Steve Greenwell vs. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

A three word review of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - Go see it.

A more expanded, one-sentence review: While the end is a bit uneven, and the movie is definitely gunning for the geek / video game / Michael Cera audience, some neat film-making makes it a movie that is at least worth checking out for all audiences.

Most people out there are either going to love or hate Scott Pilgrim. Seeing as I'm a 26-year-old guy who plays video games, likes music and likes women, I fall exactly into the film's target demographic. Predictably, I loved the film, and I think there is enough in it to make it worth seeing for all audiences. Some ideas I had while watching it...

NOTE: Spoilers now follow. So, if you want to see the movie before reading a somewhat in-depth analysis of it, I recommend you just stop reading right here. (Although, if you're a dude, you might want to look at the picture of Anna Kendrick.)

- As in a typical Michael Cera movie, he plays a dude who is kind of whiny and allegedly unlucky with love... yet he is surrounded by hot women. The movie starts out with him dating a 17-year-old Chinese schoolgirl, as the trailers have pointed out. (Note to Internet perverts reading this: She is of an undetermined age according to IMDB, but the message board there says that she said she was actually 17 "way back when" in a random interview.) Wong has a surprisingly meaty and good performance as Knives Chau, which is the perfect name for this type of movie.

Scott's actual interest for most of the movie is the also-appropriately-named Ramona Flowers, given the constantly changing nature of her hair. The trailers make the 25-year-old Mary Elizabeth Winstead look a bit frumpy, and her haircut really does suck, but she has a really good body. (Example: See the picture from her Maxim shoot to the right. The trailers do a good job of hiding the fact that she is ridiculously hot.) I know this because there are several fight scenes with her kicking ass throughout the movie. Her acting isn't quite as sharp; she mostly plays the mopey female counterpart to Cera's mopey male. But she doesn't torpedo the movie.

- The real stars of the movie in terms of acting are the supporting players. As I mentioned, Cera and Winstead just turn in average performances. They're the "straight men" of the movie, and their whiny, stereotypical relationship is the rock from which all of the humor is derived.

All of Ramona's ex-es get hilarious lines, with the best being Chris Evans as Lucas Lee, a ridiculously stereotypical action star. However, Kieran Culkin also steals scenes as the gay guy that Scott Pilgrim shares a one-bedroom apartment with, and Scott's band (the Super Mario Brothers referencing Sex Bob-omb) has a wonderfully aloof lead singer and an aggressive drummer that used to date Scott. Hell, everyone in this movie besides Scott and Ramona are interesting, even small roles like ridiculously, illegally attractive Anna Kendrick (right) as his nosy, judgmental and yet supportive sister, and Aubrey Plaza of Parks and Recreation as a snotty and foul-mouthed worker at seemingly every place in town, and Brie Larson as Scott's ex-Envy, and Mae "Anne from Arrested Development" Whitman in a surprising role.

- The music and special effects rely heavily on video game culture, which is sure to turn some people off. I'm a whiz at my friend Nippy the Penguin's video game theme music trivia, but most of the clips in the movie are too fast to catch well. I'm pretty sure there is some of the original Zelda, but beyond that, it wouldn't surprise me if most was specifically created mocks for the movie.

The effects come into play via pop-up dialogue boxes and graphical display. For example, when Scott fights one of Ramona's evil ex'es, there is typically a "Versus" screen and a face-off, similar to Street Fighter 2. At times, it feels like a spastic version of Kill Bill, with less of a spaghetti western feel to it.

- The video game influence is present throughout the movie. This is partly what makes it so interesting to me. Reviewers on the Internetz are struggling to compare this film to something, but for me it has two clear influences: Shaolin Soccer and Kung-Fu Hustle. Scott Pilgrim is essentially the kung-fu video game version of these films. The trailers make it seem more like a romantic comedy or date movie, but trust me, it has much more in common with an action movie than a date movie.

Part of this means that there are surprisingly long and well-choreographed fight scenes. I'm positive that Michael Cera and others aren't doing most of their own moves, but hey, it looks exaggerated and cool anyway, which fits the tone of the movie.

- If the movie had a weakness to me, it was the ending portions. The last 15 minutes and final confrontation, while ultimately satisfying, sure did feel not as tight as the first 100. You're kind of left floundering as to the ultimate resolution of the movie's love angle, until one of the characters sort of take the decision out of Scott's hands anyway.

However, the movie is surprising poignant when Scott does walk off into the end of the movie with his choice. The other great "tough" moment comes when he decides to dump Knives. It is wonderfully shot, with the lights and background fading out, and a slight echo to Cera's and Wong's voices. It's a dramatic and great way to portray a breakup, and it was the best critical moment of the film to me.

The Scott Pilgrim picture at the top comes from this blog full of ads that asks if the movie has any black people in it. (Answer: Nope, not a one.)

The conflicted messages of Kick-Ass

In case you haven't heard, there is sort of a divide about whether Kick-Ass is fun or exploitative, since it has incredibly graphic, downright disturbing scenes featuring an 11-year-old girl killing and maiming scores of bad guys. IMDB users have given the movie an 8.5 rating as of Sunday night, while it shockingly got one star from Ebert, who is usually a good barometer for what I'll personally enjoy.

My own feelings on the flick are... conflicted. First, I think the trailers and advertising for the movie are REALLY misleading, which you should know going in. Realize that this movie is rated R, and it earns its R-rating and then some, in terms of language and graphic violence. The trailers make the movie seem like a silly lark, with costumed superheroes and McLovin'. Well yeah, he's in the movie, but as more of a secondary or supporting character, and before you get to his portions, you have plenty of graphic deaths and maiming.

One of my girlfriend's friends told her the movie was kind of like Superbad, which is completely false, unless you consider any movie with McLovin' automatically like Superbad. Kick-Ass has a lot more in common with the ultra-violent Kill Bill than any sort of Judd Apatow production.

I loved Kick-Ass because I realized pretty quickly what it was - A gritty superhero movie. This isn't Spiderman or Mystery Man, with super powers and jokes and slick production to bail the heroes out. The fighting is shockingly raw in Kick-Ass; Dave, a.k.a. Kick-Ass, is getting his ass beat more than rescuing and avenging. The movie is actually concerned with answering the question, "What would happen if some teenager tried to fight back in a crime-filled city?"

