As the name of this post applies, don't read this post if you don't want to know spoilers for the season premiere of LOST. In lieu of a picture, please enjoy this montage of Claire craving her baby. Huge, huge spoilers no doubt appear right after this...
9 p.m. - We begin the episode on the Island, as Ben scrambles out of the Temple, and runs into Ilana and some others. He suggests that they retreat to the beach, and the others agree.
In Bizarro LAX, Ben is teaching European history to a high school class, and of course, there are some parallels between his lesson on Elba and Napoleon and his situation now. And of course, one of his co-teachers is the nerdy science teacher who dies from the exploding TNT. This leads to another "coincidence" scene, as Locke the Substitute suggests to Ben that he become the principal, and he'd listen to him if he was the leader. ooooo.
On the Island, Ilana hands Miles the bandanna from Jacob's body, and asks about his death. Miles does his freaky mind-meld thing, and discovers that Ben Linus killed Jacob. "Uh oh," as one of the character says.
9:08 p.m. - We stick with the Island through the break, and Ben, Ilana, Miles and company have already made it to the beach. It is only a quick scene though, as Ben tries to get back in Ilana's good graces, to no avail.
In Bizarro LAX, Ben is taking care of his elderly father, who is on some sort of oxygen mask. In some more plot revelation, Ben's father DID take him to the Island, but they both apparently left at some point, which has caused his father regret - What would have become of his life? And THEN, shockingly, Alex (Ben's "daughter" from the Island) is now one of his prized pupils in History Club!
On the Island, Ilana knows that Sun or Jin are candidates, and she tells Sun. But, only six are left alive, and like Fake Locke, she doesn't know whether Sun or Jin is the candidate.
In another plot line, Hurley and Jack are apparently in this episode as well. At first, it appears like we're headed for a Hurley slapstick episode, but then Richard pops up out of nowhere. He convinces Jack to follow him back to the Temple instead of going with Hurley.
On the beach, Ben and the Pilot exchange some light dialogue, until Ilana presses a gun up to Ben's neck. She has him march out to a clearing, and then ties him spread eagle on a tree. She tells him to start digging a grave - For himself.
9:17 p.m. - In Bizarro LAX, we find out that Alex's mom (Rousseau?) works two jobs to support her. Also, her principal and Ben's boss is a pervert. Nice?
On the Island, Miles brings some food to Ben. He reveals that right up until Jacob got stabbed through the heart, he was hoping that he was wrong about Ben. Awwww.
On the other part of the Island, Hurley starts asking Richard about why he is still alive and doesn't age, which is pretty comical. It is not time travel, or a Terminator thing. Richard tells them both that everyone at the Temple is dead, and he wanders off, telling them that he's going to go die now. (I'm presuming that like Tuck Everlasting, Richard views his immortal status as a blessing and a curse now.)
9:30 p.m. - In Bizarro LAX, Ben starts scheming to get the principal fired. He asks the Bio Teacher to hack the nurse's e-mail account, and he agrees, in exchange for a better parking spot. He then jokes, "Linus you're a real killer!" Ha ha ha!
Back on the Island, Ben is still digging his own grave, and then we flash over to Richard exploring the wrecked ship that he came to the Island on. He is toying around with dynamite, and says that he can't die because Jacob touched him. He expresses disbelief with Jacob, and says that he wasted his life, and asks Jack to kill him. Jack lights the fuse for him. However, he then sits by him and says that it is time to talk. Commercial!
9:40 p.m. - Thankfully, we are back to the Island, and Jack and Richard with the dynamite. He asks Richard the Lighthouse, of which he seemingly has no answer for, and as the dynamite fuse burns down, it extinguishes. Jack is now apparently the man of faith, since he trusts his life to the idea that Jacob won't let him die. He says they'll go back to the beach now.
We flash over to the beach, and Fake Locke is trying to talk Ben into leading the Island when he leaves with the others. He invites Ben to come to the Hydra station on the other island with him, to save his own skin, and tells him where a rifle is to shoot Ilana. He hesitates for a second, and then runs.
Back to Bizarro LAX, Ben has 30 e-mails that cover a three-month period between the principal and the nurse. He tries to blackmail the principal into resigning... and he reveals that he has gotten the e-mail from Alex Rousseau (ooo!) and will torch her "life" (wording mine) with a bad recommendation to Yale. This clearly parallels the situation when Alex was held hostage by Ben's lust for power, and now, we have a redux of it.
Oddly enough, back on the Island, Ben almost immediately brings this up. He gets to the rifle first and doesn't shoot Ilana, and instead, confesses that he was angry when he killed Jacob, because Alex died because of his decision, and Jacob never let him in on what the plan was. He breaks down and says he'll go with Fake Locke because no one else will have him, at which point, Ilana says that she'll take him. As the show fades to a commercial, Ben follows her instead of going with Fake Locke.
9:54 p.m. - We start back from the final break with Ben in the principal's office, but we find out that he didn't screw up Alex's life this time. Awww.
Back on the Island and the beach, Ben makes his way back to the camp, like a puppy with its tail between its legs. He offers to help Sun out making some huts. And as the sad music plays - you know, the usual sad LOST-y music - Hurley, Jack and Richard have made it back to the beach.
To end the episode, hey, I guess the submarine works now! And Charles Widmore is in it!!! An officer asks him if he wants to stop with the plan, because there are people on the Island, and he says no. How mysterious! What is Charlie Ballgame up to now?