out at about B+. Regardless of how hard he tries, and I do think he tries very hard, he will never be known as a legendary performer. If Carson is the gold standard, and I do consider him as such, Letterman and O'Brien and Stewart and Colbert at least echo him from time to time. Leno is a straight derivative, a TV dinner version of a great meal, similar but completely unsatisfying when compared to the original.

I don't believe that Leno is completely innocent in all of this. He knew how much Conan wanted The Tonight Show, and Leno agreeing to go back to 11:35 after he failed at 10 is why this whole ball got rolling. If Leno instead said, "No, I can't do that to Conan," then I wouldn't be typing this blog post. I would instead be typing about how Leno was going to some cable network to finish his washed-up career, similar to how Willie Mays finished with the Mets and Muhammad Ali got his brains knocked out by Larry Holmes. It's great to talk about how Leno had some great value to other networks, but his show at 10 was doing ridiculously bad ratings in the 1s and 2s. If NBC just straight fired him, he was so devalued from his brief foray into 10 p.m. that I'm not sure who picks him up. His type of humor is wrong for everything but TBS.

Therefore, it's puzzling to me why NBC bent over backwards to accommodate Leno. Yes, he will be back on in the fall, and the ratings will probably be passable, because he won't have himself as a lead-in, like Conan did. By the way, need proof that lead-ins matter? In Rhode Island, WJAR led the nightly news ratings for 16 years. It finally lost the title this year, as local rival WPRI saw a surge of 20 percent, and WJAR saw a fall of 35 percent. The change was from actual programming at 10 to Leno, which has a carryover effect for the news, and no doubt has an effect on Letterman and Conan's ratings. Was it the sole thing responsible for the change? Probably not, but NBC Corporate is completely unwilling to even acknowledge that this would affect the ratings of The Tonight Show, because doing so would be acknowledging that they fucked up every single aspect of their late night programming.

Part two, where I look at other late night hosts, coming later...

A Twitter Poll: Wither Conan?

Unsurprisingly, Saturday Night Live opened up with a skit on the whole Conan and Leno late night divide. The opening sketch was only so-so to me, since Hammond doesn't really do a good Leno, and the Conan impersonation was even worse. The saving graces of the sketch were Larry King and Letterman, which were both spot-on. There was a much better take on it by Seth Meyers during Weekend Update, but they didn't release that clip on Hulu, unfortunately. (They did post the bits with Larry the Goose and Laser Cats though, both of which were great, and Sigourney Weaver did a nice job hosting.)

The latest news has Conan getting a settlement in the range of $30 million, with permission to having a new show on another network within a year. However, it seems like a deal hasn't been finalized. This whole drama is familiar to me, since I wrote a research paper on the whole transition from Carson to Leno and Letterman, and to an author on Slate - Their awesome television reporter, Troy Patterson, notes that The Late Shift is eerily similar to the Conan-Leno drama.

With all of this in mind, I asked people on Twitter last night what they thought was next for Conan. The most popular option out there in the public was that he'd end up on FOX, with Eddie and Dadkins guessing that as well.

If FOX ever wants to move into the late night weekday world, with a show at 11 or 11:30 or 11:35, then now is the moment to do so. Conan's annual salary is allegedly in the $20 million range, and of all the players for him, FOX no doubt has the deepest pockets. I also like FOX's attitude on this - In the past, they haven't been shy about sticking a thumb in the eyes of the networks, and this would be a pretty strong thumb. I don't think Conan would be a consistent ratings winner, but he would be competitive enough to hurt NBC, CBS and ABC.

The biggest impediment to a Conan show would be the current lack of FOX infrastructure in late night. I'm not sure what their affliates would think of a Conan show - FOX doesn't run programming at 10 or 10:30 right now, so Conan's lead-in would probably be weak. In the best case scenario, you might have a strong one-hour nightly news broadcast. In Rhode Island and most markets, you have a 30-minute newscast and then a syndicated show like Seinfeld. Neither is a great lead-in considering that the Big Three networks all run relatively-fresh programming at 10.

Miss Movies suggested that Conan would be good to takeover The Soup, and I agree with that. However, E! isn't going to shell out that kind of cash for Conan, which is the biggest problem I see with him going to a cable network. If Comedy Central didn't already have The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, then they might be interested. But with Stewart and Colbert in the fold, O'Brien probably costs too much to be a viable option for them at 10 or 12.