To be sure, there still are plenty of non-realistic aspects included, and they mostly have to do with the relationship between Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage in a good performance) and Hit Girl, the 11-year-old killer. She has been trained since birth to be a superhero and killer, but even with this in mind, her skills are frankly unbelievable and unrealistic.

Addressing Ebert's point - Yeah, there is something a bit unsettling about seeing an 11-year-old get shot and beat up. The shooting happens very early in the movie, but the coldness of the scene was... eerie.

The reaction of the audience also made me cringe. I was watching mostly with college and high school aged-kids, and several of them laughed as she got shot... without having any idea about whether she was actually hurt or not. It did remind me of the reaction of crowds to both portions of Kill Bill, and Inglorious Basterds, but both of those movies play in more of a "fantasy" universe than Kick-Ass to me.

However, I do think Hit Girl's scenes were realistic in the context of the film. Most other movies would have sugarcoated her role, and had Kick-Ass magically develop much better fighting skills to fill her role instead, or to never put Hit Girl in serious danger. Kick-Ass is uncompromising in this regard, and establishes early that it is not going to cop-out when it comes to the violence.

Anyway, I don't want to keep going on with potential spoilers. If you're a fan of Tarantino films or Sin City, then you will probably find Kick-Ass surprisingly enjoying, for the reasons I cited. However, if you hated those movies, and are expecting a silly sort of superhero movie, then avoid Kick-Ass at all costs!

The awesome poster of Kick-Ass, which I now kind of want, I found here. The picture of Hit Girl punching is from Ebert's review, linked again for you here. The "normal" picture of Hit Girl is from this site.

On attraction, romantic comedies and Valentine's Day

Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

I generally don't like to do personal posts on this blog. Because of a horrible, stupid past experience on my part, I realize how harmful it can be to get really personal on a blog read by everybody. I can't even read features like "Modern Love" at The New York Post, because they make me squirm way too much. While I consider myself a relatively open person, I definitely wouldn't want to reveal everything, like many of those letters.

That being said, I thought I'd talk a bit about romantic comedies and the new movie Valentine's Day. Basically, a couple of friends have noted that they think romantic comedies suck because they aren't reflective of real-life. I agree with them - Most feature somewhat dweeby guys getting with women way out of their league, or someone pining for their best friend. In most real-life situations, someone would have made a move at some point.

However, that being said... Some of the things in romantic comedies are correct. For example, I think (practically) everyone has 1) at least one friend that they have a crush on, that the friend is completely oblivious to and 2) are probably the object of someone's affection, and they have no idea that this is the case. For myself, #1 is true, and obviously, I don't know if #2 is also correct. If there was some way to take a poll on the matter, I could prove it, but I don't feel like doing such a thing.

Does this mean you'll ever end up together? Probably not. I mean, most people end up as friends for a reason. (The most prevalent one being that you don't ask a person out because you're pretty sure that they'll say no, so you settle for friendship.) Of my current friends, I know of one relationship that arose out of the pair being long-term friends first.

Now, to segue randomly to the movie Valentine's Day, I am a bit annoyed that they're defiling my birthday - my 26th, for the record - with what essentially seems to be a movie of romance vignettes featuring big name stars. That is the impression I got from the trailer and overloaded cast, and it is a sentiment shared by Ebert and Dana Stevens of Slate.com. In fact, a quote from Stevens' friend in her review - "Fine, mush your boring faces altogether already." - reminds me of something my friend and frequent blog commenter Danielle would say.

So really, if you're looking for a Steve-approved movie for Valentine's Day, don't see Valentine's Day. Just stick to my favorite romantic comedy ever: Say Anything.



Picture from this blog.

Year in review via Internet meme

This obscure comic is one of the top
results for Year In Review. Sorry!

Whenever I've done a sort of "year in review" piece in the past, whether it be for my college newspaper or my old personal journal or something that someone actually paid me for, I always seem to miss a couple of relevant details. Also in the past, I've somewhat resisted Internet memes.

I smell a combination!

Using a note from Facebook that one of my friends filled out, here is my official "Year in Review" post. I could have done this last night, but I was holding out in case something really cool happened that I could write about. Instead, it snowed most of the day, I felt sick to my stomach and I stayed home on New Year's Eve. Outside of that though, things were swell!

And in case you're sick of reading this review crap, since everyone seems to be doing it in the blogsphere... Well, I can't really offer any relief. I'll be reviewing my favorite songs from 2009 for Sunday, and Saturday will be a Tag Team blog with Bob and Kristin featuring the football picks for Sunday. I'm guessing Monday or Tuesday will be when I launch into my piece about Limp Bizkit. Without any further adieu...

-----

The Year In Review

1. What did you do this year that you've never done before?

Worked as a substitute teacher and collected unemployment! On the latter, it is strangely seductive. I basically stayed at home, sent out five to 10 job applications a week, played video games and collected a check. It was a weird experience. The first few weeks were a strange sort of relief - I had worked from my college graduation in May 2007 to September 2008 with a single scheduled day off, so it was nice to have a vacation of sorts.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't make any, therefore, I don't keep any.

3. Any new births this year?

Um, my good friend Becca's sister had a baby. Outside of that, nobody springs to mind.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nope!

5. What countries did you visit this year?

Just the United States. I've only been to Canada, and nowhere overseas, which is kind of disappointing.

6. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?

Stealing my friend's answer - A stable job. There is so much uncertainty in the journalism industry, and while I'm in a good situation now, it's not one that could support me for, say, the next 40 years.

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory - and why?

Hm, what a good question, Barbara Walters-meme! This is a bit of a sad answer, but June 25, the day Michael Jackson died. As I've previously stated, I'm not the biggest Jackson fan; he was obviously screwed up. (Oddly enough, I also posted about him less than two weeks before his death.) I don't really care so much about his bizarre behavior as much as I care about the screwed-up life he probably exposed his kids to, and that's overlooking the molestation canard that hangs over his head. Still, his death was such a bizarre, media-hyped thing that it sticks out to me as the biggest event of 2009, similar to past things like the O.J. Simpson verdict.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a full-part-time job. It wasn't exactly a banner year for me in the achievement category. I would also put this blog in as a subhead, since I have for years wanted to have a sort of "area" to put writing that might somehow eventually make a profit, someway. (For those curious, my tally is up to $5.37. Woohoo! If you want to help, feel free to click an ad every once in a while.)

