The Baggage Game: Monday, July 26

Today, we have Steve on, a spa owner from Tulsa. (Seriously, "spa owner" is a valid profession in Oklahoma? Isn't just standing out in the sun like stewing in a spa in Oklahoma?) He's a bit older than the typical guy on Baggage, probably closer to 50 than 30.

The contestants are Jillie, a paralegal from Delano, Minnesota that talks like a phone sex operator; Marilee, a "free-spirited" songwriter from Grand Rapids; and Priscilla, a marketing rep from Beverly Hills, who is unfortunately nowhere near the same ballpark physically as the other two. Jillie is incredibly attractive, and also clearly the youngest, while Marilee is a busty, blonde and in her mid-30s, roughly. Think a bustier Beth Littleford, who's picture is from this blog.

First Round
Jillie: I never leave home without make-up.
Marilee: I'm obsessed with The Rock.
Priscilla: My boobs are two different sizes.

None of these are dealbreakers to me. Priscilla's baggage leads to the best Jerry line of the round, "Well at least you know they're real." (Steve also makes a motorboat sound, showing that he is a classy, classy guy.) Jillie is quite firm that she NEVER leaves without make-up, but she is a really hot blonde, so this isn't concerning to me. Marilee's baggage is sadly appealing to me, since I love professional wrestling The Rock. Jerry quips, "They used to call me the pebble."

Second Round
Jillie: My four psychics guide my life. Priscilla: I live with two men. Marilee: I shave my entire face.
The physics thing wins by a landslide, since the men and shaving thing are relatively minor issues. The shaving thing... Hey, at least she cares enough to shave! And I'm living with my female friend Becca, so I don't view the men thing as an issue. But FOUR physics? Wow. The other Steve (you know, the one on the show, not me) agrees and eliminates the physics.

And of COURSE, ultra-hot Jillie is the one with the four psychics! Sigh. Marilee seems like a decent human being though, and I instantly like her because she hates camping. Also, she apparently bakes great muffins. Priscilla notes that she is a girly-girl and likes to drink beers with the guys (which is really obvious, to sound mean and catty for a second).

Final Elimination Round
Marilee: I want to adopt five kids.
Priscilla: I won't have sex until marriage.

Steve remarks, "Oh hello Angelina!" to Marilee's baggage, which makes me hate him even more. He adds that he's not sure he wants children. What an ass! When Priscilla reveals her baggage, Marilee cackles a bit, which makes me like her even more. Priscilla says, "I'm a prize, and good things come to those who wait." Unsurprisingly, Priscilla gets the boot. Anyway, Steve's baggage is one of the three:

- I've had sex with a man.
- I have a tattoo of my ex-wife.
- I was married to two women at the same time.

Marilee said her biggest problem would be if he was into other dudes. I find all three to be dealbreakers, but hey, to each their own. Steve reveals his baggage to be "I've had sex with a man," which I knew a while ago because The Soup used it as a clip. He mentions that things just got out of hand at college at one point, which is a bit of an understatement; I've gotten drunk but I've managed to avoid getting... Well, let's not go there. Steve gives an angry interview after the show, proving that Marilee was probably right to eliminate his sleazy ass.

(Note: This is the premiere episode of the show, actually, and thus, the only one available fully on YouTube. Sorry!)

A stupid guy getting punched in the face by a wrestler.

... Well, the title kind of says it all. I love seeing idiots like this get nailed for being, well, an idiot. The end.

TNA great when it sticks to wrestling, promos

You may have noticed that I don't really write that much about TNA in this here blog. I'm not a regular watcher for one big reason - the storylines.

Frankly, if you miss an episode, it is nearly impossible to follow what is going on. Now, in a normal network show like LOST, this would be a reason to make sure you watch every week. However, the storyline logic in TNA is so shitty that I have the opposite reaction. In any given week, there are crosses and double-crosses, mixed with angles based on one wrestler overhearing two others in a bathroom. yikes. I think this is part of the reason why TNA had to admit failure and switch back to Thursdays, after trying to compete with Raw on Mondays for a couple months.

In contrast though, the in-ring product is normally excellent for TNA, which is why I normally like watching the PPVs. For example, the first hour of Sunday's, Sacrifice, was awesome. There was a really good three-way tag team match between Team 3D, Beer Money and the Motor City Machine Guns for a title shot, followed by the European Championship (or whatever they call it) being defended in a decent match between Rob Terry and Orlando Jordan, of all people. This was followed up by another really nice match between Doug Williams and Kaz for the X-Division title, which thankfully ended clean. (Another consistent TNA problem is a ridiculous amount of false and contested finishes.)

