Inexplicable Movie Review: Austin Powers 3 (GOLDMEMBER)

Note: Spoilers follow for the entire Austin Powers movie series.

 

So! Karen and I finally rounded out our viewing of the Austin Powers trilogy with the third movie the other night. While it wasn't as bad as I remembered, and actually enjoyable in some parts, it definitely feels like a movie that squandered an opportunity.

Austin Powers 3 is actually named after Goldmember, who's seemingly the main villain of the film. However, he's relegated to a fairly minor role because of all the other characters they have to cram in, either for cameos or full roles - Dr. Evil, Nigel Powers, Foxy Cleopatra, Scott Evil, Fat Bastard... As a result, Goldmember never really feels fleshed out. (Also, he literally peels his flesh off and eats it, which is somehow way more disgusting and not as funny as Austin drinking shit in the second movie.)

The back-burnering is the movie's biggest flaw. Since there are so many characters they have to include, pretty much none of them get all that much shine. Dr. Evil, Scott and the Powers family get the best lines and most development, and a movie centered around them would have been much better. Michael Caine as the father of Austin Powers is on-the-nose casting and works great.

The series as a whole gets a bit of a knock at times for just being crap humor (literally) and gags, but the first two movies actually have their good, subtle moments. You know, like when Austin tells Basil that Vanessa was a fembot. "Yes Austin, I'm afraid we knew all along. *long beat.* Anyway, your next assignment..." The first two movies simultaneously spoofed and embraced what you'd expect from a spy movie.

In contrast, the third movie is just kind of stupid and obvious, especially with its meta moments. The opening is fine, with camera mugging by Tom Cruise, Paltrow and especially Danny Devito. However, we then get the same "aren't we funny to be self-referential?" thing another half dozen times throughout the movie.

Also, there is a clear reason why Beyonce got out of the acting game, except for biographical music videos. She is just so meh in this. It would be one thing if she was hammy and bad - that would have been perfect for an Austin Powers movie. But she's just kind of there for the ride.

Part of it is bad writing, since she isn't given much to do. She gets kicked in the face by Goldmember three times, for example, whereas Vanessa and Felicity were portrayed as much more competent agents. Oh well. There is a big singing number for her at least, and predictably, she does knock that out of the park.

ODDS AND ENDS

- This is the last movie I ever received on VHS for a gift. I think even by this time, I had a DVD player, but for Christmas my parents could only find the vhs or something. I did buy some more tapes at a Blockbuster closing sale a few years later, but otherwise Austin Powers 3 was the closing act on VHS for me.

- I did watch the deleted scenes for this movie, and as usual, they left some good stuff on the cutting room floor. This includes a creepy song with a Rob Lowe cameo, and a genuinely funny Scott Evil moment asking about sitting in the head chair.

- Not included in the deleted scenes of this DVD release was one allegedly shot, which had Heather Graham (Felicity) explaining why she dumped Austin. That's always a weird, glaring thing to me about the third movie. It's a scene that literally would have taken 30 seconds to include, in a movie that already runs close to two hours.

- Two aspects of the movie that have not aged well at all - The Osborne family cameo, and Dr. Evil's "Hard Knock Life." Both feel pretty forced and not especially funny.

- Dana Carvey wasn't in this movie, but he was in Wayne's World with Mike Myers. That's close enough for me to acknowledge that his Nerdist episode was really awesome. If you're looking for 90 good minutes of Carvey, definitely check it out. He talks frankly about his impersonations, his career lull and the Wayne's World movies, and the effect they had on him.

- After seeing Austin Powers 3, I'm a bit more bullish on an Austin Powers 4. It could definitely work and be funny! Plus, even though the third is "only" about 15 years old, there have been such technology jumps again that there is plenty of fertile ground for Austin / Myers to till. You know, like Austin on Tinder, or playing Pokémon Go. 

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Inexplicable Movie Review: Austin Powers 1 and 2

When watching movies with Karen, we’ve been on a bit of a nostalgia kick lately. This feels odd to type, since I’m now talking about movies from the 1990s, which are old, even though I watched them in my childhood. While we might eventually, begrudgingly watch the third to round out the trilogy, the past week we managed to cram in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery and Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.

We checked them out in order, and in contrast with my memories, the first one is actually a fairly tame and at-times subtle parody of the spy genre. It might be because the second and third installment (especially) were bloated with cameos, but the first Austin Powers movie moves at a fairly regular pace, and isn’t all that meta. They actually tried, and succeeded, at making a film that combined the spy genre with romantic comedy, although clearly erring more on the side of comedy. Austin develops and matures as a character, and again, it’s something I had either forgotten or blocked out completely since my last viewing of the movie, which probably came in college.

Now, within five minutes of the second film, all of that character and emotional development from the first movie is wiped out. It’s just an hour and 37 minutes of gags, with a tiny bit of a fake crisis thrown into the middle. (Really, we’re to believe Austin would get upset about Felicity Shagwell screwing an enemy agent? The movie started with him doing a dance after his wife from the previous movie turns out to be a rowe-butt.)

All of the best parts of the second movie are basically unconnected gags to the main plot, but to be clear, that’s perfectly fine! As I’ve aged, the scene where Austin drinks shit isn’t quite as uproariously funny as when I first saw it in the theater at 15… But I still chuckled. Now that I’m older and more mature, I go for the incredibly subtle humor of the radar jokes and Woody Harrelson. “No, I’ve seen bigger.” The montages also feature a who’s-who of “oh THAT guy!” from other movies, like Champ Kind from Anchorman, Charles Napier, Fred Stoller, the guy who got laid off in Wayne’s World… (Side note: Ed O’Neill was awesome in Married With Children but his prominence in that show probably cost him some other acting opportunities, because he’s wonderful in little bits here and there.)

Anyway! As I said, I’ll circle back to the third one at some point, potentially, even though it basically tries to copy the gag-gag-gag format of the second with diminishing returns. Also, Buzzfeed has come through with this good listicle of 20 things you might not know about the Austin Powers series.

It answers my biggest question from the second movie – What the hell happened to Felicity Shagwell? She apparently left Austin because he was still in love with Vanessa, but the scene ending up deleted from the third movie. Final note: The deleted scenes for the first two movies are definitely worth checking out, because many of them should have made it into the cut of the movie.  

(Note: I was going to include something about the potential Austin Powers 4, but the existence of that movie seems to be in debate. Rumors flare up every couple of years, but there isn’t anything concrete about it coming out in 2017 except for an IMDB listing, which only has Myers listed.)

To read all of Steve’s past Inexplicable Movie Reviews, click here! For Inexplicable TV Reviews, click here! For Inexplicable Video Game Reviews, click here! And for Inexplicable Book Reviews, go here!