Dear Lorne Michaels, Kristen Wiig sucks.

After watching the premiere of Saturday Night Live yesterday, I've decided that something has to be done about Kristen Wiig.

Yes, she can be funny sometimes. However, as SNL is currently constituted, this seldom happens. I liked her in the opening sketch as Delware politician Christine O'Donnell. From there, it was a repeat of past shows, as she was unfunny in most of her skits playing the same neurotic, high-pitched character she plays in every sketch. On the whole, I agree with the review of the show by New York Magazine:

[Host Amy] Poehler ably carried the show, of course. Mostly, it was far from her best SNL work, and the return of all those former, funny cast members just made us miss better SNL line-ups, and it almost seemed a little desperate on NBC’s part.

Well said. Some of my friends bring up the point that Wiig is the one woman they can trust in the cast to give a decent performance, as if this is a good excuse. But how is anyone else in the cast going to develop if you keep giving the airtime to Wiig, Fred Armisen, etc.? Heck, Andy Samburg is the most popular cast member, and he was barely in anything last night.

Therefore, I proposed this deal to Lorne Michaels on Facebook:

Dear Lorne Michaels,

I have no idea why you feel a compulsive need to put Kristen Wiig in seemingly EVERY Saturday Night Live skit, but honestly, it needs to stop. Maybe you think it's awesome that she plays the same neurotic character with the silly voice in every sketch, but I'm not a fan.

In April of 1976, Lorne, you offered The Beatles $3,000 to appear on the show. Well, I'm doing the same for you - If you fire Kristen Wiig, I'll write you a check for $3,000. If this sweetens the pot for you, my checks have Sesame Street characters on them, and you can pick which one you like the best.

Anyway, let me know what you think, Lorne. (Can I call you Lorne? I realize I've already done it a couple times in this message.) I'm eagerly awaiting your response.

Sincerely,
Steve

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The group is open to the public, and you can look at it and join the crusade by clicking here. I don't think it'll actually work, but hey, it sure would be sweet if it did.

Buy My Crap - Guitar Hero Van Halen

This is still one of the best usages of "Jump"

Hey, look at that - Something that isn't actually crap for sale by me! Try not to act surprised, but I'm putting my copy of Guitar Hero Van Halen up for sale because, honestly, I could use the money more than I'll play the game.

It was a tough decision though, because this is a shockingly well-made game. I don't mean shocking in the sense that a Guitar Hero game with Van Halen would be awesome; I think that's a no brainer. However, I enjoyed this game significantly more than Guitar Hero 5 and Rock Band The Beatles for a variety of reason, most of which I'll cover in a review for Blast that I'll link to later.

Anyway, the same offer I made for Spyborgs applies for this game. In the ultimate cheesiness move, if you want me to autograph the inside case, I totally will. Or, if you'd like to select from my library of crappy PS2, PSX, DC, SNES and NES games, I can whip up a list for you. Just send me an e-mail (sgre6768@gmail.com) when you win the auction so I know that it's you.

Edit: Bumped up to today, from yesterday, because I forgot to put the freakin' link to the eBay auction in yesterday. Doh!

Inexplicable Video Game Review: Rock Band The Beatles

So, yesterday afternoon GameFly sent me the next game on my queue finally, The Beatles edition of Rock Band. I must say that it was a weird experience, and because the game isn't really new anymore, I didn't really think it was appropriate for me to review it for Blast or to try to sell a review to my current journalism employers.

Anyway. The presentation of the game is amazing, by far the best of the music games I've played - Guitar Hero 3, World Tour, Metallica and 5, and Rock Band 2. Unlike past games in both series, the continuity of The Beatles - you can't switch out members of your band - allows for much more vibrant characters and backgrounds.

This is especially true for the psychdelic phases of The Beatles' music, such as "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." All of the songs for these phases feature brightly-colored, unique backgrounds, and provide a lot of variety from the stale club backgrounds of the other games. The Beatles edition of Rock Band definitely ups the ante in terms of presentation, and the songs are just as pristine as in other music games.

Unfortunately, all this excellence in presentation probably comes at the cost of depth. Whereas the newest Guitar Hero, the fifth installment, features 85 songs, Rock Band: The Beatles only has 45 songs. If you're going to make a game solely based on one band, I'd like to see the song content maximized. As is, since The Beatles released over 200 songs, we could see a milking of their name in the form of four games. Ugh. Although I realize that the format isn't perfect for every song, some big tracks are left out completely - "Let It Be" and "Eleanor Rigby" were the two biggest omissions to me.

