More Glee in my future, but will a gimmick derail?

I'm torn about the news that Glee is getting a second season. On one hand, I'm glad that the show is definitely getting a second season, guaranteed, since FOX has such a horrible track record with nurturing shows. For example, it has already canceled Dollhouse; I didn't watch it, but I've heard good things from friends, who are no doubt displeased at that news. And in the past, FOX hasn't seen it fit to renew great, critically acclaimed shows like Arrested Development, Firefly, Futurama and Family Guy. So, if Glee is safe for another season, then I'm quite glad.

However, an Entertainment Weekly news post about the news contains a distressing bit of information to me - "Fox is launching a nationwide casting search this February to fill three new season 2 roles. Per the network’s press release, “Auditions will be open to amateur individuals as well as professionals between the ages of 16-26, and all hopefuls will be able to submit auditions online."

What the hell? Why do I want to see amateurs sing? If I wanted to witness that, I'd actually watch American Idol. Dear FOX, keep your god damned amateur singers on one show. I'd prefer that actors and actresses with actual chops, like the lovely Jayma Mays and Lea Michele, get screen time.

I suppose that the new cast members could be just bit players, but really, I can't imagine a scenario in which actual professionals wouldn't be better served for the roles. Also, they're casting three people? That seems like quite a few. Does that mean three people are leaving the show to make room for them? If so, then I suppose it could be a good thing, since it would freshen the cast up a bit from year-to-year, but I would prefer professionals taking those spots as opposed to amateurs.

Also, Britney better be staying on the show. That's all.

Conan deserves better, as NBC goes back to Leno

The latest late night television rumor has been that The Jay Leno Show is finally, mercifully, dead.

If you ask me, it's about four months too late. From its inception, Leno's show was just a stale rehash of what he did on The Tonight Show, which mostly benefited from the fact that Leno was against Letterman. I've always liked Letterman more, but I realize his kind-of-wacky behavior rubbed audiences the wrong way, as well as guests, who normally preferred the canned bits and skits they could do on Leno's show. Letterman will always be cooler than Leno, who gets credit for being workmanlike but unremarkable, at least to me. The contrast between the two allowed for better ratings for both of them.

With Leno's 10 p.m. show getting sacked, the loser in all of this seems to be Conan. Contractually, I believe he has to be the host of The Tonight Show for a certain period of time, which means NBC will be doing some bizarre shell game where they push Conan's show back 30 minutes and run Leno at 11:30 for 30 minutes. I don't think this has the slightest chance at all of working, as NBC doesn't seem to realize that Leno isn't really a talent worth keeping. Conan's ratings have sucked because Leno has sucked. As proof, I'd offer the evidence that Rhode Island's flagship news station, WJAR-10, slipped out of first in the local ratings for the first time in forever this past year, probably because of how weak a lead-in Leno is.

It wouldn't surprise me if Conan's lawyers began looking for ways to break his contract the second NBC came to him with this wacky plan, and it also wouldn't surprise me if he bolted the second his contract expired if he can't break it beforehand. While CBS is seemingly set, ABC might want to make a big splash and go after Conan. Personally, I'd love to see Jimmy Kimmel get a shot at 11:30, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards with the recent reemergence of Nightline.

As far as what happens to the other NBC performers, does anyone care? I don't mind Jimmy Fallon - his show is surprisingly watchable, between The Roots band and odd, quirky bits like "Guess That Carpet Sample." However, he's not unquestionably great, and I haven't seen a ton of growth from him. If Leno does move back to 11:30, it definitely seems like the end of Carson Daly's miserable show, which is one of the few positive side effects of such a movie.

The picture of Conan with his monkey is from this site.

More weird Rhode Island news - Dog in sweater delays commute

You can tell the difference between Florida and Rhode Island news easily. In Rhode Island, people don't get killed or arrested for ridiculous things; there is more oversight and apathy. For example, citing the lion story I linked to the other day, if that happened in Florida it would have gotten loose from its trailer park by the swamp and eat 20 people before being shot to death. And, not shot to death by a cop, but by a neighbor or loved one.

As a contrast, Rhode Island just has more silly stuff, like a dog dressed in a sweater tying up traffic. Awww - That's just cute. I mean, I would have gotten a bit pissed if I was driving and in a hurry to get somewhere, but still, better a puppy than an accident dealing traffic.

It reminds me that over the summer, I had a similar run-in with a dog. I was driving home around 3 p.m. and saw a scraggy-looking black dog (not Led Zeppelin) on Route 1, which is a four-lane, somewhat-major highway in Southern Rhode Island. I called police about it, because I didn't want the poor guy to get hit, but I couldn't stop because I was running really late for work.

The puppy photo is from Overstock, here.

Tag Team: Bob and Kristin and Steve on the NFL Playoffs

Bob says: In hopes of keeping with the updated theme of your blog, I wanted to do my best this week to tie my picks to what I now refer to as the “sports and Tivo” box, since sports is the only programming I still watch live. I may be a little late to the scene in terms of people on the Internet commenting on The Jersey Shore. (Do you like that, by the way? I capitalized Internet, and I know you love your AP Style.) However, I have been onboard with this show since Day 1, and it is arguably my favorite show on TV right now (although that’s not saying much, since most programming is in repeats until next month and The Real World is just awful).

Many people seem to enjoy Jersey Shore the same way people enjoy slowing down to gawk at a car accident on the highway—they are interested in a morbid kind of way to see the carnage and wreckage that is on display. People are shocked that eight young Americans could be so self-absorbed and stupid, and seem fascinated by the so-called “Guido” culture the same way they might be interested in headshrinkers. Most of these people seem to take comfort that the cast of The Jersey Shore is some kind of aberration, which is enjoyable to watch but doesn’t represent anything more about America as a whole.

Well, I’m here to tell those people that they are wrong but that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy the show anyway. First, with regards to the “Guido” culture, I attended the University of Rhode Island along with many of your readers. The culture is real, and we could see it in person at that school. Fully one-fifth of out-of-state students at URI come from New Jersey, where many students would have made it through the first round of auditions for The Jersey Shore, and let’s not forget that Pauly D from the show is actually a Rhode Island native. This culture is real, so let’s not act like numerous Italian-American organizations have and pretend it does not. The “Guido” culture is not a slur against Italians — in fact, the only link it has to Italians is that the culture seeks to emulate the glorified concept of slick gangsters that has been perpetrated by Hollywood, which includes many movies about the Mafia, particularly Goodfellas and The Sopranos.