9. What was your biggest failure of the year?

Going for about six months without a full-time job. Eech. I'm also still living at my parent's house, which would be somewhat depressing if half my friends weren't also still living with their parents. I did read Strapped, a good book about the wealth gap between new college graduates and older ones, which made me feel better about my current situation. Well, a little bit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing serious. Just some conjunctivitis and stomach bugs here and there.

11. What was the best thing you bought this year?

A Nintendo Wii! I have also, sadly, been indoctrinated into the Guitar Hero and Rock Band cults. A little bit after everyone else, but hey, no one is perfect.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Lindsay Lohan. My admiration for Lohan is well-chronicled in my past posts and images postings of her. Unfortunately, Mean Girls seems to be her peak, both in terms of looks and artistic value, which is depressing because she was 18 at that point. I would prefer to remember that smart, attractive Lohan than the coked-up hazbeen she has become. Who would have thought that Paris Hilton would hold up better than Lohan? Now she's doing photo sheets and smoking and just looking openly strung-out in them. She's 23 now, and it would surprise me if she made it to 30.

13. Where did most of your money go this year?

Sadly, toward my credit card bill. Living in Warren for a year really sapped my finances, forcing me to rely on my card, and my apartment wasn't even nice. Since not everyone is familiar with this story, when I lived in Warren my apartment got hit by a tractor trailer full of mulch. It cracked the foundation, and I was forced out for a week... and they wouldn't let me break out of the lease! They never fixed the crack in the foundation, and although they refunded my rent for two weeks, I wasn't really comfortable living in an apartment with a cracked foundation. They also didn't give me back my full deposit when I moved out in July - They said the stove was broken, and didn't believe me when I attributed it to the GOD DAMN TRUCK HITTING THE APARTMENT. Sigh.

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about this year?

I got the opportunity to be a Rhode Island and Providence College basketball beat reporter for a while, which was a lot of fun. There is something different and neat about being able to watch games from press row. I'm doing it more part-time now, which includes this Saturday when the Rams host Oklahoma State. It should be one hell of a game, and I'll be watching it from court-side, essentially.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

- happier or sadder? Happier, because my employment situation is a little bit better. I have a steady job, as opposed to substitute teaching, which completely vanishes for several weeks and months a year.

- richer or poorer? About the same. Slightly richer, if I had to chose.

- thinner or fatter? Thinner, by about 15 pounds! Nobody can ever tell though, because I look the same heavy or at a "normal" weight. My goal this coming year is to lose another 15, which would put me around 165. That was my weight for most of high school, which I think would be a good goal for me to shoot for.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Basketball. I still haven't been able to find an option near me besides the YMCA, and that would be an investment of a couple hundred bucks. I'm not sure if I have enough free time anymore to use the membership well, especially since I can play outside regularly from late April, early May to mid-September. For a while, I was playing at an open gym night for guys 30+, but the town put a stop to that, unfortunately.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Fast food. Unfortunately, when you work bizarre hours like I do, you eat a lot of junky fast food, and it hits both the waistline and the wallet. I've been better in recent months with this. Generally, I try to steer toward Panera or Subway now, as opposed to one of the unholy trinity of Wendy's, Burger King and McDonald's. Once or twice a week is fine; I'm just trying to avoid going six or seven times a week, like I did at certain points. ugh.

20. How did you spend the holidays?

Uh, quite blandly. As I mentioned, I was sick this New Year's Eve. Last year, I don't even remember what I did... I'm guessing I was over Shaun's old house. I remember that I didn't spill wine on someone's white dress for New Year's, which was good of me. My birthday is Valentine's Day, and I went out a few days after it. Fourth of July, I had to work, and then went to a party that weekend, I believe. Same with a day-after-Thanksgiving bash.

21. Did you fall in love this year?

Nope! There is always next year, though.

22. How many one-night stands did you have this year?

None.


23. What was your favorite TV program for the year?

Oh my goodness, that would be like choosing a favorite child! Well, if we're going with completely new shows, then I'd have to pick Glee. For old show that I was just exposed to, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia narrowly edges Lost. Why is that, since I've written five posts on Lost? I just find Always Sunny to be a better re-watch show. I've seen every episode of Lost, and I've only had the urge to re-watch a few of them. It could just be the nature of drama vs. comedy, though. I've always found comedies to have more replay value.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Not really. "Hate" is such a strong word.

25. What was the best book you read this year?

What a tough question. To be stereotypical, I really enjoyed The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons, although it's less stereotypical than you would think. I'm a hardcore NBA fan, even more than the college game, which seems to be a dirty thing to admit to now. While Simmons' book isn't the groundbreaking work of Loose Balls by Terry Pluto, it's still a great tome on the NBA.

26. What was your favorite film of the year?

Inglorious Basterds. It's one of the few I saw in theaters, but there weren't many others that I really felt compelled to see. The Hangover would be a close second; definitely hilarious and raunchy, but it felt more formulaic. I'm definitely a Tarantino mark, and I've loved pretty much everything he has ever done.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?

What is this "fashion" ye speak of?

28. Whom did you miss this year?

George Carlin.

29. Who was the best new person you met this year?

There aren't really a ton of options for this one, which is somewhat sad. I will say Becca's friend Julie, who played trivia with us every other week for the past year. Her sort of dry humor was a good complement to mine, which is more spastic at times. I'll also put my friend Natalie, even though I kind of knew her from the past (apparently). She edges out Amanda Meyer, who I also knew back in the day, although not nearly as well. However, I knew Amanda a lot better, hence the distinction. (I threw a book at Amanda, whereas I just didn't realize that I once Natalie.)

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned for this year.

That 30 questions is a lot to answer, and along with picking 13 to 16 football games per week, maybe I should be a bit less ambitious next year.

Inexplicable Movie Review: Family Guy Presents Something Something Something Dark Side and everything else Star Wars

I am seemingly one of the 10 people on the planet who still catch everything Family Guy-related out there. As a result, I looked forward to the release of Something Something Something Dark Side, their remake of The Empire Strikes Back. This follows on the heels of 2007's Family Guy - Blue Harvest, a remake of the original Star Wars, which was pretty nifty. (The long name of the Empire remake comes from the "secret to Star Wars dialogue, from an earlier Family Guy skit, and which is presented above.)