If Conan is willing to take a lot less money, then the artistic options open to him are great. For example, I could see a network like Comedy Central or TNT picking him up if his annual salary was, say, in the $1 million to $5 million range. TNT makes a lot of sense to me in that it is not owned by one of the Big Three - no way does Conan pop up on USA - and because they have been emphasizing their original program lately. They do run some NBC syndicated programming, which might upset the Peacock come renewal time, but losing Law and Order would not be an insurmountable loss, given that it has been repeated so many times now.

Regardless of where Conan ends up, I agree with Shelley - Conan's population has exploded with this whole drama, and he actually beat Letterman on Friday night, despite the weakness of the Leno lead-in. I think the whole fiasco will mean the end of NBC network head Jeff Zucker eventually, who frankly doesn't have much success to point to now as a reason for his continued employment.

The Tonight Show Craigslist ad

So, Conan talked on The Tonight Show a couple minutes ago about putting the show up for sale on Craigslist. Thanks to the great work of my buddy Adam D. Adkins (a.k.a. Adam Dadkins), you can view the ad in all of its glory here:

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/clt/1551463643.html

Please reward Adam by visiting his wonderful sports blog here. And the picture of Conan is from here.

As The Conan Turns

Just a short entry today, as I've been busy most of the day, and I'm going out tonight. Following the continuing Conan saga, above, see the awesome monologue that Jimmy Leno did on his show. Leno is so predictable that I think just about anyone can do his monologue, and Kimmel did nail the beats.

In other news, Entertainment Weekly interviews the artist behind the "I'm With Coco" art movement. Also, Conan apparently doesn't have specific time slot language in his Tonight Show contract, meaning he would 1) have to agree that the previous years of the show set a precedent for it being on at 11:30 or 2) just leave all the money on the table.

Conan tells NBC to eff off

Ah, Conan. I heart you even more after learning that you told NBC to go screw with its wacky plan to restore Jay Leno to 11:30. Although Conan doesn't have wording in his contract that says The Tonight Show has to start at 11:30, I think NBC will have to pay him the balance of his contract regardless.

So really, good on Conan. I'm glad he has drawn a line in the sand and threatened to quit if he's forced to air The Tonight Show / his show from a midnight time slot. I'm hopeful that he ends up on FOX, or even eventually as Letterman's successor on CBS. Either network would probably let him go back to the more juvenile, randy and fun behavior he exhibited at 12:30. You know, like my included picture of the masturbating bear.

I got the sweet picture, and some of the Conan news, from this good entertainment blog.

Conan deserves better, as NBC goes back to Leno

The latest late night television rumor has been that The Jay Leno Show is finally, mercifully, dead.

If you ask me, it's about four months too late. From its inception, Leno's show was just a stale rehash of what he did on The Tonight Show, which mostly benefited from the fact that Leno was against Letterman. I've always liked Letterman more, but I realize his kind-of-wacky behavior rubbed audiences the wrong way, as well as guests, who normally preferred the canned bits and skits they could do on Leno's show. Letterman will always be cooler than Leno, who gets credit for being workmanlike but unremarkable, at least to me. The contrast between the two allowed for better ratings for both of them.

With Leno's 10 p.m. show getting sacked, the loser in all of this seems to be Conan. Contractually, I believe he has to be the host of The Tonight Show for a certain period of time, which means NBC will be doing some bizarre shell game where they push Conan's show back 30 minutes and run Leno at 11:30 for 30 minutes. I don't think this has the slightest chance at all of working, as NBC doesn't seem to realize that Leno isn't really a talent worth keeping. Conan's ratings have sucked because Leno has sucked. As proof, I'd offer the evidence that Rhode Island's flagship news station, WJAR-10, slipped out of first in the local ratings for the first time in forever this past year, probably because of how weak a lead-in Leno is.

It wouldn't surprise me if Conan's lawyers began looking for ways to break his contract the second NBC came to him with this wacky plan, and it also wouldn't surprise me if he bolted the second his contract expired if he can't break it beforehand. While CBS is seemingly set, ABC might want to make a big splash and go after Conan. Personally, I'd love to see Jimmy Kimmel get a shot at 11:30, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards with the recent reemergence of Nightline.

As far as what happens to the other NBC performers, does anyone care? I don't mind Jimmy Fallon - his show is surprisingly watchable, between The Roots band and odd, quirky bits like "Guess That Carpet Sample." However, he's not unquestionably great, and I haven't seen a ton of growth from him. If Leno does move back to 11:30, it definitely seems like the end of Carson Daly's miserable show, which is one of the few positive side effects of such a movie.