The movie that is more emblematic of the culture, however, is Scarface - the movie poster of which decorates the wall of every wannabe Guido, including the Jersey Shore house — but that movie isn’t even about Italians. Although Al Pacino is Italian-American and played one of the most prominent film roles about an Italian-American, he played a Cuban in Scarface. It is ridiculous to pretend this subculture doesn’t exist, and one has to be almost as self-absorbed as The Jersey Shore cast to pretend that “Guido” culture is explicitly tied to Italian-Americans at this point. Perhaps many young Italian-Americans aspire to be “Guidos,” it is no longer a term that people use to refer to Italian-Americans as a whole. The Jersey Shore may be the best thing to ever happen to Italian-Americans, as a matter of fact, because the moniker “Guido” — which is also an ethnic slur — may become less attached with think very real subculture. Instead, in the future “Guido” culture may be referred to as the Jersey Shore culture.

Secondly, let’s not pretend, America, that the cast of the show is an unrepresentative group of ignoramuses. We all saw the clips from Sarah Palin rallies during the 2008 elections. Even before then, when people started rejecting candidates for being too intellectual or urbane and deciding they would decide their votes on whom they would “rather have a beer with,” many Americans have actually begun to pride themselves in being unsophisticated and slightly ignorant. There is nothing wrong with that, per se. I reject the notion that most people should have to have a college degree before they get a job, and people shouldn’t have to feel that brie is a necessary food to have on-hand for parties. However, let’s not pretend that the cast of The Jersey Shore is somehow unrepresentative of the population of a country where only 62 percent of Americans believe Barack Obama was born in this country and 40 percent of Americans did not read a single book over the course of a year.

But I came here to praise The Jersey Shore, not to bury it. There are many reasons to love this show. For one, those of us who think that we are somehow more sophisticated than the cast of the show can use it as a release valve where we allow ourselves some time to live vicariously through their unsophisticated but fun lives. Think of it as dessert for the brain. Another reason to love the show is that it represents a natural progression in performance art — the melodrama has been around for centuries and reality television shows for the most part are just the newest, unscripted incarnation of that. Let’s remember that the premise of this “reality” show is that eight young Americans can live for a month working at a T-shirt store a few times a week but party almost every night, drink unlimited amounts of alcohol, and live in a seaside house. The show is fun to watch, so let’s embrace that instead of pretend we are somehow too good for the show.

Interestingly, though, my goal here was not to rant about The Jersey Shore. Instead, I wanted to use the show as a forum to discuss my playoff football picks. I guess I just needed to let some air out to set the stage. Without further ado, here are my comparisons between the Wildcard Weekend NFL teams and The Jersey Shore cast:

New England Patriots – The Situation: After the first few minutes of the first episode of Jersey Shore, I had good feelings about the Situation. He was confident and had the type of personality that would be terrible to deal with in person but is awesome to see on television. Much like my love for Chuck Bass on Gossip Girl, it is based on the fact that the person is interesting and has a distinct personality, as opposed to being a person with whom I think I would actually get along. The Situation’s performance on the show has been interesting, however. For a person who acts like such a player, he got insanely upset when Sammi Sweetheart chose to hook up with Ronnie instead of him. In addition, despite the fact that the Situation brings home girls almost every time they go out, he never seems to be able to seal the deal. Sometimes it has been bad luck, but honestly I think his game may not be great. I feel the same way about the Patriots—they have had streaks where they have looked good, and they have the potential to make a long run in the playoffs, but they often haven’t been able to finish games and up until now they have been disappointing. Unless they can change things up, expect to be disappointed.

Baltimore Ravens – Ronnie: The Ravens are the hidden juggernaut of the playoffs—a team that lost a lot of close games and, if they come into their element, could perhaps run the table. Ronnie is nothing if not a juggernaut. That guy looks like he could crush most people with his bare hands, and I would be stunned if steroids aren’t in the mix with him. However, as was previously mentioned, the Ravens lost a lot of close games, in part due to their bad defense and propensity to make dumb mistakes in terms of penalties. Ronnie, despite being a juggernaut, has made perhaps the dumbest mistake of the show, and that is breaking his own rule that he stated coming into the show: “Never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.” In doing so, Ronnie has completely rejected the possibility of having random hookups aided by girls wanting to be on camera, and being an interesting character because Sammi and he are so boring together. Similarly, the Ravens could be a juggernaut, but it seems more likely that they’re going to be boring and not really go anywhere.

New York Jets - Angelina: Far and away my least favorite character on the show, and far and away my least favorite team playing this weekend. She was obnoxious because she was a jerk just to be a jerk, ruined interesting television by constantly disrupting things just as they got good, and generally made things no fun. The Jets are a team that inexplicably made it into the playoffs, have an obnoxious coach and a seemingly overrated prettyboy quarterback, and honestly don’t have a compelling angle. Hopefully the Jets run in the playoffs will compare to Angelina’s run on the show.

Cincinnati Bengals – Vinny: Vinny is a loveable but uncompelling character on the show. You are rooting for good things to happen to Vinny because he’s such a nice guy, but he really doesn’t seem to be trying that hard to make good things happen for himself. I don’t think I even need to explicitly draw the parallel to the Bengals.

Dallas Cowboys – Pauly D: A few episodes ago, Pauly D and the Situation brought home two girls, only one of whom they considered attractive. The other one, lovingly called the “grenade,” was for Pauly D to “fall on” so the Situation could hook up with the other girl. In the confessional, both Pauly D and the Situation talked about how Pauly D was going to fall on the grenade, how he should fall on the grenade, and about how much it sucked to fall on the grenade. However, when the show flashed to what was actually going on, all Pauly D was really doing was glaring at the girl and not saying a word. He did not fall on the grenade, unless there was some sort of effort we didn’t see on the tape. Every year, Dallas is supposed to be good, they make it into the playoffs, and they’re scary. Then they get knocked out their first game. Done and done.

Philadelphia Eagles – Snooki: These are both things that are pretty unattractive but it might be nice to see succeed. Snooki is short and not exactly amazing looking, but she seems nice enough and it would be nice to see her take home a guy who isn’t covertly spying on another housemate. The Eagles have THE MOST OBNOXIOUS fans in football so it is hard to root for their success, but at this point you just kind of feel bad for Donovan McNabb, right? Just let them win one Super Bowl and everything will be all right.

Green Bay Packers – Sammi Sweetheart: Much like Ronnie, Sammi Sweetheart entered with a ton of potential but has been disappointing since their relationship started. In addition, the far and away most attractive member of the cast is made much less attractive by the fact that she totally threw The Situation under the bus when she decided to hook up with Ronnie, and then acted like she hadn’t done anything wrong. At some point you have to feel like that is going to bite her in the ass. Green Bay has looked strong all year, but for whatever reason they haven’t been able to put things together. That glaring flaw has been their ability to protect Aaron Rodgers, and you get the feeling that somebody will find a way to exploit that.

