Steveats: Wendy’s Bacon Mozzarella Burger (with tons of lettuce)

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

One “advantage” of modern day fast food burgers is that you get a free salad with each one, seemingly. By this, I mean that the workers pile way too god damn much lettuce on the things.

The picture on this entry for the Wendy’s Bacon Mozzarella burger are AFTER I already picked off and ate a good amount of the lettuce. I’m not sure why this is the new modus operandi for fast food burger prep – I think it makes the burger look smaller, and it’s like they have something to hide.

And let me be clear, for one of the first times for this feature, Wendy’s has nothing to hide. The Bacon Mozzarella burger IS pretty tasty, with its thicker bun (garlic Brioche, according to their literature) and the feature ingredient of mozzarella. Both were pretty tasty, especially as compared to other fast food efforts and their own gooey and soggy Jalapneo Fresco chicken sandwich, a past Steveats target.

Unasked for salad aside, this is a tasty burger. Of course, it’s still horrible for you – 620 calories! – and overpriced at about $4.50. For that much, I’d rather have the equivalent three McDoubles or four Rodeo burgers. But if you’re looking for just one really good burger, by fast food standards, then the Wendy’s Bacon Mozzarella burger is currently the reigning king. (Note: I’m only referring to the Big Three national fast food chains here – Wendy’s, McDonald’s and BK.)

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Steveats: Wendy’s (gooey and soggy) Jalapeno Fresco Chicken Sandwich

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

In contrast to the previously tried Angriest Whopper, Wendy’s jalapeno fresco chicken sandwich actually does have some spice and kick to it! I mean, not nearly as much as the commercial and ingredients list would suggest, but still. If you like spicy, it’s slightly spicy. It made my brow sweat.

However, again, it was a disappointing eat. As you can see from the photos, its main characteristic is a soggy sort of ghost pepper sauce. This is mildly hot, but it makes everything in the sandwich taste kind of mushy. Also, while the sandwich claims to have diced / chopped jalapeno on it, they honestly tasted and looked more like scallions to me. Bad scallions, at that, since I’m a guy who likes his scallions poppin’ and fresh.

Worse, much like the previous Steveats items, the jalapeno fresco chicken sandwich is not especially cheap or nutritious. The recommended (retail) price is $4.99, and I think mine was $5.25 or $5.50, probably because I got it from the Middletown (close to Newport) Wendy’s “all the way” out on Aquidneck Island. The default sandwich checks in at 590 calories, and it’s definitely not a guilty pleasure item that deserves that amount.

When I’m evaluating fast food options, I must admit that I always compare them to the old standbys – the McDouble and McChicken from McDonald’s, and the double cheeseburger from Burger King. Both are in the $1 to $1.50 range, so, it’s a simple equation – Would I rather have had this weird jalapeno chicken sandwich, or three McDoubles / double cheese burgers? It’s a definite “no” for this sandwich, although it’s better than the Angriest Whopper in a direct matchup.

If you have a request for a future Steveats, leave it in the comments on here or on my Facebook. To check out some of the past Steveats, go here!

Steveats: The Taco Bell Quesalupa

A Quesalupa in the wild.

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable fast food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

The Quesalupa, as described by the Taco Bell writing team, is a magical item. “A beautiful, chewy Chalupa shell on the outside, with delicious pepper jack cheese baked right inside the shell.” Why, yes, that does sound interesting to me! I quite enjoy cheese-based products, and while I’d never profess to being the world’s hugest Taco Bell fan, I’m also not immune to the wonders of a cheap taco during a night of drinking when I’m hungry late at night.

Unfortunately though, the Quesalupa didn’t even meet the low standards I had for it in my head. First off, get those confusing commercials out of your head. (A short analysis of them though – YouTube commentators had the same initial thought I did. Are we supposed to be noticing the redhead with the prodigious posterior? Also, what laundromat has an ATM machine between machines? The Onlines tell me that in the commercial, it’s meant to highlight that the people are so entranced by the cheese of the Quesalupa that they do not notice the person doing the cannonball or the stripping laundry lady, but it’s hard to tell because there are no vocals and a weird EDM track on in the background.)

The actual cheese in the Quesalupa isn’t all that stretchy. I know that saying “cheese” with any Taco Bell product is being generous, but still. It’s somewhere in-between the consistency of the shredded crap they put on their normal tacos and the gooey, liquid cheese for the burritos. It was somewhat flavorless, at least the one I tried.

Anyway, the rest of the ole Quesalupa is just the standard Taco Bell fare. I don’t mind normal Chalupas, but they don’t really deserve their increased price over the standard $0.99 items or Big Box of the Month. It’s $2.99 for the Quesalupa, and for your late night, bad food binging, three tacos or two McDoubles are better investments.