Right now, the reviews on Amazon for the movie are mostly lukewarm, and the film is averaging 3.5 out of 5 stars. This surprises me a bit, as I considered this edition a bit better than the first, which has a 4-star rating. Something Something Something Dark Side follows The Empire Strikes Back almost scene for scene, so if you're not familiar with the source material, you probably won't enjoy this one.

But if you are an Empire fan, and a Family Guy fan, then this is required watching. The character roles from the original - Peter as Han, Lois as Leia, Chris as Luke, creepy perv Herbert as Obi-Wan and Brian as Chewbecca - are retained, even though Cleveland / C3P0 left for his own show. (Also, this time, Meg actually gets a line!) My only warning is that, although the DVD extras like the audio commentary are neat, the actual "movie" is only about 50 minutes - two regular episodes. There is some swearing, but otherwise, you might not think there is enough to justify $15 for two episodes.

Which brings me to the more important issue, one which I debated the other night with Baseball Prospectus author, Blast video games editor and all-around swell guy Marc Normandin - How do you rank the entire saga?


First off, I think it's easy to pick the bottom two - The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. I personally dislike Clones more. At least at the time it was released, Phantom Menace seemed technologically impressive, and there was a "buzz" about it, the first new piece of the saga in 20-something years. Clones felt like nothing more than a bridge movie to Revenge of the Sith, which is something you can't say about the original trilogy. Each of those movies serves a purpose, but stands as a dramatic piece on its own merits.

This might be controversial, but I consider the original, A New Hope, to be somewhat dated. It is absolute stunning the first time you watch it, just how epic the worlds are, and how involved everything with the Force is and what not. However, after that first time, you notice that a lot of the non-Obi Wan and Han Solo scenes can drag. It doesn't have as many signature action and drama aspects of the other movies on this list.

Okay, so we have three movies left to rank. As much as I like Sith, because it was the last movie released, I found it the least compelling of the "action"y three remaining. If Lucas could do it all over again as a six-movie deal, from start to finish, then Sith could be one of the better movies with some small changes. Basically, just end it with Anakin getting hauled out of the lava, and make it seem like he dies. Then, Padme dies, and we still assume that Vader is a separate Sith lord, and not Anakin, until the big reveal at the end of Empire. But, as is, I have to rank Sith as the third best.

Which leaves us with Return of the Jedi vs. The Empire Strikes Back. I realize I'm in the minority with this opinion, but I find Jedi to be most satisfying to watch. Yes, the Ewoks are gimmicky, and they span all of the most awful Jar Jar Binksian parts of the next two movies, but I still think they serve as a nice balance to all the grimness as the end of Empire and throughout the rest of Jedi.

In fact, this sheer darkness at the end of Empire is why I favor Jedi. At the end of Empire, you find out that Luke's real dad is one of the most evil mother effers in the galaxy, Luke loses in direct combat to Vader, Han Solo is encased in carbonite and under the control of an evil gangster and the Rebellion's base on Hoth is destroyed. That's a whole big bucket of depression right there.

The photo original Family Guy inspiration for the title of its Empire spoof (whew, that's a mouthful) is from this blog. The duel photo is from this site, somewhere on it.

Inexplicable Movie Review: The Wizard (again)

Expanding on my thoughts from yesterday, there are plenty of reasons why you should run out and rent The Wizard immediately.

1) There is a bunch of footage of old video games being played by an autistic kid. I'm not sure why, but this is somehow fascinating to me, even though the clips are only 10 to 20 seconds each. In the course of the movie, he plays Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Double Dragon and Ninja Gaiden prominently, not to mention the Super Mario Brothers 3 orgy at the end of the movie, which is essentially a five-minute sneak preview for the game (at least at the time).

Of course, this brings to light some of the great, silly, illogical parts of the movie. For example, when he is playing Super Mario Brothers 3, Jimmy finds the warp whistle hidden in the first fortress, which should be effing impossible unless you know where to look for it. You have to have the raccoon tail / leaf (whatever it's called) that lays you fly above the screen, on top of a wall, and into an adjacent room with the warp whistle. And for some reason, this makes Jimmy's score counter double or triple, which does not actually happen in the game! Jimmy uses this to eventually beat Lucas, and the pig-tailed girl, who serves as the Meg Griffin of the competition for Jimmy and Lucas to beat up on.

Honestly, if you don't have realism in your shameless promotional movies that have video games, what can you trust?

2) Touching on the video games again, there is also a montage of games being played in an arcade, as Jimmy is trying to learn how to beat a bunch of different games; the games in the tournament are unknown. Ninja Gaiden is the opening round game, which is actually kind of appropriate - It is a tough game, and it does have a score meter.

However, there are also several games that they practice in the arcade that clearly wouldn't be used, unless Nintendo was effing stupid. They also waste a lot of money calling the Nintendo Game Counselor line, which I'm sure made a ton of parents happy as their kids stupidly called whenever they got stuck in a game. I never really understood the point of this - Most old NES games rely on the simple formula of ducking, attacking or running past whatever thing is attacking you. It's a matter of memorizing patters and reacting, which you don't really need a "game counselor" for.

3) In a comical scene, the character played by Beau Bridges - he's related to Jimmy somehow, I think he might be his natural dad - is rambling about some shit in Zelda 2. The thing is, when the camera pans to what he is playing, he's just slashing things in some town, and it makes absolutely no sense with what he's saying. It's as if they gave him a script, then intentionally made an effort to make him look like an asshole who didn't know anything about the game he was playing. Hey, editing truck, you could have at least helped a brother out by splicing in some scenes from Zelda 2 that at least made sense for the scene.

4) Final thing for now - The Wizard was one of the last movies that had kids completely independent and not reliant on adults for things in 1980s fashion, to the point where you question if every authority in the movie is effing insane.

Rilo Kiley, Fred Savage and an autistic kid essentially hitchhike across the country, using money they win by scamming people at video games, with the goal of making it to L.A. to play in a $25,000 video game tournament. The only adult that is remotely helpful is a truck driver named Spanky that the girl knows, which is somewhat odd and creepy when you really ponder it. I don't think they really ever explain how Haley (Rilo Kiley) lives; it is implied or said that her dad is a truck driver and out the picture. Fred Savage runs away from his parents with Jimmy, his half-brother, and they are able to elude all adults in their way.