Arizona Cardinals - JWoww: The silent killer of the crowd. JWoww, aside from her drama with her boyfriend because she thought it would be a good idea to look at Pauly D’s penis, has been mostly silent throughout the show. However, she still has a strong personality and when she shows up, she shows up big. Case-in-point was last week, where she decided to throw down with some woman at the bar because the woman called her, or Snooki, or both of them (the story was never really clear) fat. The Cardinals have been uninteresting all year, but if that passing game gets going other teams better look out. And they better make sure they don’t call Kurt Warner fat.

Picks:

CINNCINNATI over NY Jets -3
DALLAS over Philadelphia -4
NEW ENGLAND over Baltimore -3.5
Green bay over ARIZONA +1.5

-----

Kristin says: Okay, so let me first say that I married Bob for a reason, because that was the most entertaining piece of football writing that I have ever read. (Okay, there are more reasons than that, and I don't read that much about football - but hush.)

Reading this made me feel like I was ahead of my time in the complete cotton candy satisfaction I took from watching Newlyweds with Jessica Simpson. Nothing stops the buzzing aching feeling in your brain that comes from reading aloud your Organic Chemistry text book with your roommate like Chicken of the Sea.

Don't laugh, we really did that, and we both got A's. This was one of our many great ideas sophomore year that also included our "no cheese" diet, which resulted in a prompt five-pound weight loss (not worth it) and 2 a.m. dance parties to "99 Red Balloons". In fact, I like to think I introduced Bob to empty calorie television (a.k.a. the Gossip Girl reference he made).

However, I would hate to think my love of coming home from a stressful, intellectually demanding day to mindless girlie drama TV is in any way related to Sarah Palin or anti-intellectualism. I would like to think that you can escape into shows that you would never want to admit to people that your enjoy and not apply the same dumbed-down philosophy to the rest of your life. I don't have the patience to follow Lost - I would rather just read a book than watch smarter television, but I would never ever vote for a Presidential candidate that I thought was less intelligent than myself.

Okay, this is just blather, and it has nothing to do with football or Jersey Shore. But, sadly, I completely agree with Bob's analysis and his picks. I think that Ronnie and JWoww are more interesting than he gives them credit for (he thinks I'm crazy to take Ronnie over The Situation, but Ronnie reminds me of a sweet rhinoceros with better skin), and I feel sick inside picking Dallas in a playoff game, but there are some things you just need to live with. I don't see how Philly bounces back from sheer domination keeping their playbook secret or not. I think that Cinci and Green Bay deserve wins so I'm picking them based on rooting for my Ocho and as part of my Favre revenge. GO PATS!!!!!!!!!

Picks:

Dallas over Philly
GB over Arizona
Cincy over Jets
Pats over Ravens

-----

Steve says: Well, with all of the love for Jersey Shore going on in this post, it seems like I have to be the one who pisses in the punch bowl - I refuse to watch it. In fact, I daresay that I'm sick of shows like Jersey Shore, which plenty of my friends watch because you don't really have to think at all while you're watching it.

I understand that people need a fast-food equivalent on television every once in a while, but I refuse to lend any more support to tripe like Jersey Shore, which has people who DO NOT HAVE TALENT. These are not functioning human beings; in the real world (as opposed to The Real World), they'd be arrested for being 50 payments behind on child support, or they would have wrecked their 1980s shitmobile with the oversized rims into a telephone pole.

This sort of trainwreck television was mildly amusing to me when it first came on. I'm still a sort-of fan of Paris Hilton, because I think she's much smarter than she leads on, and the same thing goes for Jessica Simpson. Paris is most definitely a slut, but with her and Jessica, there is a sort of playfulness about them that makes me like them. I get the feeling that they have some humility, that they know they're not really that talented, and they're just enjoying the ride.

I don't get this feeling from the typical reality television stars, who all come across as narcissistic assholes. If you're James Cameron, then this is kind of OK, since your talent is so overwhelming. (And Rickey Henderson, don't you ever change either; Steve Greenwell is hoping that Rickey Henderson never changes.) I think the television industry is partly in the shitter because they'd rather focus on shows like Jersey Shore, which sounds to me like an elephant shitting on an abortion clinic.

That being said, I feel compelled to compare playoff teams to something on television, since Bob did it. I will compare them to actual shows:

The New England Patriots = The Sopranos. Long worshiped as a model show and franchise, despite the underhandedness involved at times, but when the end finally comes, it'll probably be a huge disappointment to everyone involved and cause a backlash. The Patriots made the playoffs this year, so the end isn't quite here, but it's looming. I don't see them winning the Super Bowl this year, and things could get worse next year, as Moss (the real key on offense to me after Brady) gets another year older and slower.

The New York Jets = Joey. A show that seemed popular for about three weeks, because its past gave it something to build upon. In the case of Joey, it got the Friends audience for a little bit, until everyone realized that the new show sucked. With the Jets, the bitter taste of the Favre experiment was erradicated with the excitement of Ryan's hiring and some surprising early-season wins.

However, both the show and the team have been found lacking, and I wonder if there has been a worse non-injury starting quarterback in a playoff game than Mark Sanchez. He has a dozen touchdowns and TWENTY interceptions! He's averaging an interception every 18.2 throws. This is worse than JaMarcus Russell (one per 22.36 throws), meaning you could make the argument that the Jets would be better with JaMarcus freakin' Russell as their quarterback. Meanwhile, Kellen Clemens is wondering whether he should throw some more interceptions to get a chance at the starting gig.

The Baltimore Ravens = Punky Brewster. A spunky team that people seem to like, but you just can't take it seriously because of its lead (Flacco and Soleil Moon-Frye). Of course, in five years, when both are all grown-up, you might realize you've made a horrible mistake. (Also, this gives me an excuse to post a picture of her, now that she is all grown-up and hot.)

The Cincinnati Bengals = Hang Time. I resisted bending my rules and going with the obvious movie comparisons like The Mighty Ducks and Little Giants and The Bad News Bears. Instead, I went with the goofy teen basketball drama that was on weird times Saturday morning on NBC, and inexplicably had Dick Butkus coaching at one point. I never regularly watched the show, but I agree with Wikipedia's assessment, which notes the wild changes in the cast even from year to year. Hey, I'm a Bengals fan, but it seems like every year they're dealing with some weird drama, and Carson Palmer has elevated them past "lovable losers" to more of a "goofy competence" sort of club.

The Green Bay Packers = Heroes season one. Everyone raved about both, although nobody really knows about their long-term potential. If the Packers can advance far into the playoffs, then I'd upgrade them to Lost. If they flame out, well, then they continue on the Heroes path.

