Steveats: The Dunkin’ Donuts Pop-Tarts grand experiment

Karen's hands aren't enormous. This is just a super zoom.

Debuting a new, semi-regular feature! I tryout questionable food items so that you don’t have to in… Steveats. (Note: Title developed in about 10 seconds of brainstorming.)

For years now, the Kellogg company has been taking audacious risks with its toastable breakfast treats, Pop-Tarts. Walk down the grocery aisle, and you can find the classic flavors like strawberry, chocolate fudge and brown sugar cinnamon, mingling with abominations like Orange Crush and Mug Root Beer flavors. Disgusting.

So, I was on the fence when I learned that there were Dunkin’ Donuts Pop-Tarts, available in vanilla latte and chocolate mocha varieties. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find any of the latter, but the former were still available for ordering on Walmart.com. (My other high quality purchase to qualify for free shipping? Why, a Sunbeam bread maker replacement part.)

Because the only ordering option was a family pack of 16, Karen and her friend Jordyn got recruited into some taste-testing this week. Plus, they both have way more experience with Pop-Tarts than I do. Karen’s remarks on the ole Dunkin’ Donuts vanilla latte Pop-Tart are similar to what mine would be:

“Can’t you just remember what you talked about when we ate them?”

“No.”

“Okay, well, this is just me and you having a conversation. We each tried one cold and one hot, and the hot were better. We were disappointed they didn’t have more filling, but I didn’t know if that was for this particular Pop-tart or if the Pop-Tart company has cutback in general. For all I know the strawberry ones don’t have much filling either. And then, I also said that they reminded me, it was like eating a Cumby’s cappuccino. They were pretty good. I would continue eating them if they were available, but I wouldn’t buy them again. Brown sugar cinnamon still wins the Pop-Tart race. That’s all I have to say about it.”

Reached for comment at a later point, Jordyn said, “I thought they were great! I'm probably not the toughest critic in the world but I'd eat the heck out of them if they were a little healthier, haha. I mean, true, they're not jumping up to the top of the Pop-Tart list because it's actually impossible to beat brown sugar and hot fudge sundae. But still delicious? Yes.”

So, there you have it. These Pop-Tarts are pretty tasty, according to three different people, two of which go to Brown University. They’re Ivy League-approved. But they need more filling, and they aren’t the best Pop-Tarts you can purchase. Stock up on those brown cinnamon sugar ones instead. (Which, admittedly, I haven’t tried yet.)

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