Meanwhile, there is a menacing "child finder" dude after them, because apparently in 1989, nobody would say shit if they saw three children just wandering around the country. I live in a rural area and remember being asked by cops twice where I was going after school as I was walking home or to a friend's house; I don't think I would have been able to accomplish a journey of several hundred miles with no adult interference.

Anyway, I've got to go cover a meeting, so I might do a third part to this at a future date.

The Fred Savage photo from The Wizard I found at this blog.

Inexplicable Movie Review: The Wizard

The Wizard is a common punching bag for movie reviewers, but really, when the movie dropped in 1989, it was noticeable for two very cool reasons, at least to my five-year-old mind:

1) The Power Glove. The scene with Lukas is rightfully mocked now, but at the time, the Power Glove looked like the coolest effing thing just about ever. According to a pretty trustworthy source, the Angry Video Game Nerd, it is god damn awful to actually play a game with, but hey, it still does look cool.

2) The preview of Super Mario Brothers 3, which was a good and proper sequel to the original game, as opposed to the weird game known as Super Mario Brothers 2 in the states. For some reason, I remember getting SMB3 relatively early in my youth, which was rare because I normally only got bargain-priced games. I somehow managed to avoid getting the ultimate horrible bargain game, Home Alone, at least.

Anyway, looking at the history of video game movies, you'd be hard pressed to say that The Wizard was in the bottom five. Yeah, it was essentially a 90-minute advertisement for Nintendo, but at least it was an enjoyable ad with decent actors like Fred Savage and Christian Slater and Beau Bridges and the girl who would become Rilo Kiley. While none of them are really award winners, they give at least capable performances.

The Wizard is just kind of an average movie to me, especially when compared to other "kids" movies of the time frame - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Honey I Shrunk Every God Damn Thing Ever don't hold up as well either. The Wizard is also not a colossal cluster eff, like most video game movies, excluding Mortal Kombat, which is shocking from its sheer competence. But, that's a discussion for another time, and another review.

(Actually, I might expand on this whole entry at some point... I feel like I'm rushing things a bit, whereas it would be good to REALLY get into all of The Wizard's amazing parts.)

Inexplicable Movie Review: Gremlins 2

Two of the great supporting cast of Gremlins 2:
Christopher Lee and Hulk Hogan

To switch things up a bit, I thought I'd focus on a movie that I actually enjoy, but one that doesn't seem to get much love from anybody else - Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Much like Escape from L.A., Gremlins 2 works as a sequel because it goes in the opposite direction of its predecessor. It shifts from a horror movie to an Airplane-like spoof.

In Gremlins 2, the setting of the film has shifted from a small town to New York City. Billy, the cad married to the ultra foxy girl-next-door type played by Phoebe Cates, finds the runaway mogwai Gizmo on the streets one day. He tries to protect him, but of course, calamity ensues as Gizmo is exposed to water, and the resulting evil mogwais eat after midnight. They run amuck in Clamp Tower, which is run by an eccentric billionaire - think Jimmy James from Newsradio, or the portrayal of Carter Puderschmidt and his buddies in Family Guy.

While you don't need to have seen the original to enjoy the sequel - I hadn't - you do notice a few more inside jokes if you've experienced both. Also, watching the first makes you familiar with the rules of mogwais and gremlins: They reproduce if exposed to water or eat after midnight, and bright light and sunlight can kill them. This "reproduction" is kind of gross, as a warning, with gremlins "popping" out of gross, stretchy bubbles out of each other's backs.

In the original, the gremlins were played up for horror and suspense purposes, but in Gremlins 2, the focus is definitely on slapstick and humor. This is especially evident when the gremlins takeover the genetics lab of the tower, and start guzzling weird potions and injection each other. One becomes super intelligent and is voiced by Tony Randall, and then delivers soliloquy and civilization and understanding.

While the leads are mostly there to play the story "straight", much like the lead roles in Airplane, the supporting characters are hilarious. Standouts include Christopher Lee as an incredibly mad scientist, his twin research assistants, the aforementioned Randall as the voice of the brain gremlin, a Dracula impersonator and kids' show host who serves as a news broadcaster, and Clamp himself.

The movie also loves to break the fourth wall, spoofing itself and other movies. Leonard Maltin reviews the original Gremlins in a fake production of his own TV review show. The middle of the movie is interrupted by gremlins, who are then chased away by (depending on the version you're watching) Hulk Hogan or John Wayne. Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig have skits to open and close the movie. And the Clamp Cable Network, who Dracula-guy works for, has several other spoofs, like a Julia Child-esque chef who uses a microwave primarily.

Tag Team Sequel: Steve and Danielle on nannying, Basterds and The Informant

Although Danielle is a dear, dear friend,
she ain't got nothing on this dame.

To rip-off the disclaimer for Bill Simmons' BS Report, Tag Team is a free flowing discussion between two adults that sometimes touches on mature subjects. This is the sequel to an earlier Tag Team I did with Danielle, which was mostly about South Park and how awesome it is. This time, we speak a bit about our respective jobs, and some of the summer movies that I haven't seen.

Want to do your own Tag Team with me? Send me an e-mail at sgre6768@gmail.com or leave a comment.

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Steve said at 1:47 p.m. on August 23:

I'm trying to queue up a couple of these, punk. And since Bob got a sequel, I suppose it is your turn, since your Tag Team with me is the second most popular thing on the blog, in terms of hits. Hurrah for you!

Anyway, how did you like Inglorious Basterds? I told you it was supposed to be awesome! I mean, it had Brad Pitt and was directed by Quentin Tarantino, so I don't know how it possibly could have failed. The other key thing it has going for it - Killing Nazis. Nobody likes the Nazis, not even their moms, so seeing lotsa Nazi deaths would be awesome. It somehow feels like an OK thing to watch, as opposed to Transformers 2, in which random people would just get wiped out constantly.

How is life (just outside) Boston? By the way, I saw this little girl yesterday that I was a substitute teacher for this past year, and she was so cute! She was helping out at a free dental service day that I had to cover for the newspaper I work for, and she was dressed up in the same polo and outfit as her mom. It kind of reminded me of you and Isabel. Have you two visited any fun puppet shows lately? And also, do people ever think you're her mom? You two don't really look alike at all, but kids are kids, and don't always look like their parents.