The Philadelphia Eagles and The Dallas Cowboys = Tyler Perry's House of Payne or The Bill Engvall Show or Blue Collar TV. Both teams have huge constituents of fans that pretty much nobody else likes. This can also apply to the Patriots, except that the Patriots also have bandwagon fans because they've actually won some Super Bowls.

The Arizona Cardinals = Charmed. I've heard so little about the Cardinals that I'm somewhat surprised they actually made the playoffs. In similar fashion, did you know that Charmed ran for eight god damn seasons? That seems like seven too many to me, but hey, what else was the WB going to run? It gave a season of shows to Ellen Cleghorne, so you know anything that remotely had a pulse got a couple years, like The Steve Harvey Show and Sister Sister.

Picks:

Philly over Dallas
GB over Arizona
Cincy over Jets
Pats over Ravens

Sister, Sister is from this blog. Paris is from this blog. Jessica Simpson is from this blog. JWoww and Snooki are both from this site, because I felt dirty just looking for more Jersey Shore photos. And The Situation is from this site.

Around The Dial: Cold Pizza still sucks, CSI does not

I realized that I didn't really have an appropriate column name for a general, channel-flipping sort of entry, like I do for the At The Commercials series. So, in the roughly 60 seconds I thought about this, I have dubbed these entries... Around The Dial.

- I can't believe how much Cold Pizza still sucks. It is still aired daily on ESPN2, although I have no idea. Outside of the somewhat attractive soccer mom quality to Dana Jacobson, there is absolutely no reason to watch the show. (And unfortunately, unlike at party companies, Dana is not getting loaded on Grey Goose, in this not-safe-for-work link.)

The worst part of the show is the crappy debate they have each morning, which is between Public Enemy #1 Skip Bayless and some athlete or other ESPN dolt (Jemele Hill) that won't embarrass him too badly. If you're not familiar with sports, Skip Bayless is to sports what Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann are to fair political commentary. The guy is such a freakin' joke that Bill Simmons included a shot at him in his Book of Basketball, and Simmons is generally prohibited from attacking other ESPN employees.

Basically, the show serves no purpose, since the "hey let's have a fun show about sports!" role is filled later in the day by the (still kind of bad but improving) Sportsnation, and the public-informing role is taken by the fresh broadcasts of Sportscenter on the mothership. If ESPN isn't considering flipping the format again, then they seriously should be. I can't imagine that the ratings for the show are that great.

- To balance the sour with the sweet, I must say that I applaud Spike airing so many episodes of CSI. Unlike TNT, which seems to only show the most recent seasons of Law and Order now, Spike reaches back into its CSI archives for, say, episodes with everyone still around, including Gil Grissom, while also mixing in the newer episodes with Morpheus.

The only complaint I have is that I wish they would take out the cheesy episodes where Grissom is deaf and/or going deaf. I find them a pain in the ass to watch because, simulating Grissom's loss of hearing, the audio will randomly drop at points. Instead, let's focus on episodes with the cougar-y Marg Helgenberger. Did you know she is FIFTY-ONE? Ye gads! I have no idea what you're doing, Marg, but keep it up, you German-Irish dame.

The family watching television is from this site. The picture of Dana is from this entertainment blog of The Sacramento Bee. And Marg is from this photo gallery.

A column of football picks from Bob, Kristin and I will be up later tonight, or tomorrow, whenever I feel like it.

Weird Rhode Island news - Lions and lions and lions, oh my!

I might not have time to do a proper television entry today - I'm running all over the place working on various stuff. But, I did want to at least post some token weird Rhode Island news.

According to an article in The Providence Journal, a lion was recently taken from the home of a Glocester man. Yeah, I'm a bit surprised this story didn't originate from Florida, the capital of bizarre animal and just bizarre news in general.

Although the article notes that the former owner did have the proper permits for the lion, it makes me think that the animal was grandfathered in as legal, since he's apparently been there for more than a dozen years. I'm surprised there wasn't any outcry from the neighbors about, you know, the lion in their backyard, after earlier news stories about a chimp mauling some people. (I would link to the story, but everyone reading this has probably already seen it, and I'm not chancing that I'll see the horrific picture of the woman without a face again.)

Also, the Rhode Island climate makes me wonder if the lion is really comfortable; don't they normally live in warm portions of Africa? Then again, lions have a lot of hair, so maybe he likes the breeze of 20-degree weather.

Finally, this makes me ponder an exotic pet of my own. Is it legal for me to own a penguin? What about a giraffe or a kangaroo? This is something I seriously have to look into.

The lion photo is from this site.

At The Commcerials: Our product is called Ass Effects

I normally don't like to do these commercial reviews so close together, but while I was typing the entry the other day on how awesome the Reebok butt-toning commercial is, the utterly insane commercial above started playing.

This has to be intentional, right? The product's name is Aciphex, but the pronunciation is ASS-EFFECTS. Holy hell! Why would you ever give your product that name intentionally? This isn't an Ayds diet bar situation, where the medical community totally screwed over your product name after the fact. This is a name to use in lieu of the medical name; you can probably use just about anything that you want.

So, I believe they chose this name purposely, so that bloggers like me would mock them, and thus, everyone would remember their product's name. Well then, mission accomplished! Unfortunately for ASS-EFFECTS though, I still don't remember what their product is for, except that it is not for a stinky ass. (Then it would make perfect sense.) Also, I can't help but think that its name would prevent a lot of walk-up sales at the pharmacy.

"Hey Bob, how's the wife?" "Oh, she's not doing so great - She needs from ASS EFFECTS!" "Well, that seems a little personal, Bob, and something you and her should settle yourself..."

TNA upstages the return of Bret Hart

This post is about pro wrestling, so I'll apologize up front for no doubt disappointing many of you. But, it was a landmark night Monday. (For any actual wrestling fans reading this, massive spoilers follow!)

For a couple weeks now, TNA has been hyping the debut of Hulk Hogan. For the casual wrestling fans reading, yes, he is still around. He will be allegedly working in a management role for TNA, along with Eric Bischoff, and probably will not be wrestling much. This could be good, bad or horrifically bad - The rap on Hogan in the past has been that he dominates backstage politics and keeps younger guys down on the card.

However, if last night is any indication, TNA is on the right track with the whole angle. Hogan said that there would be a major talent reorganization, and that guys would have to earn their spot - including ex-NWO friends Kevin Nash, (a very drunk and fat-looking) Scott Hall and Sean "X-Pac" Waltman.

Hogan debuted at 9 p.m., which was right when WWE's Raw was unleashing their own returning star - Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Except for a single taped spot about two years ago and a Hall of Fame induction, Hart hasn't been on WWE programming for about 12 years. In a blending of the real and fake worlds of professional wrestling, Hart got screwed over in an incident known as the Montreal Screwjob.