The picture of Conan with his monkey is from this site.

Tag Team: Amanda and Steve on bad music, politics, celebrities and Steven F'ing Tyler

I tried to find a decent picture of Amy Winehouse, but it was an impossible feat. The Steven Tyler picture that you'll see later in this entry is disturbing enough.

To rip-off the disclaimer for Bill Simmons' BS Report, Tag Team is a free flowing discussion between two adults that sometimes touches on mature subjects. Amanda Jean Meyer was just working at the ads desk, minding her own business, when an entertainment editor saw her not doing anything and made her start writing things. She also had a knack for having weird celebrity encounters that were among the more popular features I ever printed, and that knack continues to this day.

Want to do your own Tag Team with me? Send me an e-mail (sgre6768@gmail.com) or leave a comment.

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Steve said at 4:31 p.m. on August 20:

Heyyy Amanda Meyer! I'll get this party started, as Pink would say. And, by the way, speaking of her, I'm a bit surprised she has had some staying power. I definitely thought she would just be a one-hit wonder, a la Amy Winehouse, but she has now had a couple of hits, so I suppose she has elevated herself past that territory.

Anyway! I am a bit sorry to hear that you haven't had any real celebrity run-ins lately. To refresh some of the new readers here, maybe you could share one of your past brushes with celebrity, like how your friend babysat for Asante Samuels' kids, or another tale. How did you get in on a Celtics autograph session anyway?

Also, since you are politically-motivated at times, being a poli sci major and all, what are your thoughts on Obama so far? There seems to be hellish, crazy opposition to his health care plan, which kind of surprises me. I view America's health care as relationship as similar to a woman locked into a tangle with an abusive boyfriend: The situation is clearly out-of-hand and not good, but yet when they have an option to leave, they just cling on tighter and don't want to quit the person. At this point, I'm in favor of just about any new plan, simply because it's not the old plan that sucks.

I don't want to end this on something so heavy, so I'll ask - What's a good band you can recommend to me? I like the new Taking Back Sunday song, and a Kings of Leon song (but not the other two on the radio). Outside of that, I haven't heard a lot on that radio that has appealed to my delicate sensibilities. And Guster still stinks; it's whiny music that teenage girls listen to when a boy dumps them. Very, very light presence in my iTunes, along with their imitators, like Dispatch.

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Amanda said at 12:50 p.m. on August 22:

I am really, really glad Amy Winehouse did NOT stick around... Talk about someone I truly hate to listen to, and seriously, that's rare.

I still have all my celeb encounters saved on my hard drive somewhere, mixed in with school work and the like. I think my favorite is Bob Saget even though it wasn't so much an encounter as it was me freaking out that he was 200 feet away from me.

Actually, I remembered 2 encounters since then: I saw Steven Tyler when I worked at Apple. He bought iPhones for everyone he knows and his daughter (not Liv, the other one) got a laptop. Then he played "Dream On" on a keyboard we had on one of the displays.

Also, when I worked at Flour Bakery in Boston, I served coffee to Conan O'Brien, though I did not actually talk to him (or realize it was him until after he left and I was like "who was that tall man?"). As for the Celtics, a friend of a friend has season tickets and gets to see practices, at which players sign things. I was most thankful for meeting [Celtics' power forward Brian] Scalabrine. He's basically saving the team one three-pointer at a time!

Though really, I think that the Steven Tyler story is the best one here... Did you know he wears those NASTY Croc shoes?? Ugh... And I honestly thought he was an ugly woman sauntering into the store. No joke.

At times I think I may be the only conservative in this wicked blue state... I could write you a whole book of my thoughts on Obama and his health care plan but your liberal readers would hate me!

As far as I am concerned, yes the private health care sector has its issues, but the government's plan has just as many issues. Obama says it will create a competition between the two but I disagree, the second companies find out they can drop health plans they will and no one will pay out-of-pocket for private insurance. It will effectively leave the government options as the only ones there, and I'm sorry but I don't think health care is a right (call me callous, but if you are unemployed why should I pay your health care [keep in mind currently people laid off still get 1 full year to find a job and get a new plan]) but rather something we should be responsible for ourselves.

Hey, the government can't figure out MediCare or MedicAid, what makes you think they can handle insurance for ALL of us? They need to think through a much better system before implementing it... I'm certainly not defending the state of the current private insurers, I think there is most definitely a need for reform, I'm just not convinced Obama is the man for this.