Also, unlike Guitar Hero: Metallica, The Beatles features nothing but The Beatles. Hitting on the previous paragraph, if it's JUST The Beatles, try to include more than 25 percent of their total catalog. I even thought of a great natural "epilogue" chapter that they could have done - The singles of their respect After-Beatles projects. I would have killed for another three songs - "Imagine" by John Lennon, "Baby I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney and Wings, and "I've Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison. And, I suppose something from Ringo, if we must, and maybe some Beatles-inspired music or covers, like "Across The Universe" by Fiona Apple or anything by Oasis.

As is, I still give a high recommendation to the game, provided you're a fan of The Beatles. If you actively dislike them or think they're overrated, then avoid Rock Band: The Beatles at all costs. Otherwise, it's worth renting, since you can easily beat the story mode in about three to four hours. If you are a Beatles fanatic though, you will want to buy it.

The picture of The Beatles is from this blog. Thanks!

iTunes Running Diary – Sunday, August 16

Just doing a normal edition this week. I will probably do a theme next week; feel free to offer some suggestions, if you'd like.

- “Spirit of Radio” by Rush. I have hyped them up a bit in past running diaries, but hey, it's not like they got any less awesome. If you like this weird, 1970s to 1980s sort of progressive slash electric rock, then Rush is at the top of the heap musically. They actually have multiple hits with some different sounds - “Closer to the Heart” and “Tom Sawyer” and “The Trees” - as opposed to a band like Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

More importantly, I know that Geddy Lee is in Rush, but only because of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. In one episode, “Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary,” Shake pays Geddy and heavy metal guitarist Zakk Wylde to do a brand new version of the birthday song. Not surprisingly, since Shake is the producer, they create a horrible spectacle.

While Wylde clearly plays himself in the episode, I'm not sure if Geddy Lee's lyrics are real. His presence is mostly alluded to, as opposed to guaranteed. However, if you're ever arguing with friends that ATHF is solely stoner comedy, then bring up this episode as a rebuttal. As far as Aqua Teen episodes go, this one is pretty linear while still being hilarious.

- “Crush” by Noise Ratchet. I know little of Noise Ratchet, except that this is a great punk cover song. I know little of “Crush”, except that Noise Ratchet does a great punk cover of it. Ah, what a glorious catch-22!

I only know that the song is a cover because of the album it is on, Punk Goes Pop. It was apparently released in 2002, and17 pretty nifty tracks. Most of the songs covered are 1980s, 1990s and 2000s pop, so I'm not sure how they got away with it. The best covers are, not surprisingly, by bands that went on to make a name for themselves - “Everywhere” by Yellowcard, “I'm Real” by the Starting Line, “Send Me An Angel” by Thrice. I am a bit of a cover connoisseur, and from top to bottom, the album is one of the better cover albums floating out there.

- “Wutang Remix” by some unknown artist. Back in the days of Napster, file names and ID tags were... highly optional. I found this track by randomly typing in “wutang remix” back in the day, and true to the search, this is what popped out.

The rapping itself is pretty good, but it is only a “remix” in the sense that “Wutang Clan Ain't Nothin' To Fuck With” is looped under the rapping from time to time. Outside of the lyrics, there is no identifying feature of the song. Curiously, Eminem uses some of them in the final rap battle in Eight Mile, but I get the feeling that passage is a fairly common homage in rap music.

- “Band on the Run” by Paul McCartney and Wings. The other week, I was talking about how I'd rather be David Bowie than Paul McCartney, but in reflection, it is by the slimmest of margins. And, if I had to pick between McCartney and Lennon, I'm definitely going with McCartney.

I really don't know much of the history of the band, and I haven't listened to every Beatles album ever. But from my casual observation, it seems like McCartney was a lot more easygoing and more interested in making hit records, which is probably how I would act too if I was in the Beatles. It would be hard for me to not roll my eyes as John was talking about getting into weird spiritualism with his freaky-deaky girlfriend.

Also, McCartney comes off as a decent guy from his post-Beatles career. He was great on “The Chris Farley Show” sketch on Saturday Night Live, and Dana Carvey also tells a great story about hanging out with him and Lorne Michaels. Wings heavily featured Paul AND Linda McCartney, and given the history of other husband-wife musical projects, I think it has to be ranked as the absolute best.

- “Level” and “Steady As She Goes” by The Raconteurs. This is a band that I've always wanted to get a lot more into, but outside of these two tracks, I simply haven't heard most of Broken Boy Soldiers, or any of their follow-up album.