Hart's return was a bit more muted and less effective than Hogan's, although it did produce a better "Hell has frozen over" moment - A hug between Hart and nemesis Shawn Michaels. However, the rest of the show was a bit of a letdown. Outside of a stellar tag team match (Michaels and HHH vs. my favorite wrestler, Chris Jericho, and The Big Show), the rest of the matches felt like filler. The ending featured a confrontation between Hart and WWE owner Vince McMahon, and it had McMahon cheap-shotting Hart.

TNA definitely won the night though, going all out with some shocking guests. Although their very first match of the night blew - it was a no decision in a CAGE MATCH! - this was immediately rectified by the surprise debut of Jeff Hardy, who was last seen as a world champion in the WWE. This is a major get for the TNA, arguably on the same level with Hogan, given Hardy's popularity when he left the WWE. I'm a bit surprised he wasn't debuted more prominently, but he's yet another talented worker for TNA.

Ric Flair also made an appearance, mostly just throwing the "Wooooo!" out there. Likewise, there were cameos by Val Venis, who I feel could have been a big deal in wrestling if he could have ever stayed healthy, and Orlando Jordan. (For the unfamiliar, Val Venis [left] was a pseudo-porn star slash ladies' man on WWE programming in the mid to late 1990s who was, unfortunately, hurt constantly. And yeah, I do feel a little bit gay for posting this picture, but then again, I am a pro wrestling fan...)

While a lot of TNA's booking seemed odd, especially making almost all of the titles change hands, the product did seem much better than the WWE's. This was especially true for the respective main events. TNA ended with A.J. Styles vs. Kurt Angle, for the title, and both wrestlers put on a 20ish minute clinic with plenty of nearfalls. WWE had Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton, a once-hot feud that has gotten a bit stale, and had Orton go clean over Kingston for no good reason.

I'm not normally a TNA fan, but I definitely feel that they won the first of these Monday night skirmishes. The real test will be the company's staying power - They have shown great promise in the past, only to piss it away on stupid, silly angles. I think they already made a mistake in just airing a rebroadcast of Monday's show for their usual Thursday time slot, instead of going with a new show to capitalize on the momentum. But, I think last night's show proved that TNA can fight toe-to-toe with the WWE.

The Bret Hart photo is from this gallery at WWE.com. Hogan's photo comes from the gallery of Monday's photos at TNAwrestling.com. And Val Venis' photo comes from here.

At The Commercials: Reebok is advertising... uh... I forget for some reason...

Ah, Reebok. Thank you so much for this commercial. I have no idea if it's sexist or not, but it is like the low-wattage, more clever version of all of the body spray commercials. I'd also argue that you can see a lot worse at most college workout rooms now, so it could just be my Puritanical values crying out when I consider her outfit kind of skimpy.

Regardless, the key aspect is her attitude anyway. Reebok could have just gotten some weird bimbo to promote their new super workout shoes, but instead, they chose a kind-of-spunky woman who actually looks pretty fit. As a result, I find this ad much, much effective than the other Reebok spots from the same campaign. The talking breasts commercial is funny, but a little more lurid, and the black-and-white ad feels like a spot for a perfume.

I have no idea if these shoes actually work - Apparently, they just make it harder to walk around by making your calves work harder. However, the ads are definitely a success, since some of the YouTube comments note that the shoes are sold out.

Narrowing the focus to the square idiot box

I've been at this whole blogging game for almost a year, and in that time, I've noticed some things. As a result, I will be trying to narrow the focus a bit, as the end of the football season will mean the end of the regular Bob, Steve and Kristin column for a bit.

Basically, the entries that get the biggest response on here are generally 1) about television or 2) about me or 3) about sports. And, although I like writing them from time to time, nobody likes reading about music. I'm basing this on a combination of evaluating hit numbers on individual entries and the comments on various entries (quantity and quality).

This makes sense to me on an intuitive level, because unless the person is a master wordsmith, my eyes normally glaze over when reading about music as well. For example, I love reading Cousin Brandon's take on music, and I've started to cherry-pick some of his songs in order to expand my listening range.

However, if anything, my talent seems to lie with television criticism. This is no doubt because I love watching it, on one hand, and on the other, there isn't really established giants in the field. For whatever reason, television doesn't attract the same quality of writing as movies, where Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel were doing landmark work for years before they even got on television. (To this day, Ebert remains one of my writing idols, and he still hasn't lost his fastball. Need proof? Check out his review for Transformers 2.)

So, in an effort to embrace this, I will be trying to do at least one television-related post per day. Ideally, I'd like to watch a random 30-minute to 60-minute program, and then post about it. Sometimes, this will be in lieu of a non-television entry and be posted at the normal 7 p.m. time. But, for those of you not relying on Blogger's dashboard or an RSS feed to follow my blog, any alternate entries will be going up at 12 p.m.

What will I cover? Basically, anything on television. This includes commercials, which I've loved to hack at in the past. (Sneak preview: My first entry will be on a ridiculously appealing and clever new commercial, for a change.) It includes commentary on sports commentary. It includes reviews of new and old and really old television shows, since one goal with this is to expose myself to new shows. (And yeah, I realize how bad that sounds.) And, most excitingly of all, it includes watching the Home Shopping Network, QVC and informercials, all three of which have the best unintentional humor on television.

If you have any recommendations for something you'd like to see me tackle, like a television show to review or a commercial to mock, well, my e-mail address remains the same - sgre6768@gmail.com. Use it, folks!

The absolutely great image is from this rage-filled and well-written entry.

Pickin' Pigskin with Kristin: Week 17

These picks and the writing were submitted by Mrs. Robert Hanson at the time noted at the bottom of the entry.

Getting it in right under the wire, here are my revised picks with the new spreads.

Indy over Buffalo - They may not play starters and they may not win, but I still think they don't lose by eight.

New Orleans over Carolina - Same here, plus you just can't lose 3 in a row going into the playoffs.

Jacksonville over Cleveland.

Philly over Dallas - Dallas winning an important game in Jan, please.

Detroit over Chicago - I say that Chicago caps a season of embarrassment with this mess.

New England over Texas - GO PATS!

Pittsburgh over Miami - The Steelers want it bad and Miami seems bored.

Giants over Minnesota - Haha! Take that old man!

Cinci over Jets - The Jets still suck even if Cinci doesn't play starters.

San Fran over St. Louis - Side note: We are watching the Scientology episode of South Park right now, it makes me embarrassed that I thought Tom Cruise was really cute in Far and Away, a DVD which I totally own, shhhh!