A good band (other than Guster of course, I'll ignore your comment on them) would have to be... Paramore! I'm a big fan lately. I don't usually like female singers but this would be an exception. Other than that most of my music tastes are stuck in the 1980s; I'm not sure if this is good or bad really. As of late one of my good friends has been filling my iTunes library with his band's music, and I think it's really good. They're called The Jims and are on iTunes, if you are into punk music with slightly ridiculous lyrics (their new album has a song called "Face Fuck" as well as a song called "Fuck Face").

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Steve said at 9:49 p.m. on August 22:

The odd thing about Amy Winehouse was how popular and yet destructive she is. Given how horrible her life is / was, being addicted to crack and all, it probably was a horrible idea for her one big hit to be about how she wasn't going to go to rehab. So, not only were my ears subjected to that horrible song, someone out there no doubt heard that song and didn't think they needed to get help for their crippling drug addiction. Awesome.

Okay, now see, that Steven Tyler story is SO FRIGGIN' COOL! The most recent pictures of him are... not flattering... So I can imagine that he looks awful with Crocs. And the Conan story is cool as well. Sad thing about him: My friends worked at the Watch Hill cabanas, where Conan's parents have a cabana, so they would see him from time to time roll up in his Porsche. Of course, I never did.

I *still* don't have a good celebrity story to share. The most famous guy I've talked to is Aaron Schatz, who is the head of Football Outsiders, an awesome pro football almanac. That's cool, and he's an awesome guy, but nothing I can brag about. I talk regularly with Marc Normandin, a writer at Baseball Prospectus, but I'm also one of his writers for Blast, so I'm not sure if that counts.

See, my eyes glazed over just a bit as you talked about politics. I used to be in Model Legislature, and somewhat motivated about politics, but as I've aged I've just lost interest. It happened even before I became a reporter, too, so I can't attribute it to that. On the plus side, it does help me in reporting, since I'm not super motivated politically. My voting record skews a bit toward Democrats, but this is normally because Rhode Island doesn't have a ton of strong Republican candidates.

Can I tell you a secret? I enjoy Paramore quite a bit. They are very much bubble gum punk, but they kind of remind me of a female Blink 182 or All-American Rejects. Not in terms of sound, but because they're a band that just plays catchy, melodious music. A couple of their songs are in the Guitar Hero and Rock Band games as well, and while I stink at them, I do like to play on normal difficulty.

I'll give The Jims a chance. Reel Big Fish sings "The Fuck-Off Song", so they do have some competition. By the way, Reel Big Fish is a very underrated band - that song is hilarious, and they have some other funny stuff like "She Has A Girlfriend Now", and "Sell-Out", and a good cover of "Kiss Me Deadly."

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Amanda said at 10:07 p.m. on August 22:

I LOVE RBF, and "She Has A Girlfriend Now" is probably one of my all-time favorite songs! My friends were obsessed with them in high school and I think I'm the only one still listening, but I don't even care. I also like their cover of "Take On Me."

Somehow I don't picture you in model legislature... But wait - Didn't you win some election as a joke or something? Receiving as many votes as some fictional character?

I really wish I had noticed it was Conan - I really like him but he came in during the lunch rush! He's so friggin' tall. I would've said something witty... (Okay, NOT really, but I've had time to think about what I could have said.) I would've liked your friend's story better if he had seen him in his Ford Taurus and not the Porsche. You should have more celebrity encounters considering all the cool ones are from New England.

Now down to business:

Amanda's Brush with Celebrity: Steven Tyler
The first thing I did upon moving to the great city of Boston was sell my soul to Steve Jobs for $11 an hour. Working in Apple retail was always exciting, we got some real characters in the store.

One day my friend Chris was unusually excited, he had a "personal shopping" appointment with someone, but of course the manager yelled at me to get back to work before I found out who. About an hour and a half later I could not get over how ugly this old woman was who just walked in. No wonder everyone around wanted a picture. Oh wait, it wasn't an old, ugly woman at all... it was Steven Tyler!

Yes, THE Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, waltzing into the Apple store to supply all of his posse with iPhones and to buy his daughter (not Liv, the other one) a nice new laptop for college. Unfortunately for fans of Mr. Tyler, I have to share some bad news: he wears Crocs, black ones that were really worn in.