It is an odd but common problem. A lot of times, I love a song or two from a band so much that the rest of their work pales in comparison. It can even vary from single-to-single: I love “Level,” but when it pops on to my iTunes as it just did now, it reminds me that “Steady As She Goes” is a superior song on nearly every level, so I scroll down a few tracks and play it instead.

I think both songs are also helped by sporadic radio play, one of the rare instances where I don't think an indie band is effed out on WBRU. Once the Racounters and other bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Interpol and (two months from now) Ida Maria drop from the charts a bit, WBRU doesn't bother to recycle their tracks as much as they would with a popular, effed out band. (I'm looking in your general direction here, Red Hot Chili Peppers.)

David Bowie is the F-ing S

After a lot of careful thought – about 20 minutes – I've decided that if I could trade my musical career (none) with any successful artist's, it would be David Bowie. He was unquestionably cool during his musical peak, and he still is cool now, which is why shows like The Venture Brothers can cast him as the leader of the Guild of Calamitous Intent and get away with it.

In fact, David Bowie has so many hits that you probably don't realize how many hits he has. Here are hit singles and songs I've heard on mainstream radio, that you've probably also heard and never realized he did:

“Dancing in the Street.” “Modern Love.” “Blue Jean.” “Let's Dance.” “Under Pressure.” “Heroes.” “Fame.” “Golden Years.” “Knock on Wood.” “Sound and Vision.” “Young Americans.” “All the Young Dudes.” “The Man Who Sold The World.” “Changes.” “Life on Mars?” “Suffragette City.” “Rebel Rebel.” “Space Oddity.” “Starman.” “The Jean Genie.” “Never Get Old.”

That is 20 songs right there, and if some of those are debatable to you, just replace them with your personal favorites that I left out, like “Ziggy Stardust” and “Diamond Dogs.” Quite simply, you will be hard-pressed to name other bands with such a vast, expansive repertoire. Other bands or artists that I at least considered swapping places with:

- The Beatles. Like David Bowie, The Beatles have a slew of hits. However, I'm kind of narrow in my thinking; I want to trade places with just one person. And since I'm somewhat vain and egotistical, I'm not sure if I'd want to split credit like Lennon and McCartney do. Even George Harrison has at least one insanely catchy solo pop ditty.

As a result, the Beatles almost feel like an unintentional superband. McCartney is still cranking out hits by his lonesome and Lennon was a supernova once he left the group.

- Queen, Weezer and the Beastie Boys. Because they're all made up of multiple members, I have to lessen their accomplishments ever so slightly. Queen's Freddy Mercury was the closest competitor to Bowie's crown, except that I like Bowie's overall catalog a bit better. (This also overlooks that Freddy Mercury died of AIDS and liked boys.)

Queen has a lot of F'ed out, overplayed pop rock shmaltz that hasn't held up well to me. I'm specifically referring to “We Will Rock You” and “We Are The Champions,” which are always played 50 million times at any sort of sporting event.

Some of Queen's best work is also, well, downright odd. “Fat Bottom Girls” and “Bicycle Rice” are incredibly catchy tunes, but they're somewhat like Weezer (another band I mentioned in this paragrah) in that the songs won't really appeal to all audiences. They feel a bit too much like nerd rock.

The same applies to the best of Weezer's arsenal, for which the term “nerd rock” was coined, after all. I love all of their songs, from the Pinkerton tracks “El Scorcho” and “Falling For You” to the obvious pop bait like “Pork and Beans,” “Buddy Holly” and “Keep Fishin'”.

- Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Sublime and The Doors / Jim Morrison. All of them are great, and all of them are dead, which I'm not really into. Overlooking this aspect, their premature deaths prevent them from possibly joining either the preceding or proceeding groupings...

- Pearl Jam and Stone Temple Pilots. If we were doing this list after initial albums, based on potential, then both these bands would rank highly, much like Ben Grieve would after his stellar debut for the Oakland Athletics in 1998. Unfortunately, Pearl Jam kept making weird, artsy records instead of doing good alternative rock, and Stone Temple Pilots fizzled out as Scott Weiland got hooked on heroin.

- Beck, Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails. Awesome artists, except that they're not that varied or commercial successful. If I want something besides industrial from NIN, I'm shit outta luck.

- KISS and The Eagles. The opposite of Beck and Radiohead, both these bands are hugely commercially successful, but not really that deep or critically acclaimed.

- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Modest Mouse, The Killers, Queens of the Stone Age, Interpol, Girl Talk and The White Stripes. All these are somewhat new bands that have had some great releases, but do they have staying power? Can they change styles and stay fresh and still stay commercial and critically awesome?