Atlanta over Tampa Bay - bla

Green Bay over Arizona - mmm I had a delish bagel this morning with chicken salad and melted cheese.

Denver over K City - So there is a new show on VH1 about rich bitches living in Aspen, Colorado. I can't wait to watch it at the gym

Baltimore over Oakland - Baltimore needs this win right?

Washington over San Diego - woot, GO SKINS!

Tennessee over Seattle - Last chance Tennessee, don't make me hate you!

I've been reading my favorite comic, Pearls Before Swine, a lot more lately, so I thought I'd include the funny cartoon at the top. You can check out the LiveJournal community feed (daily postings) here, and the author's official blog is here. And the chick cartoon is from this wonderful comic.

Tag Team: Pickin' Pigskin with Bob, Steve and Kristin - Week 17

Speaking of Tag Teams, Bret Hart returns to Raw this Monday, and
you can bet your sweet ass that I'll be posting about wrestling then.
Steve says: Okay, as I said last week, I'm just going to call these Tag Teams from now on, with less emphasis on picking every god damn football game. If you want to talk about certain games, feel free; if not, then don't. Kristin, I CC'ed you on this too, so feel free to join in the Tag Team, or just to submit two or three paragraphs, a la the Sports Gal, whatever method you prefer. (p.s. This week, I promise to get some pictures for you!) (p.p.s. This paragraph is running in the blog too.)

Anyway, to start this out on a random note... Prague? Really? That's where you're taking a Christmas vacation of sorts? I mean, I know nothing about the place, except that every kiddie porn guy on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit seems to be from there. However, I imagine that you will be staying out of the Red Light District for this trip, unless you actually are out there on espionage work.

Also, to bring things back to football, the Patriots just thumped on the Jaguars this weekend. How do you feel about this development? I thought they would win when I heard before the game this week that the Jaguars have the lowest sack number in the NFL coming into the game. The Patriots seem to have trouble with teams that can really rush the passer.

-----
Bob says: We were looking for an interesting place to go in Europe for the holidays to meet our brothers who are studying abroad, and France, Italy, the United Kingdom, and Germany were out because people had already been to those places. After a great deal of research by Kristin (and I mean weeks of in-depth research--Kristin planning a trip is like Congress considering health care reform), we found that Prague was a good place for Christmas and New Years. Plus, just about everybody here speaks English. It is unfortunately a little cold, but so is most of Europe right now. Otherwise, we have been having a great time and have had a very detailed itinerary for where we are visiting.

But your comment on the SVU kiddie porn people is well taken. It seems like there are places advertising Thai "massages" on every street, we passed a handful of obvious prostitutes on the way home from dinner last night, and when we were trying to find a club to visit many websites seemed to be advertising that the girls who visited were young. The club we ended up choosing happened to have topless dancers on one of the bars, and people didn't seem to think this is abnormal.

Even though we are in Prague, we were fortunate enough Sunday night to see the Patriots dismantle the Jaguars. It was playing at an Irish bar (of which there are many in Prague) because the Sky network just happened to be carrying it. I was excited because that was the best they have looked all season, although the Patriots beating the Jaguars is kind of like FOX canceling a show everybody likes--it is almost a forgone conclusion. I don't think it was the lack of a pass rush that did the Jaguars in. They couldn't do much against the run either, aside from "forcing" Laurence Maroney's inevitable fumble on the goal line. They are a mediocre team, so we shouldn't read too much into it, but it gives me hope that maybe they could beat a good team in the playoffs. I was more excited, though, to find out that the Jets somehow beat the Colts. I feel the same relief that Luke Skywalker must have felt when he realized that he had never slept with Leia when he found out she was his sister.

Speaking of the formerly undefeated teams, though, how anticlimactic were the first losses for the Saints and the Colts? As I mentioned last week, I didn't even know the Saints and Cowboys were playing on Saturday a few weeks ago, and who would have thoughts the Cowboys would have won during their usual December slide? And then the Saints somehow managed to lose against Tampa Bay last week. Meanwhile, the Colts lose against the very average Jets in Week 16--something that people seem to be blaming on the decision to rest the starters in the second half, ignoring the fact that the Colts were down from the very beginning of the second half when their special teams gave up a return for a touchdown--before the starters had been pulled. Maybe Peyton Manning could have pulled some second half magic, but honestly they have not looked impressive in many of their wins. I thought, though, that somehow they would manage to pull off the undefeated season due to the weakness of their schedule.

Would you even be surprised if neither of these teams make it to the Super Bowl? I just feel as though their records are attributable more to their schedules than any superior performance. And are we excited about the prospect of the Eagles and Cowboys playing two games in two weeks?

-----
Steve says: Kristin sounds like a pretty swell party-planner! If you have an Office style committee, she is obviously a first ballot person for it. But, who would be the inefficient slash Dwight and Angela influence upon her? As we all know, you need that sort of anal-retentiveness to make things really awkward.

As far as the child pornography in Prague goes, that sounds like incredibly dicey business. If there is another thing I know from SVU, make sure that nobody frames you for diddling little kids, or tries to steal your kidney. Both are pretty common in Europe, it seems. That's how I lost four uncles, actually - All of them from stolen kidneys. It's really a shame and travesty.

How DARE you bring up that (one!) misguided moment from Star Wars. That would be like me cheap shotting you about the wacky episode of Star Trek where they all get high on that plant and start freakin' out and falling in wacky, hippie-dippie space love with one another. Even Spock! Damn Bob, I'm a journalist, not a doctor, and I shouldn't be forced to defend my beloved Luke Skywalker!

However, I agree with you - It wouldn't surprise me if the Colts and Saints laid eggs in these playoffs. Football Outsiders has been pointing out that their wins are more of the "skin of their teeth" variety than dominant victories, which is a bad indicator for future wins. Great teams don't win close games - They beat the snot out of bad teams. In any match-up of good teams, both teams have a roughly 50 percent chance of winning, with the favorite maybe getting as high as 60 percent. I view the Colts and Saints more as the two best of some flawed teams, and I view this season as one without a real juggernaut of a team.

-----
Bob says: I am absolutely the bad influence on Kristin's Office planning committee. I don't know that I hinder the planning so much as make it an unrewarding experience for her. She spends months planning the trip while I do zip to contribute, and then complain when we get there. The problem stems from completely different philosophies her and I have regarding vacations. I prefer to go on a vacation, hang out, read, and mostly relax. She, on the other hand, wants to make sure we maximize every second we have in an area and make sure we make it to every important cultural hot spot we can possibly hit. In retrospect, I am glad that she brought me to see whatever very important church she found, but at the time I'm sure I can be a little bitch.