Unfortunately though, storyline issues reared their ugly head for the next two men's matches. Scott Hall should not be wrestling anymore - He is obviously fat and out of shape, and as a result, he seemed to miss several spots in the match. The Band's match vs. Ink Inc., a grossly tatted up team, ended in a contested finish with a run-in by Team 3D. This match was followed by a decent women's match between Tara and Madison Rayne, even if you could tell that Rayne wasn't going to do much in the ring because her breasts were basically held in place by a microscopic layer of cloth.

But after this, we got the "bathroom spying" match, Desmond Wolfe vs. Abyss. I would try to explain the story for this, but I honestly have no idea of why they're fighting, except that it involves a Hulk Hogan Hall of Fame ring, Lacey Von Erich spying on another hot girl in a bathroom, and a redux of a stupid WCW angle involved Miss Elizabeth and Goldberg that sucked 10 years ago. Also, apparently the ring gives Abyss the special powers of Hulk Hogan, as the end of the match featured TNA's Mankind / Catcus Jack-like character hulking up as if he was a god damn cartoon.

Thankfully though, they segued from this match to one of the best promos I've seen this year, by Mr. Anderson (a.k.a. Mr. Kennedy). It would be nice if TNA didn't have to rely on the brittle and the drugged leftovers from the WWE, but hey, if they're willing to swallow the risk in employing them, I suppose I should enjoy the match. Hardy won after a really good, back-and-forth 20-minute match, which kind of stinks to me given how great Anderson's promo was.

This was followed by a ridiculously bloody squash between Sting and Jeff Jarrett. Hulk Hogan eventually broke it up. Like the Abyss thing, I have no idea what the eff is happening here; maybe Hogan wants to be the face in a Sting match, making up for the year-long stalking Sting had of him in WCW.

Finally, there was the world championship match. I must say though, it is a shame what they've done with Styles' character. They have basically turned him into a poor man's Ric Flair, between the tanning, the frilly ring robes, Flair as a valet and lame heel promos. You can tell he's not really comfortable with the character, and the sooner they dump the whole god damn thing, the better.

Also, what does it say about TNA that their current world championship programs involves 1) a wrestler synonymous more with two ECW and WWE/F than TNA and 2) Flair, who I don't think anyone even wanted to see involved with wrestling anymore after his Wrestlemania sendoff.

Oh yeah, the match itself. Flair went on commentary about 10 minutes into the match, which was kind of neat - He should just replace the overrated Tazz, although I doubt he's interested in a commentary job. The match was really good until the final three minutes, when Flair tried to interfere, which led to Jay Lethal (the company's Randy Savage clone) interrupted him. Hey, TNA! Why are you taking the emphasis off your title match with a fight outside the ring involving the champion's valet? Thanks to Lethal's help, RVD was able to win clean, which is nice, I suppose.

The frustrating thing about TNA to me is that they have a talented roster. All the pieces are there for them to be a legitimate challenge to the WWE. However, it is all compromised by the obvious backstage / veteran politics (prominent roles for Hall, Nash, Flair, Hogan, and Sting despite them being shells), the ridiculously bad storylines, and the over-reliance on former WWE stars.

Grade for Sacrifice: C

Swagger, Punk and actual wrestling highlight Smackdown

Smackdown had three three really awesome segments last night, all of which contributed to its near-perfect show to me:

1) Swagger has really been getting over in recent weeks as a smarmy, arrogant heel, and this Friday's segment was the best one so far. He had a long, drawn out promo that featured him doing push-ups, exaggerating his past accomplishments, and showing off pictures of himself as a little kid and champion at that point. It was the perfect mixture of humor and cockiness for his character; the whole thing felt like something Jericho would have done in his prime.

He was finally interrupted by the Big Show, who predictably started breaking all of the various trophies and displays setup in the ring. This provided some neat visuals, as I think pretty much everyone has the basic urge to go King Kong on a bunch of stuff at various points in their life. I only hope that they let Swagger go over on the Big Show next week, since Show has been better than Swagger in each encounter so far.