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Danielle Membrino said at 4:03 p.m. on August 25:

I promise I'm going to write you soon. Probably like Wednesday or Thursday. I just have some friends visiting right now, so I'm kinda busy. [what i'm saying is they're more important than you]. But I do have lots to say on these two subjects. I have this big patch of peeling skin on my wrist from a sunburn. It kind of itches. Maybe I'm just shedding.

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Steve said at 12:51 a.m. on August 26:

That part is definitely going in the entry, so that everyone knows to avoid you and your zombie-like peeling skin sunburn. Ugh, gawd.

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Danielle said at 11:05 p.m. on August 26:

I am so tired. But I'm going to answer this now because tomorrow night I need to work on editing photographs I took of one of my mom's friends kid. Ugh, I have lots of boogers in my nose.

Inglorious Basterds was pretty good. It was bizarre and entertaining. I felt Tarantino held back on the gore though this time! I've seen Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill (unfortunately) and comparatively, it's not as bloody. I mean, don't get me wrong, the scalping is pretty graphic (all the Jewish-Americans working under Brad Pitt owe him 100 Nazi scalps) and there's definitely lots of shooting and killing. But nothing made me go, “Holy shit!” or feel grossed out.

It was pretty long though - almost exactly three hours. I mean, the newest Harry Potter movie is almost 3 hours long, but a) It's Harry Potter and b) It didn't feel like 3 hours. Basterds felt long and kind of drawn out at times. There was a lot of dialog at times. It was funny and I liked it, but it still felt like it was dragging at these times. If anything, like you've said, it's definitely worth it just to see some Nazis get killed and Brad Pitt talk with that Southern accent trying to speak Italian in one scene.

Ok, so that wasn't a lot, but whatever. I'm not very good at reviewing movies. Either I like it or I don't. And if I do like it, then how much I like it is really based on... Would I buy it? I like buying movies. I don't really know why. I have more than 100 DVDs. But I don't think I will buy this. It was good and I enjoyed it, and I'm not saying I'll never watch it again, but I didn't love it enough to own it. That's just me though. Definitely worth seeing in theaters.

As for nannying and what not, it's going well. We, fortunately, do not wear matching outfits. Growing up (and even now) my mom was always very anti-matching clothes with children or husband. If she comes downstairs in the morning and my stepdad is wearing a shirt that's the same color as hers, she'll go back upstairs and change. Or if he would come downstairs after she was already dressed and ready, she'd make him go and change. She refused to match me or my sister either. Thankfully this means she never tried to make us wear matching outfits (and considering we're 7 years apart, that probably would've been weird).

Point is, I'm very anti-matching. It's vomit-inducing or hilarious. And yes, occasionally people have referred to me as "mom" and I'm like, “Uh... Definitely not. Just the nanny. I get to give her back!” (I'm so witty, I know!)

But Isabel's generally a well-behaved kid, so I'm not like ashamed to be around her. Yesterday we went to story time at the Harvard Coop bookstore, and I told her I was glad she was one of the good kids. She certainly can throw fits, but in public she's well-behaved. I cannot stand parents that won't take care or control their kids in situations like storytimes and puppet shows.

An example from yesterday: Isabel and I were sitting on the floor listening to the books and we were next to the snack table. This little boy who had to be around 2 1/2 walked over to the table and promptly knocked over a cup of water on the table. Now accidents happened, but no parent came over to take him away or to clean it up. The water started running off the table onto the carpet next to me and on/in my purse! And on top of that, he started splashing the water spilled on the table with his hands, therefore also splashing me!

Finally, I just got up and grabbed some paper towels and pushed his hands away and cleaned it all up. I kind of looked around; no one still seemed to be claiming him or noticing ME cleaning after HIM. I go to throw away the paper towels and when I turn around, the little boy is sitting in the lap of some woman was A FOOT AWAY FROM ME. She was sitting there the ENTIRE TIME and did NOTHING.

I am only a nanny. I don't have a child. I should not be a better parent than you! Don't think you can just ignore your kids now that you're in a group setting. RUDE!

Sorry, that was more of a rant than I intended. And this is getting long, so I'll stop for now! (Plus, your and Amanda's Tag Team was wayyy long so I didn't finish it. I read like half of it and then just skimmed the rest.)

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Steve said at 1:45 p.m. on August 31:

It figures that you were worried about replying late, since it took me even longer to reply than you did. Go figure, even! But alas, here I am, four days later, to your three days. You are still beating my friend Chloe in terms of response time, though.

Anyway. Okay, I still haven't found someone to go see Inglorious Basterds with, which is mildly upsetting to me. What gives??? At this point, I might just download a screener or cam copy, because I'm not sure if I can wait until it comes out on DVD. Pretty much everyone thinks it is awesome, and it even hit #1 at the box office for a couple weekends, which is rare for a Tarantino film. For all of the acclaim that Pulp Fiction got, I think it only made around $50 million in theaters. By the way, have you seen that? It is a little gross in parts, but so stylish and neat in others, that I think you might like it.

See, I definitely think you should wear matching outfits now, because almost nobody else matches. You're conforming to your mom's expectations by not conforming, Danielle! God, you conformist. And you're making your young daughter conform too! Sickening, really. Next thing you know, you'll give her YOUR cooties as well!

For some reason, this reminds me - Remember when we saw Transformers 2 with your sister, and we went to the Dollar Tree or whatever it's called before? And when we were in line, I was wondering who would get a pregnancy test from that store, and then you and your sister started talking about it... And the lady in front of you both reached back and bought one, right in front of you. Since I was only tangentially involved, the whole thing was really, really funny to me.

And finally, one, how DARE you criticize the length of Tag Team I did with Amanda Meyer! I thought it was the perfect length, although, I do love the sound of my own voice. And second, wow, that sounds like an annoying situation with that kid. I had to deal with a little bit of that when I would substitute for elementary school teachers, but luckily, I never had to do lunch duty, just a bit of recess. The harder part for me would be seeing kids struggle who obviously came from bad home lives. Not surprisingly, there was an overlap between inattention to detail on the kid (i.e. his shoes were untied, messy clothing, absolutely no school supplies) and his ability to do any sort of school work.