An interesting side note regarding "This Side of Paradise" - the Star Trek episode you unfairly launched your vicious slander upon - is that the love interest was name Leila. "This Side of Paradise" aired in 1967, and Star Wars, with Leia as the love interest, didn't launch until 10 years later. Plagiarism, anyone?

Another interesting part of that episode was the fight scene between Kirk and Spock. Many episodes of Star Trek specifically let it be known that Vulcans - like Spock - were much stronger than humans. Yet, every time a Vulcan got into a fight with anybody (particularly Kirk, but effectively anybody on the show), they would end up getting their asses whooped.

Bringing this concept to this year's NFL season, I feel as though a few teams are the same way. We have already gone over the Saints and Colts, but how about the Eagles? People were riding pretty high on the Eagles about 2/3 of the way through the season, but it really seems to be a team that week-to-week shouldn't be scaring anyone. Do we all remember the miserable game against the Raiders? Or them barely beating the Redskins and Bears in successive weeks? People are treating the Eagles like the NFC's Chargers - a team that is coming on strong for the second half - but I feel they are just as vulnerable as a Vulcan on Star Trek.

-----
For this week's picks, Bob originally didn't think he would have e-mail access, so he sent in picks guessing where the line would be. However, I don't think he took into account that Week 17 is silly-season in the NFL, when things like Patriots' backup quarterback Brian Hoyer happen. (Not to be confused with new San Diego Padres general manager and former Red Sox assistant Jed Hoyer.) In honor of that, I've included the actual line this week, along with how far Bob was off in his prediction. Thanks to Bob for doing the leg work on this! And, Kristin's picks will be in later today at some point, with me defaulting to her submitted picks from a week ago if she doesn't want to update them. Sorry I couldn't get the formatting better on the chart, but a direct copy-paste makes everything screwed up.

Projected Favorite / Projected Dog / Projected Line / Actual Line / Projected Pick / Actual Pick

New England HOUSTON -7 8 New England New England
Chicago DETROIT -9.5 -3 Detroit Chicago
Atlanta TAMPA BAY -10 -2.5 Atlanta Atlanta
DALLAS Philadelphia -2 -3 Philadelphia Philadelphia
San Francisco ST. LOUIS -10 -7 San Francisco San Francisco
Jacksonville CLEVELAND -13 1 Jacksonville Jacksonville
Cincinnati NY JETS -7.5 10 Cincinnati NY Jets
New Orleans CAROLINA -8.5 7 Carolina Carolina
MINNESOTA NY Giants -5 -9 NY Giants NY Giants
Indianapolis BUFFALO -13 8.5 Buffalo Buffalo
Pittsburgh MIAMI -7 -3 Miami Pittsburgh
DENVER Kansas City -10.5 -11 Denver Denver
Green Bay ARIZONA -3 3.5 Green Bay Green Bay
Tennessee SEATTLE -13 -4.5 Tennessee Tennessee
SAN DIEGO Washington -14 -3.5 Washington San Diego
Baltimore OAKLAND -14 -10.5 Baltimore Baltimore


Steve picks: Houston, Chicago, Atlanta, Philly, San Fran, Jags, Cincy, New Orleans, Minny, Indy, Pittsburgh, Denver, Green Bay, Tennessee, San Diego and Baltimore.

-----
And, shockingly, I managed to win a week of this blasted thing! Pretty convincingly, too, by a whole two games over Kristin and four games over Bob. I mean, sure, they were preparing to take an international trip, and I was just sitting around the house... but still. I'll take the victory any way that I can. I finished the week at 10-6, with Kristin at 8-8 and Bob 6-10. Overall, Kristin has taken a narrow one-game lead, 121-115 vs. Bob's 120-116, with me lurking eight games behind at 113-123. Woohoo, I'm the Baltimore Orioles! Time to play spoiler...

For those of you interested in how my Fantasy Football team finished out, we came in third! We had a pretty convincing win the final week of the season, thanks to Tom Brady. Despite my focus on the running back in this year's draft, it was still a problem because of the injury to Ronnie Brown, but at least our alternatives were more palatable this year because of that early focus.

The SVU picture is from here. The Hart Foundation picture is from WWE.com. The Office's party planning aftermath on Pam is from here. And Brady's card comes from this odd-but-funny site on baseball cards.

Year in review via Internet meme

This obscure comic is one of the top
results for Year In Review. Sorry!

Whenever I've done a sort of "year in review" piece in the past, whether it be for my college newspaper or my old personal journal or something that someone actually paid me for, I always seem to miss a couple of relevant details. Also in the past, I've somewhat resisted Internet memes.

I smell a combination!

Using a note from Facebook that one of my friends filled out, here is my official "Year in Review" post. I could have done this last night, but I was holding out in case something really cool happened that I could write about. Instead, it snowed most of the day, I felt sick to my stomach and I stayed home on New Year's Eve. Outside of that though, things were swell!

And in case you're sick of reading this review crap, since everyone seems to be doing it in the blogsphere... Well, I can't really offer any relief. I'll be reviewing my favorite songs from 2009 for Sunday, and Saturday will be a Tag Team blog with Bob and Kristin featuring the football picks for Sunday. I'm guessing Monday or Tuesday will be when I launch into my piece about Limp Bizkit. Without any further adieu...

-----

The Year In Review

1. What did you do this year that you've never done before?

Worked as a substitute teacher and collected unemployment! On the latter, it is strangely seductive. I basically stayed at home, sent out five to 10 job applications a week, played video games and collected a check. It was a weird experience. The first few weeks were a strange sort of relief - I had worked from my college graduation in May 2007 to September 2008 with a single scheduled day off, so it was nice to have a vacation of sorts.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't make any, therefore, I don't keep any.

3. Any new births this year?

Um, my good friend Becca's sister had a baby. Outside of that, nobody springs to mind.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nope!

5. What countries did you visit this year?

Just the United States. I've only been to Canada, and nowhere overseas, which is kind of disappointing.

6. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?

Stealing my friend's answer - A stable job. There is so much uncertainty in the journalism industry, and while I'm in a good situation now, it's not one that could support me for, say, the next 40 years.

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory - and why?

Hm, what a good question, Barbara Walters-meme! This is a bit of a sad answer, but June 25, the day Michael Jackson died. As I've previously stated, I'm not the biggest Jackson fan; he was obviously screwed up. (Oddly enough, I also posted about him less than two weeks before his death.) I don't really care so much about his bizarre behavior as much as I care about the screwed-up life he probably exposed his kids to, and that's overlooking the molestation canard that hangs over his head. Still, his death was such a bizarre, media-hyped thing that it sticks out to me as the biggest event of 2009, similar to past things like the O.J. Simpson verdict.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a full-part-time job. It wasn't exactly a banner year for me in the achievement category. I would also put this blog in as a subhead, since I have for years wanted to have a sort of "area" to put writing that might somehow eventually make a profit, someway. (For those curious, my tally is up to $5.37. Woohoo! If you want to help, feel free to click an ad every once in a while.)

