Let’s Talk About Glee: Jesus Christ This Show Has Two Years Left!

I have no idea how they’re going to manage it, but yes, Glee has two more guaranteed years thanks to FOX. Maybe after another year of this shit, FOX and/or Ryan Murphy will be open to the idea of a mercy killing, or maybe the actors will realize they probably can’t help themselves with another 22 episodes. But like the final couple of seasons of Heroes, I just can’t imagine how the writers can dig themselves out of their current hole.

In case you’re like most of the world, and not hatewatching Glee like I am at this point, some notes for you to catch-up on:

x Brittany is now a god damn genius. For some reason, she is an idiot savant at math and will be going to MIT. (I wonder if the school consented to the show using its name; I can’t imagine that they’re happy that the scientists from their school are intently studying the crayon mathematical scribblings of Britt.) This didn’t really add anything to existing storylines, except to take away from and make light of the semi-serious issue of Brittany’s 0.0 grade average and complete lack of scholastic aptitude. They might as well have just made Lord Tubbington into the heir of a billionaire’s fortune, because that’s as believable and as much of a storyline crutch as the idea of Brittany as a math savant.

x There was a school shooting, but don’t worry, no one was hurt. Sue took the rap for Becky, who was playing with Sue’s gun, causing it to fire and making everyone panic for about half an episode. This episode pissed everyone off, since it was basically song, song, holyshitwe’reallgoingtodie, song, song.

x Tina, for lack of a more politically correct term, was a fag hag to Blaine for about six episodes. The less said about this, the better.

x Shockingly, there was more drama in the relationships with Will and Emma, and Rachel and Finn. Will got ditched by Emma at the altar, but don’t worry, they got hitched a couple episodes later – the writers just knew that you REALLY wanted to see an extra six episodes of drama, that’s all. Meanwhile, Rachel was dating a male prostitute for a bit, but then she found out and dumped him, but not before Finn beat the crap out of him.

This is a high school sophomore.

x All of the new people are basically replacements of the departing / college-aged New Directions members. The most egregious offenders would be Kitty, a blonde cheerleader that’s basically a non-pregnant stand-in for Quinn, and Puck’s half-brother, who’s so non-descript that you can only remember him as being Puck’s half-brother. Rachel’s replacement is Marley, and while it’s understandable that she doesn’t have the pipes of Broadway actress Lea Michele, she also in no way looks like a high school sophomore. Melissa Benoist is only two years younger than Lea Michele; it’s hard to believe they couldn’t find some 18-year-old who could sing well and to look like an actual high schooler.

x Singling out two of the new people for a tab, because it was so god damn stupid. There was a multi-episode arc where New Finn was getting catfished by someone in the glee club, with feints that it was New Rachel or New Quinn doing it. It turns out the culprit was actually Unique, the show’s teenage version of RuPaul. It was an awkward reveal that made New Finn pissed off, and didn’t really serve a purpose from a narrative standpoint except to… question mark. Make the audience feel awkward for all the parties involved?

x Santana is still wonderful, and delightfully evil at times. As a result, the show has no idea what to do with her. She was finally added to the apartment in New York, to add some depth and testosterone to the Rachel and Kurt living arrangement. That pair was so lame and sad by themselves that even Elliot Smith thought they were overdoing it.

The biggest overall problem with Glee at this point though is the lack of any consequences. Quinn didn’t stay crippled after her texting while driving accident, and her life hasn’t really been adversely affected by her basically flipping between nice gal and supreme bitch mode for two years. Kurt’s harasser didn’t manage to actually kill himself. No one was hurt in the gun incident with Sue and Becky. Will has put up with all of Emma’s various shit, which is nice of him, but also severely strains credibility at a certain point. Rachel was sleeping with a male prostitute and nothing really came of it. Brittany looked like she was headed for a difficult post-high school life, but don’t worry, she’s actually a genius. New Finn found out he was being catfished and got upset, but meh. New Directions lost an opening round competition, but the team that beat them got disqualified for performance enhancing drugs, in yet another ludicrous twist even by Glee standards.

Individually, how the writers tackled each of this issues is OK. Collectively though, it shows a complete lack of will to do anything new from a story perspective, or to make a decision that would have permanent consequences. For a show like Glee, which is basically a dramedy, you need to actually have consequences at some point. To make a blunt comparison – Nobody dies on Glee, but people died in 90210, and even in Joss Whedon shows from time-to-time.

Let’s close things out on a positive note though – Naya Rivera has taken the crown from Heather Elizabeth Morris when it comes to gorgeousness. Here is a picture of her. You’re welcome.

I didn’t link to either picture site for the actresses because they were basically just link spam and what not. The cast photo is a promotional one put out by FOX before the 2012-13 season, and it’s on a bunch of different websites.

TV Review: Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks? ... yeah.

It's nice to see that some things don't change.

Wow - Glee sure came back with a bang. Where to start in breaking down Tuesday's episode?

First and foremost, the seemingly neat bows made at the end of the first half of the season are already mostly undone. Emma and Will are already broken up (and he's already made out with that foxy teacher for the rival vocal group), Finn and Rachel aren't really together either, Will's ex-wife is still lurking around, and Sue Sylvester is the coach of the cheerleaders again. The only thing that seems to be going well, somehow, is Quinn and Puck still being together. And, I imagine this is only true on the surface because they couldn't get to EVERYTHING in an hour-long episode.

As is, the above was a lot of plot to unwind in an hour-long (45 minutes minus commercials) episode. While I enjoyed most of what was going on, excluding the cringe-worthy Emma and Will scenes, there was so much going on that it became hard to follow at times. For example, I think Rachel and Finn broke up about 47 times in that episode, and now Rachel is dating an entirely new guy altogether. If they had split all the plot going on in this episode into two or even three, with some more humor, I think the series would have been better served. Still, I thought this was a great reintroduction for series regulars, even if a newcomer (I'm sure there were plenty with American Idol as a lead) would have been completely lost.

Speaking of Britt, and I realize I wasn't, but I'm glad the writers or producers or whoever on the show finally rewarded Heather Elizabeth Morris with some more lines! (Also, a key note about her: She even acts airhead really well. In any given scene, she is not looking at whoever is talking.) Britt and Santana served as the comic relief for the episode, with Britt as her typical airhead self, and Santana as the brains of the group solely because she isn't as stupid as Britt. A shout-out to Naya Rivera, a.k.a. Santana, who does a good job with her character, the sort of straight woman to Britt's sheer moronic lunacy.

I used one of Britt's quotes as the title of this entry, but good lord, she almost deserves an A+ for just her contribution. In fact, here is my new regular feature when I review Glee: What Britt Said.

[In regard to Rachel] "Those sweaters make her look homeschooled."

[Finn says Rachel is cool.] "Finn, that's mean."

[The waitress asks why they want to return their dinner, even though they ate it all.] "There was a mouse in mine."

[Why didn't Britt and Santana ruin glee club?] "We were seduced by the glitz and glamor of showbiz."

"Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks? ... yeah."

"You're a really good dancer." [Finn: Uh, thanks, but my feet weren't really moving.] "That was the best part."

"Sometimes I forget my middle name."

Grade: A