Now to make this a "normal" shopping experience, my friend Chris and the managers were the only ones allowed to approach the star, but it's not like the store was all that big, so he was maybe fifteen feet away.

After leaving for the day, he did the cheesiest thing ever: he went up to one of the display computers with a USB musical keyboard attached and played "Dream On" for everyone in the store. I would've rather heard an impromptu rendition of "Sweet Emotion," but I guess you can't be too picky. And as an FYI, he came back at a later date when I was not working to buy more iPhones for everyone on his Christmas list. Apparently he's a huge Apple fan and frequents the Braintree location often when he is visiting his hometown.

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Steve said at 10:36 p.m. on August 22:

That story about Steven Tyler is tremendous, and it stands on its own without any needed comment from me. Bravo! Very impressive.

Responding to the rest, yeah, Reel Big Fish got kind of a bad rap when I was in high school. Everyone thought their big single, "Sell-Out", was all that they could do, so they ironically became what they sang about. I actually didn't even hear their other songs until my sophomore or junior year of college, when I noticed the titles and thought, "Hey, these tracks might be worth a shot." You're right about their "Take On Me" cover, that is also wonderful.

I wasn't just in Model Legislature, I was in LEADERSHIP on Model Leg. I'm still not entirely sure how - I think it was because I was one of the few super-left kids who wasn't a huge hesher. Yet ironically, I did want to legalize marijuana (and still do, but purely for tax reasons). Although I wasn't nearly as out-of-my-shell as I was in college, especially at the Cigar, I was loosening up a bit in my senior year of high school, so I probably did a better job with the public speaking interview they make you do than I give myself credit for.

And yes, I did in fact win a URI Student Senate election for the commuter seat, while I was entertainment editor. I did it solely as a joke, and because you needed about five votes to get a seat, since there weren't enough people on the ballot. I won with about eight votes. Here was the sad part - They told me one kid actually wanted to be on Student Senate, yet he lost to me with FIVE votes. What the hell? If you can't get eight other people to vote for you - remember, you can vote for yourself - then I don't really think you deserve to be on Student Senate.

I totally called Conan out on him not actually driving a Ford Taurus. Like Adam Carolla, I always think it's weird when celebrities try to act like they don't have a lot of money. Especially Conan, since his contract figure - about $8 million per year - is out there. It's not like he's a local talk radio guy, who actually makes $100,000+ a year, who is complaining about how much things cost.

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Amanda said at 11:04 p.m. on August 22:

Gracias! Not going to lie - I did double check to make sure he was a Steven with a 'v' because I really didn't know. And I wasn't kidding about selling my soul - that place is more like a cult than an employer, and they suck you in! It's insane. But I still use my trusty MacBook despite these findings.

I tend to be of the mindset that music people didn't like in high school was probably a lot better than music people did like... but maybe this is a trend that was only true of my high school. I haven't done terribly much research on the theory. RBF's latest album is still pretty good, the cover art is also really funny and 1980s.

So I noticed on your blog you are a Top Chef fan. I DVR-ed it while I was on vacation and it just finished up. Yes, I am cool, sitting on my computer and TV on a Saturday, seriously.

What do you think of the new season so far? I'm glad that girl went home because I don't like to look at people with huge plugs like that... It seems like it may be a good group and I like the dynamic of the brothers so far. The only thing that sort of irks me about the show is that I don't love Padma... I feel like she isn't entirely knowledgeable about the food and I think it would be easy to find a host who is equally good looking (since I'm sure that's the point) who also knows food! Like that other judge from Food & Wine magazine.

I also enjoyed the Arrested Development reference. Despite becoming one of those shows with a cult following after the cancellation, I still don't know nearly enough people who love it. I just recently re-watched all 3 seasons and it really is better the second time through. I like how it gets to the point where it's just too ridiculous. And I really like Mr. F. Those were my favorite episodes.

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Steve said at 11:15 p.m. on August 22:

My friend Chris used to work at an Apple store, and now that you mention it, I didn't really see him that much when he worked for it... hmmmm... It all fits together now. I would have guessed it was "Steven" Tyler, just because I'm narcissistic and wouldn't want him to spell it the same way I do. "No Steven Tyler, PH goes in my name, not yours... bitch."

I don't think I can completely sign off on your music theory. When I graduated high school, the music people did like was trendy, but more trendy-artsy than trendy-popcrap. For example, The Strokes were really big, but so were Radiohead. It was a mix of stuff I loved listening to, and stuff that people were clearly trying too hard to appear cool about.