2) The Straight Edge Society put a pretty savage beating on Rey Mysterio, furthering their angle. At first, Serena was dressed as the masked attacker and SES member, and Rey was about to hit her until she revealed herself. Then, the real masked man hit Rey from behind, drawing a DQ. However, the SES clearly got the best of the encounter, as they beat the snot out of Mysterio and forced him to pledge while he was unconscious.

3) The show also started out in intense fashion, as there was a good, 15-minute match between Kofi Kingston and Christian over the intercontinental title. Kofi eventually won with Trouble in Paradise after several near falls.

After the match though, Drew McIntyre came to the ring with a letter from Vince McMahon reinstating him, and restoring his title. I imagine this will lead to a feud between Kofi and Drew, which should be pretty good. For now though, next week will feature Drew vs. The Big Show, although I imagine Drew will back out of the match after a few minutes. The interaction between Kofi, Drew and Smackdown GM Teddy Long was really good.

The rest of the show was still pretty good, excluding a squash match between Shad and some local jobber. Surprisingly, there was a fluke title change - An already injured Beth Phoenix had a clash of heads with Michelle McCool, and Layla pinned her to win the title. I imagine this will lead to either McCool turning on Layla, or Phoenix quickly regaining the title whenever the two actually have a match. While Layla has improved in the ring, she isn't a good enough worker to be credible as a champion.

Grade: A+

Rocky roads for Miz, Morrison and Smackdown

On Friday's Smackdown, John Morrison got a clean win against Jack Swagger right before Swagger successfully defended his title at the Extreme Rules PPV. Since then, he lost in a tag team match against the Miz and the Big Show on Sunday, got beat clean by Swagger in a rematch on Raw, and then got drafted to Raw, which also picked up two former world champions - Chris Jericho and Edge - ensuring that it'll be easy for him to get lost in the shuffle.

So, yeah, I think the WWE's booking is still suspect for its main show. While the show opened up with a great tag team match, ShowMiz sure did dissolve quickly after they lost, with Show knocking the Miz out. I kind of wish they teased the break-up more, and with Show getting drafted to Smackdown, there is little chance that they'll feud now. I don't really know where this leaves the Miz either - While I'd like to see him drop the U.S. Belt and get involved in the world title picture, I doubt that the WWE will have Cena drop the belt to him.

Speaking of the title chase, despite Internet rumors, Batista is still seemingly employed by the WWE. There was talk that Extreme Rules would be his final show with the company, but in a minor upset, he came out on top in a triple threat match with Sheamus and Randy Orton for the No. 1 contender spot. I'm really, really hoping that there is a swerve coming before the next PPV, because Cena and Batista have fought about 500 times in the past two years, it seems.

Regarding the actual draft itself, the yearly hosing of Smackdown in terms of name performers continued. They lost Jericho, Edge, Morrison and R-Truth to Raw, and only got back Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Christian and Kelly Kelly. Smackdown at least got some good talent back in return, but Christian and Kingston aren't nearly as established with fans as Jericho and Edge; they're closer to the mid-card in the WWE hierarchy than serious title contenders.

R-Truth already provided the best moment of Monday's show in a backstage confrontation with Ted Jr. He noted that the current champion was looking for a "new Virgil", like his daddy had, and slapped Ted across the face.

And hey, brace yourself fool! Who's hosting next week? It's Wayne Brady bitch! Hopefully he won't have to choke a bitch.

Grade: C-

TV Review: The Miz layeth the Smackdown

The Miz puts his U.S. Championship
and tag team belts on display.

As Bill Simmons has pointed out, it is odd to think that of all the Real World and MTV casts, the only one who has kind of made it big in television amongst the scores of wannabe actresses and actors is Mike Mizanin, who wrestles as The Miz in the WWE.

The progress he has made in the ring and on the mic is simply shocking. When he first debuted with the company, he was an annoying and cocky host of stupid segments, like the Diva search and bikini competitions. He was clearly raw in the ring as well, but a little less than four years later, he is a legitimate heavyweight champion competitor. Of all the wrestlers in the midcard, The Miz is the one I want to see as champion, and I think he is the heir-apparent to Chris Jericho as the smarmy heel who gets over with the crowd anyway.

A good example of his new prowess was on display on Smackdown last night. He sat in on commentator with Matt Striker and Todd Grisham, and overshadowed both of them. And I'm normally a guy who loves Striker's obscure references. However, The Miz's bombast and forcefulness makes him an interesting character.