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Danielle said at 10:36 p.m. on September 2:

Noooooo, you should go see Basterds in theaters. Go by yourself. Or are you one of those people who won't do that? I actually don't really mind going on my own sometimes. I saw Up by myself and I was kind of glad because it definitely made me cry a bit. and crying is for weenies.

As for matching outfits - I hate it too, not just my mom. It looks SILLY. Especially when parents make siblings who are a few years apart wear the same clothes. I'm sure they REALLY appreciate that. Because they're exactly the same. Obviously.

I will definitely buy the awesomest clothes for my child, but then I'll let them dress themselves. It sometimes produces very interesting results. I let Isabel do it most of the time. I really only give my input to let her know how warm or cold it is outside so she knows what clothes to pick from or if it's something that just looks... Not good. Although a few times I've tried that and she wears it anyway. But I'm just like, fine, wear what you want. I'm not the one who has to walk around in it. (I don't actually say that to her. Just in my head.)

You asked me to answer in the e-mail how one becomes a nanny. So for me, it started with babysitting. When I was 11, I took the Red Cross babysitting course and after I completed that, I started babysitting occasionally for my next door neighbor. I babysat for her until I graduated high school and then a few times after that during my freshmen year of college.

Then I did odd jobs around Newport babysitting, took a break from it during my sophomore year of college. Then when I got back from studying abroad my junior year, I REALLY didn't want to work at Ritz Camera again so I started looking for babysiting jobs and ended up as a part-time babysitter in Maryland. And I continued doing that throughout my senior year too.

I was a little apprehensive because I found them on CraigsList and not long ago there had been a couple incidents down in Maryland where babysitters who got jobs off of CraigsList went to the house and got murdered. So yeah.

But the family was super nice. For my birthday, they bought me the entire Harry Potter bookset in hardback! So it all worked out for the best! And then last summer I worked as a camp counselor at a sleep away camp in Connecticut.

Once I moved to Boston in the fall I needed to find a job; great timing with the recession and all. No jobs in the art field were really coming out, so I started looking at babysitting jobs again. The family I nannyed for down in Maryland told me about this website, sittercity.com. It's a legitimate website and more secure because you have to register to use it and the website can perform background checks on people.

So anyway, toward Christmas time I responded to this one family's posting and they responded and we met up and it seemed to really click. They did the background check, called my references and voila, I became an official full-time nanny. Umbrella and carpet bag not included.

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Steve said at 10:35 pm. on September 8:

Wow, you went to a theatre by yourself AND you were crying? C'mon Membrino, get your life together! And yeah, I normally refuse to see a movie in a movie theater unless I have a friend to go with. It just feels weird going by yourself, or, I imagine it would. My friend Shaun would do it from time to time, and even he said it was weird, and he's normally a pretty mellow kid.

Kids mostly seem to wear what they want to anyway, judging from elementary school classes I subbed for. The difference is mostly in quality level - The girls from better families will have like leggings and Abercrombie clothes in angry, non-matching colors, whereas the poor kids have like ratty T-shirts and jogging pants in angry, non-matching colors. For that reason, I like matching clothes; it is a sort of conformity that suggests you are at least in your right mind a little bit. Speaking as a kid who never-ever really learned how to dress because of his family background, it's somewhat cringe-worthy when I see kids who remind me of me at that age.

I like your tale about becoming a nanny! While this is nowhere near the same level of complexity or coolness, I have been a house sitter twice for a pair of URI professors. However, all I had to do with them was to feed their fish and watch the dog, which required sleeping over at their huge house and feeding her twice a day. As you can imagine, this wasn't much of a chore, AND they paid me AND left me a bunch of food in the fridge! The whole experience was very, very sweet, and I secretly hope to get the chance to housesit again soon. After all, I don't really have a permanent residence, but I do have a college degree and a reputable job and references, so I'm still super qualified for it.

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Danielle said at 10:36 p.m. on September 10:

I really have no problems going to the movies by myself. The only time I felt like a creeper was when I went to go see Meet the Robinson's by myself. It was pretty full in the theater, so I had to sit next to this little kid who was there with his parents. I felt like a creeper for sitting right next to this little kid all by myself! But then they had some commercial about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (not a preview, one of those commercial things for the people who get there before the previews even start) and he said something to me about the Ninja Turtles. So of course I had to talk to him about them! But I also made sure to talk to his mom so I didn't seem so weird. And actually had a pretty interesting conversation with them, haha!

Anyway, I an early screening of The Informant tonight. And I'm going to tell you about it, cause I don't know what else to write about!

I'm not going to give too much away though, because it was really the unexpected in this movie that made it great. Being able to react to this movie was the best part. Matt Damon was great! His character, Mark Whitacker, is very much a go-getter, happy, bizarre person, and he plays the part perfectly.

For anyone who doesn't know, the movie is about Mark Whitacker trying to help take down the company he works at for illegal, worldwide price-setting. He becomes an informant for the FBI and it goes from there.

His seemingly innocent naivety of how he sees things is partly what makes the movie so funny. He seems himself as the good guy and the rest of the head honchos in the company as the bad guys. And that's that.

The other part that really makes this movie is the overhead voice. Throughout the entire movie you get to hear Whitacker's thoughts as he's talking to people or something is going on. Most of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on. In one scene he's going into this big meeting wearing a wire for the FBI and he starts thinking about polar bears and how their fur makes them blend them, except for their noses. Because they're black. But they know to hide their noses. But how do they know their noses are black? Do they look at other polar bears and say, "Am I not invisible?" That seems like a lot of thinking for bears.

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie. You really get attached to the character Mark Whitacker because he just seems so endearingly naive and Matt Damon plays him so convincingly. I mean, I felt REALLY embarrassed for him at times. The only downside to this movie is there is a lot of bureaucracy behind it and it is sometimes rather hard to follow with all the terminology about what's going on. They don't really give explanations of some of the things going on and it can get confusing and you just have to guess at some things if you don't understand it. It was still very amusing and I would recommend going to see it.

(I hope that was a good review. I don't think I'm very good at them!)

Want to do your own Tag Team? Feel free to e-mail me at sgre6768@gmail.com.

Fat guys

For no particular reason outside of needing more books to read, I've recently been reading two biographies about fat guys. Elvis: The Final Years by Jerry Hopkins is rather self-explanatory, yet incredibly interesting to me, since I have no real knowledge of Elvis' material.