And yes, I love Top Chef! It is the bomb-diggity. I will admit that I was only half-watching the season premiere, just because the first episode almost always means nothing. In fact, I'd say the first four shows of the season are just filler, where they get rid of people who clearly can't pass the muster. You know, like the silly dietitians who can't actually cook anything delicious, and the head cases who break down sobbing after every challenge.

That being said, in the short time I saw her, Crazy Tattoo Lady was clearly the one who was going home, especially when she got indignant during the judging. The judges don't normally like the chefs who can't tell that they fucked up at all.

The "Mr. F" story arc is probably the best of the show's three seasons, just because it is so bittersweet, funny and poignant. I'm always amazed at how good "serious" actors are at comedy - Charlize was perfect in those episodes, and similarly, Tom Hanks and Alec Baldwin and Christopher Walken always kill on Saturday Night Live.

Okay, one more response, and then this can be posted. My question for you - Do you watch Dinner: Impossible? And if not, why not? Because it's on Food Network, and it's awesome. Even though I think Top Chef trumps anything on Food Network, I still love several Food Network shows: Good Eats, Unwrapped, the crazy BBQ competitions they show from time to time, etc.

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Amanda said at 11:25 p.m. on August 22:

What a silly question... of COURSE I watch Dinner: Impossible! I liked the one where he did the New York Times Crossword dinner and all the meals were "puzzles."

I basically watch Food Network and nothing else, switching to Bravo for Top Chef. I have a crazy crush on Bobby Flay so I especially like Throwdown and Iron Chef, but I am also a big fan of Chopped with the guy from Queer Eye hosting, and Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.

I must say, even if I didn't find Bobby (yeah, we're on a first name basis) attractive, Throwdown still has one of the better premises and I get so many awesome recipe ideas - Like puffy tacos! I'd never heard of them before.

Good Eats is really good, I like the host a lot on that one but I don't think I've seen Unwrapped all the way through. I tend to like the shows with an element of competition in them. Iron Chef always baffles me, how on earth will they get steak into a dessert? Steak ice cream you say! Wow! But the judges LOVED it. The insanity.

I watched The Next Food Network Star but found it to be a cheaper version of Top Chef, which I also rank above the Food Network shows. I really like Tom and I think that the prizes are a lot more substantial - Not everyone can be a TV chef.

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Well, considering that this is now about 3,400 words, I think this is as good a place to end as any. Want to do your own Tag Team? E-mail me at sgre6768@gmail.com.

Guilty Pleasures - TV Funhouse, Home Movies and Lookwell

The always classy Wonderman.

Lately, I've had three TV shows / shorts in heavy rotation on my computer / DVD player.

1) TV Funhouse, both the SNL skit and the standalone show that ran on Comedy Central for a year. Both are primarily created and voiced by Robert Smigel, aka Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. The SNL version is normally more political and related to current events, and generally of much higher quality. My favorite would be Conspiracy Theory Rock, which has an added level of ironic humor because it *was* edited out of future broadcasts by NBC / General Electric.

The Comedy Central show doesn't hit the highs of the SNL version, which is to be expected because it stretched Smigel to half-hour segments. The show is a combination of a crude mockery of Blue's Clues, with an incredibly docile host interacting with Truimph-like animal puppets, and Smigel's cartoons. The mock host segments are very hit-or-miss, and go so over-the-top with vomit and drug and animal testing jokes that they're hard to stomach at times. But the cartoons are consistently funny - Wonderman is a good example of the funnier cartoons.

2) Home Movies, which I've been putting in my away message like crazy. This actually lasted about four seasons, and focuses on Brendan, an eight-year-old making movies with his friends Jason and Melissa.

A lot of their skits are hit-or-miss, so Coach McGuirk (H. Jon Benjamin) really makes the show. Click here for his take on swearing, losing, women, prison and drugs.

3) Lookwell, a failed TV pilot by Smigel and Conan O'Brien, starring Adam West as a washed-up TV actor. A shocking stretch, I know. Only one episode was ever made, and it's on a lot of trackers and on YouTube. If you like Adam West on Family Guy, then imagine that for 22 minutes. I'll end with some good Lookwell quotes:

Ty Lookwell to a police officer: Perhaps if you watched a little bit more television you'd be better at your job.

Ty Lookwell: The working class mind is strange and unpredictable.

Ty Lookwell, as he's being arrested: I'm not a car thief I'm an actor!