From top to bottom, not much has changed since the last couple times I talked about Smackdown - It is still by far the best weekly program that the WWE does. While I'm still not crazy about the booking of Jack Swagger as the world heavyweight champion, he at least got the pin in a triple threat match with Jericho and Edge. From top-to-bottom, the show featured a lot of good wrestling, with the highlights being the triple threat championship match and a six man tag (CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Darren Young vs. Tyson Kidd, David Hart Smith and Rey Mysterio).

It was a brisk 90 minutes to watch, and hopefully when the show moves to SyFy this November, it will allow for some even better, more mature angles.

Grade: A+

The picture is from WWE.com.

DON'T READ THIS: Spoiling WWE's Elimination Chamber PPV

I managed to catch the final two matches of the WWE PPV Elimination Chamber tonight, so I'll give my thoughts on them, plus another segment that they showed. Typical warning for this type of post: Massive spoilers follow! If you want to watch it, then don't read this!

- Smackdown Elimination Chamber: I thought this was a great match, with some sick spots and solid booking throughout. First, CM Punk is ridiculously over with his current "straight edge" cult gimmick. He plays the character PERFECTLY, and if he isn't a world champion within the next year while this plays out, I'd be really shocked.

Off the wall idea on my part - Why not have HBK join the straight edge cult? It's clear that he is on the outs with Triple H, and given his well known born again status, it seems like he might fit in with the group's mantra of no drugs and clean living. It would be simple enough for him to cut a promo badmouthing the fans for encouraging him to sin again, or something to that effect.

Anywho, back to the actual match. Punk eliminates R-Truth in about four minutes, giving him an entire minute of mic time to rant about the other competitors. Unfortunately though, the next one out is Rey, and he eliminates Punk shortly before the fourth competitor, Chris Jericho, got into the match.

Rey and Jericho fight for a bit, and surprisingly, the WWE let Morrison stay in the match, as the Internet speculation beforehand was rampant that he would get superkicked by HBK and taken out. Luckily though, he stayed in as the fifth entrant, and definitely showed that he deserved to be in the main event picture. He managed to eliminate Rey with Starship Pain, a nice feather in his cap, and he hung in tough with Jericho and The Undertaker (the final entrant).

If I had one problem with the booking in the match, it was that Morrison got eliminated kind of easily. After absorbing a good amount of pain, he was pinned after a somewhat-benign looking chokeslam to the metal floor, after a somewhat-long delay. At least give the guy the courtesy of a proper finisher, WWE! However, this is a minor complaint in the grand scheme of things.

Anyway, the final two are Jericho and Taker, who have about five minute of solo action. They manage to trade finishers - Jericho gets him in the Walls for a minute, and hits a Codebreaker, while Taker slaps Hell's Gate on for a bit and hits the Last Ride - but neither can manage a victory.

That leads to the final spot of the match, as HBK finally materializes at the PPV; I believe he was hiding underneath the ring. He gives Taker a Superkick to cost the match, while Jericho gives him an "ohmygod" look. Good reaction on Jericho's part, since he and HBK just got off a brutal feud (Jerishow vs. DX) and had a really brutal feud last year that involved him punching HBK's wife. After the kick, Jericho wins the title win a pin and easy 1-2-3.

- The match preceding the Smackdown chamber wasn't on the card to start the night: The Miz vs. MVP for the United States championship. To be honest, I was hoping for something different, since it feels like these two have wrestled each other about 500 times in the past couple of years. However, as expected, they both had a decent match, with The Miz earning some tough-guy points for wrestling with a busted-open forehead from a headbutt. While it wasn't Ric Flair-level blood, the doctor still came out immediately after the match to patch him up.

Anyway, the match featured one sick spot, and it wasn't even in the ring between the match participants. The Big Show attempted to interfere on Miz's behalf, and he was stopped by Mark Henry, MVP's tag team partner. Henry then charged after Show, but he sidestepped and tossed Henry through one of the black pads at ringside - It was a very cool spot, and I wasn't sure after if Henry was legit hurt or simply milking the injury for the match's purpose. With Henry knocked down, Miz distracted the ref, and Show landed the knockout right on MVP, leading to a Miz pinfall.

- I didn't catch the Raw elimination chamber, but I saw the results, and it sounds like a doozy. Apparently, Cena made HHH tap to win the title... Only to have Vince McMahon come to ringside, with Batista, for an impromptu title match! Batista easily pinned Cena, and he's the new champion. (Maybe Cena should just stay home on chamber nights, given his past history with the event.) Also in the match, Orton got pinned by Ted Jr., which surely sets the stage for their angle.

