The Perils of “Free” Internet

There is the old adage of “you get what you pay for,” which seems to be doubly true for any sort of place offering “free” Internet access. For whatever reason, all of the coffee shops near me that advertise access, it’s really nothing but a cruel joke. Their sign should instead say, “We will tease you by seemingly offering an Internet connection but you will not actually be able to get anything done.” (That’s a lot of words for a sign, I know, but with The Economy the way it is right now, I’m sure you can get a deal.)

At first, I thought this was just because there was a bunch of people trying to get access to the Internet, like I am. But I’ve also been at these shops when no one else is there, because I’m a weird nomad that works at all hours of the day, and no dice. The popularity of the place seemed to have no effect on the Internet connection – Even when empty, Panera in Wakefield still has incredibly horrible access that works for, at most, about five minutes.

Making things worse is that many portions of South County also have shitty cell phone access. I have this nifty wireless aircard for work, which gives me web access via cell phone signals. As a result, I’m hoping acres and acres of farmland here is devoted to cell phone towers, because I’m getting annoyed that just checking my Facebook takes about five minutes at Brewed Awakenings.

On some completely random notes, I made some Shake and Bake chicken last night – it came out awesome. Just thought y’all would like to know. Also, poor Chris Jericho. Why couldn’t he have won the Royal Rumble? (Since this is a blog, I do feel the need to throw in these two completely random and intensely personal observations.)

Excuse Me While I Talk About Wrestling

My one vice, even more so than listening to Lisa Loeb, remains professional wrestling. Yes, I still watch Raw every Monday night, and I’ll even tune in to TNA Impact if I feel like hurting my brain, and if something better (Archer, Always Sunny, most of NBC’s Thursday night lineup) isn’t on.

And my favorite pro wrestling event each year is always the Royal Rumble, and the rumble match itself. For those of you uninterested in pro wrestling, let me go on in GREAT detail about this!

The rumble match itself consists of 30 superstars fight in an over-the-top battle royal for a title shot at Wrestlemania. Two superstars start off, one-on-one, and every 90 to 120 seconds (it varies depending on the year), a new wrestler is thrown into the mix.

Basically, the match serves as a sort of poo-poo platter of wrestling. Most everyone in the match gets a chance to get some offense in, and because there are 29 eliminations, you get plenty of drama and storylines created and furthered by what happens in the rumble.

Today’s match, on paper, figures to be a bit ho-hum. My favorite wrestler, Chris Jericho, just returned to action this month, and the rumble will be his first actual match back. ([Right] Him in his over-the-top, fan pleasing persona right now.) He’s one of the favorites to win because he’s one of the few major WWE wrestlers lacking a regular feud right this second. Meaning, him winning would automatically propel him into a major angle / storyline.

For whatever reason, the best rumble of all-time, the 1992 edition, is available on YouTube in its entirety. Yes, it is totally 1990s wrestling, but if you like wrestling at all then you should be a big fan of the action. Plus, it has Bobby Heenan at his peak on the microphone! And Ric Flair! (If you want some awesomeness from both, skip ahead to about 9:15 in the match for his entrance, and 33:30 for the introduction of Roddy Piper.)

Switching gears and going over the top with WWE's Royal Rumble

To change directions completely in terms of the LOST posts... The Royal Rumble was this past weekend, and it remains my favorite WWE pay-per-view each year, and the one I make sure to catch. By its very nature – 30 entrants, 29 going over the top rope, a title shot at stake – there is normally lots of chaos, betrayals and action. (If that sounds a bit like a soap opera, well, it is professional wrestling we're talking about here.) This year's edition was both surprising and a bit by the book. NOTE: MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW!

- The actual Rumble match itself was won by Edge, as the 29th entrant and returning from a major injury. Unfortunately, he threw out my favorite wrestler, Chris Jericho, who had derided him on the microphone for several weeks after he was forced out of action. Surprisingly, Edge then went on to win the Rumble, as he managed to evade an attack by John Cena and then threw him out.

Excluding Edge's entrance, there were two standout moments of the Rumble. First, CM Punk was the third entrant and managed to eliminate the two men in the ring – Dolph Ziggler and Evan Bourne – with relative ease. While I would have liked to see Ziggler and Bourne, two talented wrestlers buried on Smackdown and Raw respectively, go a bit further, there is no shame in them getting eliminated by Punk, one of the best all-around performers around right now. After their elimination, Punk brought a microphone into the ring and kept up with his righteous preaching schtick of recent weeks. Good stuff!

Second, Shawn Michaels continued to show why he is one of the best performers around still. It surprised me that he was the one to turn on Triple H, and not vice versa. However, they were teasing this on previous episodes of Raw, so it wasn't a huge deal. I was shocked though when he was eliminated for real and then had a tantrum, superkicking several refs.

I'm not sure where the WWE goes from here though; normally attacking an official is a sure-fire way to draw heat from the crowd but HBK was still getting cheered. Unless they're prepared to go to another Attitude era, they need to think of another way to get him over as a heel. The only thing that immediately came to my mind was having his squash an unquestionably popular babyface (Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne?) in a brutal way. Any kind of confrontation with, say, Cena or HHH, will lead to a mixed reaction because of their love-hate relationship with casual fans and "smarks" in the crowd.

- As far as the undercard goes, I was disappointed that Orton didn't win against Seamus, who is the worst champion since Smackdown was forced to give Khali the belt for a few months after injuries to the Undertaker. To me, Seamus gets a lot of go-away heat from the crowd, as opposed to heat for being a heel.

And on the contrary, because of all the crap with Legacy / Priceless and Seamus, Orton is now a subtle face. It seems crazy, since a year ago he was punting the Vince McMahon in the head and essentially molesting Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. However, the crowd keeps cheering him in a variety of matches. I'm hoping the WWE nurtures this a bit, waiting for the perfect moment to unleash him on another heel. Maybe HBK, if his turn does take? It's hard to pinpoint an exact moment.

- Of the other matches on the undercard, none of them really caught my eye. Mysterio vs. Undertaker was solid, but I never got the feeling that Mysterio could win, making the result a foregone conclusion despite some decent action.

The Miz vs. MVP had a somewhat surprising ending. Not the fact that the Miz won, but that MVP attacked him after the bell. Much like Orton, the Miz has been getting over a face despite his cocky attitude. At this point, he reminds me of a rawer version of Chris Jericho, and it wouldn't surprise me if he turned full-face as well eventually. I thought that's what they were setting up at the Rumble, but they reversed course a bit on Raw. MVP has flip-flopped between both at this point, and while I don't think he'll ever elevate himself out of the midcard now, he does do better as a cocky heel to me then a face.

All photos from WWE.com.