Well, actually, I shouldn't say that I'm completely ignorant of the King. My mind works like a sponge when it comes to pop culture trivia, so of course I've sucked up some bits about Elvis. Before reading this (somewhat) authorized biography, I knew he had a couple songs – “Jailhouse Rock” and “Hound Dog” that either created movies or arose out of them. I knew that when he appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show, he had to be filmed from the waist up because his dance moves were too scandalous for the audience at home. I knew that he had Colonel Parker, a flashy, entertaining promoter, who was kind of like the white Don King.

Whenever I'm reading a biography, I always look for a balanced account of a person, and Hopkins' fares pretty well in this regard. While he is very detailed about Elvis' generosity, it doesn't seem over-the-top, and it is balanced with all the pill binges and temper tantrums from his final years. Hopkins does his best to break up the cyclical nature of a music biography – go to town, perform, go to next town, perform, rest, etc. – with stories about Elvis' early days and his excess.

For example, instead of starting out with mundane details about Elvis' life growing up and military service, Hopkins gives the background and sets the scene for the King's famous meeting with the nastiest U.S. President of all-time, Richard Nixon. (For more on Nixon, read anything by Hunter S. Thompson from the 1970s. Nixon will always be my famous president because of all the sleazy things he did; there is sort of a sad humor to it all.) Elvis arranged the meeting with Nixon to offer his services as a sort of double-agent, able to infiltrate the music industry to help curb rampant illegal drug usage and anti-Americanism. The irony is that Elvis was almost surely on quite the drug cocktail himself at the time, albeit a vaguely-legal one, since his many uppers and downers were all prescribed.

The Elvis book really shines when it tells these sorts of stories, and I also enjoyed how it sprinkled in little tidbits and anecdotes in the context of the times. Whenever Elvis performed, janitors would have to deal with hundreds of pairs of soiled underwear left behind by the female audience members, which is hilarious to the seven-year-old part of my humor. Also interesting was the description of an Elvis “record” production. On any given record in the 1970s, only a few songs would be true originals, and almost none would feature just Elvis singing. Almost every record was comprised primarily of material first recorded by other artists, or featured songs that Elvis had already recorded decades ago. The money-making schemes by artists of today are nothing compared to Elvis and Colonel Parker.

The other biography is a bit more by the numbers and traditional, but since the topic is Alfred Hitchcock, it is still an engrossing read. It is more than 600 pages though, densely packed with information in standard type, so it is slow going through it. I've finished about 200 pages in two days, a slow pace for me, and Hitch still hasn't made it to America, so there has been no reference to the films I actually know of – The Birds, Psycho and North by Northwest. Reading about his British films is interesting – I now want to check out The Man Who Knew Too Much, for example – but I still do have a sense of “When do I get to the good stuff?” hanging over my reading. I'm willing to stick with it for now, primarily because the remaining library books I have out are kind of fluffy books about some of the worst films of all-time.

Inexplicable movie review - Freshman Fall

Melodramatic tagline: He's the most popular guy on campus...
Who'd believe he's the most dangerous.

As far as era snapshots go, Freshman Fall (a.k.a. She Cried No, apparently) is incredible. Not because the movie is well-done or realistic, but because it has all of the horrible benchmarks of a strict, by-the-numbers 1990s health film. It is incredible because is it neither well-done or realistic, and strives for both. Colossal failure is just as interesting to me as colossal success.

A one-line summary: DJ from Full House is raped by Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell. This is not to be confused with No One Would Tell, in which DJ is beaten and killed by Fred Savage from The Wonder Years. In this one, DJ is a freshman in college and is raped within 20 minutes, leaving another 74 for the movie to twist and turn in faux drama and ridiculousness.

The movie is odd and awful, but my oddest and awfullest thoughts center around DJ. First, how is she typecast in this sort of role? It's not a Macaulay Culkin situation, where his parents were forcing him into taking a bunch of roles for cash. DJ was 20 when she took this role, so she would presumably understand all of the implications. I suppose the thought was that her image would lend the credibility, but if anything, its traumatizing to see Zack from Saved By The Bell brutally force himself on DJ. How rude! He should really cut it out. Elton and Steve would have never tried that shit.

DJ simply doesn't work in the movie, which is why I keep calling her DJ. It's just impossible to rectify her squeaky clean image on Full House to that of a "normal girl" who's taken advantage of in college. Even with a full-body shot of DJ's tight body in the gym (seriously), all of her mannerisms scream, "DJ Tanner, I'm DJ Tanner, in case you forgot!" In doesn't help in her few non-Full House appearances, Candace Cameron seems incredibly likable and sweet. By all accounts, DJ is exactly the character she plays on Full House.

This doesn't affect every actor. Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack) is strangely creepy and charming as The Rapist Scott Baker. (That would be a great sports nickname, except for the raping part.) This is probably why he's been able to land other roles (NYPD Blue) somewhat consistently despite his start as Zack Morris.

But the other aspect that makes Freshman Fall so horrible is the faint hint of authenticity throughout. If you squint hard enough, or didn't experience the era firsthand, then it seems genuine enough. If you actually experienced the 1990s, then everything is perversely off.

The opening song of the movie? "Counting Blue Cars" by Dishwalla. Not Nirvana or Smashing Pumpkins or 311 or Oasis or Blackstreet with Dr. Dre or even Counting Crows. It doesn't suck, but the song is so generic and safe that it becomes a mundane listen halfway through its first play. I was 12 and I knew Dishwalla would be a one-hit wonder. When you open a movie with Dishwalla, a band that was not even cool when I was in sixth grade, you are setting up something wildly unbelievable.

So here's the rest, in case you can't guess: DJ meets Six from Blossom and a ridiculously hot Nikki Cox (left), her roommates at Generic State U. The Rapist invites her to an opening night keg party and gets her drinking. Before you know it, she's clutching to him while "Macarena" blares in the background, and The Rapist invites her back to his room for the horrible, awkward rape scene with some sinisterly-poor acoustic guitar in the background. He said she said, yada yada yada, the end.

The thing is, if the producers had any brains at all, they would realize they had a much better lead in the supporting cast - Nikki Cox. She is a waffle crapper of the highest degree, especially in this movie, where she is prancing about with no bra for some reason.