Elsewhere on the card, the women's title match for the vacant Diva's belt was stupidly changed to a tag team match between Maryse and Gail Kim vs. Michelle McCool and Layla. Maryse gave Gail Kim the Sid Justice treatment, refusing to tag in and letting her get beaten by the two heels. The whole thing sounds pretty miserable, and the WWE probably should have just had the scheduled match. Likewise, Drew McIntyre beat Kane, in a match that nobody was really salivating over.

Finally, William Regal got on the mic to hype up the WWE's newest program, in which established stars mentor up-and-comers, and to also bemoan that he wasn't on it. Edge came out and speared him, much to the crowd's delight. Also, Edge announced that he would, uh, announce, his Wrestlemania opponent on Monday Night Raw. So, you have that to look forward to, which is nice.

TNA upstages the return of Bret Hart

This post is about pro wrestling, so I'll apologize up front for no doubt disappointing many of you. But, it was a landmark night Monday. (For any actual wrestling fans reading this, massive spoilers follow!)

For a couple weeks now, TNA has been hyping the debut of Hulk Hogan. For the casual wrestling fans reading, yes, he is still around. He will be allegedly working in a management role for TNA, along with Eric Bischoff, and probably will not be wrestling much. This could be good, bad or horrifically bad - The rap on Hogan in the past has been that he dominates backstage politics and keeps younger guys down on the card.

However, if last night is any indication, TNA is on the right track with the whole angle. Hogan said that there would be a major talent reorganization, and that guys would have to earn their spot - including ex-NWO friends Kevin Nash, (a very drunk and fat-looking) Scott Hall and Sean "X-Pac" Waltman.

Hogan debuted at 9 p.m., which was right when WWE's Raw was unleashing their own returning star - Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Except for a single taped spot about two years ago and a Hall of Fame induction, Hart hasn't been on WWE programming for about 12 years. In a blending of the real and fake worlds of professional wrestling, Hart got screwed over in an incident known as the Montreal Screwjob.

Hart's return was a bit more muted and less effective than Hogan's, although it did produce a better "Hell has frozen over" moment - A hug between Hart and nemesis Shawn Michaels. However, the rest of the show was a bit of a letdown. Outside of a stellar tag team match (Michaels and HHH vs. my favorite wrestler, Chris Jericho, and The Big Show), the rest of the matches felt like filler. The ending featured a confrontation between Hart and WWE owner Vince McMahon, and it had McMahon cheap-shotting Hart.

TNA definitely won the night though, going all out with some shocking guests. Although their very first match of the night blew - it was a no decision in a CAGE MATCH! - this was immediately rectified by the surprise debut of Jeff Hardy, who was last seen as a world champion in the WWE. This is a major get for the TNA, arguably on the same level with Hogan, given Hardy's popularity when he left the WWE. I'm a bit surprised he wasn't debuted more prominently, but he's yet another talented worker for TNA.

Ric Flair also made an appearance, mostly just throwing the "Wooooo!" out there. Likewise, there were cameos by Val Venis, who I feel could have been a big deal in wrestling if he could have ever stayed healthy, and Orlando Jordan. (For the unfamiliar, Val Venis [left] was a pseudo-porn star slash ladies' man on WWE programming in the mid to late 1990s who was, unfortunately, hurt constantly. And yeah, I do feel a little bit gay for posting this picture, but then again, I am a pro wrestling fan...)

While a lot of TNA's booking seemed odd, especially making almost all of the titles change hands, the product did seem much better than the WWE's. This was especially true for the respective main events. TNA ended with A.J. Styles vs. Kurt Angle, for the title, and both wrestlers put on a 20ish minute clinic with plenty of nearfalls. WWE had Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton, a once-hot feud that has gotten a bit stale, and had Orton go clean over Kingston for no good reason.

I'm not normally a TNA fan, but I definitely feel that they won the first of these Monday night skirmishes. The real test will be the company's staying power - They have shown great promise in the past, only to piss it away on stupid, silly angles. I think they already made a mistake in just airing a rebroadcast of Monday's show for their usual Thursday time slot, instead of going with a new show to capitalize on the momentum. But, I think last night's show proved that TNA can fight toe-to-toe with the WWE.