9. What was your biggest failure of the year?

Going for about six months without a full-time job. Eech. I'm also still living at my parent's house, which would be somewhat depressing if half my friends weren't also still living with their parents. I did read Strapped, a good book about the wealth gap between new college graduates and older ones, which made me feel better about my current situation. Well, a little bit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing serious. Just some conjunctivitis and stomach bugs here and there.

11. What was the best thing you bought this year?

A Nintendo Wii! I have also, sadly, been indoctrinated into the Guitar Hero and Rock Band cults. A little bit after everyone else, but hey, no one is perfect.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Lindsay Lohan. My admiration for Lohan is well-chronicled in my past posts and images postings of her. Unfortunately, Mean Girls seems to be her peak, both in terms of looks and artistic value, which is depressing because she was 18 at that point. I would prefer to remember that smart, attractive Lohan than the coked-up hazbeen she has become. Who would have thought that Paris Hilton would hold up better than Lohan? Now she's doing photo sheets and smoking and just looking openly strung-out in them. She's 23 now, and it would surprise me if she made it to 30.

13. Where did most of your money go this year?

Sadly, toward my credit card bill. Living in Warren for a year really sapped my finances, forcing me to rely on my card, and my apartment wasn't even nice. Since not everyone is familiar with this story, when I lived in Warren my apartment got hit by a tractor trailer full of mulch. It cracked the foundation, and I was forced out for a week... and they wouldn't let me break out of the lease! They never fixed the crack in the foundation, and although they refunded my rent for two weeks, I wasn't really comfortable living in an apartment with a cracked foundation. They also didn't give me back my full deposit when I moved out in July - They said the stove was broken, and didn't believe me when I attributed it to the GOD DAMN TRUCK HITTING THE APARTMENT. Sigh.

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about this year?

I got the opportunity to be a Rhode Island and Providence College basketball beat reporter for a while, which was a lot of fun. There is something different and neat about being able to watch games from press row. I'm doing it more part-time now, which includes this Saturday when the Rams host Oklahoma State. It should be one hell of a game, and I'll be watching it from court-side, essentially.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

- happier or sadder? Happier, because my employment situation is a little bit better. I have a steady job, as opposed to substitute teaching, which completely vanishes for several weeks and months a year.

- richer or poorer? About the same. Slightly richer, if I had to chose.

- thinner or fatter? Thinner, by about 15 pounds! Nobody can ever tell though, because I look the same heavy or at a "normal" weight. My goal this coming year is to lose another 15, which would put me around 165. That was my weight for most of high school, which I think would be a good goal for me to shoot for.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Basketball. I still haven't been able to find an option near me besides the YMCA, and that would be an investment of a couple hundred bucks. I'm not sure if I have enough free time anymore to use the membership well, especially since I can play outside regularly from late April, early May to mid-September. For a while, I was playing at an open gym night for guys 30+, but the town put a stop to that, unfortunately.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Fast food. Unfortunately, when you work bizarre hours like I do, you eat a lot of junky fast food, and it hits both the waistline and the wallet. I've been better in recent months with this. Generally, I try to steer toward Panera or Subway now, as opposed to one of the unholy trinity of Wendy's, Burger King and McDonald's. Once or twice a week is fine; I'm just trying to avoid going six or seven times a week, like I did at certain points. ugh.

20. How did you spend the holidays?

Uh, quite blandly. As I mentioned, I was sick this New Year's Eve. Last year, I don't even remember what I did... I'm guessing I was over Shaun's old house. I remember that I didn't spill wine on someone's white dress for New Year's, which was good of me. My birthday is Valentine's Day, and I went out a few days after it. Fourth of July, I had to work, and then went to a party that weekend, I believe. Same with a day-after-Thanksgiving bash.

21. Did you fall in love this year?

Nope! There is always next year, though.

22. How many one-night stands did you have this year?

None.


23. What was your favorite TV program for the year?

Oh my goodness, that would be like choosing a favorite child! Well, if we're going with completely new shows, then I'd have to pick Glee. For old show that I was just exposed to, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia narrowly edges Lost. Why is that, since I've written five posts on Lost? I just find Always Sunny to be a better re-watch show. I've seen every episode of Lost, and I've only had the urge to re-watch a few of them. It could just be the nature of drama vs. comedy, though. I've always found comedies to have more replay value.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Not really. "Hate" is such a strong word.

25. What was the best book you read this year?

What a tough question. To be stereotypical, I really enjoyed The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons, although it's less stereotypical than you would think. I'm a hardcore NBA fan, even more than the college game, which seems to be a dirty thing to admit to now. While Simmons' book isn't the groundbreaking work of Loose Balls by Terry Pluto, it's still a great tome on the NBA.

26. What was your favorite film of the year?

Inglorious Basterds. It's one of the few I saw in theaters, but there weren't many others that I really felt compelled to see. The Hangover would be a close second; definitely hilarious and raunchy, but it felt more formulaic. I'm definitely a Tarantino mark, and I've loved pretty much everything he has ever done.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?

What is this "fashion" ye speak of?

28. Whom did you miss this year?

George Carlin.

29. Who was the best new person you met this year?

There aren't really a ton of options for this one, which is somewhat sad. I will say Becca's friend Julie, who played trivia with us every other week for the past year. Her sort of dry humor was a good complement to mine, which is more spastic at times. I'll also put my friend Natalie, even though I kind of knew her from the past (apparently). She edges out Amanda Meyer, who I also knew back in the day, although not nearly as well. However, I knew Amanda a lot better, hence the distinction. (I threw a book at Amanda, whereas I just didn't realize that I once Natalie.)

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned for this year.

That 30 questions is a lot to answer, and along with picking 13 to 16 football games per week, maybe I should be a bit less ambitious next year.

Happy freakin' New Year!

I didn't do a normal entry today, because if Christmas was any indication, nobody would be around to read it anyway. So instead, just take this placeholder entry as an indication that, no, I haven't forgotten about you. Hopefully, you had a great end to 2009, and here is hoping that your 2010 is just as great!

I'll have the typical "what I did last year" post up later today, Friday. And, in case you forgot or didn't realize - Almost all of my posts are scheduled, so I'm not actually posting this at midnight. Sorry to disappoint! I'm either out, or working, or nursing a sore tummy in my bed. ugh.

The cartoon comes from this nifty little site, which I am now following, because it's great.