The Bret Hart photo is from this gallery at WWE.com. Hogan's photo comes from the gallery of Monday's photos at TNAwrestling.com. And Val Venis' photo comes from here.

iTunes Running Diary – Monday, September 28

Just a plain, old-fashioned playing of random songs tonight. I'm also no longer doing the combo album coverage image; it's kind of a pain in the ass, because it takes about 10 to 20 minutes just to do that. Anyway. On to the diary!

- "Let There Be Rock" by AC/DC. This song is now probably more recognized as the song from the Rock Band 2 commercial. I say this primarily because this is how I was exposed to the song. Sorry if I'm losing cool points for saying that, but really, it's not like this is some radically different, artsy song that is totally different from the rest of their catalog. It's not like I'm advocating "I Don't Know" by The Beastie Boys, which is different for them, since it's a soft, acoustic guitar song and awesome.

... That was a bit of a random tangent. But as long as I'm on it, go listen to "I Don't Know" instead of "Let There Be Rock." In fact, a cover of that song by this girl is also awesome, even though the recording is obviously a bit substandard.

- "Hate To Say I Told You So" by The Hives. I'm not sure what this band is up to now, but I really enjoyed three of their songs, this one included. It was the sort of blustering, heavy, hard rock that you could still yell to that made the previously mentioned AC/DC famous.

This isn't even by favorite song by them, as that honor goes to "Main Offender." That one takes the bluster of "Hate To Say I Told You So" and, in the words of Spinal Tap, makes it go to 11. Don't get me wrong, both songs are good, which is in stark contrast to...

- "Hulkster in Heaven" by Hulk Hogan. This is sung by Hulk, with a Casio keyboard in the background, about he and a young fan will "tag up in Heaven" if the kid dies of cancer. I think that's all you need to know about this. Oh, and also, around two minutes in, the backup singers sing over him by mistake, but it's clear the producer said, "Fuck it, we're not doing another take."

- "Home Stay" by Yoko Kanno. I first got into him a bit when I heard the awesome "Call Me" on the finale of Cowboy Bebop. I don't really like most anime, but that and Trigun and FLCL are the three I do like. The unifying theme between the three would be stellar music.

"Home Stay" is a little jazzier than "Call Me", but still neat to listen to. It is part of my study / "get shit done" mix, along with some other instrumentals and techno songs. Because of this, I oddly think that Muzack must work, but that they should just switch to music that is actually good as opposed to the stereotypical elevator music.

Wrasslin' around

[Left] Still the best entrance ever: The countdown clock from Jericho's initial WWE run.

The other day in The Los Angeles Times, there was a decent article about the new, family-friendly direction the WWE was headed in. However, to a longtime wrestling fan like myself, reading it reminded me that “family-friendly” is a relative term indeed. The columnist also didn't come across as much of a wrestling fan, since the article focused almost solely on current stars and provided little background.

While the WWE has undoubtedly strayed from the tits, ass, violence and blood of the appropriately-named Attitude Era, there is still plenty to get offended by. They have just shifted the focus from things that got them the teen / mature TV ratings (blood, breasts) to simpler storylines and non-bloody beatdowns. Also, with the exception of re-hiring Chris Masters, there has been a shift away from the professional bodybuilder look, probably in reaction to the Chris Benoit incident.

DX, the original group of bad humor, just reformed, even though Shawn Michaels and HHH are both in their mid-40s. Although it was played up as farcical, HBK did Superkick a tween girl in the face less than a month ago. (Background: They were doing a skit where HHH had to talk HBK back into wrestling, but HBK was working as a cook – I mean, a chef – at essentially a cheap hotel restaurant... Yeah, I don't know why I watch wrestling either sometimes.) They also still do childish jokes and crotch chops.

The best argument that can be made for the new direction of the WWE is a shift to more old school storylines. For example, Randy Orton is the current WWE champion, and he has retained his title each time with chicanery, normally with a member of his gang breaking up a pinfall or interfering. Orton has also done vile things, like punting HHH's wife Stephanie McMahon in the skull.

Opposing Orton would be John Cena, who you might remember from some funny appearances on late night television shows and some god-awful movies (The Marine, 12 Rounds). He is as close to Hulk Hogan as you can get in the current wrestling industry, as he is built like a starting middle linebacker and always plays the “good guy” role, at least for the last five years. (He does get booed a lot by hardcore fans, and while I'm not the biggest fan of his squeaky-clean persona, I do think he's a good wrestler. He also seems to be a good guy away from the ring as well.)

There are other clear bad guy vs. good guy feuds throughout the Raw roster, although I will say that as a result it tends to be the less entertaining show for longtime fans. Smackdown, which airs Friday nights on MyNetworkTV, is by far the better show at this point. That show has an edgier feud between the straight-edge CM Punk and the notorious risk taker Jeff Hardy, which culminated in a vicious tables, ladders and chairs match Sunday night at SummerSlam.

While there is far less blood in WWE programming now, there are just as many metal chair attacks and leaps from 20-foot-high ladders, so I'd hesitate to say they're getting back to “family-friendly” programming. When I was watching wrestling as a kid, it was just tamer in general; the brightly-colored outfits of Bret “The Hitman” Hart and Hulk Hogan definitely lightened the tone.

News - Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Before and After.

Because I don't feel like formatting one of my already-typed posts, here is some news...

- In the serious Twitter news department, the State Department asked the company to remain running in order to help facilitate protesters of the Iran election.

- In the non-serious Twitter news deparment, Lindsay Lohan posted old nude pictures of herself. At this point though, I don't care enough to find them, knowing that they're probably after she started doing coke, losing weight and effing anything that moved. Back in the day, Lohan was SUPER hot, and now, I don't know any guys that would willingly stick it in without triple-wrapping it. Even Sam Ronson probably used a tongue condom.

- Here is a wrestling move that looks really awesome, Evan Bourne's shooting star press. And here is an example of what happens when it goes really, really wrong, such as when Brock Lesnar tried it at Wrestlemania and landed on his head. In other wrestling news, Donald Trump bought WWE Raw, but it's all probably an act. Next week's show will be commercial free too, which sounds neat.

- And finally, in stripper news... One in Minnesota on disability is suing White Castle because they won't let her go through the drive-thru in her motorized wheelchair. Fun times, fun times. And also, in what should be a major relief to everyone, a stripper's kids weren't eating dog food, contrary to initial media reports.

The Monday night Raw doldrums

Unrelated to the rest of this post but always important to mention - Chris Jericho is the man.

I shamefully enjoy professional (fake) wrestling, which normally surprises others and forces me to mount an awkward defense of my interest. Yes, it's fake, but so is everything on television. Yes, it's a bit like a soap opera, and yeah, it is kind of homoerotic that guys are clutching each other, and yes, that's weird. But there is something oddly entertaining about it to me, to the point where I've never really been able to stop, even when the programming is in a down cycle.

I think there is something primal in wrestling that gets pretty much every guy interested in it at some point. I was substituting for an elementary school gym class last week, and casually commented on a CM Punk shirt a kid was wearing. This was a bad decision from a class control standpoint, but good for me personally, because soon every kid was asking me about the wrestlers I knew and (somewhat comically, somewhat scarily) trying to put their friends into the Go To Sleep (you put the person up on your shoulders, then swing them down toward a knee to the face).

All the kids I knew growing up watched wrestling, but pretty much all of them dropped it as we got to middle school and high school. I didn't really advertise that I watched it, but it never came up in casual conversation, except for a few times when "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was fighting with The Rock and the corporation and Mick Foley (1998, 1999). From conversations in college, when I grew a little less ashamed about my habit, I found out that there weren't really many people watching it in secret like I was.

Enough with this trip down memory lane, though - The current product leaves something to be desired. The most pressing issue to me is what has happened to Monday Night Raw. This week's episode was OK, with a bloody, intense confrontation between Randy Orton and Ric Flair to hype up this Sunday's meeting between Orton and Batista. However, even the hilarious Santino Marella and a solid MVP-Kofi Kingston match couldn't keep the hour I watched from dragging a bit.

After the draft, it seemed like Raw would become the dominant brand, because of all the star power - HHH, Batista, Orton, HBK, The Big Show, John Cena - in the top tier. Oddly though, this has made most of the booking predictable. After a slight push to MVP, involving him in the Orton-HHH--Batista-McMahon family angle, he is back to the midcard, in a feud with the pedestrian William Regal and Matt Hardy. All of the big names force the WWE to book formulaically at top, since HHH and Batista and Orton aren't going to be losing often to the likes of MVP and Kofi Kingston.

Meanwhile, Smackdown and ECW lost a lot of their marquee talent, and both have been great since the draft. Because there aren't really any talent "tiers" on the shows, the only focus is on good angles and good matches. Both of the shows, and to a lesser extent Superstars, are normally my focus in a given week as opposed to the normal flagship, Raw.